This has been somewhat of a whirlwind on a holiday for me, with lots of traveling and I'm not quite finished yet. Still, the traveling so far has definitely been worth it and I have been so blessed to get to spend time with family members that I rarely see.
I arrived in North Carolina on Wednesday morning at 7 a.m. My parents picked me up at the airport and we immediately began the drive to South Boston, VA to spend the day with my brother and his fiance. My flight required me to be at the airport at 4 a.m., so I decided to just stay up all night the night before rather than risk oversleeping. This would have been a great plan were I able to rest as soon as I arrived in VA. Unfortunately, the hotel didn't allow us to check in until 2 p.m. so I was basically the walking dead for a few hours.
It actually wasn't too bad for the most part. In South Boston we got to check out my brother's personal training studio (that he OWNS!). That was sweet! He actually just moved to a bigger place because his business is going so well. To say that I am proud of him doesn't even begin to cut it.
After visiting his place, my parents and I went around and visited friends of my dad (he was the chief of police in South Boston before moving to Washington, NC). Finally, at 2 we were able to check into the hotel and I promptly went to sleep. My parents apparently went to dinner with my brother and his fiance (Suzanne), but I slept through all of it. Whoops! Its okay, though, because we spent all of Thursday together.
Thursday morning we all got up and drove to Roanoke, VA...about 3 or so hours away. There we went to my grandma's house and met up with my dad's 2 brothers for Thanksgiving. I can't remember the last time we were all together, its been years. We had SO MUCH FUN!! My grandma spends most of her time taking care of her mom (who is 96 years old), so we decided to take care of the food this year instead of asking her to cook. Unfortunately, since both of my dad's brothers are single that meant we didn't exactly get a home cooked meal. :) It didn't matter though, we all had so much fun together the company was most definitely worth it.
My dad and his brothers are all VERY different from one another, but are hilarious when they are all together. I loved hearing stories of all the trouble they got into as kids and really enjoyed hearing how my grandfather reacted to them (he passed away when I was 12). We have already made tentative plans to get together again at Christmas. I'm pretty sure this will be the first time we have all spent Thanksgiving AND Christmas together. I'm sure that this has something to do with the uncertainty surrounding my dad's cancer, but I'm just going to go with it. I really enjoy my family.

(My baby brother and his fiance, Suzanne. He's even bigger than he looks in this picture!)

(My dad...the one on the left...and his two brothers, Steve and Eddie. I have never known siblings to be more different, but I love them all!)

(This is the whole family. I am the only girl in this picture actually *born* into the family! I do have a cousin that isn't in the picture...a boy. Reed's don't have girls...except me!)
It had been over a year since I had seen my brother, so it was especially nice to spend time with him. We laugh a lot together and despite being very different in many ways, still have a blast when we are together. Hopefully by next Thanksgiving, he and his fiance will be married!
After many hours of laughter we decided to part ways and all headed home. My brother and Suzanne headed back to South Boston while my parents and I headed back to NC. It was a long drive (about 5 hours!), but we made it and were exhausted. The time change doesn't help either. Its so dark at 6 p.m. that you feel like its midnight! Anyway, the arrival in NC began my days of sleeping, eating and more sleeping.
And, that's basically what I have been doing for the past few days! I did get up early on Friday to do some Black Friday shopping, but didn't have to leave the house at all! In my research beforehand for the best deals I found that everything I was looking to buy was on sale on line with free shipping! So, I got up early, spend some time on the computer, bought everything I needed and then went back to sleep. It was great!!
Today I did venture out into the world, taking my usual trip to Greenville, NC. I usually spend the day there reading a book in Barnes and Noble and sipping on some Starbucks. (Greenville is the closest "city", Washington is a small town to say the least). This time, however, I went to a movie (by myself, which is such a fun experience!) and then spent some time in Barnes and Noble. Oh, and I usually have lunch at Sonic since I rarely get to eat there in Philly (the closet one is about 20 minutes away).
Now I am at my parents' house, packing to head to Georgia tomorrow for an AIM conference. I'm not too excited about it, although that has nothing to do with AIM. I'm still not in a very good place mentally, spiritually or emotionally, so being around people that I merely work with but know next to nothing about me or my life (and 97% of whom are men) is not exactly what I'm looking for right now. But, I do enjoy the people that I work with, and I enjoy my job, so hopefully this won't be nearly as bad as I think it will be. :)
I think I am definitely walking a fine line toward all out depression. Not wanting to get out of bed, not really caring about anything. That's kinda where I am. What it really boils down to is, I'm trying to reconcile my faith with the reality of my life. I know that's a very generic and I will give you more as I work it all out, but for now that's really the only explanation I have.
In some ways I am being shaken to the core of who I am, but what I am discovering is that I am, without a shadow of a doubt, redeemed. That I know for sure.
Here are some other random thoughts spinning in my head.
The realities of what it really means to live among the poor and oppressed in America are NOT discussed by Shane Claiborne. Living in Philly, on Potter Street nonetheless, has somehow connected me to this man yet I find no comfort, solace or camaraderie in his words. Does he really live in the same city I do?
What do I do with the mom that refuses to take care of her kids, yet also refuses to let me or anyone else help?
What do I do with the addict that is taken into people's homes and cared for yet continually chooses the street?
What do I do with the teens who have heard and KNOW the truth, but choose to turn away?
I do the only thing I know how to do, I turn to God, to the cross and I cry out. I find hope in the words of my Savior. I find emptiness in the words of Shane Claiborne, and Rob Bell and so many others...yet my generation is turning to them instead of Jesus.
How do I live in a nation that allows and defends the practice of murdering babies by the millions, and not speak out?
How do I watch children grow up with no knowledge or understanding of the truth of God and His plans for His people, and not teach them?
That's what I am being asked to do by so many "authentic" Christians. Don't speak about Jesus, be Jesus.
How can I be Jesus, yet be silent?
And the truth is, I don't know how to be Jesus!!!! How do you show the compassion of the man who let the woman caught in adultery go, but also the passion of the man who overturned tables in the temple? If Jesus came NOT to bring peace, but to bring a sword, what does that mean for me??
I am struggling because I can't keep quiet. I am struggling because I am not okay with teens turning away, with moms abandoning their kids, with my country ignoring its God. I'm not okay with it...
But I don't know what to do about it.
Its easy to write a book on theology and even use some experiences to make your point. But living out a life of surrender? That is HARD. And UGLY. And LONELY. At least, that's how it feels right now.
And it goes so much deeper than not watching TV or making your own clothes. Living a life of surrender means that you are literally NOTHING, and you know it. And you rejoice in that. Because you get that He is EVERYTHING. Even when the world is at its ugliest, when YOU are at your ugliest, you still understand that He is what its all about. Not the kids, not the teens, not you...HIM.
I still don't really understand what all of that means. What I do know, however, is that I want to know more. More about Him. Because honestly, I can resist the revolution...but I can't seem to resist Him (and believe me, I have tried!).