I am Tired

I was filling out my hours sheet for this last week and decided to review my summer hours, and I discovered something very disturbing. Before my last minute trip to NC, I had not taken a single day off since my vacation with the kids in June (and that's assuming that you can count that vacation as a real vacation...if not, then I haven't taken a single day off since May). No wonder I find myself wanting to sit in my living room and watch the Olympics with no one else around.

And that would probably explain why I am not excited at all about the upcoming Cornerstone Mission Trip.

I have led two groups that came to Cornerstone this summer and two more AIM trips, meaning I spent an entire month of the summer leading trips. I definitely enjoy leading trips, but I don't enjoy it that much.

Thanks to the Teen Leadership Camp and the upcoming mission trip, I am set to have over 200 comp hours over the last 3 months (Anything over 50 hours a week is counted as comp hours). I have averaged about 70 hours a week for the summer, and this is again counting my week at the beach as a complete vacation.

Did I mention that I am tired?

I'm kinda frustrated with myself because I didn't even notice all of this until the last few days. I usually am at least a little better about taking care of myself and making sure I get time off.

I think a big factor for me in this is having a roommate. Usually, when I want some time off I will spend time alone in my house (I really like my house). With someone else in the house all the time, its not the same sanctuary it once was, so I keep myself busy instead of relaxing.

This was also my first summer with 2 jobs. While my job at AIM was more flexible, I still averaged over 20 hours a week of AIM work (plus over 60 hours on the weeks that I was leading an AIM trip). I didn't scale back my normal Cornerstone schedule at all, but added more AIM stuff.

I guess I've just kinda been on auto pilot for most of the summer, but its catching up to me. Add to the busy schedule some pretty emotional events (the shooting, the little girl who was molested, the drama of the leadership camp), and I am ready for a break.

But, I still have one more thing to push through...the mission trip. Did I mention that I am the leader of that trip?

There is a lot that still needs to be done to prepare for the trip, and I am really struggling to find the motivation to do those things. This will be the first year that we don't have mission trip t shirts (cause I waited too long to get a design done), and I'm just going to have to be okay with that. Everything else is actually coming together pretty well, but I still have work to do.

The thing is, I really love missions and believe very strongly in the role of short term missions in changing teens' lives. That's why I go on the mission trip every year; I know God will do incredible things. I just didn't expect to be this worn out by the time we got to this one.

Thankfully, I have this week to prepare for the trip as well as rest as much as possible. And, I am spending a lot of time alone. The introvert in me is already about to explode. If I don't get some time alone this week, I don't want to know what I'm going to be like next week sharing a room with 8 girls. I don't know if my roommate quite understands my reclusiveness, but I gotta do what I gotta do. :)

I was actually encouraged by a piece I saw on TV about Michael Phelps (the US swimmer who at age 23 is currently tied for most olympic gold medals of all time...and he could win 5 more. Now that So You Think You Can Dance is over, I have to have a new obsession...). He talked about how he is so motivated in the pool (where he trains 5-8 hours a day) and works hard toward his goal, but when he's at home, he's kinda lazy. And he is the best swimmer in the world. The best swimmer ever.

So, I'm adopting his philosophy for the next week or so. When preparing for the mission trip and doing my job (probably about 5-8 hours a day), I will be motivated and work hard. The rest of the time, I'm gonna be lazy. :)