Recently I have been feeling an overwhelming kinship with Gomer, the prostitute wife of Hosea in the bible. Gomer is not a woman that you necessarily want to relate to. She was a woman full of sorrow constantly battling her own demons, bringing sorrow and sadness to the man that loved her more than she could ever imagine. But, she is also a redeemed woman...in fact, I often see her as THE redeemed woman. She knows the sorrow of sin like few others, and she knows the overwhelming joy of redemption deeper than I ever will.
So, why do I feel a kinship with a prostitute? Probably not for the reason you think...
No, I have NOT been having sex with countless men. Yes, in some ways I have prostituted my spirit out to things other than my God...I think we all do that. I am constantly convicted of the things (both "good" and bad) that I place before my God. However, that's not what brings me close to Gomer. Right now, for me...its my incredible lack of faith and trust in the Lord.
I don't trust Him with my life, much less the lives of the people that I love. I don't trust Him to be in control...I don't trust His sovereignty, I don't trust His plan...when you get right down to it, I don't trust His word; I don't trust Him. I worry all the time about every decision I make- what if its the wrong one? I fret about every step the kids take- what if they go off the path? What will happen then?!?
This has all come to a head recently as I have watched one teen that I love more than words could ever describe battle demons right before my eyes. I feel I can literally watch him taking one step forward and then two steps back...and its killing me. I constantly worry that one of those steps backwards will be the final step to send him right over the edge, never to return.
The truth is, I believe that there is a point of no return. That doesn't line up with scripture at all, but I live my life as if it were true. The bible tells me that God will leave the 99 to go after the 100th sheep that has lost its way. The bible tells me that NOTHING can snatch His people out of His hands, yet I constantly worry about that exact thing happening. The bible tells me that God is ALWAYS sovereign. God IS Love. The bible tells me that love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. That means that GOD always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.
So, the truth is, I worry about God failing. I would never have actually said those words, I masked my fear by worrying that I would fail, or that other people would fail me. But, the reality is...if I really believed the truth about God, then those failures wouldn't worry me because I would know that in the midst of my own or any other failures, God will always persevere. If I believed the truth, then I would know that no matter how many steps backward this teen takes, God is standing at the edge and will not let him fall over.
For all I know, this teen needs to get to the edge so he can fall over, and then be lifted up on eagles wings. For all I know every step backward is actually another part of his testimony that will not only bring him closer to God, but others as well. For all I know...well, lets just say it; I DON'T KNOW!!
I can NEVER give God too much credit. Instead, though, I chose to place the future in my own hands or even sometimes in the hands of the enemy. I worry about him winning battles, yet I know the Lord has already won the victory.
I don't know what God WILL do in every situation, but I know what He CAN do...and the truth is, He CAN do ANYTHING! And as for what He WILL do...well, He WILL do whatever is right. Whether I see it as good or bad, moving forward or backward...its His will...and its perfect. Because whatever happens, it is redeemed.
So, let's go back to Gomer. She went through countless "steps backward".
Here is God's response to one of those times: "So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands. I will stop all her celebrations: her yearly festivals, her New Moons, her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts. I will ruin her vines and her fig trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers; I will make them a thicket, and wild animals will devour them. I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot," declares the LORD. "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her."
He not only thwarted her plans, but he then led her away from all those distractions and spoke tenderly to her. Sure, He was angry with her, and her actions needed to be punished...and then REDEEMED.
One other thing to note: During this time of Gomer's sin, her husband, Hosea, never stopped loving her. God asked Hosea if, despite everything, he still loved Gomer. Hosea said yes, and that's when God told him to go get her. Hosea went to get her, and had to pay for her to be released to him.
This brings me hope...for me and this teen that I love. God continues to thwart my plans to control and constantly leaves me desperate for Him; feeling sorrow for my lack of faith and so thankful for His forgiveness. He is speaking tenderly to me, reminding me who He is. Showing me how beautiful and good He is...all the time. He never changes.
And as He reminds me of His goodness, He gives me hope for this teen. Wherever he steps...forward or backward; or even far off the path...God is never far from him. And there is absolutely nothing that this teen can do that can't...or won't...be redeemed.
Gomer was a sinful harlot...who was redeemed. I want to relate to the redeemed Gomer. Oh, and the name Gomer...it means "complete". Because God can see the end of my story, while I see myself as a constant work in progress, He sees me, and the teen that I love, as Gomer...redeemed and complete.
And finally, I want to proclaim this truth over the life of the teen that I love:
"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever—do not abandon the works of your hands." ~Psalm 138: 7,8
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