I have never been the biggest fan of Oprah, but I've also never really disliked her. You have to respect her success, she is very generous and has done a lot of good for a lot of people.
However, she also has a lot of influence over a lot of people, and its scary. Not because she is a bad person, but because people rarely question what she says. This is scariest to me now because of her latest book recommendation.
Most of Oprah's book recommendations become best sellers. Her most recent recommendation has done the best of any of her recommendations. It has sold 3.5 million copies in the 4 weeks since she recommended it and is the fastest selling Oprah pick ever at Barnes & Noble. Not only that, but Oprah and the author are hosting on line seminars based on the book for the next 10 weeks and over 500,000 people are already signed up.
So, what's my problem with this book? Its one of the most blatant examples of false teaching I have ever seen. The book is called " A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose". Here is the description of the book from its publisher's website:
"Building on the astonishing success of The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle presents readers with an honest look at the current state of humanity: He implores us to see and accept that this state, which is based on an erroneous identification with the egoic mind, is one of dangerous insanity.
Tolle tells us there is good news, however. There is an alternative to this potentially dire situation. Humanity now, perhaps more than in any previous time, has an opportunity to create a new, saner, more loving world. This will involve a radical inner leap from the current egoic consciousness to an entirely new one.
In illuminating the nature of this shift in consciousness, Tolle describes in detail how our current ego-based state of consciousness operates. Then gently, and in very practical terms, he leads us into this new consciousness. We will come to experience who we truly are—which is something infinitely greater than anything we currently think we are—and learn to live and breathe freely."
Anyone else scared?!? Millions of people are reading this book and accepting it as truth!! It seems to be the greatest deception of the masses against Christ since the Divinci Code; although at least the Davinci Code acknowledged that it was fiction. (In fact, I would probably go as far as to say this is a cult and false religion, but the book at least claims to be self help and not a religion, so I will lump it in with the Davinci Code for now).
Here is an even scarier part...this book was actually published in 2005. It has been around for almost 3 years with little response. However, the minute Oprah puts her seal of approval on it, its a best seller. In fact, Oprah's exact words in recommending this book were: "Being able to share this material with you is a gift and a part of the fulfillment of my life's purpose, it was an awakening for me that I want for you, too."
I have tried to research this book over the last few days, and many Christians seem to be unaware of the incredible popularity of it. I have been to several websites that reviewed the book, but not a single Christian one. Thankfully, many Christians are visiting these other sites and sharing the truth, but I really think the Christian community needs to come out strong against this book. I have also read several reviews from people who are Christians but seem to also accept the lies in this book. They are being deceived and led away.
I don't really have much of a response at this point except to pray. So, I am praying for the truth to shine through the lies. Oprah seems like an unshakable empire...but no one thought the walls of Jericho could fall, nor did they think Babylon could be captures. I am praying for the Oprah empire to fall...and for Oprah to come to repentance. But above all of that, I am praying that this book will no longer lead people astray, but that the lies will be revealed and lead people to the truth.
And if you think I'm overreacting, just do a little research and read what people are saying about the book....
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Truth and Humility
One of the hardest things for me in ministry is living out what I teach. I have been really challenged and reminded of this several times over the last few days. This struggle ranges from the simplest tasks to the deepest spiritual truths.
A few weeks ago Bonita was slicing bread in her hand and sliced her hand. She actually just had surgery on that hand yesterday (and although she is not fun when she's hurting, she made it through fine. They had to repair a nerve). Anyway, Bonita was extremely embarrassed about the whole incident and was actually very upset with me for a while for telling people what happened. I kept telling her to not worry so much about what people think, we all make mistakes.
Then yesterday I ran a red light and hit someone...and several people I know saw it. It was a very minor accident, no damage to my car at all and very little damage to the other guys'. Still, I am extremely embarrassed and can now understand how Bonita feels. Now I have to live out what I've been telling her.
A bigger struggle for me is what we teach at God's Girls. I got this email yesterday from a girl who was on my first team to Africa back in the summer of 2003. This is part of it:
"I was just thinking about you the other day because i came across the book "Do You Think I'm beautiful" The things that you said to me in Africa never left me or my Bible. You really made me see how beautiful I really am to God. That has really changed my thinking, so thank you for that."
And 5 years later, I still struggle to live that out. Hasn't stopped me from teaching it though. I have come to realize that no matter how difficult things are for me to live out, if they are truth, I still have to teach it. And I just continue to pray along the way that I will learn to believe and live these things out for myself. Ugh, I have such a long way to go.
These thoughts then led me to think about humility. See, its a pretty humbling experience to realize that you struggle just as much as everyone else to live out the truth. (actually, it isn't so much a realization as it is a reminder) Of course, humility is not bad at all, but its more than just realizing you aren't perfect. I have discovered that you can't truly love someone without humility. And as I seek to live a life of love, I realized that in order for that to happen, I need humility.
I really like Webster's definition of humility: "modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance". Actually, I like even better what it doesn't say. It doesn't say, "unimportant", "worthless"...it simply says that you don't place yourself high above others. I don't think you can love people if you place yourself above them; they can't reach you.
I was reading Micah 6:8 and noticed that there isn't anything written about love. Micah 6:8 is a short and concise list of exactly what God asks of us. Jesus says that all of the law and prophets can be summed up in the first commandment, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your soul". So, if the 1st commandment sums up all the law, then Micah 6:8 tells us how to live out our day to day life. It has 3 simple things to do.
1) Act Justly
2) Love Mercy
3) Walk Humbly with God
Or the way I read it:
1) treat everyone equally and fairly
2) Forgive, even when I have the right to be angry (and especially when I don't)
3) recognize that God is the one who makes me important...and He does that with everyone else as well. And, its my role as His hands and feet to remind others just how important they are.
Love seems to be summed up with all those things.
I feel like life is just a constant struggle (at least for me). Maybe struggle isn't the word...struggle sounds bad and I don't mean that things are always bad. I just mean I feel like I always have to work; at everything. Always working to learn, grow and relearn things that I thought I understood but apparently didn't, or at least forgot.
Time to get ready for another day of...endeavoring? I'll work on finding the right word...
A few weeks ago Bonita was slicing bread in her hand and sliced her hand. She actually just had surgery on that hand yesterday (and although she is not fun when she's hurting, she made it through fine. They had to repair a nerve). Anyway, Bonita was extremely embarrassed about the whole incident and was actually very upset with me for a while for telling people what happened. I kept telling her to not worry so much about what people think, we all make mistakes.
Then yesterday I ran a red light and hit someone...and several people I know saw it. It was a very minor accident, no damage to my car at all and very little damage to the other guys'. Still, I am extremely embarrassed and can now understand how Bonita feels. Now I have to live out what I've been telling her.
A bigger struggle for me is what we teach at God's Girls. I got this email yesterday from a girl who was on my first team to Africa back in the summer of 2003. This is part of it:
"I was just thinking about you the other day because i came across the book "Do You Think I'm beautiful" The things that you said to me in Africa never left me or my Bible. You really made me see how beautiful I really am to God. That has really changed my thinking, so thank you for that."
And 5 years later, I still struggle to live that out. Hasn't stopped me from teaching it though. I have come to realize that no matter how difficult things are for me to live out, if they are truth, I still have to teach it. And I just continue to pray along the way that I will learn to believe and live these things out for myself. Ugh, I have such a long way to go.
These thoughts then led me to think about humility. See, its a pretty humbling experience to realize that you struggle just as much as everyone else to live out the truth. (actually, it isn't so much a realization as it is a reminder) Of course, humility is not bad at all, but its more than just realizing you aren't perfect. I have discovered that you can't truly love someone without humility. And as I seek to live a life of love, I realized that in order for that to happen, I need humility.
I really like Webster's definition of humility: "modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance". Actually, I like even better what it doesn't say. It doesn't say, "unimportant", "worthless"...it simply says that you don't place yourself high above others. I don't think you can love people if you place yourself above them; they can't reach you.
I was reading Micah 6:8 and noticed that there isn't anything written about love. Micah 6:8 is a short and concise list of exactly what God asks of us. Jesus says that all of the law and prophets can be summed up in the first commandment, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your soul". So, if the 1st commandment sums up all the law, then Micah 6:8 tells us how to live out our day to day life. It has 3 simple things to do.
1) Act Justly
2) Love Mercy
3) Walk Humbly with God
Or the way I read it:
1) treat everyone equally and fairly
2) Forgive, even when I have the right to be angry (and especially when I don't)
3) recognize that God is the one who makes me important...and He does that with everyone else as well. And, its my role as His hands and feet to remind others just how important they are.
Love seems to be summed up with all those things.
I feel like life is just a constant struggle (at least for me). Maybe struggle isn't the word...struggle sounds bad and I don't mean that things are always bad. I just mean I feel like I always have to work; at everything. Always working to learn, grow and relearn things that I thought I understood but apparently didn't, or at least forgot.
Time to get ready for another day of...endeavoring? I'll work on finding the right word...
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Amazing Friends
My friend Jacqueline left last night and we had an amazing time!! She was here for 5 days and was such a huge blessing to me!! A few weeks ago my friend Catherine was here and she also was a huge blessing to me, and this weekend another friend, Alexa, will be here. They are all friends from high school (Catherine and I have actually been friends since 1st grade and Alexa and I since 7th grade). First, how blessed am I to still have so many friends that I have known for so long?!? (In fact, there is a group of about 10 of us, not including spouses and children, from high school that still keep in touch and visit one another as often as possible.)
These friends also consist of most of my supporters. The people that know me the best, support me the most. That constantly surprises me. They know my faults better than anyone, yet they support me here. Of course, they all also and and trust in God and His redemption. :)
I was looking around my kitchen the other day and I am so thankful. My fridge and stove were bought for me by a friend and supporter, and everything else in the kitchen was provided by my home church. It's very easy to feel all alone here in Philly, especially when I live alone and do much of my ministry alone (or at least with men that I don't exactly share my deepest fears with, haha). Jacqueline, Catherine, Alexa, and so many of my other friends remind me that while I am sometimes physically alone, I'm never really alone. And, I have tons of partners in ministry.
That is such a blessing.
These friends also consist of most of my supporters. The people that know me the best, support me the most. That constantly surprises me. They know my faults better than anyone, yet they support me here. Of course, they all also and and trust in God and His redemption. :)
I was looking around my kitchen the other day and I am so thankful. My fridge and stove were bought for me by a friend and supporter, and everything else in the kitchen was provided by my home church. It's very easy to feel all alone here in Philly, especially when I live alone and do much of my ministry alone (or at least with men that I don't exactly share my deepest fears with, haha). Jacqueline, Catherine, Alexa, and so many of my other friends remind me that while I am sometimes physically alone, I'm never really alone. And, I have tons of partners in ministry.
That is such a blessing.
Monday, February 25, 2008
God's Girls
I only have a few minutes to write this. My friend Jacqueline is visiting me (we have been friends since 10th grade and she and her husband are wonderful supporters of mine). We are having a BLAST!! I forgot how wonderful it is to have someone to talk to during the day!!!
I wanted to share quickly about God Squad tonight. Tonight I had one of the best small groups ever, and I'm still so excited!! While the topic of the group started with "What are some things that make you question God", we quickly traveled to how difficult it is to be a woman of God. We spent a lot of time talking about what the world says about us as women and what God says. This is obviously a topic that I am passionate about, so that made it very exciting to me. But, the best part is that there were 3 God's Girls in my small group tonight and they helped me teach!! They shared some of the things that they learned in God's Girls and really helped the other teens understand the truth. It was SO GREAT!!! I feel so blessed to be a part of these girls lives and so blessed that God provides such encouragement to me!!
Please be praying for the rest of the girls. We have been talking about trying to do a God's Girls for the teens (the ones that didn't get to participate in the preteen class). Tonight reminded me of the need...now I need God to find the time and resources.
I wanted to share quickly about God Squad tonight. Tonight I had one of the best small groups ever, and I'm still so excited!! While the topic of the group started with "What are some things that make you question God", we quickly traveled to how difficult it is to be a woman of God. We spent a lot of time talking about what the world says about us as women and what God says. This is obviously a topic that I am passionate about, so that made it very exciting to me. But, the best part is that there were 3 God's Girls in my small group tonight and they helped me teach!! They shared some of the things that they learned in God's Girls and really helped the other teens understand the truth. It was SO GREAT!!! I feel so blessed to be a part of these girls lives and so blessed that God provides such encouragement to me!!
Please be praying for the rest of the girls. We have been talking about trying to do a God's Girls for the teens (the ones that didn't get to participate in the preteen class). Tonight reminded me of the need...now I need God to find the time and resources.
Friday, February 22, 2008
God Outside of Philadelphia
As a missionary in a certain location, it is VERY easy to get focussed on what God is doing where you are. Its even easier to become focussed on what God needs to do where you are. I feel like I am constantly overwhelmed with the needs all around me.
In addition, as a support raised missionary I am constantly working to get people excited about what God is doing here and wanting to join Him here (whether physically or in other ways). That makes it so easy for me to forget what God is doing elsewhere.
Well, I shouldn't say I forget what God is doing everywhere. I am constantly reminded of what He is doing in poor countries, oppressed countries, or spiritually dead countries. Pretty much, I am reminded often of what God is doing outside the US. And of course, His work among the poor and oppressed in our country is often on my mind as well.
But, our God is even bigger than that! I was reminded of this today when I got an email from a friend who is teaching school in North Carolina.
She teaches at a regular, suburban, middle class school. The kind of place that I often forget needs powerful moves of God just as desperately as inner city Philadelphia.
Today, she reminded me.
This is an excerpt from her email to me:
"I was excited to teach my kids about justice, equality, civil rights, amazing people that stood up for freedom and equality. People that inspire me. People that changed our world.
Then I started teaching and I started off the lesson with "story time" and it was a book by Toni Morrison about the Civil rights movement, it was a moving book and excellent to use with high schoolers. They hated it, they made fun of the people and joked around. I had to send one to the office for making racist comments.
He said, "Dang all *iggers got real big lips" and a few other things I don't even want to repeat.
Then I assigned them each a person, movement, protest, boycott or organization that was influential to the civil rights movement. They had not even heard of the Little Rock Nine, and did not know what Brown v. Board even did. They said there still should be separate facilities. I was astonished and angry, confused, and disheartened.
I just couldn't believe this was happening.
So then I thought maybe 3rd period would be easier. They were a little better but they laughed when they saw the Selma March and the police spraying the blacks with fire hoses. They made fun of the Freedom Singers. They didn't even attempt the project."
I was so disheartened when I read this letter...she was disheartened writing it. It reminded me so much of people's desperate need for God. Not Philadelphia's need, not China's need...people's need.
She is teaching in a public school, so while her response can't be to teach them what the Bible says about racism, I know she is praying for her students and that she is working hard to change their heart and attitudes toward racism and injustice. This letter made me so thankful for her, and so many others like her, that aren't on the "mission field", but are seeking to see God glorified just as desperately as I am. She is an amazing ambassador for the Gospel and God is going to use her to change hearts and minds and turn them toward Him.
And in a lot of ways, her road is harder to travel than mine. I don't have to worry about what I say or who I say it to. She has to trust God to say the things she isn't allowed to. I am so thankful that she is willing to let God lead her on that road. People will be changed through her obedience. She has reminded me that its not about missionaries, pastors, or Sunday School workers. Its about ALL people letting God use them in whatever way He chooses.
She is letting God use her, and although its difficult, He will be glorified. Thank you for the reminder, friend. :)
In addition, as a support raised missionary I am constantly working to get people excited about what God is doing here and wanting to join Him here (whether physically or in other ways). That makes it so easy for me to forget what God is doing elsewhere.
Well, I shouldn't say I forget what God is doing everywhere. I am constantly reminded of what He is doing in poor countries, oppressed countries, or spiritually dead countries. Pretty much, I am reminded often of what God is doing outside the US. And of course, His work among the poor and oppressed in our country is often on my mind as well.
But, our God is even bigger than that! I was reminded of this today when I got an email from a friend who is teaching school in North Carolina.
She teaches at a regular, suburban, middle class school. The kind of place that I often forget needs powerful moves of God just as desperately as inner city Philadelphia.
Today, she reminded me.
This is an excerpt from her email to me:
"I was excited to teach my kids about justice, equality, civil rights, amazing people that stood up for freedom and equality. People that inspire me. People that changed our world.
Then I started teaching and I started off the lesson with "story time" and it was a book by Toni Morrison about the Civil rights movement, it was a moving book and excellent to use with high schoolers. They hated it, they made fun of the people and joked around. I had to send one to the office for making racist comments.
He said, "Dang all *iggers got real big lips" and a few other things I don't even want to repeat.
Then I assigned them each a person, movement, protest, boycott or organization that was influential to the civil rights movement. They had not even heard of the Little Rock Nine, and did not know what Brown v. Board even did. They said there still should be separate facilities. I was astonished and angry, confused, and disheartened.
I just couldn't believe this was happening.
So then I thought maybe 3rd period would be easier. They were a little better but they laughed when they saw the Selma March and the police spraying the blacks with fire hoses. They made fun of the Freedom Singers. They didn't even attempt the project."
I was so disheartened when I read this letter...she was disheartened writing it. It reminded me so much of people's desperate need for God. Not Philadelphia's need, not China's need...people's need.
She is teaching in a public school, so while her response can't be to teach them what the Bible says about racism, I know she is praying for her students and that she is working hard to change their heart and attitudes toward racism and injustice. This letter made me so thankful for her, and so many others like her, that aren't on the "mission field", but are seeking to see God glorified just as desperately as I am. She is an amazing ambassador for the Gospel and God is going to use her to change hearts and minds and turn them toward Him.
And in a lot of ways, her road is harder to travel than mine. I don't have to worry about what I say or who I say it to. She has to trust God to say the things she isn't allowed to. I am so thankful that she is willing to let God lead her on that road. People will be changed through her obedience. She has reminded me that its not about missionaries, pastors, or Sunday School workers. Its about ALL people letting God use them in whatever way He chooses.
She is letting God use her, and although its difficult, He will be glorified. Thank you for the reminder, friend. :)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Boring Game
As you can see by the final score, this wasn't much of a game. Still, we had fun!Usually on Wednesday nights we have Guys Basketball/Prayer and Girls Craft/Prayer, however tonight we wanted to do something special. So, we took the guys and girls that come regularly to the prayer groups and invited them to a Sixers game. We had a blast hanging out, dancing to the music and cheering the Sixers to a pretty sweet victory.
I don't have much else to update. My friend Jacqueline is coming to visit me tomorrow for 5 days!!! We have been friends since 10th grade and she and her husband are huge supporters of me here in Philly. She was actually supposed to visit me in the fall but then got mono and had to postpone. She has been in San Francisco for the last several days visiting our other friend Elisabeth who does inner city ministry there. I can't wait until she gets here!! And a quick update on my door...I STILL haven't gotten it open!! I tried several times to get it open and have been unsuccessful. I tried knocking the door knob off, taking it off the hinges...its still locked and closed. I did make the hole bigger so its easier to get in and out of. :)
There have been several times today when I wondered if that really happened...and then I go to my room and see a giant hole in my door. Yes, that did happen.
Very Strange...
The strangest thing happened to me this morning! It wasn't funny at the time, but its hilarious now.
I woke up this morning to go to staff prayer and found myself locked in my bedroom!! I still don't know how it happened, its a very old door. I never lock it, but apparently it locks itself.
I don't have any tools in my room, nor do I keep my wallet in there (so I couldn't use a credit card either). I also didn't have my keys in my room, and Shera is the only person who has a key to my house...and she was at work in Center City.
I did have my phone and was able to let people know what was happening (which they thought was hilarious). Again, at the time I wasn't finding it so funny.
I did get a little freaked out at first. I live by myself, and waking up locked in my room sent my imagination everywhere. Did someone break into my house and lock me in my room? Did they take my stuff? Are they still in the house?
(Incidentally, no one broke in...).
So, how did I get out?
I kicked a hole in it and then crawled out!!
Seriously!
(This is my view once I got out).
Don't mess with me!! :)
Once I got out, I realized that no one had broken in, and was able to see the ridiculous humor in the whole situation.
I'm sure later I will have some grand spiritual revelation from this scenario. But for now, its just really weird!!
I woke up this morning to go to staff prayer and found myself locked in my bedroom!! I still don't know how it happened, its a very old door. I never lock it, but apparently it locks itself.
I don't have any tools in my room, nor do I keep my wallet in there (so I couldn't use a credit card either). I also didn't have my keys in my room, and Shera is the only person who has a key to my house...and she was at work in Center City.
I did have my phone and was able to let people know what was happening (which they thought was hilarious). Again, at the time I wasn't finding it so funny.
I did get a little freaked out at first. I live by myself, and waking up locked in my room sent my imagination everywhere. Did someone break into my house and lock me in my room? Did they take my stuff? Are they still in the house?
(Incidentally, no one broke in...).
So, how did I get out?
I kicked a hole in it and then crawled out!!
Seriously!
(This is my view once I got out).
Don't mess with me!! :)
Once I got out, I realized that no one had broken in, and was able to see the ridiculous humor in the whole situation.
I'm sure later I will have some grand spiritual revelation from this scenario. But for now, its just really weird!!
Monday, February 18, 2008
A Life of Compassion
"mourn with those who mourn" ~Romans 12:15
I don't want to.
I don't want to mourn when I am in mourning, why would I want to mourn with other people?
Notice the wording in this verse...it does not say "mourn FOR those who mourn", its says we should mourn WITH them. What's the difference? Mourning FOR someone includes a momentary sharing of sorrow. We don't seek to feel the pain of the person, we simply feel bad that they are in pain.
Mourning WITH someone means seeking to share in the exact pain they are going through. We cry out to God with the same passion and fervor that they do. And if they aren't crying out to God, we are doing it for them...with everything we have....just as if we were the ones facing the pain.
That's hard!
I think mourning with those who mourn goes hand in hand with living a life of compassion.
To me living a life of compassion goes so much deeper than just having compassion. Having compassion isn't really hard. If we have Jesus in our heart, then our hearts are softening and we will feel compassion for those that are hurting. When we see someone hurting, we will hurt because they hurt.
Living a life of compassion means that we become a part of that hurt...choosing not to make ourselves feel better, but instead walking with that person through their hurt. You don't feel better until God has come and healed the hurt.
The word compassion comes from the Latin "compati". From com- "together" + pati "to suffer"...to suffer together.
I am pretty good at making myself feel better...distancing myself from situations that are hard for me to handle. Its not hard for me to say, "I'm so sorry, I will pray for you" and then go home, hang out with friends and move on from whatever pain that person was feeling. I might even think about them later, and even pray for them regularly...but I in no way mourn WITH them.
Here's another interesting fact about compassion...EVERY time the bible says Jesus had compassion toward someone, HE DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Matthew 14:14: "He (Jesus) had compassion on them and healed their sick."
Matthew 15:32: "I (Jesus)have compassion for these people, they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat..." Right after this, he took some bread and fish, multiplied it and fed everyone; and then some.
Matthew 20:34: " Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him."
Mark 1:41: " Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" And the leper was healed.
So, what do we do with our compassion? Well, that depends on the situation. There is no denying, however, that we should DO something.
Praying can be doing...but it isn't always. You know what I'm talking about. You know the difference between simply praying for someone, and going before the Father begging him to do what you can't...begging Him to do something.
Its the difference between looking at a leper and saying, "I will pray for you", or looking at him and saying, "Lord, this man is in pain. Every where he goes he is the outcast. He doesn't have feeling in his limbs, but his heart is constantly in pain. Father, I am on my knees before you asking for your healing hand to restore this man. Only you can heal him. Father, I have no idea what your plans are for this man's physical body, but I know that you love him more than I could ever imagine. I know that you know the depths of his heart, and whatever physical ailments he faces, your desire is for his heart to be whole and in your hands. Lord do that. With all that I am and with all that I have, Lord I pray that you would do that".
How often do I pray like that?
And even harder...how often is God calling me to reach out my hand to actually do something, but I don't. The reasons I don't range from I don't have time, to it would be too hard, to I just don't feel like it. Regardless, I don't really do anything.
As if that isn't enough, living a life of compassion means wanting God more than anything...ANYTHING else. Compassion doesn't come naturally to us, pity does.
The other day J asked me, "Do you think we want the teens to love God more than they want to?"
I think that is a good definition of compassion. I want God for them more than they do...and I do something about it.
Part of that "doing" something is going to God Squad, Teen Club, etc. Part of that is crying before the Lord asking Him to reveal Himself to them. And the hardest part, is trusting the Lord with them when they seem to be faltering. A life of compassion means that every step backward that they take brings me to my knees before the Lord, begging for Him to heal them. It means NEVER throwing my hands in the air, NEVER uttering the word "hopeless"...it means no matter how frustrating or painful, NEVER quitting.
I'm really writing all of this as a conversation I need to have with myself. Everything that I wrote is SO hard for me to live out. I feel like I am constantly being stretched way outside myself, and I am constantly faced with the desire to say, "that's enough, I can't take anymore!".
I argue with God about why I have to be stretched so far and tell him my desire to get to a comfortable place and just stay there. Why do I have to be the one crying every night for Dario? Why do I hurt so bad when he chooses his girlfriend over God?
Why do I struggle and work so hard to stay here in Philadelphia...when so many desires of my heart are so unfulfilled? I mean, the least God can do is give me a husband, or at least stop the chaos on Pedro and Miguel's house.
Compassion means no matter how long it takes, how painful it is...no matter how many times I yell, argue, cry, and threaten to quit...I will still cry for Dario. No matter what desires in my life go unfulfilled, I will love Bonita and Linda with all my heart. No matter how many ridiculous temper tantrums Pedro throws...well, thats just it. They don't matter.
I thank God for His heart of compassion; the heart that led Him to leave heaven and come to earth so He could be a God that shares in our every suffering. His heart of compassion that took Him to the depths of sorrow and despair simply so that I could be with Him. His heart of compassion that brought Him so such intense sorrow that He SWEAT BLOOD. His heart of compassion that brought Him more pain...physical, emotion and spiritual...than I could even begin to imagine.
I am sure I will soon regret this statement...I want that heart. I really do.
I don't want to.
I don't want to mourn when I am in mourning, why would I want to mourn with other people?
Notice the wording in this verse...it does not say "mourn FOR those who mourn", its says we should mourn WITH them. What's the difference? Mourning FOR someone includes a momentary sharing of sorrow. We don't seek to feel the pain of the person, we simply feel bad that they are in pain.
Mourning WITH someone means seeking to share in the exact pain they are going through. We cry out to God with the same passion and fervor that they do. And if they aren't crying out to God, we are doing it for them...with everything we have....just as if we were the ones facing the pain.
That's hard!
I think mourning with those who mourn goes hand in hand with living a life of compassion.
To me living a life of compassion goes so much deeper than just having compassion. Having compassion isn't really hard. If we have Jesus in our heart, then our hearts are softening and we will feel compassion for those that are hurting. When we see someone hurting, we will hurt because they hurt.
Living a life of compassion means that we become a part of that hurt...choosing not to make ourselves feel better, but instead walking with that person through their hurt. You don't feel better until God has come and healed the hurt.
The word compassion comes from the Latin "compati". From com- "together" + pati "to suffer"...to suffer together.
I am pretty good at making myself feel better...distancing myself from situations that are hard for me to handle. Its not hard for me to say, "I'm so sorry, I will pray for you" and then go home, hang out with friends and move on from whatever pain that person was feeling. I might even think about them later, and even pray for them regularly...but I in no way mourn WITH them.
Here's another interesting fact about compassion...EVERY time the bible says Jesus had compassion toward someone, HE DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Matthew 14:14: "He (Jesus) had compassion on them and healed their sick."
Matthew 15:32: "I (Jesus)have compassion for these people, they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat..." Right after this, he took some bread and fish, multiplied it and fed everyone; and then some.
Matthew 20:34: " Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him."
Mark 1:41: " Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" And the leper was healed.
So, what do we do with our compassion? Well, that depends on the situation. There is no denying, however, that we should DO something.
Praying can be doing...but it isn't always. You know what I'm talking about. You know the difference between simply praying for someone, and going before the Father begging him to do what you can't...begging Him to do something.
Its the difference between looking at a leper and saying, "I will pray for you", or looking at him and saying, "Lord, this man is in pain. Every where he goes he is the outcast. He doesn't have feeling in his limbs, but his heart is constantly in pain. Father, I am on my knees before you asking for your healing hand to restore this man. Only you can heal him. Father, I have no idea what your plans are for this man's physical body, but I know that you love him more than I could ever imagine. I know that you know the depths of his heart, and whatever physical ailments he faces, your desire is for his heart to be whole and in your hands. Lord do that. With all that I am and with all that I have, Lord I pray that you would do that".
How often do I pray like that?
And even harder...how often is God calling me to reach out my hand to actually do something, but I don't. The reasons I don't range from I don't have time, to it would be too hard, to I just don't feel like it. Regardless, I don't really do anything.
As if that isn't enough, living a life of compassion means wanting God more than anything...ANYTHING else. Compassion doesn't come naturally to us, pity does.
The other day J asked me, "Do you think we want the teens to love God more than they want to?"
I think that is a good definition of compassion. I want God for them more than they do...and I do something about it.
Part of that "doing" something is going to God Squad, Teen Club, etc. Part of that is crying before the Lord asking Him to reveal Himself to them. And the hardest part, is trusting the Lord with them when they seem to be faltering. A life of compassion means that every step backward that they take brings me to my knees before the Lord, begging for Him to heal them. It means NEVER throwing my hands in the air, NEVER uttering the word "hopeless"...it means no matter how frustrating or painful, NEVER quitting.
I'm really writing all of this as a conversation I need to have with myself. Everything that I wrote is SO hard for me to live out. I feel like I am constantly being stretched way outside myself, and I am constantly faced with the desire to say, "that's enough, I can't take anymore!".
I argue with God about why I have to be stretched so far and tell him my desire to get to a comfortable place and just stay there. Why do I have to be the one crying every night for Dario? Why do I hurt so bad when he chooses his girlfriend over God?
Why do I struggle and work so hard to stay here in Philadelphia...when so many desires of my heart are so unfulfilled? I mean, the least God can do is give me a husband, or at least stop the chaos on Pedro and Miguel's house.
Compassion means no matter how long it takes, how painful it is...no matter how many times I yell, argue, cry, and threaten to quit...I will still cry for Dario. No matter what desires in my life go unfulfilled, I will love Bonita and Linda with all my heart. No matter how many ridiculous temper tantrums Pedro throws...well, thats just it. They don't matter.
I thank God for His heart of compassion; the heart that led Him to leave heaven and come to earth so He could be a God that shares in our every suffering. His heart of compassion that took Him to the depths of sorrow and despair simply so that I could be with Him. His heart of compassion that brought Him so such intense sorrow that He SWEAT BLOOD. His heart of compassion that brought Him more pain...physical, emotion and spiritual...than I could even begin to imagine.
I am sure I will soon regret this statement...I want that heart. I really do.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Valentine's Day Fun!!!
Last night I celebrated Valentine's Day with a few of my friends, and I had so much fun!!!First, I picked Shera up from work at 5 and we headed to the Art Museum. Every Friday they have "Art after 5". You pay general admission to the Art Museum, but its just any old art museum trip. After 5 on Friday, they transform the main hall into a jazz concert, complete with table service, cocktails, elegant café-style appetizers, and desserts. You can tour the museum for a while and then sit and listen to amazing jazz while munching on yummy food! I love jazz, so I had a blast!!
While we were there we spent over an hour checking out the Lee Miller exhibit. She was an AMAZING woman!! During her lifetime she modeled for famous photographers and then became one herself. She published photographs that would be controversail for a woman now...and she did it in the 1930's!! She traveled Egypt and then became a war correspondant for Time Life during WWII. (Did I mention she is a woman?!?). We saw photographs of her with Pablo Picasso and a very relaxed Charlie Chaplin (with no costume or anything!). She was one of the first photographers in Hitler's bunker shortly after his death, and even took a picture of herself taking a bath in his bath tub!! (This is one of her most famous photographs). Every picture, article and story about her was so incredibly inspiring! I loved it!!
From there Shera and I met up with Joy to see the movie "Step Up 2: The Streets". If you didn't know, I LOVE dance movies, and this one looked amazing so I was very excited to see it. I was NOT disappointed!! The dancing was incredible AND it didn't have any sex in it! In fact, other than the main character constantly showing her stomach, there wasn't much inappropraite in the movie (I'm sure some of the songs weren't the best, but I didn't listen for the words...I was mesmorized by the dancing). The dancing wasn't even dirty...it was just awesome!!After the movie I had to head to Jennifer's house really quick to change the dressing on her finger. It ended up taking about an hour, but it was an hour of fun!! Dario and Luis were there watching wrestling and I had fun talking about MMA with them. I LOVE that stuff!! (MMA stands for Mixed Martial Arts, which is basically the most intense fighting there is. It combines boxing, all forms of martial arts and wrestling...and its all real!). Those boys are finally starting to see just how cool I am. :)
We ended the night eating some very yummy Thai food at one of my favorite restaurants in the city!!
I am so thankful for last night. I had fun, more fun than I have had in a long time. Overall, it was pretty much the perfect night!!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
I Choose Encouragement
Today was actually a pretty discouraging day. From disheartening news about several teens, to even more disheartening experiences with other teens, I really could go to bed discouraged. However, some really encouraging things happened as well. Tonight I am choosing to focus on the encouraging things, and I am excited to share them!!
Most of my encouragement revolves around Bonita. I spent a lot of time with her yesterday (obviously) and she said several things that really made my heart smile.
Bonita: What should I do?
Trish: The best thing you can do is pray for them.
Bonita: I pray every night!
Trish: Really? What do you pray for?
Bonita: Linda and I pray together every night. First we sing a song together, one we learned at camp. When we finish the song we count to 10 and then I pray. After I pray, we count to 5 and then Linda prays. After that we say "And God, all the things we forgot, we know you got them so we just pray for that too". Then we go to sleep.
Trish: Wow, that's awesome Bonita. I am so proud of you!!!
(Incidentally...I have no idea why they find it necessary to count before they pray, but I love it!)
Later....
Zuley: Trish, you know its bad luck to leave your purse on the floor
Bonita: Zuley, we don't believe in luck, we believe in God. :)
And finally (this conversation happened in spanish and was translated to me)...
Maria (Bonita's Mom) : Bonita, why isn't Miss Trish married yet?
Bonita: She's waiting for the man that God has for her.
Short pause...
Bonita: Mommy...I am too.
I got a phone call this morning from Bonita and Linda's mom saying that she needed to take Linda to the doctor and needed somewhere for Bonita to go (the poor girl was still in the bloody clothes from yesterday! She was so exhausted when she came home she went straight to bed!).
So, I went over and picked Bonita up and brought her to my house while Linda went to the doctor. (Guys don't read this part...Linda has apparently had her period for over a month straight, which is not good. The poor girl just started her period 2 months ago and didn't realize how abnormal a month long period is!)I had to work this morning, so Bonita took a shower and then ended up falling asleep while watching TV. I usually listen to music or have Law and Order on for background noise while I work...today I had Spongebob Squarepants, haha. I LOVED it!! :) Bonita and Giz were so sweet and so cute!!!
This afternoon I got to hang out with some of my favorite kids in the world at after-school. The program is run by students at PBU, so I just got to go and hang out with the kids...and had so much fun. Tasha performed a toothpaste commercial for me, and every kid told me all about their Valentine's Day. They had me smiling and laughing the whole time; which is a feat because I was exhausted!!!
Finally, at Teen Club we played a really fun game that made me laugh a lot. Its called "Funny Bones". You get a partner and pick a card. The card will say something like "Ear bone to Shoulder bone", and one person must put their ear on the other person's shoulder, with the card in the middle. So, once you drop a card your team is out. Its a little touchy feely for me (which is why I never play, haha) but I really enjoy watching it!!
Finally, I don't like to play matchmaker (especially with teens), but I have to confess that I did have a strong hand in making this "pair" happen:
(That's Luis with one of my favorite girls in the world!! I couldn't help myself...they're just so cute!).
Most of my encouragement revolves around Bonita. I spent a lot of time with her yesterday (obviously) and she said several things that really made my heart smile.
Bonita: What should I do?
Trish: The best thing you can do is pray for them.
Bonita: I pray every night!
Trish: Really? What do you pray for?
Bonita: Linda and I pray together every night. First we sing a song together, one we learned at camp. When we finish the song we count to 10 and then I pray. After I pray, we count to 5 and then Linda prays. After that we say "And God, all the things we forgot, we know you got them so we just pray for that too". Then we go to sleep.
Trish: Wow, that's awesome Bonita. I am so proud of you!!!
(Incidentally...I have no idea why they find it necessary to count before they pray, but I love it!)
Later....
Zuley: Trish, you know its bad luck to leave your purse on the floor
Bonita: Zuley, we don't believe in luck, we believe in God. :)
And finally (this conversation happened in spanish and was translated to me)...
Maria (Bonita's Mom) : Bonita, why isn't Miss Trish married yet?
Bonita: She's waiting for the man that God has for her.
Short pause...
Bonita: Mommy...I am too.
I got a phone call this morning from Bonita and Linda's mom saying that she needed to take Linda to the doctor and needed somewhere for Bonita to go (the poor girl was still in the bloody clothes from yesterday! She was so exhausted when she came home she went straight to bed!).
So, I went over and picked Bonita up and brought her to my house while Linda went to the doctor. (Guys don't read this part...Linda has apparently had her period for over a month straight, which is not good. The poor girl just started her period 2 months ago and didn't realize how abnormal a month long period is!)I had to work this morning, so Bonita took a shower and then ended up falling asleep while watching TV. I usually listen to music or have Law and Order on for background noise while I work...today I had Spongebob Squarepants, haha. I LOVED it!! :) Bonita and Giz were so sweet and so cute!!!
This afternoon I got to hang out with some of my favorite kids in the world at after-school. The program is run by students at PBU, so I just got to go and hang out with the kids...and had so much fun. Tasha performed a toothpaste commercial for me, and every kid told me all about their Valentine's Day. They had me smiling and laughing the whole time; which is a feat because I was exhausted!!!
Finally, at Teen Club we played a really fun game that made me laugh a lot. Its called "Funny Bones". You get a partner and pick a card. The card will say something like "Ear bone to Shoulder bone", and one person must put their ear on the other person's shoulder, with the card in the middle. So, once you drop a card your team is out. Its a little touchy feely for me (which is why I never play, haha) but I really enjoy watching it!!
Finally, I don't like to play matchmaker (especially with teens), but I have to confess that I did have a strong hand in making this "pair" happen:
(That's Luis with one of my favorite girls in the world!! I couldn't help myself...they're just so cute!).
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
14 Stitches
That's Bonita's hand, and it was as painful as it looks. This morning she was cutting some bread (in her hand...not smart!) and sliced through 2 of her fingers. She ended up with 14 stitches in just two fingers!!The entire story is pretty discouraging. It happened before school and they immediately called an ambulance to take her to the hospital (mom doesn't drive). She was crying for me the whole time and her siblings told her they would call me. Unfortunately, in all the chaos, they forgot and each headed off to school. In fact, no one called me until around 6:45p.m...after they had been in the hospital for 10 hours!! Bonita sat bleeding in the waiting room for 10 hours!!!!! Of course, I went to the hospital immediately, after dropping off my car load of kids from Prayer Pals. By the time I got there they had finally stitched her up. Bonita handled it all so well! She was AMAZING!! I expected to hear stories of her freaking out, but she didn't! I am so proud of her!!
We still had to wait around for quite a while for certain doctors to sign certain papers, so she wasn't discharged until 9:30. That's almost 14 hours! Apparently another local children's hospital shut down, doubling the patient load for this one. It was insane.
She has to redress her hand twice a day, and I am the only one she trusts to do it, haha. (Her mom has really long nails, and she doesn't trust any of her siblings). So, I will be her nurse for the next few days. Hopefully the stitches will come out in a week or so. They thought she sliced a tendon, but she was able to move her fingers fine, so everything looks like it will heal perfectly. She has to get checked by a plastic surgeon just in case. (Dad, any of this sound familiar?). :)
That was an interesting end to an already not so great day. I'm still definitely sick. Its actually a very annoying illness. Other than a constant cough (and occasional headache as a result of the cough), I feel pretty normal. Which means, I spent the whole day trying to get things done but constantly being interrupted by coughing fits (you know, the kind where you are convinced internal organs are about to fly out). I also didn't sleep much last night (because of the coughing), so I've been pretty tired all day. I didn't go to staff prayer this morning, but I did make it to Prayer Pals.
I had fun at Prayer Pals and then planned to head to church for our Wednesday night Teen Girls Prayer Group. Shera and I started this last week and I am really excited about it. We are spending time each week doing "bonding things", like crafts or exercise. At the end, we are going to spend time learning about and then practicing prayer. Last week went well, and we were expecting more girls this week, so I was excited.
Unfortunately, with my hospital trip, I missed the whole night. I didn't get a chance to talk much to Shera, but I know she wasn't real encouraged by the evening. I definitley feel like I made the right decision by going to be with Bonita, but I am sad that Shera left so discouraged. Hopefully next week will go better....
They guys have had a Wednesday night Prayer Group going for a while and they said it was pretty rough going for them at first. Hopefully whatever struggles Shera had tonight will get worked out in amazing ways in the coming weeks!!
I am still really struggling with my trust in God. As much as I have been learning, I am still so faithless!! I find myself struggling with trust in the same area consistently (mostly with the teens) and I am praying a lot about it. I don't know anything else to do...I need God to do something in their hearts...and mine!!!
Oh, and please be praying for our health! Frank and Joy seem to have the flu (pretty severely too), Shera has a stomach bug...and it just seems like everyone is at least under the weather. Ugh.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I'm Sick :(
This will probably be a short update, I have a non stop cough that is driving me crazy! I actually took a day off from AIM (first time taking a sick day!)...mostly because I have to make a lot of phone calls and my voice is very man-like with unexpected coughing fits; not very professional. :)
I did make it to Kids Club tonight, though I didn't teach a lesson (I thought my man-voice might scare the kids, haha). I was actually kinda bummed about that, I was really excited about my lesson. The kids seemed to really enjoy the video I showed (first time I had to show a video as well!). I'll get to teach next week. Anyway, the weather is really bad (snow, freezing rain, sleet) so we only had 27 kids (we average over 80). I kinda enjoyed the small number, but I was completely done by the end of the night. I made it through Kids Club, but came home with a headache and an even worse cough. Ugh.
I also learned today that only overworked missionaries in Philadelphia get sick. At least, that's what my dad thinks. :) He seems convinced that if I lived in North Carolina and had a regular job, I would never get sick. Oh dad... :)
Okay, I think its time for some Nyquil and my bed...
I did make it to Kids Club tonight, though I didn't teach a lesson (I thought my man-voice might scare the kids, haha). I was actually kinda bummed about that, I was really excited about my lesson. The kids seemed to really enjoy the video I showed (first time I had to show a video as well!). I'll get to teach next week. Anyway, the weather is really bad (snow, freezing rain, sleet) so we only had 27 kids (we average over 80). I kinda enjoyed the small number, but I was completely done by the end of the night. I made it through Kids Club, but came home with a headache and an even worse cough. Ugh.
I also learned today that only overworked missionaries in Philadelphia get sick. At least, that's what my dad thinks. :) He seems convinced that if I lived in North Carolina and had a regular job, I would never get sick. Oh dad... :)
Okay, I think its time for some Nyquil and my bed...
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Sidekick
I was so encouraged by a conversation that I had with Carisa tonight. We were talking about how people perceive me, especially here in Philly. People that meet me now see me as the "boss", which I really don't like. What they don't see is that for the last several years, I have been the "sidekick". I never really thought about it that way, but its so true!!
I started working alongside Elizabeth, basically as her sidekick. I did the stuff she couldn't, so that she would be able to do what she was best at. When I moved to staff at Cornerstone, I became Carisa's sidekick. She ran things, was the up front person and I was behind the scenes doing whatever was necessary. I LOVED it! That is the role I feel most comfortable in, which is something you probably wouldn't know if you just met me, since I am definitely no longer behind the scenes.
I spent my first 2 years on staff with several people in the church thinking I was an intern or college student. Even several staff members had no idea what I really did; which was perfectly fine with me. I very much enjoyed staying under the radar. As Carisa put it, I don't care if my name ever ends up on anything.
I started After-School with Carisa. Slowly, she had to back away from that leaving me in charge. I came into Prayer Pals to help Carisa, and as the program grew we realized that I would need to take charge of part of it (now we each have our own nights that we are responsible for). And of course, there is Kids Club. Again, I started as a leader helping Carisa out. Now, I am THE leader. (I am even taking more and more leadership among the teen ministry, especially with the girls as other leaders are stepping back). While these are roles I now feel very called to, they were in no way my goal now even my dream. In fact, I'm still not completely comfortable in them, and I'm not sure I ever will be. In many ways, I think I will always be most comfortable as the sidekick.
That actually brings me to my next point. While I am no longer Elizabeth or Carisa's sidekick, I am still very much a sidekick...God's sidekick. I will be the first to admit that sounds ridiculously corny, but its also true.
As you can read from my last several blog posts, I am learning more and more about just how in charge God really is. And, I am SO GLAD!!
There are several reasons I like being the sidekick:
1) I don't like the attention of being the "up front" person
(God deserves all the Glory anyway!!)
2) I don't like the pressure of being the person in charge
(God has the plan, not me!)
3) I don't like to fail
(God NEVER fails, and redeems EVERYTHING for His glory!)
So, while apparently God feels that I need to be more "up front" than I ever wanted to be, I take a lot of comfort in knowing that I am not now, nor will I ever be, the one in charge!! :)
I started working alongside Elizabeth, basically as her sidekick. I did the stuff she couldn't, so that she would be able to do what she was best at. When I moved to staff at Cornerstone, I became Carisa's sidekick. She ran things, was the up front person and I was behind the scenes doing whatever was necessary. I LOVED it! That is the role I feel most comfortable in, which is something you probably wouldn't know if you just met me, since I am definitely no longer behind the scenes.
I spent my first 2 years on staff with several people in the church thinking I was an intern or college student. Even several staff members had no idea what I really did; which was perfectly fine with me. I very much enjoyed staying under the radar. As Carisa put it, I don't care if my name ever ends up on anything.
I started After-School with Carisa. Slowly, she had to back away from that leaving me in charge. I came into Prayer Pals to help Carisa, and as the program grew we realized that I would need to take charge of part of it (now we each have our own nights that we are responsible for). And of course, there is Kids Club. Again, I started as a leader helping Carisa out. Now, I am THE leader. (I am even taking more and more leadership among the teen ministry, especially with the girls as other leaders are stepping back). While these are roles I now feel very called to, they were in no way my goal now even my dream. In fact, I'm still not completely comfortable in them, and I'm not sure I ever will be. In many ways, I think I will always be most comfortable as the sidekick.
That actually brings me to my next point. While I am no longer Elizabeth or Carisa's sidekick, I am still very much a sidekick...God's sidekick. I will be the first to admit that sounds ridiculously corny, but its also true.
As you can read from my last several blog posts, I am learning more and more about just how in charge God really is. And, I am SO GLAD!!
There are several reasons I like being the sidekick:
1) I don't like the attention of being the "up front" person
(God deserves all the Glory anyway!!)
2) I don't like the pressure of being the person in charge
(God has the plan, not me!)
3) I don't like to fail
(God NEVER fails, and redeems EVERYTHING for His glory!)
So, while apparently God feels that I need to be more "up front" than I ever wanted to be, I take a lot of comfort in knowing that I am not now, nor will I ever be, the one in charge!! :)
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Family Vacation
Every year, all the families on staff go on vacations. Its SO necessary to survive here in Philly. As much as well all hate to be away for any length of time, it is always so refreshing to get out of the city.
I don't usually go on vacation. I do get out of the city, mostly to my parents house...which I LOVE! Still, I rarely go on a real vacation. In fact, in my 5 years in Philly, I have only been on 2 real vacations. The rest of the staff go on more vacations in one year than I do in 5!!
My parents don't go on yearly vacations (they save their money for bills, whatever that's about, haha) and as much as I love my brother, I think a vacation with just me, him and his fiance might be a bit awkward. I have been invited to the beach a few times with my cousin, but its usually in the middle of the summer when I really can't leave Philly. So, there aren't really a lot of opportunities for me to go on a real vacation (unless I want to go alone...which I really don't).
Recently I have also realized that I don't just want any vacation, I really want to go on a FAMILY vacation.
I have a family here in Philly...a family of 9 god children that I LOVE and ADORE. I love spending time with them, and my favorite thing to do with them is take them out of the city. I have taken many trips with the kids, and every single one is a wonderful memory. In fact, if I listed my favorite memories over the last 5 years, almost every single one is a time when I took the kids on a little trip. Bonita, Linda, Dario, Luis and I have made several trips to VA to visit my parents and even VA Tech; and ever single one was a blast. Pedro and Miguel even joined us on one trip and it was GREAT!! I took Bonita, Linda, Dario, Luis, Pedro, Miguel and Natasha on their first trips ever to the ocean (at different times), and I still remember every single laugh and squeal (Tasha was the squealer, haha). My day at Kings Dominion in VA with Dario, Luis, Bonita and Linda is second only to the absolute blast I had at Hershey Park with Linda, Monique, Bonita, Tasha, Pedro and Miguel. I know most people will think I am crazy, but I REALLY love all of my kids (Zuley hasn't been on any trips with us yet, but I want that to change!), I REALLY LOVE spending time with them and would LOVE to go on vacation with them!!
So, that's what I'm praying for!!! On my Special Needs page on my website (which was completely updated last night!) I am adding my desire for a family vacation with my Philly Family! I have no idea how its going to happen, but I'm gonna ask God for it and see what He wants to do!! It would be difficult to travel far with that many kids (although nothing is impossible with God!), so I'm thinking a little more local. Pastor Joe's aunt has a beach house on the Jersey shore, so who knows!!
I'm so excited about this idea, I can barely stand it. I wanted to share this with you so that you can pray along side me and will hopefully be excited with me as we see what God has in store!
I don't usually go on vacation. I do get out of the city, mostly to my parents house...which I LOVE! Still, I rarely go on a real vacation. In fact, in my 5 years in Philly, I have only been on 2 real vacations. The rest of the staff go on more vacations in one year than I do in 5!!
My parents don't go on yearly vacations (they save their money for bills, whatever that's about, haha) and as much as I love my brother, I think a vacation with just me, him and his fiance might be a bit awkward. I have been invited to the beach a few times with my cousin, but its usually in the middle of the summer when I really can't leave Philly. So, there aren't really a lot of opportunities for me to go on a real vacation (unless I want to go alone...which I really don't).
Recently I have also realized that I don't just want any vacation, I really want to go on a FAMILY vacation.
I have a family here in Philly...a family of 9 god children that I LOVE and ADORE. I love spending time with them, and my favorite thing to do with them is take them out of the city. I have taken many trips with the kids, and every single one is a wonderful memory. In fact, if I listed my favorite memories over the last 5 years, almost every single one is a time when I took the kids on a little trip. Bonita, Linda, Dario, Luis and I have made several trips to VA to visit my parents and even VA Tech; and ever single one was a blast. Pedro and Miguel even joined us on one trip and it was GREAT!! I took Bonita, Linda, Dario, Luis, Pedro, Miguel and Natasha on their first trips ever to the ocean (at different times), and I still remember every single laugh and squeal (Tasha was the squealer, haha). My day at Kings Dominion in VA with Dario, Luis, Bonita and Linda is second only to the absolute blast I had at Hershey Park with Linda, Monique, Bonita, Tasha, Pedro and Miguel. I know most people will think I am crazy, but I REALLY love all of my kids (Zuley hasn't been on any trips with us yet, but I want that to change!), I REALLY LOVE spending time with them and would LOVE to go on vacation with them!!
So, that's what I'm praying for!!! On my Special Needs page on my website (which was completely updated last night!) I am adding my desire for a family vacation with my Philly Family! I have no idea how its going to happen, but I'm gonna ask God for it and see what He wants to do!! It would be difficult to travel far with that many kids (although nothing is impossible with God!), so I'm thinking a little more local. Pastor Joe's aunt has a beach house on the Jersey shore, so who knows!!
I'm so excited about this idea, I can barely stand it. I wanted to share this with you so that you can pray along side me and will hopefully be excited with me as we see what God has in store!
Monday, February 4, 2008
The Sin and Sorrow of Gomer...and Trish
Recently I have been feeling an overwhelming kinship with Gomer, the prostitute wife of Hosea in the bible. Gomer is not a woman that you necessarily want to relate to. She was a woman full of sorrow constantly battling her own demons, bringing sorrow and sadness to the man that loved her more than she could ever imagine. But, she is also a redeemed woman...in fact, I often see her as THE redeemed woman. She knows the sorrow of sin like few others, and she knows the overwhelming joy of redemption deeper than I ever will.
So, why do I feel a kinship with a prostitute? Probably not for the reason you think...
No, I have NOT been having sex with countless men. Yes, in some ways I have prostituted my spirit out to things other than my God...I think we all do that. I am constantly convicted of the things (both "good" and bad) that I place before my God. However, that's not what brings me close to Gomer. Right now, for me...its my incredible lack of faith and trust in the Lord.
I don't trust Him with my life, much less the lives of the people that I love. I don't trust Him to be in control...I don't trust His sovereignty, I don't trust His plan...when you get right down to it, I don't trust His word; I don't trust Him. I worry all the time about every decision I make- what if its the wrong one? I fret about every step the kids take- what if they go off the path? What will happen then?!?
This has all come to a head recently as I have watched one teen that I love more than words could ever describe battle demons right before my eyes. I feel I can literally watch him taking one step forward and then two steps back...and its killing me. I constantly worry that one of those steps backwards will be the final step to send him right over the edge, never to return.
The truth is, I believe that there is a point of no return. That doesn't line up with scripture at all, but I live my life as if it were true. The bible tells me that God will leave the 99 to go after the 100th sheep that has lost its way. The bible tells me that NOTHING can snatch His people out of His hands, yet I constantly worry about that exact thing happening. The bible tells me that God is ALWAYS sovereign. God IS Love. The bible tells me that love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. That means that GOD always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.
So, the truth is, I worry about God failing. I would never have actually said those words, I masked my fear by worrying that I would fail, or that other people would fail me. But, the reality is...if I really believed the truth about God, then those failures wouldn't worry me because I would know that in the midst of my own or any other failures, God will always persevere. If I believed the truth, then I would know that no matter how many steps backward this teen takes, God is standing at the edge and will not let him fall over.
For all I know, this teen needs to get to the edge so he can fall over, and then be lifted up on eagles wings. For all I know every step backward is actually another part of his testimony that will not only bring him closer to God, but others as well. For all I know...well, lets just say it; I DON'T KNOW!!
I can NEVER give God too much credit. Instead, though, I chose to place the future in my own hands or even sometimes in the hands of the enemy. I worry about him winning battles, yet I know the Lord has already won the victory.
I don't know what God WILL do in every situation, but I know what He CAN do...and the truth is, He CAN do ANYTHING! And as for what He WILL do...well, He WILL do whatever is right. Whether I see it as good or bad, moving forward or backward...its His will...and its perfect. Because whatever happens, it is redeemed.
So, let's go back to Gomer. She went through countless "steps backward".
Here is God's response to one of those times: "So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands. I will stop all her celebrations: her yearly festivals, her New Moons, her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts. I will ruin her vines and her fig trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers; I will make them a thicket, and wild animals will devour them. I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot," declares the LORD. "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her."
He not only thwarted her plans, but he then led her away from all those distractions and spoke tenderly to her. Sure, He was angry with her, and her actions needed to be punished...and then REDEEMED.
One other thing to note: During this time of Gomer's sin, her husband, Hosea, never stopped loving her. God asked Hosea if, despite everything, he still loved Gomer. Hosea said yes, and that's when God told him to go get her. Hosea went to get her, and had to pay for her to be released to him.
This brings me hope...for me and this teen that I love. God continues to thwart my plans to control and constantly leaves me desperate for Him; feeling sorrow for my lack of faith and so thankful for His forgiveness. He is speaking tenderly to me, reminding me who He is. Showing me how beautiful and good He is...all the time. He never changes.
And as He reminds me of His goodness, He gives me hope for this teen. Wherever he steps...forward or backward; or even far off the path...God is never far from him. And there is absolutely nothing that this teen can do that can't...or won't...be redeemed.
Gomer was a sinful harlot...who was redeemed. I want to relate to the redeemed Gomer. Oh, and the name Gomer...it means "complete". Because God can see the end of my story, while I see myself as a constant work in progress, He sees me, and the teen that I love, as Gomer...redeemed and complete.
And finally, I want to proclaim this truth over the life of the teen that I love:
"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever—do not abandon the works of your hands." ~Psalm 138: 7,8
So, why do I feel a kinship with a prostitute? Probably not for the reason you think...
No, I have NOT been having sex with countless men. Yes, in some ways I have prostituted my spirit out to things other than my God...I think we all do that. I am constantly convicted of the things (both "good" and bad) that I place before my God. However, that's not what brings me close to Gomer. Right now, for me...its my incredible lack of faith and trust in the Lord.
I don't trust Him with my life, much less the lives of the people that I love. I don't trust Him to be in control...I don't trust His sovereignty, I don't trust His plan...when you get right down to it, I don't trust His word; I don't trust Him. I worry all the time about every decision I make- what if its the wrong one? I fret about every step the kids take- what if they go off the path? What will happen then?!?
This has all come to a head recently as I have watched one teen that I love more than words could ever describe battle demons right before my eyes. I feel I can literally watch him taking one step forward and then two steps back...and its killing me. I constantly worry that one of those steps backwards will be the final step to send him right over the edge, never to return.
The truth is, I believe that there is a point of no return. That doesn't line up with scripture at all, but I live my life as if it were true. The bible tells me that God will leave the 99 to go after the 100th sheep that has lost its way. The bible tells me that NOTHING can snatch His people out of His hands, yet I constantly worry about that exact thing happening. The bible tells me that God is ALWAYS sovereign. God IS Love. The bible tells me that love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. That means that GOD always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.
So, the truth is, I worry about God failing. I would never have actually said those words, I masked my fear by worrying that I would fail, or that other people would fail me. But, the reality is...if I really believed the truth about God, then those failures wouldn't worry me because I would know that in the midst of my own or any other failures, God will always persevere. If I believed the truth, then I would know that no matter how many steps backward this teen takes, God is standing at the edge and will not let him fall over.
For all I know, this teen needs to get to the edge so he can fall over, and then be lifted up on eagles wings. For all I know every step backward is actually another part of his testimony that will not only bring him closer to God, but others as well. For all I know...well, lets just say it; I DON'T KNOW!!
I can NEVER give God too much credit. Instead, though, I chose to place the future in my own hands or even sometimes in the hands of the enemy. I worry about him winning battles, yet I know the Lord has already won the victory.
I don't know what God WILL do in every situation, but I know what He CAN do...and the truth is, He CAN do ANYTHING! And as for what He WILL do...well, He WILL do whatever is right. Whether I see it as good or bad, moving forward or backward...its His will...and its perfect. Because whatever happens, it is redeemed.
So, let's go back to Gomer. She went through countless "steps backward".
Here is God's response to one of those times: "So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands. I will stop all her celebrations: her yearly festivals, her New Moons, her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts. I will ruin her vines and her fig trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers; I will make them a thicket, and wild animals will devour them. I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot," declares the LORD. "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her."
He not only thwarted her plans, but he then led her away from all those distractions and spoke tenderly to her. Sure, He was angry with her, and her actions needed to be punished...and then REDEEMED.
One other thing to note: During this time of Gomer's sin, her husband, Hosea, never stopped loving her. God asked Hosea if, despite everything, he still loved Gomer. Hosea said yes, and that's when God told him to go get her. Hosea went to get her, and had to pay for her to be released to him.
This brings me hope...for me and this teen that I love. God continues to thwart my plans to control and constantly leaves me desperate for Him; feeling sorrow for my lack of faith and so thankful for His forgiveness. He is speaking tenderly to me, reminding me who He is. Showing me how beautiful and good He is...all the time. He never changes.
And as He reminds me of His goodness, He gives me hope for this teen. Wherever he steps...forward or backward; or even far off the path...God is never far from him. And there is absolutely nothing that this teen can do that can't...or won't...be redeemed.
Gomer was a sinful harlot...who was redeemed. I want to relate to the redeemed Gomer. Oh, and the name Gomer...it means "complete". Because God can see the end of my story, while I see myself as a constant work in progress, He sees me, and the teen that I love, as Gomer...redeemed and complete.
And finally, I want to proclaim this truth over the life of the teen that I love:
"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever—do not abandon the works of your hands." ~Psalm 138: 7,8
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Disappointment isn't Real
Disappointment isn't real. We are only disappointed because we can only see so far into the future. If we could see what God can see...if we could see the outcome of all of our disappointments, would we ever really be disappointed?
We shouldn't be. At least, if the Bible is true then we shouldn't be. In the Bible, God tells us that He works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him. ALL things...even the disappointments. Does that change the way you see disappointments?
How disappointed was Joseph when he ran away from temptation, but was still thrown in jail? How disappointed was Joseph when the baker and the cup bearer promised not to forget him (after he basically saved their lives), and then, they forgot him?
Every single disappointment Joseph faced was necessary to put him in the position to be 2nd in command to Pharaoh...necessary to put him in the position to save an entire nation from famine.
How disappointed was Jesus when Peter, His trusted disciple, denied him 3 times? Even after Jesus warned him it would happen?!? How disappointed was Jesus when Judas, another TRUSTED disciple, traded His life for 5 pieces if silver? And again, this happened after Jesus warned him it would happen?!?
Yet, Peter's overwhelming sorrow from those denials led him to NEVER deny Christ again and to share the message and truth of Christ with thousands. Judas' betrayal...well, how necessary was that?!? That disappointment ultimately saved me from Hell.
God can see so much past what we can see. We never want to think of a loving God bringing disappointments into our lives, yet it only makes sense that He would.
Would any loving parent give their child everything they ever wanted? I should hope not.
As much as we don't want our children to suffer; we want even more for them to grow into strong men and women that seek to follow God no matter the circumstance. If that's what we want, then we have to let our children face adversity.
The truth is, everything in this world will eventually disappoint. So, by placing us in this world, has God set us up for failure?
I don't think so. Instead, I think God has set us up for Him.
Have you ever read the book of Job? Especially the last 400 chapters? Okay, maybe 400 is an exaggeration, but the majority of the end of the book of Job is God's answer to Job's big question of, "Why?". Job never doubts or curses God, but he does ask for some answers; why does he have to suffer so much? God's response is basically chapter after chapter of, "I'm God, that's why".
I have always read that to be basically the same as what I have heard from my parents for my entire life; "Because I said so" (And incidentally, I now say that way more often than I would ever admit). And the truth is, "because I said so" is a very valid response. God goes on for chapters reminding Job that He created the heavens and the earth, that He created every living thing, including every man on the earth. So, if He says so, then it should be so.
However, much like my response to my parents when I was a kid, God's answer of "because I said so" has never sat well with me. I accepted it...He is God for goodness sake...but I can't say I ever really liked it. Until tonight. Tonight, when I read it, not with my eyes, but with my heart. With a heart seeking to hear and understand God's heart. And tonight, everything changed.
The words did not change, not a single one. But, instead of hearing, "I created the heavens and the earth, so I can say how things go", I heard...
"I created the heavens and the earth, and I created them perfectly. I existed before time began and I will exist forever, even after this earth fades away. I thought of you before your parents were even born, and I have delighted in you forever. I know every flake of snow that falls from the sky just as well as I know every hair on your head. That is who I am. I know every time your heart beats, and everything that makes it flutter. I have every tear you have ever cried bottled up. I own the cattle on a thousand hills, so money does not trouble me. I know the hearts of man, so man I do not fear. I understand the inter workings of everything on earth, so nothing perplexes me. I know the beginning, the middle and the end of your story. I know where you have been and where you are going. You don't know what I have planned for you, but I know....so you have to trust me with every step. You have to trust the heartaches as well as the joys. I know you and I love you. That's why".
God placed us on this earth to join Him on a journey. Ironically, the journey is toward Him. I have always heard the phrase, "Its not the destination that matters, its the journey". In this case, God is both. God is good. All the time. All the time. God is good.
I may not ever get to see the positive result of every disappointment. I can't point to my lack of a date to my junior prom and say, "Now I see why that happened!". And believe me, there are plenty of other disappointments in my life that seem to have no explanation; yet every one has a purpose. Every single joy and disappointment in my life can be explained very simply:
"I know you and I love you. That's why".
I like that so much better than, "because I said so" :)
We shouldn't be. At least, if the Bible is true then we shouldn't be. In the Bible, God tells us that He works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him. ALL things...even the disappointments. Does that change the way you see disappointments?
How disappointed was Joseph when he ran away from temptation, but was still thrown in jail? How disappointed was Joseph when the baker and the cup bearer promised not to forget him (after he basically saved their lives), and then, they forgot him?
Every single disappointment Joseph faced was necessary to put him in the position to be 2nd in command to Pharaoh...necessary to put him in the position to save an entire nation from famine.
How disappointed was Jesus when Peter, His trusted disciple, denied him 3 times? Even after Jesus warned him it would happen?!? How disappointed was Jesus when Judas, another TRUSTED disciple, traded His life for 5 pieces if silver? And again, this happened after Jesus warned him it would happen?!?
Yet, Peter's overwhelming sorrow from those denials led him to NEVER deny Christ again and to share the message and truth of Christ with thousands. Judas' betrayal...well, how necessary was that?!? That disappointment ultimately saved me from Hell.
God can see so much past what we can see. We never want to think of a loving God bringing disappointments into our lives, yet it only makes sense that He would.
Would any loving parent give their child everything they ever wanted? I should hope not.
As much as we don't want our children to suffer; we want even more for them to grow into strong men and women that seek to follow God no matter the circumstance. If that's what we want, then we have to let our children face adversity.
The truth is, everything in this world will eventually disappoint. So, by placing us in this world, has God set us up for failure?
I don't think so. Instead, I think God has set us up for Him.
Have you ever read the book of Job? Especially the last 400 chapters? Okay, maybe 400 is an exaggeration, but the majority of the end of the book of Job is God's answer to Job's big question of, "Why?". Job never doubts or curses God, but he does ask for some answers; why does he have to suffer so much? God's response is basically chapter after chapter of, "I'm God, that's why".
I have always read that to be basically the same as what I have heard from my parents for my entire life; "Because I said so" (And incidentally, I now say that way more often than I would ever admit). And the truth is, "because I said so" is a very valid response. God goes on for chapters reminding Job that He created the heavens and the earth, that He created every living thing, including every man on the earth. So, if He says so, then it should be so.
However, much like my response to my parents when I was a kid, God's answer of "because I said so" has never sat well with me. I accepted it...He is God for goodness sake...but I can't say I ever really liked it. Until tonight. Tonight, when I read it, not with my eyes, but with my heart. With a heart seeking to hear and understand God's heart. And tonight, everything changed.
The words did not change, not a single one. But, instead of hearing, "I created the heavens and the earth, so I can say how things go", I heard...
"I created the heavens and the earth, and I created them perfectly. I existed before time began and I will exist forever, even after this earth fades away. I thought of you before your parents were even born, and I have delighted in you forever. I know every flake of snow that falls from the sky just as well as I know every hair on your head. That is who I am. I know every time your heart beats, and everything that makes it flutter. I have every tear you have ever cried bottled up. I own the cattle on a thousand hills, so money does not trouble me. I know the hearts of man, so man I do not fear. I understand the inter workings of everything on earth, so nothing perplexes me. I know the beginning, the middle and the end of your story. I know where you have been and where you are going. You don't know what I have planned for you, but I know....so you have to trust me with every step. You have to trust the heartaches as well as the joys. I know you and I love you. That's why".
God placed us on this earth to join Him on a journey. Ironically, the journey is toward Him. I have always heard the phrase, "Its not the destination that matters, its the journey". In this case, God is both. God is good. All the time. All the time. God is good.
I may not ever get to see the positive result of every disappointment. I can't point to my lack of a date to my junior prom and say, "Now I see why that happened!". And believe me, there are plenty of other disappointments in my life that seem to have no explanation; yet every one has a purpose. Every single joy and disappointment in my life can be explained very simply:
"I know you and I love you. That's why".
I like that so much better than, "because I said so" :)
Friday, February 1, 2008
New Web Site!!
Hey Everyone! I only have a second, but I wanted to let you know that I have created a website all about me!! :) I have gotten several questions recently from people asking how they can share my ministry with others so, I figured that creating a website was the easiest way for people to meet me and get to know me and my ministry.
So, check it out, HERE!! Let me know if you have any questions, or suggestions!!
I'll write more soon! Thanks!
So, check it out, HERE!! Let me know if you have any questions, or suggestions!!
I'll write more soon! Thanks!
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