Watching the kids open their presents really made me think. I take an incredible amount of joy in watching the kids open their presents. I find myself wanting to see these kids blessed beyond belief. Carisa and I went shopping for a few of them (their pals sent money) and I had to hold myself back as I kept seeing things that I wanted them to have.If it is that hard for me to hold back, how much harder must it be for God? God loves me immeasurably more than I love those kids (which is hard to imagine cause I REALLY love those kids). Not only that, but He has way more resources than I do (cause He literally owns EVERYTHING). So, if my love for these kids leads me to wanting to shower them with every gift and joy I possibly can, what does God desire for me?!? He wants to give me everything!! He DELIGHTS in lavishing me!!! But, I don't have everything...
Sometimes I think of the things I want and don't have or the prayers I pray that seem to go unanswered and wonder why God is holding back. Tonight made me realize that God has to exercise an indescribable amount of restraint to keep from giving me those things; so He must have a pretty good reason for doing so.
Its a whole different thing to no longer see God as the judge in heaven seeking to bless me occasionally, but also punish me for my wrongs and withhold things from me so I can learn lessons I am apparently too hard headed to get the first time. Instead, I am beginning to see Him for who I believe He really is: the God who loves me more than I can ever imagine and withholds things from me because apparently to give them to me would be harmful and although His hates to see me suffer, He loves me too much to harm me.
This kid can be one of the most frustrating kids I have ever known. While he is extremely smart, funny and talented, he is also argumentative, angry, and extremely stubborn (sound familiar mom and dad?). He, more than most other kids, can send me right over the edge. Many of my most frustrating interactions with a kid involve this one. However, despite all of that, I don't find him hard to love at all. I couldn't stop loving him if I tried. When his name comes to mind, a smile immediately appears on my face. I miss him when I'm not around him, even though when I am, I have a 50/50 chance of being around a very angry kid.If I love Pedro this much; how much more does God love me?
