In the Light of His Glory and Grace

This is what the girls are doing right now. They came in my room a few minutes ago and asked to borrow my bible and a notebook so they could read and take notes. God in them is just blowing me away!

This week has been full of a lot of drama, and absolutely incredible blessings. I have discovered (or been reminded) that living with teenage girls means lots of drama. Emotions are all over the place all the time and I am being challenged in so many new ways. All 3 of us struggle with reacting before thinking...and we're all working on it. I have never had sisters, so I am also learning a lot about how they interact and when to step in and when to just let them work things out. I am really working on keeping my composure when they explode at me, even though everything in me wants to explode back. (That one is hard!) And...well, let's just say that I am learning a lot. :)

So far I can say every stressful, frustrating moment is very worth it. These girls make me laugh and smile a lot. And, we have had several really sweet moments this week.

On Wednesday I went to the Hope House with Shannon and Carisa to start getting things ready for Reading Rocks. Linda asked if she could come and help, and was a huge help! (Bonita was meeting with her discipleship mentor at the time, but came over after to help us finish up). While we were cleaning we found their very first Kids Club name tags, from 2004! (Carisa keeps really great records, haha). The date on the name tag was about a week before they moved in with me. When I mentioned that to Linda, she said: "Wow, that was a really bad time for us. If it wasn't for you and God...well I don't even know". I wanted to cry at that very moment but I just smiled and said to her, "I thank God every day for you". She smiled and we went back to cleaning. Simple and short, but I don't think I will ever forget that moment.

Thursday was Teen Club and Jeff showed a scene from the movie "Fireproof". The girls were enthralled by the clip (and apparently the entire lesson as they are still talking about things they learned), and Jeff let them borrow the movie. They came home and immediately started to watch it. Unfortunately, they feel asleep before it was over, but they have told me every detail that they have seen so far and plan to finish the movie soon...they want to see how it ends! (They tried to finish it again tonight but then J and E invited us to dinner at the last minute so the girls had to pause it again. They will finish it soon!)

I didn't realize what an impact the lesson and the movie had on them until last night. I was gone all day on a crazy adventure (supposed to take a bus to Baltimore, ended up in DC, lots of traveling and hilarity with my friends Sammi and Ashley that I will tell you about soon), and didn't get home until late. They spent the day with their mom and we were all pretty tired by the time I picked them up (it was around 10 p.m.). I had planned on pretty much going straight to bed, but God had a different plan.

It all started with Linda simply asking me to help her learn what to say when people ask her why she believes in Jesus. The girls apparently spent the day with a lot of people that made fun of them for being Christians and they just stayed quiet. Linda was hoping that next time she would be able to say something back (in a nice way). So, we talked for a little while about why we believe what we believe.

That led into talking about Jeff's lesson at Teen Club, which was about purity and marriage. That, of course, led the girls to asking me about my life choices. Linda asked me, "I know that you are waiting for the right guy before you get married, but what if a guy never comes along? What if you never get married?" Then, for the next hour and a half we talked about what it means to be the Bride of Christ and how while I may or may not ever get married here on earth, I know I will one day have a wedding...and I can't wait. They were SO involved in the conversation. I can't even begin to describe how incredible that time was. As we all went to bed I immediately went to my room and just praised God. There was really nothing else to do. God is SO good.

We got up early this morning (7:30!) and went to Sam's Club with the AIM leaders to do some of our own shopping and help them with theirs (they have to shop for 40 people for the whole week!). We didn't get home until around 11, but I was so impressed with how wonderful the girls were helping shop, carry and put seemingly endless amounts of food away. They never complained once!!

The rest of the day we just hung out. I read and slept (still so tired from yesterday!) and got a few bills and stuff paid. I don't really know what the girls did for most of the day, except that Bonita decided to wash the dishes at the exact moment I was in the shower, so I got a cold shower, haha. Saturdays are becoming very boring, and I need to keep them that way. The girls seem pretty okay with it, so I'm hoping we'll keep this up for a while.

Tonight were invited at the last minute to go out to eat with J and E and had a really good time. When we came home I headed to my room to finish planning my lesson for Children's Church tomorrow when Bonita and Linda came in and said they wanted to read about some of the stories in the bible that we were talking about last night. They also asked for a notebook so they can take notes on what they learn and write down any questions they have for me.

I can't believe all of this has happened in less than a week. Its been amazing.

The drama and the frustrations...they fade away pretty fast. I can't believe the life that God has chosen for me, it just doesn't make sense. I know I shouldn't really be, but I am just shocked at how blessed I really am.

Unbelievably Blessed

That is how I have been feeling lately. I can't really describe it other than I just FEEL God loving me right now. Its absolutely wonderful.

Things are going incredibly well so far with Bonita and Linda at the house. On Friday, Linda graduated from 8th grade! She's going to high school next year! AHHH!!! I was apparently invited to the graduation, but they forgot to tell me, haha. It was really neat to hear all about it afterwords though. Their mom took a ton of pictures, but then accidentally erased them all, whoops! (I have done that before!). So, no pictures to show. Linda wasn't too upset about it though, she was just so excited that she graduated!

Its so weird to have teenagers around all the time now. When the girls were kids, none of their friends could get to my house unless I picked them up, so we rarely had guests. Now, I feel like there are people always in my house...and so far I love it! I also really enjoy having control over when Linda can see her boyfriend, and having their time together happen in my living room. God is definitely protecting them!

He is also moving in both of their hearts. Rocky (not his real name, but he's into boxing, so that's what I will call him) has started coming to church every Sunday with us as well as God Squad and Teen Club every week. He was also on the Teen Retreat last week and God is very obviously moving in his heart. This past Sunday he burst into tears during worship and told me later that he had always thought he was a Christian but now realizes that he hasn't been, but wants to be. He has a lot of questions, but his heart is so softened! It was AMAZING to listen to Linda explain the Gospel to him and why she chose to follow Christ. Rocky will be a part of the kingdom soon!!

On the other hand, for the last 7 years I have watched Bonita follow in Linda's footsteps. Not in doing everything that Linda does, but if Linda has a rough year, the following year will be rough for Bonita. For example, Linda has a great year when she turned 11. Bonita had a great year when she was 10 (as did Linda), but she also struggled when she turned 11. That trend seems to be continuing...

13 was a VERY rough age for Linda, but she seems to be really turning it around at 14. Bonita, however, had a great year at 12, but is already struggling now that she is 13. Their struggles look very different (for Linda it was boys, for Bonita its anger and pride), but they still struggle nonetheless. I am hoping this trend will END this year and we will just get to see the girls continue to grow closer and closer to Christ. That's certainly how I am praying!

Okay, so there is a general update. Now to something a little deeper...

I am just in awe right now over just how content I am feeling with everything. Yesterday I was just kinda flipping through the bible, not really looking for anything or even paying attention to what I was reading, when I saw this verse:

"Abraham was now old and well advanced in years, and the LORD had blessed him in every way." ~ Genesis 24:1

I started to reflect on Abraham's life and its just amazing to me that after EVERYTHING Abraham went through: the times where he was faithful (leaving his home and following God not knowing where He was going, sacrificing his son while being totally convinced that God would raise him from the dead...) and the times where he wasn't (having Sarah lie about being his sister, sleeping with his maidservant to have a child because God was taking too long to bring him one through Sarah...); at the end of his life, it could be said that the Lord had blessed Abraham in EVERY WAY. Amazing. God is good.

If you remember, a few weeks ago I posted on my struggle with not trusting the Lord in the plans He has for me because my life is so much different than I ever thought it would be. I finally got tired of taking care of myself and wanted to let the Lord to it. I know that He has made promises to me, but instead of trusting in Him, I so struggle with taking things into my own hands (kinda like Abraham).

My biggest struggle is in trying to logically figure out a solution to everything. Unfortunately, I tend to rely on my worldly logic instead of standing on the promises of God. God is challenging that big time though...

It all started a little over 2 weeks ago when my boss at AIM called me and said that they would like me to move to Georgia to head up something new they are starting down there. At first, I have to admit, I was flattered. And, I was kind of excited about the idea of starting something new, and even the moving part was intriguing (I rationalized that I could live in or near Atlanta and still be very involved with ministry in the city, while making more money and attending a church where I wouldn't be on staff, so I could just be poured into! It sounded pretty good to me...). I told my boss that I would pray about it and then we would see. He was scheduled to come to Philly to lead a trip the following week so we planned to meet and talk through things while he was here.

In the week before the trip, God made it very clear in my heart that He still has things for me in Philly. Bonita and Linda were a huge part of that (this was BEFORE Linda decided to move in with me), but there were plenty of other things too. I was reminded that although I don't love Philly all the time (sometimes I honestly loathe it...just being honest here...), I am madly in love with what God is doing here and its not time for me to move on yet. So, I had decided to turn down the "offer" to move to GA. The problem was, I wasn't sure if it was really an offer, or a demand. There was a definite chance that my boss would say, we need you in GA or we don't need you at all. So, I started to prepare myself to be out of a job...

My boss arrived on Saturday, but it wasn't until Wednesday that he and I had the chance to really talk about me not moving and what that would all mean. Pretty much the first words out of his mouth were, "You can't move to Georgia. You belong here". I was SO overwhelmed, in awe, thankful...I don't even really know how to describe what it felt like to not only have my boss okay with me not moving, but for him to say that he clearly saw that I belong here. I don't even feel that way all the time, but he was able to see what I can't always grasp! Thank you Jesus!!

We left a lot of things up in the air and will be having some major conversations throughout the summer, but the bottom line is that I will be staying in Philly AND staying with AIM, all with the full blessing, support and encouragement of my boss. I am still shocked! :)

God is calling me to surrender EVERYTHING to Him. To be like Abraham and follow Him, not knowing exactly where we are going or when we will get there, but to trust in the promise that He will take care of me every step of the way.

Last night we sang this song at God Squad:

I'm givin you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you, my King
I'm givin you me dreams, I'm layin down my rights
I'm givin up my heart for the promise of new life

Giving Him my heart, and all the desires that are within in...

Giving Him my dreams, and all the hopes that I have for my future...

I need to give it ALL to Him.

I'm not giving up on my dreams, I am trusting them into His hands. I need to remember that...

Yesterday He called me to take a huge step of faith in trusting HIM with my life instead of myself. And I almost failed...almost...

For several years, Bonita has been begging to be home schooled or go to Christian school. Linda has desired it on and off, but hasn't been as adamant about it as Bonita has. I would LOVE to send them to a Christian school, but its WAY too expensive. And home school...well that scared me...

When Bonita moved in with me a few months ago, I started hearing stories from her about things that happened in school, and was horrified. She told me of videos on gang rape that they watched in class. She said she often has to do her school work in the hall because her classroom is so out of control. She came home with a packet of information answering any and all questions that the students had about sex. I was disgusted and embarrassed by some of the questions that the school saw fit to publish, answer and then pass out to the ENTIRE student body (of 11-13 year olds). The packet was the final straw for me, I agreed to enroll Bonita in PA Cyber, which is a public cyber school.

By attending PA Cyber, Bonita will take classes on line (with an actual teacher teaching her) from my house. The school will provide her with a computer, a printer and internet access (since its a Pennsylvania public school, my taxes already pay for all of this, so nothing more has to come out of pocket! Yay!). I will be the one to oversee all of this, so I will get regular updates on her attendance (which will be perfect since she will be in the living room with me while she is in class) and her grades (which is great since she failed reading this year but neither she nor her mom knew that was coming since they only get grades 4 times a year).

Yesterday was the day Bonita, her mom and I went to officially enroll her in PA Cyber. The night before, Cupcake had spent the night; she already attends PA Cyber (she will be a senior next year!). Cupcake is SUCH a wonderful influence in the girls' lives and as she was talking with Linda about the benefits of PA Cyber, Linda decided that she too wanted to attend. I was so excited, and extremely nervous...

The main thing that has kept me from enrolling either of the girls before now is, well thinking about myself. I was worried about what exactly would be required of me and how much extra work it would mean for me. And the idea of having to oversee Bonita AND Linda was making me nervous. So, when Linda told me she wanted to do it too, I told her to come to the meeting with us and we would just see what would happen (while secretly praying that she would change her mind, or the school wouldn't let us enroll her since our appointment was only to enroll Bonita. Such faith...).

We arrived to meet with teachers and to enroll Bonita and was told it would be very easy and possible to enroll Linda. My heart dropped for only a moment, until I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and excitement. The only way I can describe it is it was the EXACT same feeling I had the morning I called the social worker almost 5 years ago and said, "I would like to take these 4 kids into my home while their mom gets her life together". It didn't make sense, and scared the crap out of me...but I just KNEW what I was supposed to do. So, without hesitation we started the process of enrolling Linda as well.

The whole thing took about and hour and we all walked out of the meeting SO excited for what God has in store. Here is a list of just SOME of the benefits for the girls:

1) Linda HAD been in special ed last year because it was easier than getting her a tutor or any of the help she needs. Mom had just listened to the recommendations of the teachers, who are so overwhelmed at the school that they usually go with what's easiest. When we met with some people at PA Cyber they expressed how much the school had really dropped the ball with Linda and that she does NOT need special ed, but might need some extra help...which PA Cyber offers and is setting her up with . Linda felt SO good about this as she HATED being labeled special ed. (How do you make it all the way to 8th grade and then suddenly need to be special ed??) I also felt really good about this because now when she graduates from High School, it will be a real diploma that she can go far with, without any stigma.

2) I will be getting weekly updates on their progress in each class and will be able to stay on top of how they are doing, and can sign them up for tutoring or anything else they may need RIGHT AWAY, to hopefully catch any problems immediately and before its too late.

3) We discovered yesterday that Bonita failed reading and will need summer school. This was shocking to me as Bonita is very smart and has never struggled with her grades before. Linda told me that at school Bonita is VERY distracted by her friends, and this was confirmed by the notes her teachers had made on her report card that she is "rarely on task", "doesn't complete classwork", and "sometimes distracting". This is not the Bonita that I, or anyone outside of school, knows. So, I am excited to get her away from the influence of her friends and see how smart she really is.

4) I now have TOTAL control over their schooling. I am the first contact with the school, so if there are ANY issues, I will be immediately contacted. I will know when they have tests, so I can help them study. I will know when projects are due, so I can make sure they are doing the work. These girls will no longer trying to go at any of this alone...

I was talking with Linda yesterday about all the possibilities and we both got very excited. Neither she nor Bonita has ever gotten A's and B's, so they don't know how good it will feel! They have always just barely passed, and they assume that's all they can accomplish. I am committing to show them just how smart they really are, and I am convinced that seeing those first A's and B's will be the motivation they need to keep going.

I used my running as an example for her. I have tried for years to get into running and failed every time. I really thought it was just something I would never be able to do. Then, I made the commitment to just get through the Broad St. Run. I never thought it would be possible, but I accomplished that goal, and it has motivated me to keep going! I am now training for the Philadelphia Half Marathon in November. I truly believe the same thing will happen with these girls when they see just how much they really can accomplish.

I would never have finished the race if I didn't have E and N running alongside me. I did a lot the work on my own, but I really needed them. So, I am going to be that for Linda and Bonita.

And we're starting all of this before either of them enter High School, which means that none of the mistakes of the past matter at all. I know that in some ways this will be an uphill climb for all 3 of us, but hey...I've been training and I'm now in the best shape of my life, so I can handle the climb! Haha. :)

A few weeks ago I wrote in my journal that I felt like God was on the verge of something big. I felt like I was stepping into a roller coaster and was about to be in for an incredible ride. Yesterday, as we were registering the girls for school, I felt the car start moving. We are strapped in, full of nervous excitement and ready for the ride to begin.

My life doesn't make any sense to me, so I can imagine that it doesn't make any sense to most of you either. I know this post has been all over the place. I guess that's what happens when I just let things sit in my head for a while and then try to put it ALL on paper at once. These lyrics to David Crowder's "How Great", sum things up pretty well for me though:

I'm so bored of little gods
While standing on the edge of
something large
While standing here, so close to You
We could be consumed
What a glorious day

I give up, I lay down
Rest my face upon this ground
Lift my eyes to Your sky
Rid my heart of all I hide

So sweet this surrender

She changed her mind...again!

I'm SO excited (and a little nervous) because 5 days ago Linda decided to move in with me and Bonita!! And so far, its going great!

Both Linda and Bonita went on the Teen Club retreat last weekend, and Linda felt really challenged by the messages that Jeff gave. In fact, she ran out of one of the talks because she couldn't stop crying, but didn't know why. As she and I talked she came to realize that the Holy Spirit was convicting her and she was crying because she was upset by some of the choices she was making in her life, and she wanted to change them. I had to leave the retreat early, but when she got home she shared with me that the whole weekend had really made her think.

So, on Tuesday she called and asked me if she could move in with me (they came home from the retreat on Monday night). I reminded her of my rules and she said she really felt like she was ready to follow them. So, I picked her up after Kids Club and now Bonita has a roommate!!

School is now over (well, technically they are supposed to go on Monday and Tuesday, but since they had Linda's graduation yesterday and already got their report cards, I'm not thinking its going to happen), so some of my rules will be a little more relaxed...which may be a part of the change of heart. That's fine with me, its just really great to have her here.

I am a little nervous, though. She has a soft heart now, but I am sure we will face some battles. I have had to deal with some unexpected issues with Bonita and I expect the same with Linda. My biggest prayer right now is how to handle her relationship with her boyfriend. I really like him, which is very good. He is scared of me, which is also very good. And so far they are totally okay with the rules that I have (he's only allowed over on certain days, they aren't allowed alone anywhere, etc.). As long as we all work together, I think it will be great...but we'll have to wait and see.

Bonita, Linda and I had dinner at the table together last night for the first time in a LONG time, and we had a lot of fun. They talked seriously about things, laughed about ridiculous things, reminisced about the last time we were all living together, and expressed excitement for whatever is going to come next for us. I can't even describe how blessed I feel right now...

AND, I woke up this morning to them cleaning the house!!! There are definite benefits to having teenagers around, haha. :)

I joined a Facebook group a few weeks ago where women committed to praying for their husbands for 30 days. I have no idea who my husband is, but God does and I can still pray for him, so that's what I've been doing and its been great! In August they are starting a 30 days of prayer for your children, and I will be joining that as well, focusing some on my future children (if God decides to bless me with that), but mainly focusing on Bonita and Linda. I'm excited to see what God wants to teach me in that time!

I can't believe that Bonita has already been living with me for 3 months, it all just seems so normal now. I am praying that Linda's transition will be just as wonderful and that God will do some amazing things in all 3 of us!

*Quick addition, the boys are doing really well at home and I will be praying for them as well over the 30 days...and their mom. She really does love her kids...

Memorable Moment

Random conversation in the car:

Bonita: I can't wait for Jesus to come back. I used to be scared of it, but now I just can't wait!

Linda: Me too. That's because now we know. We know who God is and we want to be with Him.

Thank you Jesus.

What If...

I don't know everything.

I know, its a weird thought...I've thought since I was a little girl that I already knew everything. At least, the important stuff. I have no idea how to do differential equations (I don't even know what they are, I just remember that all the engineers at Tech struggled in the class), but when it comes to life, I pretty much know everything.

Or, maybe not.

What if, it is a part of God's plan that Linda does NOT live with me? What if He is working in her, even when I'm not around? Is it possible that His plan is better than mine?

On Monday night Linda came to God Squad and FINALLY told me about her boyfriend. She has been with him since just after Thanksgiving, but thought she was keeping him from me. Of course, she is not nearly as sneaky as she thinks she is. I actually asked her about him back in December and she just got really mad and told me to stay out of her business. (Like that isn't a HUGE red flag!).

So, I backed off and just waited for her to tell me what I already knew. Finally, on Monday she told me about him, and we talked. In fact, we had a really good talk (and I told her I have known about him since Nov, haha. She was pretty embarrassed).

Then, she invited him to Teen Club on Thursday. So, I finally got to meet him. He was VERY nervous to meet me (which I took as a really good sign). :) He was very nice, funny, treated both Bonita and Linda well, and even helped me carry a TV into my house. I didn't stay for Teen Club, but the leaders at Teen Club told me that he was very well behaved and the two of them were NOT affectionate and were comfortable hanging together, and apart. Linda was even shocked as he sang the songs during worship and went up to the front for prayer at the end of the lesson. He said he wants to come to God Squad, and even talked to Jeff about what it means to be baptized. Of course I would rather her be with someone who already is a Christian, but...its not really my plan.

He is almost 15 (a year older than Linda), makes really good grades and is a model student. He actually spent last weekend in NY with some students and teachers from their school as a reward for his good grades and behavior. Linda said that he really encourages her in school and tries to help keep her out of trouble.

He is really into boxing and goes to classes several times a week. So, I like the boyfriend (so far...). Linda is more mature than I gave her credit for.

After Teen Club, I dropped him off at his house and then he called Linda to ask a few questions about the permission slip and about God Squad on Monday. I then listened as Linda explained to him that he needed to take God Squad seriously because it was for people who are serious about God, and she didn't want him to come if he wasn't going to be serious.

She's a lot stronger than I gave her credit for.

Of course, I am still praying incredibly hard for her...especially in the area of purity. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 20, Linda has already had hers. She is mature and strong, but still has plenty of mistakes to make.

Still, its really nice to be reminded that someone much bigger and smarter than me has the plan for her life. I do forget that sometimes...

Linda

Man this girl is growing up! She definitely looks older, and she is really starting to act older as well. And I am really impressed with who she is becoming.

My eyes were really opened last week on the God Squad retreat. She is a teenager. In every way. I saw boys looking at her, and her looking at boys. I must say my heart dropped a little until she pulled me aside and wanted to talk to me about a specific boy. She likes him and he likes her but she doesn't want to do anything that God doesn't want. The guy she likes is very serious about God, which is what she really likes about him. She wanted advice and prayer. Linda??

She really connected with Lindsay a lot on the retreat and has since decided that Lindsay is her best friend. This makes my heart sing. Lindsay is a very solid 16 year old who is not only serious about her relationship with the Lord, but also very serious about not letting boys get in the way. I have been discipling Lindsay for years and I LOVE that she and Linda are getting so close.

Tonight Lindsay called because she wanted Linda to spend the night at her house. Linda was already planning on spending the night with me, so Lindsay just came over with her. I love it.

Linda still faces a lot of challenges. If she does it, she will be the first girl in her family to save herself for marriage. She is scared that she won't be able to do it, but she really wants to.

This past Monday at God Squad sent me home crying, happy and sad tears. At God Squad we break up into small groups at the end of the night to talk about the lesson more in depth. I usually ask that Linda NOT be put in my group because I think she might be more open if I'm not there. For some reason, though, Andy put her in my group this week. Our conversation started out pretty lighthearted at first, and then out of nowhere Linda burst out laughing. Uncontrollable. She couldn't stop...tears were coming to her eyes she was laughing so hard. She asked to leave and spent most of the rest of the small group time (only about 5 min or so), in the bathroom.

As we were leaving God Squad, Linda pulled me aside and said she really needed to talk to me.

She hadn't been laughing. She was crying. Uncontrollably. But, she didn't want anyone to know that she was crying, so she covered it up by pretending to laugh.

Why was she crying? She had no idea. She began to share with me that during worship that night, for the first time ever in her life, she felt God. She wasn't just singing, she knew that God was there. And as we started talking in our small group, her emotions overwhelmed her and she couldn't control it. Everything that she has been dealing with, things she had been bottling up inside of her, came flooding out in uncontrollable tears. Why then? Because she knew God was there. She could finally begin to let things go.

She started to cry as she told me this, and of course I did to. I went home after we talked for a while and just wept. I cried happy tears thanking God for being her Father...but also many sad tears as I thought about all the difficulties this beautiful (not so) little girl has had to face.

At one point in our conversation she looked at me, tear streamed face, and said, "Why did my dad have to beat my mom?"

She knew I didn't have the answer, but she needed to finally ask the question.

Linda is a Kids Club leader now with me in the 7-10 year olds. Little kids are already looking up to her. Enjoying her. Wanting to be like her.

I have had the privledge of watching her grow up for the last 6 years. Its crazy to think that she was a little foul-mouthed, undisciplined and full of attitude (and laughter) 7 year old when I met her. And look at her now. Last weekend while I was in Chicago I confessed to my friends my doubts. I LOVE Bonita and Linda more than I could ever say. Yet, like with any child, I understand that there are no guarantees as to how they will grow up. I wonder all the time what will her future entail.

Linda still has a lot of growing up to do, and a lot of mistakes to make. But, I feel like God is giving me just a glimpse of His plans for her.

And no surprise...they are beautiful and perfect.

Now it's Linda's turn!!

I can't believe it, she is 13!! She had a sleepover at my house on Saturday with her and 7 of her friends, and it was so great. She had a "Superstar" party, played fun games, ate lots of food and stayed up really late. I thought I was just going to be locked in my room for the evening, which I was ready for. Instead, I had girls running in my room every 10 minutes laughing and telling me something funny that just happened. I can't complain at all, though, it made me smile.

The girls even did a really good job cleaning up, leaving me to only take out the trash. Yay!!

My favorite part of the night was the "Do you know Linda?" game. I had a list of 10 questions about Linda. For answer wrong, the girls would have to put a piece of Bubble Yum in their mouth. And, any time all of the girls got the answer right, Linda would have to put a piece in her mouth. It was hilarious and a lot of fun.

After the game, and cake, I retreated to my room and read a book while being often interrupted by smiling and laughing girls. The party was definitely a hit and Linda had a great birthday.

I let the girls use my camera for the night, so there are a lot of really great pictures. I have posted them on my Phanfare site, you definitely want to check them out!!

My Philly Family

Church was so much fun yesterday! Dario came!! On his own!! He even went to Sunday School and seemed to enjoy that. I REALLY love him and the man that he is becoming and I loved having him at church. Unfortunately, I had a meeting after church that lasted way longer than I thought it was going to, so I didn't get to spend a lot of time with him after church, but I think he is coming to God Squad tonight. (Luis didn't come to church because he was doing something with his mom. He did come to Teen Club last week, though, and is planning to come to God Squad tonight, yay!).
Dario wants to get his drivers' license so I think I'm going to help him with that. He's actually a very good driver (I've taken him several times), but the written test is going to be a challenge. I know he can do it though!

Today has been a little less exciting. I spent my morning at truancy court again, this time with Linda. I was actually pretty proud of her by the end. Turns out she has already gotten herself into an after-school program at her school (her last report card was BAD!) and has been going every day...and her teachers said that her grades are improving. Also, the truancy summons was actually in regards to her attendance troubles last year (remember when I had to go to their house in the mornings and make them go to school??). This year, she only has 4 unexcused absences, which is really great. She does have way too many tardies, and so she still had to face punishment. But, the judge was very impressed with how far she has come on her own (the fact that she went to and passed summer school last year helped a lot as well).

So, Linda received almost the same "sentence" as Bonita. Linda is on daily report, has 37 hours of community service (Bonita has 35), and she can't miss a single day of school; nor can she be late AT ALL. That part will be a challenge for Linda, but she can do it. I am proud that she at least goes to school...but we all know she can do better.

I have been struggling a lot recently with all this, mainly because Linda's grades were pretty good when we had after-school, but they have dropped considerably since after-school ended. However, seeing her take responsibility for herself and her grades and asking for help herself (from someone other than me), has made me realize that God is still in complete control. And, has made me even more proud of Linda.

Bonita and Linda both have to go back in 30 days, and if everything is completed then their case will be closed. Linda and Bonita will both serve their community service at an after-school/enrichment program at Linda's school; which is good because they can keep each other accountable. This is the first year that they have been in separate schools, and I don't really like it...they are good for each other.

So, it wasn't a bad ending, but not my favorite way to spend the morning. I am still in high gear getting ready for Kids Club tomorrow night (I have no lesson plan or ideas, haha) as well as trying to keep up with everything else. I think this week is going to be busy mostly because its a new routine, but once I get into this routine I think I'll be okay. I'm excited about God Squad tonight and spending some great time with the teens.

I'm also shopping around for a van!!! I will lose my current car in June, and I have recently been overwhelmed with my need for a mini van in the city. I average 7 kids in my car on Tuesdays, same on Wednesdays and now I have at least 3 teens with me on Mondays and Thursdays...and Sundays it can range anywhere from 2 kids to 9. Plus, these "kids" are quickly growing up and few are actually "kid" sizes. Needless to say, my 5 passenger Volkswagen Jetta is pretty much cramped all the time. And obviously, its not the safest way to travel. Whenever possible I try and shuttle the kids in shifts, but that isn't always possible. So, I REALLY need a van to get me and these kids where we need to go!! I have been saving money for a while and I'm in the market. I want to take plenty of time to look around...and always leave the door open for God to simply provide me with a van. :) So, I'm not in any hurry, yet, but please be praying that God would show me the right van to get...I've never done this before and I have the huge potential to mess it up. I don't want to mess this up! :)

Does it matter what they think?

Do you care more about what people think of you, or about who you really are?

That was the question I asked Linda today, and it made me really examine myself. Linda got in a fight at school today and she spent a good amount of time trying to rationalize this to me. Apparently a boy in her class took her coat and book bag and threw them both in the trash, destroying both and taking all of her school supplies. Now, I can't fault her for being mad; I was mad listening to the story. I can also completely understand why that anger might send her into a fight. Lets be honest; had someone done that to me when I was 12...Let me put it this way, no one would have tried something like that on me when I was 12; everyone was too afraid of me. Shoot, I can't remember the last time I hit or even threatened someone, or even got extremely angry, yet most people still agree that I am not someone they want to mess with. (Okay, I can remember 2 times where I caused physical harm to someone, but both instances were men trying to get something from me that they are not allowed to have...so I don't think that really counts).

Still, I don't want Linda to be the 12 year old that I was. And while I can understand the anger, the fighting is still a problem. So, we talked through the situation and it finally came out that she didn't even fight the boy out of anger. She fought him because she knew if she just let it go, "everyone would talk about me". She fought him because she was concerned about what other people would think of her.

Linda is a beautiful, sweet, smart, and funny girl who really does love the Lord. That doesn't equal cool around here and that certainly won't get her respect. So, she has to make a choice. Will she be the woman God created her to be, or will she be the woman everyone else tells her she should be?

Its a little scary to me that she is finally at the place where she has to make that decision. And its even scarier that I have no control over that decision.

I am so thankful that I finally made the choice to be who God created me to be and not what I thought I should be. Yet, actually I am still constantly faced with that choice. Is the love and acceptance of God really enough, or do I need approval from others as well? Can I follow the voice of God in my heart even when it directly contradicts the voices all around me?

Can I trust in the one who loves me unconditionally, or will I settle for trying to please one who offers me love only momentarily?

What if they all do talk about me? What if they mock me and berate me? What if I am completely alone? Will I still chose Him, or the world?

Sometimes that's a really hard decision for me now; what would it have been like when I was 12? I didn't even try to make the right decision until I was 16...and I'm still just trying.