I am Wealthy

I am rich. I know many of you are probably laughing at that statement (especially my parents who regularly hear my financial struggles), but its true. In fact, I am extremely rich; and I am speaking of financial wealth.

I have a regular paycheck. Occasionally my bills are paid late or I have to cut things from my budget. Often I can't afford the things that I WANT, but I rarely, if ever, can't afford the things that I NEED.

I have never lived without a flushing toilet. My refrigerator has never been completely empty of food. I have never had to go without electricity or heat. I have always had a bed to sleep in at night. I have never even been without a winter coat.

I am wealthy.

Even if all of those things were taken away from me, living in America keeps me in the wealthy class. If I lost my house, I would still have a place to sleep. If I couldn't afford food, I would still have a place to go to get it. If I didn't have health insurance, every hospital in the city would still be required to treat me, no matter what my ailment was.

If I have an emergency, help is literally a phone call away, at all times.

I am extremely wealthy.

That makes this passage hit my gut hard:

"Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" "Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replies. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." "Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, "Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother, and 'love your neighbor as yourself'" "All these I have kept, " the young man said. "What do I still lack?" Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When the young man heard this, he went away sad because he had great wealth.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" ~Matthew 19:16-24

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for ME to enter into heaven.

Don't worry, I know I am saved, and I KNOW that my salvation doesn't come from my meticulous following of the commandments nor from my lack of physical possessions. My salvation is in Christ and Christ alone.

But there is something in this passage for me. Is my trust in Christ and Christ alone? Does He have ALL of my heart, or am I reserving some of that for other things? The rich man was unwilling to sell his possessions, he was content to do the best he could at being righteous, but not give up everything that he had. He liked certain things in his life and was unwilling to sacrifice them. That kept him from sharing in the sufferings of Christ, which kept him from eternal life with Christ.

So much of my life is about avoiding suffering (that's a post for another day!), but Christ came to earth specifically to suffer. Why am I avoiding the one thing that can draw me into Him the most?? (A little off the subject, I know. I will be writing more about this soon, but I digress....)

I need to let go of all that I am seeking, holding on to, trusting in and loving more than Christ. '

If I'm honest, that means I need to let go of a lot. In fact; everything.

Not TOO lazy...

Lest you think I've been completley lazy over the last few days, I wanted to share that I, by myself, dug my car AND Ashley's car out of the almost 2 feet of snow they were buried under. (I will try and get some pictures soon!). I did it all by myself!

I'm SO proud of myself! And, pretty tired, haha. :0) Now, its off to Teen Club!

More Snow!

We have now accumulated over 40 inches of snow in the last 5 days. This is the most snowfall we've had in one winter in the history of Philadelphia. Over 70 inches so far this winter!! You would think I would have accomplished a lot in those 5 days, since I've been stuck in the house for most of them. Unfortunately, you would be wrong. Hopefully I will find more motivation in the coming days. :)

I did manage to get a root canal yesterday, and was still able to teach at Kids Club last night. I experienced absolutely NO PAIN during the root canal, and have had NONE since; what a blessing!! Maybe that's a benefit of having an actual Endontist perform the procedure rather than a Dentist? They did prescribe some powerful Motrin for me to take yesterday and today, and it makes me pretty tired (which did make Kids Club interesting), so I'm blaming that for my lack of motivation to do much of anything. Tomorrow I won't have any excuses. :)

Anyway, here are a few pictures of what I (and Ashley) did do today. (And we have not stepped one foot outside! We'll shovel tomorrow, if it ever actually stops snowing!)

Ashley cooked A LOT! I think she used almost everything we had in the house... :)

Lots of tupperware in the fridge. Don't worry Mom and Dad, we won't starve!

I didn't cook, but I did clean the kitchen! :)




I even did ALL the dishes! (And there were A LOT, Ashley cooked a ton of food!)

We know how to rock a snow day. :)

Weeping With Jesus

The past few months for me have been filled with feelings of hopelessness in my mind and my heart. The struggles with Linda and Bonita have really had me asking a lot of questions. I never thought that my faith was dependent on good things happening in my life, and even after the last few months I still don't think that it is. I'm still single, struggling financially, still haven't sold my house, my dad still has cancer and my brother still doesn't love Jesus. None of those things have changed my faith and trust in Jesus.

My faith and trust in Jesus have not changed with the struggles with Linda and Bonita either. But, I have been asking a lot of questions and really reevaluating what I have been placing my trust in. I have been really trying to discover who God really is and decide if I am really in love with that God, or who I have made God out to be in my mind.

As I have spent time praying and reading, I started to change my mindset. Instead of asking God HOW and WHY He would let Linda and Bonita wander away from Him, and constantly telling Him how all of this made me feel, I decided to start asking Him how He felt about all of this. I turned my focus from ME to HIM, and I was (though probably shouldn't have been) shocked by what I learned.

One of my biggest longings in life is to be known. To have someone love me so deeply that they want to know me, to really know me. How did it escape me that the Lord desires the exact same thing??

So, I stopped asking God questions that I wanted answered and instead simply asked Him to show me more of Him. I started really seeking HIM because I wanted Him. Not answers, just Him.

And the first thing that happened? I cried. I cried a lot. I asked Him to show me what He was feeling (is it weird to talk about God's feelings?) about the stuff going on with Linda and Bonita, and I wept. I wept because He wept. He wasn't weeping because I was upset about everything, HIS heart hurts for them, so much deeper than mine ever could. He was not weeping out of hopelessness or confusion (like I was). I simply felt overwhelming sorrow and sadness at the realization that they were rejecting Him, and He loves them. He couldn't stop loving them if He wanted to, which He, of course, would never want to. His heart is so pure and beautiful, it made me cry.

I wonder how many times He has wept for me like that. Too many times, I'm sure.

God doesn't have my heart for the girls, He has generously given me His heart for them. Well, at least as much of His heart as I can handle. The sorrow He feels was almost overwhelming to me. His love is so deep.

I have wept before God countless times, but for the first time I can remember, as I prayed for Linda and Bonita, I wept with God.

SNOW!!

We have 28.5 inches of snow in the back "yard"! We measured it!

Apparently this is the 2nd biggest snowfall in Philadelphia history, and its still going! We are only 3 inches from the record. The 3rd biggest snowfall was the storm we had back in December. Its been a crazy winter!

And my poor little car. Its first winter in the north...

Ashley and I have been happily holed up in the house, having sufficiently prepared for this snow (by getting books, movies and TV on DVD from the library and stocking up on soda, cookie ingredients and cash to order pizza...yes, they do deliver in the snow!). Still, we found ourselves getting a little stir crazy around 4. So, we decided to see what Gizmo thought of the snow. Let's just say he's not a fan!

First, he kinda creeped up to it.

Then, he stared at it for quite a while.

He stalked it for a while.
I think he tried to attack it at one point.

The farthest he got on his own was one paw in the snow.

Finally, we got tired of waiting so we just plopped him all the way in the snow. :)

And about 1 second later, he did this:

And when I went to find where he went, this is the look that I got:

And, now he isn't speaking to me. :)

As you can see, there hasn't been much going on today, haha, and I am loving it! I think I'll go finish my book and then watch a movie. Ashley has almost finished baking her first batch of cookies!