Wow, I am usually much better about keeping up with this! Things have been so busy over the last week, every time I sat down to try and write, something would come up and I would forget to go back to it. Things are going well though, let me see if I can recap for you. :)
Kids Club is still going really well with the Mystery Suspect. I am so surprised by how popular this has become, and I am just praying that it will continue. We eliminated another suspect last week, but we told the kids that they were going to have to come to church on Sunday to find out who it was. (We have a bulletin board at church now with all the possible "suspects" pictures on it so we can X them off when they are no longer a suspect). Well, Carisa and I both forgot to update the board before Sunday morning, and when we got to church we found the bulletin board surrounded by kids wondering who was eliminated! We quickly fixed it, and the kids were excited to have another clue as to who it is. Many of them are pretty convinced that I am the culprit, so I'm excited to eliminate myself in a few weeks, and shake things up a bit. (I still haven't decided who the actual culprit is, haha).
Wednesday night was Prayer Pals and although the night went pretty well, Carisa and I realized that having all of our kids come on the same night just isn't going to work out anymore. We have close to 50 kids in the program now, and we are adding more all the time. The Hope House just isn't big enough for all of those kids, plus its a lot of chaos to control. We have been brainstorming solutions and we have decided to switch back to having it on 2 separate nights. I am sad that she and I won't be running them together (its too much for both of us to go on both nights), but it is what we need to do. I will keep Wednesday nights and Carisa is going to have hers on Sunday nights. We are going to try and split the "problem" kids as evenly as possible, so hopefully that will help as well. Plus, she is always available to help me on a night that I am short on leaders, and vice versa, so I think this will help everything run much smoother. We both love Prayer Pals so much, but it has become so stressful and so much work, we want to get back to having fun with kids!
Teen Club continues to be a challenge for me, but I am also enjoying it. Its nice to get to see a lot of the teens 2 times a week now, at God Squad and Teen Club. I think I'm building more relationships this way, and I like that. Dario came this week, and it was awesome to see him making steps on his own toward Christ. He is now significantly taller than me, and I can't handle that!
Friday was supposed to be my day off (as usual), but I got a phone call around 10 a.m. that Bonita was really sick and needed to go to the emergency room. So, I took her, her mom and Linda to the children's hospital and waited with them in the ER for several hours. We would have been seen faster, but we had to wait for a translator because her mom doesn't speak much English, and I don't speak much Spanish. We were finally seen around 5 p.m. and discovered that Bonita has strep throat. They gave her medicine and she is already feeling much better. The poor girl was so sad on Friday. I took Zuly and Linda to their skating lessons on Friday night and they again had fun. Bonita was upset that she had to miss them, but she needs the lessons the least anyway, haha.
Saturday turned out to be a really full day. I got up at 7 a.m. to go to worship practice. I left there to go to the gym (which I am still loving!). From there I headed to the AIM base to help Elizabeth out with some training. I was there until about 2, when I headed home to set up for a party I was having. One of the teens, "Missy", just got her braces off so we decided to have a party for her where we would eat all the foods that she wasn't allowed to eat when she had braces. It was a blast! We had about 10 people come and we laughed a lot, played Dance Dance Revolution, and ended up having several eating contests. As my friend Chris says, a good time was had by all. I kicked everyone out around 6, and I was exhausted! Joy came over after that and we just chilled for the rest of the night, which felt so good.
Sunday School was good, but pretty challenging yesterday. There are some days when the girls really seem to get it, and others when they seem to be somewhere else completely. Most of the girls, however, are at least trying to get it. There is one girl in our class that goes from trying to not caring and then back again, over and over. We love her SO much and want desperately for her to seek the Lord with all her heart, but she can be such a distraction sometimes. Yesterday was one of those times. I think the class went well over all though. We were talking about loving out enemies and I have an amazing life story about that. If it wasn't for my friend Catherine continually loving me, even when I made myself her enemy, I wouldn't be a believer today...I don't know where I would be. I was able to share with the girls how important it was to me that she loved me even when I was my worst, and how that changed my life. I hope they took something from that and will actually put it into practice. It was nice to hear that the girls couldn't even imagine me being mean to people...God can definitely do miracles!!
After church a group of us went out to lunch and it was so much fun! We laughed together a lot, which I have been missing for a while. Bonita and Zuly were the only 2 kids that went to church (the rest accidentally overslept), and they had fun too. Its very rare that I get to spend time with just a few kids at a time anymore, so I really cherished that time with them, especially Bonita. I can't remember the last time I got to hang out with just Bonita, or just Linda...or even just the two of them together. I really miss that. After lunch I picked up the other kids (Linda, Pedro and Miguel) and took them to basketball. I had so much fun watching them. Bonita must have thought she was in ballet class the way she was prancing around the court. It was hilarious watching Frankie try to get her to be aggressive. Pedro finally got hearing aids for his ears and he is already behaving so much better! I am sure a least some of his behavior struggles have been from his inability to hear when people are talking to him. So far he isn't embarrassed by them either, which is good. He is having surgery on March 27th, and he's pretty scared about it. Its actually given us a lot of good opportunities to talk about trusting in the Lord, and he is very receptive to what I say. He still has his struggles, but I am seeing him change slowly, and I am enjoying it. They played a game at the end of the practice and I was really impressed by how well they all played, and especially how they worked together with their teams (Bonita and Miguel were on one team with others, and Linda and Pedro were on another team). Miguel scored all the points that his team had, actually dribbling between a kids legs one time to get to the basket. I laughed so hard! It was great!!
I was exhausted last night, so I stayed in, cooked dinner and Alex and Frankie and I watched season 2 of "The Office" for several hours...which again made me laugh so hard! Alex is here visiting (she will eventually be my roommate whenever God opens the door fer her to move here) and its been really nice having her around. She is only here for a week, then she will lead an AIM trip here in Philly and then head back to Mississippi. She is in the process of support raising, and I am praying that God will speed it all up so she can get here soon!
I am still doing really well about getting up early and going to the gym, and I am still loving it. I need to get better about going to bed earlier, but I will get there. I'm not ready to run a marathon yet, but that's okay with me. At this point in my life, and in my workout, I am just seeking the strength to persevere and trying to build up endurance for the race ahead. My prayer recently has been that someday I would be able to really say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith". In fact, that verse is perfect for me now. Fight, endurance and faith...that's what I need so desperately...and I know only He can provide.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
God Squad ROCKED!!!
Last night was possibly the best night I have ever had at God Squad. God answers prayer! :)
Last week's God Squad was not good and actually very frustrating for me. I had a hard time getting the girls to respect me as a leader all evening. Then, when we had our small group time I couldn't get them to pay attention and very few of them shared anything at all. I honestly felt like it was a big waste of time.
So, I spent some time yesterday during the day praying for God Squad. I am not afraid to call the girls out, but I didn't want to alienate them or be angry and rude. I prayed that God would prepare the girls' hearts to share and learn, and that He would give me the words to say.
At God Squad, we are getting a crash course in the bible and Andy is doing an amazing job of going through and teaching the main points that we need to learn. We are almost finished with Genesis and last night learned about Abraham. At the end of each lesson we have several discussion questions that we are to go over in our small groups. There are always different routes that we can go, and last night God directed our path.
The conversation in our small group started with us talking about things that are hard for us to sacrifice. For some of the girls it was music, others it was their time. I don't know exactly how it happened, but we eventually worked our way around to what happens when God asks us to do something to show Him our faithfulness (like He did with Abraham and Isaac), and we choose to be unfaithful. We talked about the time that Jesus called Peter out on the water where He was walking. At first Peter was faithful and he was able to walk on water. However, he soon lost his faith, saw the waves crashing around him and started to sink. The awesome part of that story is that Jesus' reaction was to reach out His hand and pull Peter up out of the water. He didn't let Peter struggle and almost drown, He immediately pulled Him out of the water.
So, I asked the girls to tell me about a time when they felt like Peter. That's when the spirit of God came and just blew me away! Two of the girls shared about what it was like when their fathers died. Another shared how angry she was at God when her mom was taken to jail and she and her sister were taken away. Another shared how hard it was for her to not get accepted to the college she wanted to go to. One girl shared how angry she was when she had to move away from her friends and the only family she really knew...and how that anger didn't go away for a while. The last girl to share was one that I can never get to talk. She is an amazing girl, but isn't very open in our small group time. She shared how angry she had been at God when her brother went off to the Navy. I shared about how I yelled at God when my brother got sick and went into a coma. Everyone was so open and honest, it was amazing!
From there we talked about why the Lord had allowed all of those things to happen. Every single one of us could explain specifically how God had used those difficult times to draw us closer to Him. The 2 girls that lost their fathers had both turned away from the church for a while before their fathers' deaths. The loss of their fathers left them no other place to turn but back to the Lord. The girl whose mother is in jail shared how she never wanted to step foot into a church until she was so broken from the loss of her mom. The girl who had to move shared how she has seen God strengthen her through the tough time of being away. The girl who wasn't accepted to her college had decided that she didn't need church anymore when she started applying to colleges. It wasn't until she didn't get accepted that she realized she still needs God. The girl who's brother went away to the Navy learned so much about herself and her relationship with the Lord, and she is so much stronger now because of what happened. I went through a really rough time with the Lord, but came out of it finally being able to truly say in my heart, "Lord, your will be done".
But wait! There is an even happier ending to all of this! Where are these girls now? The two that lost their earthly fathers now know their heavenly father in an amazing and intimate way. The girl who's mother was in jail...her mom is getting out soon and wants to go to church with her daughter. The girl who had to move...God brought her back to an incredible family and group of friends that love her so much. The girl who's brother went away to the Navy...he finished his tour of duty, got married, and now he and his wife live just down the street from her. The girl who didn't get into college...she is taking classes at Community College next year and will then get to transfer to the school she wants. And me, well my brother survived, is healthy and getting married this summer!
Last night was amazing. God actually allowed us to see His faithfulness to each of us. Everyone was open and honest, and we saw the goodness of the Lord in each of our lives. I really pray that this openness will continue...please pray with me that God will continue to move in such amazing ways!! Thank you Jesus!
Last week's God Squad was not good and actually very frustrating for me. I had a hard time getting the girls to respect me as a leader all evening. Then, when we had our small group time I couldn't get them to pay attention and very few of them shared anything at all. I honestly felt like it was a big waste of time.
So, I spent some time yesterday during the day praying for God Squad. I am not afraid to call the girls out, but I didn't want to alienate them or be angry and rude. I prayed that God would prepare the girls' hearts to share and learn, and that He would give me the words to say.
At God Squad, we are getting a crash course in the bible and Andy is doing an amazing job of going through and teaching the main points that we need to learn. We are almost finished with Genesis and last night learned about Abraham. At the end of each lesson we have several discussion questions that we are to go over in our small groups. There are always different routes that we can go, and last night God directed our path.
The conversation in our small group started with us talking about things that are hard for us to sacrifice. For some of the girls it was music, others it was their time. I don't know exactly how it happened, but we eventually worked our way around to what happens when God asks us to do something to show Him our faithfulness (like He did with Abraham and Isaac), and we choose to be unfaithful. We talked about the time that Jesus called Peter out on the water where He was walking. At first Peter was faithful and he was able to walk on water. However, he soon lost his faith, saw the waves crashing around him and started to sink. The awesome part of that story is that Jesus' reaction was to reach out His hand and pull Peter up out of the water. He didn't let Peter struggle and almost drown, He immediately pulled Him out of the water.
So, I asked the girls to tell me about a time when they felt like Peter. That's when the spirit of God came and just blew me away! Two of the girls shared about what it was like when their fathers died. Another shared how angry she was at God when her mom was taken to jail and she and her sister were taken away. Another shared how hard it was for her to not get accepted to the college she wanted to go to. One girl shared how angry she was when she had to move away from her friends and the only family she really knew...and how that anger didn't go away for a while. The last girl to share was one that I can never get to talk. She is an amazing girl, but isn't very open in our small group time. She shared how angry she had been at God when her brother went off to the Navy. I shared about how I yelled at God when my brother got sick and went into a coma. Everyone was so open and honest, it was amazing!
From there we talked about why the Lord had allowed all of those things to happen. Every single one of us could explain specifically how God had used those difficult times to draw us closer to Him. The 2 girls that lost their fathers had both turned away from the church for a while before their fathers' deaths. The loss of their fathers left them no other place to turn but back to the Lord. The girl whose mother is in jail shared how she never wanted to step foot into a church until she was so broken from the loss of her mom. The girl who had to move shared how she has seen God strengthen her through the tough time of being away. The girl who wasn't accepted to her college had decided that she didn't need church anymore when she started applying to colleges. It wasn't until she didn't get accepted that she realized she still needs God. The girl who's brother went away to the Navy learned so much about herself and her relationship with the Lord, and she is so much stronger now because of what happened. I went through a really rough time with the Lord, but came out of it finally being able to truly say in my heart, "Lord, your will be done".
But wait! There is an even happier ending to all of this! Where are these girls now? The two that lost their earthly fathers now know their heavenly father in an amazing and intimate way. The girl who's mother was in jail...her mom is getting out soon and wants to go to church with her daughter. The girl who had to move...God brought her back to an incredible family and group of friends that love her so much. The girl who's brother went away to the Navy...he finished his tour of duty, got married, and now he and his wife live just down the street from her. The girl who didn't get into college...she is taking classes at Community College next year and will then get to transfer to the school she wants. And me, well my brother survived, is healthy and getting married this summer!
Last night was amazing. God actually allowed us to see His faithfulness to each of us. Everyone was open and honest, and we saw the goodness of the Lord in each of our lives. I really pray that this openness will continue...please pray with me that God will continue to move in such amazing ways!! Thank you Jesus!
Friday, February 16, 2007
Ruth and Me
Today was my day off, and I actually took a day off! Other than driving the girls to their first ice skating lesson, I didn't do anything for anyone today. I just did what I wanted. I hope its okay that I liked that. :)
So, I have been reading the book of Ruth and I have learned SO much! Its a short book, but I can't seem to get all the way through it. I have read it before, and I still have a lot of questions about her and Boaz and how it all happened, but that's not the point right now. I started reading the book and found myself identifying with Ruth in so many ways. In fact, I kind of started envisioning myself as Ruth. All of the circumstances of her life are different from mine, but I think Ruth is a lot like me. At least, I want to be like her.
The book of Ruth doesn't tell us a whole lot about Ruth, so a lot of what I am going to say comes from what I think as I read about her. I am also reading the book "Unshaken" by Francine Rivers. "Unshaken" is the book of Ruth told as a story. It is based completely on scripture, but extra dialogue and characters are added to make it more of a story. That book is also helping me a lot in really learning about Ruth.
Ruth was a Moabite, not an Israelite. She was not one of God's chosen, and knew very little about the God of Israel. What she did know came from Naomi, her mother-in-law. For some reason, Ruth believed all the stories she heard about God. She trusted in "Naomi's God" without questions...she knew He was everything she had heard He was. At a very young age, Ruth's husband died. This was after her father-in-law and brother-in-law had also passed away, leaving 3 grieving widows in one family, with no husbands or sons to care for them. The easiest thing for Ruth to do at this point would have been to go back to her father's house, find another husband and live a good life. She was still young and able to have children, and logic said that in order for her to ever marry and have children, she needed to go back to her father. Her sister-in-law was in the same position as Ruth, and she chose to go back.
That was not an option for Ruth though. Not only did she feel incredible loyalty to her mother-in-law, she knew that she had to follow the God of Israel. Naomi was heading back to her home, Bethlehem, where they worshipped the one true God. Ruth wanted to go. She had to go. She knew it would be hard and she was giving up a lot, but she just had to go.
I can't count the number of times that people have suggested that I leave full time ministry in order to find a husband. If I'm not willing to leave ministry, I should at least leave inner city Philly since it isn't exactly a mecca for young Christian men. Logic apparently tells most people that in order for me to find a husband and get married, I need to make myself more available and attractive to men, which won't happen in inner-city Philadelphia. While I disagree with this idea, I will admit that the number of young, single, Christian men in Kensington is less that the number of fingers on my right hand. I have also found few men seeking to live the life of an inner city missionary. However, like Ruth, I can't fully explain it, but I have to follow the God of Israel. I know that He is the one true God, and while logic says one thing, I know that I would never be fully happy if I didn't follow Him where He called. I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am called to inner city Philadelphia.
I don't know how long it took Ruth and Naomi to get to Bethlehem, but I can't even imagine what was going through Ruth's mind along the journey. She has lost her husband and just left her entire family behind to follow this God that she only knew from stories. It doesn't say it in scripture, but my guess is that Ruth cried a lot. I mean, she was a woman. :) Her situation was desperate to say the least, and she had no idea what the future held. She didn't really even know this God she was trusting in. She had heard no promises from Him, never seen Him. She hadn't grown up knowing Him; in fact she had grown up serving and worshipping other gods. She couldn't explain how, but she knew that the God of Israel was the one true God...but that didn't make the lonely nights any less lonely. There had to be so many unanswered questions running through her mind. How would she provide for herself? Could she care for her mother-in-law alone? Is there any possibility that she would ever marry? Would she ever bear children? Her mother-in-law was getting old and wouldn't live forever. What would she do when Naomi died? Could she survive alone?
I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know if I will ever marry, or have children though both are huge desires of my heart. There are many times when I wonder how I will be able to provide for myself. I wonder all the time if I am just going to be left alone, and if I am, I wonder if I will really be able to survive that. My situation is not nearly as desperate as Ruth's, but I have the same questions and fears in my mind. I also trust in, and love the same God she does. The difference is that I do know that God that I am trusting in. In fact, it wouldn't take me long to come up with a long list of the ways that He has been faithful to me throughout my entire life. Not to mention, I have an entire book full of stories of His faithfulness to His people, and His promises for their, and my, future.
I have noticed a lot of incredible characteristics in Ruth. She is an incredibly strong woman, enduring indescribable hardship yet not falling apart. I used to think that the mark of strength was being able to endure without anyone knowing that you are struggling. My guess is, Ruth couldn't hide her sorrow or her struggles. I have come to realize that strength has nothing to do with what other people see (or perceive). It has nothing to do with whether or not people know that you are struggling. Instead, strength, to me, has to do with where you place your struggles. Do you place them in the hands of God, trusting in Him that no matter what the circumstance, or the feelings that go along with that circumstance? Websters dictionary describes strength as the "power to endure". I don't know what emotions or inner struggles Ruth was facing during this time, because in the end all of that is irrelevant. Ruth trusted in her God and she endured, that is strength. I don't care what I look like when I struggle, or how people perceive how I'm handling a certain situation...I just want to trust in my God and endure. I want to be strong.
Ruth was loyal. Under no circumstances was she going to leave her mother-in-law, least of all to take care of herself. Her loyalty to Naomi also showed her loyalty and faithfulness to God. She wasn't seeking her own way. She wasn't looking to herself or any person to take care of her, she trusted in God to do all of that. Ruth stood by Naomi in the most difficult times, and never lost her faith in God. I would like to be known as loyal. Loyal to my family, to my friends, and above all to my God.
There are so many other things that I see in Ruth that I am processing through. This is as far as I have gotten in the story. I am excited to read the rest, though I know how it ends. I haven't yet read exactly how it happens, but I know God provides a Redeemer for Ruth; a man who fights for her, marrys her and gives her children. I know how my story end too, though the middle part is still unsure. I know that I have a Redeemer, who has chosen to marry me and will take every hardship I have endured and redeem it for the glory of the God of Israel. I will read the rest of the book of Ruth, and I am excited to see what else I can learn about myself, and about the God I love so much. For me, however, that part hasn't been written...or maybe it has and He just hasn't read it to me yet. Either way, I'm still waiting to hear/read the rest! :)
*This is a side note, but something that's cool that I wanted to share. I am really into the meaning of names, and I believe that God has a purpose for every one's name, even though our parents technically gave them to us. Ruth means "Companion or Friend". That fits the story quite well, don't you think?
Well, my name, Patricia, means "Noble". When I looked it up, a synonym that was listed was "princess"!!! An antonym that was listed was "unimpressive". Take that one satan! :)
So, I have been reading the book of Ruth and I have learned SO much! Its a short book, but I can't seem to get all the way through it. I have read it before, and I still have a lot of questions about her and Boaz and how it all happened, but that's not the point right now. I started reading the book and found myself identifying with Ruth in so many ways. In fact, I kind of started envisioning myself as Ruth. All of the circumstances of her life are different from mine, but I think Ruth is a lot like me. At least, I want to be like her.
The book of Ruth doesn't tell us a whole lot about Ruth, so a lot of what I am going to say comes from what I think as I read about her. I am also reading the book "Unshaken" by Francine Rivers. "Unshaken" is the book of Ruth told as a story. It is based completely on scripture, but extra dialogue and characters are added to make it more of a story. That book is also helping me a lot in really learning about Ruth.
Ruth was a Moabite, not an Israelite. She was not one of God's chosen, and knew very little about the God of Israel. What she did know came from Naomi, her mother-in-law. For some reason, Ruth believed all the stories she heard about God. She trusted in "Naomi's God" without questions...she knew He was everything she had heard He was. At a very young age, Ruth's husband died. This was after her father-in-law and brother-in-law had also passed away, leaving 3 grieving widows in one family, with no husbands or sons to care for them. The easiest thing for Ruth to do at this point would have been to go back to her father's house, find another husband and live a good life. She was still young and able to have children, and logic said that in order for her to ever marry and have children, she needed to go back to her father. Her sister-in-law was in the same position as Ruth, and she chose to go back.
That was not an option for Ruth though. Not only did she feel incredible loyalty to her mother-in-law, she knew that she had to follow the God of Israel. Naomi was heading back to her home, Bethlehem, where they worshipped the one true God. Ruth wanted to go. She had to go. She knew it would be hard and she was giving up a lot, but she just had to go.
I can't count the number of times that people have suggested that I leave full time ministry in order to find a husband. If I'm not willing to leave ministry, I should at least leave inner city Philly since it isn't exactly a mecca for young Christian men. Logic apparently tells most people that in order for me to find a husband and get married, I need to make myself more available and attractive to men, which won't happen in inner-city Philadelphia. While I disagree with this idea, I will admit that the number of young, single, Christian men in Kensington is less that the number of fingers on my right hand. I have also found few men seeking to live the life of an inner city missionary. However, like Ruth, I can't fully explain it, but I have to follow the God of Israel. I know that He is the one true God, and while logic says one thing, I know that I would never be fully happy if I didn't follow Him where He called. I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am called to inner city Philadelphia.
I don't know how long it took Ruth and Naomi to get to Bethlehem, but I can't even imagine what was going through Ruth's mind along the journey. She has lost her husband and just left her entire family behind to follow this God that she only knew from stories. It doesn't say it in scripture, but my guess is that Ruth cried a lot. I mean, she was a woman. :) Her situation was desperate to say the least, and she had no idea what the future held. She didn't really even know this God she was trusting in. She had heard no promises from Him, never seen Him. She hadn't grown up knowing Him; in fact she had grown up serving and worshipping other gods. She couldn't explain how, but she knew that the God of Israel was the one true God...but that didn't make the lonely nights any less lonely. There had to be so many unanswered questions running through her mind. How would she provide for herself? Could she care for her mother-in-law alone? Is there any possibility that she would ever marry? Would she ever bear children? Her mother-in-law was getting old and wouldn't live forever. What would she do when Naomi died? Could she survive alone?
I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know if I will ever marry, or have children though both are huge desires of my heart. There are many times when I wonder how I will be able to provide for myself. I wonder all the time if I am just going to be left alone, and if I am, I wonder if I will really be able to survive that. My situation is not nearly as desperate as Ruth's, but I have the same questions and fears in my mind. I also trust in, and love the same God she does. The difference is that I do know that God that I am trusting in. In fact, it wouldn't take me long to come up with a long list of the ways that He has been faithful to me throughout my entire life. Not to mention, I have an entire book full of stories of His faithfulness to His people, and His promises for their, and my, future.
I have noticed a lot of incredible characteristics in Ruth. She is an incredibly strong woman, enduring indescribable hardship yet not falling apart. I used to think that the mark of strength was being able to endure without anyone knowing that you are struggling. My guess is, Ruth couldn't hide her sorrow or her struggles. I have come to realize that strength has nothing to do with what other people see (or perceive). It has nothing to do with whether or not people know that you are struggling. Instead, strength, to me, has to do with where you place your struggles. Do you place them in the hands of God, trusting in Him that no matter what the circumstance, or the feelings that go along with that circumstance? Websters dictionary describes strength as the "power to endure". I don't know what emotions or inner struggles Ruth was facing during this time, because in the end all of that is irrelevant. Ruth trusted in her God and she endured, that is strength. I don't care what I look like when I struggle, or how people perceive how I'm handling a certain situation...I just want to trust in my God and endure. I want to be strong.
Ruth was loyal. Under no circumstances was she going to leave her mother-in-law, least of all to take care of herself. Her loyalty to Naomi also showed her loyalty and faithfulness to God. She wasn't seeking her own way. She wasn't looking to herself or any person to take care of her, she trusted in God to do all of that. Ruth stood by Naomi in the most difficult times, and never lost her faith in God. I would like to be known as loyal. Loyal to my family, to my friends, and above all to my God.
There are so many other things that I see in Ruth that I am processing through. This is as far as I have gotten in the story. I am excited to read the rest, though I know how it ends. I haven't yet read exactly how it happens, but I know God provides a Redeemer for Ruth; a man who fights for her, marrys her and gives her children. I know how my story end too, though the middle part is still unsure. I know that I have a Redeemer, who has chosen to marry me and will take every hardship I have endured and redeem it for the glory of the God of Israel. I will read the rest of the book of Ruth, and I am excited to see what else I can learn about myself, and about the God I love so much. For me, however, that part hasn't been written...or maybe it has and He just hasn't read it to me yet. Either way, I'm still waiting to hear/read the rest! :)
*This is a side note, but something that's cool that I wanted to share. I am really into the meaning of names, and I believe that God has a purpose for every one's name, even though our parents technically gave them to us. Ruth means "Companion or Friend". That fits the story quite well, don't you think?
Well, my name, Patricia, means "Noble". When I looked it up, a synonym that was listed was "princess"!!! An antonym that was listed was "unimpressive". Take that one satan! :)
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Time for some Ministry News
This has been the scene at after-school all week, and I am loving it! On Monday we started a new challenge called the After-School "20" Challenge. The goal is for the kids to earn 600 points individually and 6000 points as a group. How do they earn points? Well, just like last year, the only way to earn points is my reading, writing, or math. They have to do some activity involving one of those subjects for 20 minutes, and they will earn 20 points. (Hence the "20" challenge). We did a challenge similar to this last year and a lot of the kids got into it. The kids that reach the individual goal will get a very nice prize (I'm not telling them what it is, but it will be worth it for them). If they reach the group goal, then every kid that at least participated will get invited to a party that we will have. Last year Miguel won the points challenge by a landslide, but he has a lot of competition this year. Most of the kids are really motivated, which is really fun to watch.
Another thing I am really enjoying at after-school is "Abdul", one of my tutors. He was my only tutor a lot last year, and has continued to be not only consistent, but an amazing help. His 2 sisters are now in the program, and though he has 2 other brothers that could bring the girls, he is always the one walking them from his house to the Hope House. His youngest si
ster is 7 and he is so amazing with her, helping her with her homework every day, and reading with her so she can earn points for the challenge. I am more and more impressed with him every day, and I can't wait to see all the plans that God has for him! He is struggling a bit in school, which is actually understandable. He made such a drastic change in his grades and behavior last year that they put him in honors classes this year, for the first time in his life. However, its his junior year in high school, and he wasn't really ready for the change in how difficult honors classes would be. Add to that the fact that his Father suddenly passes away not too long ago, leaving him with a lot of responsibility, and a broken heart...and you can see how things might be hard for him. Nonetheless, he has continued to step up to every challenge he faces, and to blow me away with his kind and serving heart.
ster is 7 and he is so amazing with her, helping her with her homework every day, and reading with her so she can earn points for the challenge. I am more and more impressed with him every day, and I can't wait to see all the plans that God has for him! He is struggling a bit in school, which is actually understandable. He made such a drastic change in his grades and behavior last year that they put him in honors classes this year, for the first time in his life. However, its his junior year in high school, and he wasn't really ready for the change in how difficult honors classes would be. Add to that the fact that his Father suddenly passes away not too long ago, leaving him with a lot of responsibility, and a broken heart...and you can see how things might be hard for him. Nonetheless, he has continued to step up to every challenge he faces, and to blow me away with his kind and serving heart. Kids Club was also really great last night!! Despite horrible snow, ice and freezing temperatures, we still had a good number of kids come out. We have made some changes over the last few weeks and we started implementing them last night. Basically, we want to make Kids Club more exciting and fun for the kids. I was given the task of trying to make the Reading Room exciting. (The Reading Room was once the most dreaded station for the kids. They all loved the playground, game room and computer room fine, but hated the reading room). The idea that God gave me was to have a Kids Club Mystery. Each week something important is *missing* and attached to the missing thing is a ransom note from the mystery suspect. The *suspect* is one of our KC leaders. This week the song DVD was missing and we made a HUGE dramatic deal about it and had the kids up looking around, it was so funny. They found it in the back of one of the chairs and of course Carisa and I acted shocked. I read the note and the kids learned that each week in the Reading Room (the once dreaded station) they will hear a story from me that will reveal a special clue about the suspect. This clue will allow them to eliminate one leader as a suspect. At the end of 8 weeks and a lot of silly fun, they will figure out which leader was the *thief.* The coolest thing about all of this is how much the kids LOVED it! 2 weeks ago when we announced which age group would be in the Reading Room, we got a bunch of sighs, this week, they were sitting in anticipation, hoping it would be them. When the 8 yr old girls were called they jumped to their feet cheering!
The other new changes went over well too. We have a craft station that the kids enjoyed, and a game/prizes station that they loved too. After kids club, all the kids could talk about was who they thought the Mystery Suspect was. I hope this excitement lasts the next 8 weeks! As we were leaving I was asking Bonita and Miguel which stations they went to (Pedro and Linda have moved to pre-teens so they aren't in our Kids Club). Miguel excitedly told me all about the game/prize station and how much fun he had. Then I asked Bonita where she went and she said, "The game room...the boring one now". HAHA!! She said she really wanted to go to the new stations because they all sounded so much fun. In fact, hearing Bonita and Miguel talk made Linda and Pedro want to come back to our Kids Club, and made Bonita not want to turn 11 in May (she move to pre-teens then). What a great night!
God Squad went well on Monday night too, although some of the girls that I had wanted to come didn't come. I will keep praying though! I am actually having somewhat of a day off today. Philadelphia schools were cancelled today, which means that after-school is also cancelled. I did go to staff prayer this morning and I will go to Prayer Pals tonight, but I'm just kinda working at my own pace today. I have already worked over 30 hours from Sunday through last night (about 10 hours a day), so I'm going to try and take the rest of the week at a bit of a slower pace Now that the Kids Club Mystery is in full swing, and the After-school challenge has started, I don't have as much that has to be done right away. I do still have a pretty full to do list, but I don't feel as much pressure now. I have some new ideas with God Squad and God's Girls that I am working on this week, and I will tell you about them soon. This post is long enough!
Sunday, February 11, 2007
I'm about to get Personal, and its gonna be long
Okay, this post is probably going to be pretty personal. So, if you would rather just read stuff about things going on in Philly, go ahead and skip this one. :)
Anyone reading my blog recently can tell that that the last few weeks have been crazy for me. Physically, spiritually and emotionally I have been on a roller coaster that has definitely been much more scary (and exhausting) than exciting. In fact, I could include my trip to Africa in that, so I would say that the last month and a half have been...I don't even know how to describe it...just a lot of a lot!
There is a trend in all of this, and its a new one for me. I have been through periods similar to this before, but this is the first time that God has made Himself so absolutely clear and almost visible in the midst of my struggles. Those of you who have heard some of my stories from Africa know that I had one of the most defining experiences of my life while there. (If you haven't heard the story, email me and ask me about it. It is a VERY personal experience and I want to share it, but only with people that really want to hear it). Since returning, my struggles seem to only be magnified, with the added struggles of feeling like a failure in ministry, as a friend, a mentor and role model...well, honestly just feeling like a failure.
My hearts cry before I left for Africa was, "Lord, does anybody see me?". While in Africa, I felt absolutely invisible to most of the world...but one night I heard God tell me that He sees me. I heard Him say that I am beautiful, that He is captivated by me. I heard Him say that I have an incredible beauty to offer, and He is glorified in my beauty. (No, I didn't audibly hear His voice, but I may as well have. This all relates to the experience I was talking about earlier...). In that moment, the one with me and the Lord, I didn't care that no one else saw me. It didn't matter to me because the King of Kings saw me, and was SO pleased. I felt like Ester must have when the king chose her, like the maiden in Song of Songs felt when king Solomon looked at her...like Eve must have felt when Adam saw her for the first time. I don't know if any man on earth will ever see me that way, but for that moment, I knew that's exactly how my Bridegroom in heaven sees me.
I wish I could say that I now wake up every morning feeling that same feeling, but I don't. In fact, it seems like my struggles have only magnified since that moment. It makes sense though. There is an enemy prowling around after me, and his desire is to destroy me. After having such a personal encounter with God, it only makes sense that the enemy would come after me with guns blazing. And oh man, he has! I find my self continuing to cry out, "Lord, does anybody see me? Am I worth anything to anyone? Is there really a beauty in me?"
Being a leader in God's Girls does not make this struggle any easier, haha. First, as much as the enemy doesn't want me to know how beautiful a
nd loved I am, he REALLY doesn't want me telling anyone else that they are beautiful and loved. So, he comes after me even harder. Secondly, there are so many times that I just want to stop fighting him. I am tired of fighting and I just want to give in (I am NOT talking about wanting to stop living...but it just seems like it would be so much easier to just agree with the enemy rather than fight his lies). But, I can't. Beside the fact that agreeing with the enemy of th
e God I love logically could never be good...there are 30+ other reasons that I can't ever stop fighting him...that I can never agree with him and I have to keep following God, not matter how hard it is. The reasons are: Linda, Bonita, Lindsay, Kearstin, Kirsten, Zuly, Melissa, Laura, Briana, Kerri, Katelyn, Kaitlin, Sara, Jenny, Krista, Tina, Jamie, Destiny, Samantha, Jenna, Monique, Dominique, Catherine, Krista...the list goes on and on. I NEVER want them to face the battles that I face. I want them to always feel what I felt that night in Africa.
I don't want to focus on me or my struggles, and I want to give God the glory, because He is far more powerful than the enemy. He is also very creative, which I love. This weekend Travis' mom was visiting and I got to hang out with her for a while. She wouldn't stop thanking me for helping Travis when he was sick and kept calling me "Good Girl". Every time she saw me, that is how she referred to me. I didn't think much of it at first, it was just a sweet nickname that she had given me. Then last night came. I was leaving Travis and Frankie's house after hanging out with them for a while, and as I left Travis' mom said, "Good night good girl!". It made me smile, but that smile masked the struggles that have been plaguing me for so long. Yesterday was a day full of intense turmoil within my heart and I was asking God how in the world I could keep fighting. As I got in my car and turned it on, the first song on the God's Girls CD came on...and I started to cry. The song is called "Good Girl" and was actually the theme song for God's Girls this year. I knew immediately that the silly nickname that Travis' mom had given me was directly from the Lord. He again made His presence, and His truth clear and undeniable to me. I sat and listened to the song and cried and cried...and thanked God. Here are the lyrics (I highlighted the ones that really got to me):
Good Girl by Zoe Girl
You're not sugar and spice and everything nice
You've got character and you paid the price
You're not after self-perfection
You're living out your redemption
What sets you apart from everyone else
Is that you know your Savior and you know Him well
What makes you different from all the rest
Is that you won't let it get to you
Anyone reading my blog recently can tell that that the last few weeks have been crazy for me. Physically, spiritually and emotionally I have been on a roller coaster that has definitely been much more scary (and exhausting) than exciting. In fact, I could include my trip to Africa in that, so I would say that the last month and a half have been...I don't even know how to describe it...just a lot of a lot!
There is a trend in all of this, and its a new one for me. I have been through periods similar to this before, but this is the first time that God has made Himself so absolutely clear and almost visible in the midst of my struggles. Those of you who have heard some of my stories from Africa know that I had one of the most defining experiences of my life while there. (If you haven't heard the story, email me and ask me about it. It is a VERY personal experience and I want to share it, but only with people that really want to hear it). Since returning, my struggles seem to only be magnified, with the added struggles of feeling like a failure in ministry, as a friend, a mentor and role model...well, honestly just feeling like a failure.
My hearts cry before I left for Africa was, "Lord, does anybody see me?". While in Africa, I felt absolutely invisible to most of the world...but one night I heard God tell me that He sees me. I heard Him say that I am beautiful, that He is captivated by me. I heard Him say that I have an incredible beauty to offer, and He is glorified in my beauty. (No, I didn't audibly hear His voice, but I may as well have. This all relates to the experience I was talking about earlier...). In that moment, the one with me and the Lord, I didn't care that no one else saw me. It didn't matter to me because the King of Kings saw me, and was SO pleased. I felt like Ester must have when the king chose her, like the maiden in Song of Songs felt when king Solomon looked at her...like Eve must have felt when Adam saw her for the first time. I don't know if any man on earth will ever see me that way, but for that moment, I knew that's exactly how my Bridegroom in heaven sees me.
I wish I could say that I now wake up every morning feeling that same feeling, but I don't. In fact, it seems like my struggles have only magnified since that moment. It makes sense though. There is an enemy prowling around after me, and his desire is to destroy me. After having such a personal encounter with God, it only makes sense that the enemy would come after me with guns blazing. And oh man, he has! I find my self continuing to cry out, "Lord, does anybody see me? Am I worth anything to anyone? Is there really a beauty in me?"
Being a leader in God's Girls does not make this struggle any easier, haha. First, as much as the enemy doesn't want me to know how beautiful a
nd loved I am, he REALLY doesn't want me telling anyone else that they are beautiful and loved. So, he comes after me even harder. Secondly, there are so many times that I just want to stop fighting him. I am tired of fighting and I just want to give in (I am NOT talking about wanting to stop living...but it just seems like it would be so much easier to just agree with the enemy rather than fight his lies). But, I can't. Beside the fact that agreeing with the enemy of th
e God I love logically could never be good...there are 30+ other reasons that I can't ever stop fighting him...that I can never agree with him and I have to keep following God, not matter how hard it is. The reasons are: Linda, Bonita, Lindsay, Kearstin, Kirsten, Zuly, Melissa, Laura, Briana, Kerri, Katelyn, Kaitlin, Sara, Jenny, Krista, Tina, Jamie, Destiny, Samantha, Jenna, Monique, Dominique, Catherine, Krista...the list goes on and on. I NEVER want them to face the battles that I face. I want them to always feel what I felt that night in Africa.I don't want to focus on me or my struggles, and I want to give God the glory, because He is far more powerful than the enemy. He is also very creative, which I love. This weekend Travis' mom was visiting and I got to hang out with her for a while. She wouldn't stop thanking me for helping Travis when he was sick and kept calling me "Good Girl". Every time she saw me, that is how she referred to me. I didn't think much of it at first, it was just a sweet nickname that she had given me. Then last night came. I was leaving Travis and Frankie's house after hanging out with them for a while, and as I left Travis' mom said, "Good night good girl!". It made me smile, but that smile masked the struggles that have been plaguing me for so long. Yesterday was a day full of intense turmoil within my heart and I was asking God how in the world I could keep fighting. As I got in my car and turned it on, the first song on the God's Girls CD came on...and I started to cry. The song is called "Good Girl" and was actually the theme song for God's Girls this year. I knew immediately that the silly nickname that Travis' mom had given me was directly from the Lord. He again made His presence, and His truth clear and undeniable to me. I sat and listened to the song and cried and cried...and thanked God. Here are the lyrics (I highlighted the ones that really got to me):
Good Girl by Zoe Girl
You walk a narrow road
I know you face it on your own
But you've got the will inside
I can see it in your eyes
I know you face it on your own
But you've got the will inside
I can see it in your eyes
Cause you've got heaven on your side
And that's how you live your life
And that's how you live your life
Hang on, good girl, you're not the only one
Be strong, good girl, when the pressure comes
When they try to bring you down
You'll be glad you stood your ground
So just hang on
You've seen a lot of things
You're the keeper of many dreams
You've got everything it takes
To stay strong, carry on
Be strong, good girl, when the pressure comes
When they try to bring you down
You'll be glad you stood your ground
So just hang on
You've seen a lot of things
You're the keeper of many dreams
You've got everything it takes
To stay strong, carry on
You're sick of childish games
You speak the truth and you say it straight
And when your dreams have been delayed
You've got the strength to wait
So keep on waiting
You speak the truth and you say it straight
And when your dreams have been delayed
You've got the strength to wait
So keep on waiting
You're not sugar and spice and everything nice
You've got character and you paid the price
You're not after self-perfection
You're living out your redemption
Is that you know your Savior and you know Him well
What makes you different from all the rest
Is that you won't let it get to you
I'm honestly not sure why I'm sharing all of this, but I don't feel the need to hide it. I am not defeated...far from it. But I always want to be real, and most of all I always want to give God the glory for the things He is doing in my life, not just my ministry. He is absolutely so much more than I could ever comprehend. His love is not only never ending, but He will never cease to shower that love on us. He fights for me, He loves me like no one else ever could, He sees me for exactly who I am and that doesn't scare Him, it pleases Him! He will spend the rest of my time on earth pursuing and wooing me, and will spend all of eternity as my husband, because I am his CHOSEN bride.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Rethinking After-School...again...
I just got back from speaking to Linda's class about Africa and malaria, and I had SO much fun! Her class was wonderful and I am so impressed with them, and with her teacher. Her teacher has motivated her kids to care about people half way across the world that they may never meet. They asked me great questions, looked at my pictures and were just a joy to be around. Afterwards her teacher was telling me that her class is full of the kids that no other teacher wanted (Linda was put in the class because she transferred to the school after the year already started, not because other teachers didn't want her). I couldn't believe it! I have been in several classrooms in Philadelphia, and hers was by far the most impressive. They are currently working hard to raise money for mosquito nets to send to Africa to help prevent children from dying from malaria. They have already raised enough for 40 nets, and they aren't even half way finished!
Yesterday I spent a long time after Prayer Pals talking with Carisa and one of the parents of some of my after-school kids. Both of her kids have been in the after-school program since it started. One of them, "Kylie", has a lot of problems. She has ADHD and is in special education classes. She is one of the more challenging kids that we have in after-school, and she has a lot of problems at school. However, I had no idea the extent of the problems until last night. Carisa and I talked with her mom for a while and heard horrible stories about how the girl is treated at school. So horrible, in fact, that I would be tempted to not believe them...except that I have seen it with my own eyes with other kids at the same school. I have seen other kids that we work with treated horribly by the teachers at this school, and it makes me so sad. This school is where the majority of our pre-teens go, and many of them have a lot of problems at the school. My heart broke for this mom (who is a single working mom with 2 other children she is trying to raise) because I know she is trying so hard to do right by her children, and she is getting no help.
All of this has me thinking more and more about after-school, and my thoughts on the program for next year have changed. Let me review the things I have learned/seen in last few weeks for you:
1) "Kimberly's" (one of the girls who has been in the program from its beginning 3 years ago) entire family has started coming to Sunday School and Church every Sunday. Her 15 year old sister, who is struggling with addiction, is not only coming to church and God Squad, but is seeking help through Frank's new addiction/recovery ministry.
2) I have added 2 new girls ("Tali" and "Mona") to after-school, and they are already improving in their grades and attendance at school. These 2 girls lost their father to a heart attack earlier this year, and the program has helped them recover and motivated them to keep going.
3) "Kaylie's" mom has told me more than once that she feels like we are the only ones who actually care about her children and want to help her. "Kaylie" is a struggle at times, but has really grown through after-school, and her sister "Kris" is showing real signs of improvement in grades and behavior (although there is still a long way to go...but I have been here before with other kids).
4) Several of my teen tutors are struggling in school, which I would not know about if they weren't helping me out. I am now starting to tutor and motivate them to do better, and the kids are helping!
5) 4 year old Paxton comes and has a blast! He has friends in the program and is growing so much in his social interaction. We are reading the book "Prince Caspian" as a group, which is a book that should be over his head...however he constantly picks up on things going on and is often able to answer questions about the story! (I don't think he completely understands it, but he gets way more that I thought he would!).
6) Pedro's math grade has improved so much that he is on his way to honors math. He still struggles with reading, but I actually have a PBU student that comes and helps him one on one every Tuesday.
7) Bonita and Linda have slowly improved over the years. They went from needing summer school every year to never even having that possibility discussed. They have gone from threats of truancy court to good attendance awards every report period.
8) Miguel was Student of the Month in January!
9) Every kid who has been in after-school (except the ones that have moved away) has improved in their attendance, grades and behavior at school.
10) Though I have days of struggle and frustration, and I am often drained after leaving the program, I love the kids more that I could ever express. The days of struggle are easily outnumbered by the days full of joy and excitement at the opportunity I have to spend time with these wonderful children of the King. The bottom line is...its hard, but I love it! I lose sight of that sometimes and let the struggles overcome me, but the truth is, I really do love it.
None of these things happened overnight, and there is still a long way to go with a lot of the kids. Some have been in the program for 3 years, some only this year; yet I am seeing amazing fruit in all of their lives and it is spilling over into their families.
All of this has lead me to conclude that I want to fight for the after-school program. I am not going to fight in the world, however, I am going to fight in prayer. The Lord knows what I need and what I can handle...and I am not going to hold onto something that He is asking me to let go, but I'm not going to let go of something that He wants me to hold on to either. I need Him to make it VERY clear if its time to let go, because I'm not sure that's what He wants me to do. I really think that He is asking me to hold on...to persevere...and to trust Him to provide for my every need. So, I'm giving it all to Him. I am asking for His will to be done and for the strength and courage I need to follow Him.
I don't have to make any decisions any time soon, and I won't. I won't make any decisions until He makes His will clear to me. Please pray for me and with me in this. The number one thing that has made this program so difficult for me this year has been the fact that I am doing it alone. I am really praying for someone to come along side me in this. I don't know exactly what that looks like...if its someone who will come one day a week as a leader (not just a volunteer), if its someone who wants to take on after-school full time that will work with me completely side by side, or maybe its someone who will come along side the program as a partner in prayer and financially...who knows what God will provide.
I have been thinking about the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18. The widow goes to an unjust judge and asks for justice. He denies her over and over again, but her persistence finally gets to him, and he gives her what she asked for. Jesus then reminds us that God is a just judge. So, if persistence and perseverance can convince an unjust judge, imagine what it can do with God! In Matthew 15 we see a woman, who is not an Israelite, asking Jesus to heal her daughter. His first response is that He has come for the "lost sheep of Israel" not her. He goes on to say, "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs" (basically saying that His time and energy needs to be devoted to His people, not her). Her response is amazing! She says, "Yes, Lord, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table." She basically comes back with, "I know I'm not worthy of the meal, I'm just asking for the crumbs...and I know that even just your crumbs will be enough". At that moment Jesus sees her faith and heals her daughter. He wasn't calling her a dog (although that's what it sounds like), He wanted to see where her faith really was. Did she really believe that He could heal her daughter? If so, then she would fight for it...she would take the crumbs and know they were enough. If her faith wasn't sincere, she would have walked away.
Her humility is amazing, and I want to learn from that. I know I don't have the biggest, greatest ministry...and it would be really easy to think that God should spend time blessing other ministries...other people. In fact, sometime I think I should spend my time in a more "effective" ministry. But, that isn't His heart at all. Every kid in after-school is His, and He loves them SO much. I believe He wants to do incredible things in their lives, and I am going to ask Him for those things. I am going to be persistent in it, knowing that He can do far more that I could ever even ask or imagine. I hope this makes sense. I feel like the woman who's daughter was sick. I am going to Jesus asking Him to help my ministry, and He has responded with, "And why should I help you?" He isn't asking because He doesn't want to help...He is asking because He wants me to remember where my faith is, who my faith is in, and why I'm even doing this in the first place. The widow wouldn't give up until the judge heard her. The woman who's daughter was sick had the faith to believe that the Jesus she heard about could heal her daughter, and she wouldn't take no for an answer. Their persistence showed their faith. The widow got justice and the woman's daughter was healed.
Lord, give me the faith and the perseverance. These kids need justice. They need to be healed.
Yesterday I spent a long time after Prayer Pals talking with Carisa and one of the parents of some of my after-school kids. Both of her kids have been in the after-school program since it started. One of them, "Kylie", has a lot of problems. She has ADHD and is in special education classes. She is one of the more challenging kids that we have in after-school, and she has a lot of problems at school. However, I had no idea the extent of the problems until last night. Carisa and I talked with her mom for a while and heard horrible stories about how the girl is treated at school. So horrible, in fact, that I would be tempted to not believe them...except that I have seen it with my own eyes with other kids at the same school. I have seen other kids that we work with treated horribly by the teachers at this school, and it makes me so sad. This school is where the majority of our pre-teens go, and many of them have a lot of problems at the school. My heart broke for this mom (who is a single working mom with 2 other children she is trying to raise) because I know she is trying so hard to do right by her children, and she is getting no help.
All of this has me thinking more and more about after-school, and my thoughts on the program for next year have changed. Let me review the things I have learned/seen in last few weeks for you:1) "Kimberly's" (one of the girls who has been in the program from its beginning 3 years ago) entire family has started coming to Sunday School and Church every Sunday. Her 15 year old sister, who is struggling with addiction, is not only coming to church and God Squad, but is seeking help through Frank's new addiction/recovery ministry.
2) I have added 2 new girls ("Tali" and "Mona") to after-school, and they are already improving in their grades and attendance at school. These 2 girls lost their father to a heart attack earlier this year, and the program has helped them recover and motivated them to keep going.
3) "Kaylie's" mom has told me more than once that she feels like we are the only ones who actually care about her children and want to help her. "Kaylie" is a struggle at times, but has really grown through after-school, and her sister "Kris" is showing real signs of improvement in grades and behavior (although there is still a long way to go...but I have been here before with other kids).
4) Several of my teen tutors are struggling in school, which I would not know about if they weren't helping me out. I am now starting to tutor and motivate them to do better, and the kids are helping!
5) 4 year old Paxton comes and has a blast! He has friends in the program and is growing so much in his social interaction. We are reading the book "Prince Caspian" as a group, which is a book that should be over his head...however he constantly picks up on things going on and is often able to answer questions about the story! (I don't think he completely understands it, but he gets way more that I thought he would!).
6) Pedro's math grade has improved so much that he is on his way to honors math. He still struggles with reading, but I actually have a PBU student that comes and helps him one on one every Tuesday.
7) Bonita and Linda have slowly improved over the years. They went from needing summer school every year to never even having that possibility discussed. They have gone from threats of truancy court to good attendance awards every report period.
8) Miguel was Student of the Month in January!
9) Every kid who has been in after-school (except the ones that have moved away) has improved in their attendance, grades and behavior at school.
10) Though I have days of struggle and frustration, and I am often drained after leaving the program, I love the kids more that I could ever express. The days of struggle are easily outnumbered by the days full of joy and excitement at the opportunity I have to spend time with these wonderful children of the King. The bottom line is...its hard, but I love it! I lose sight of that sometimes and let the struggles overcome me, but the truth is, I really do love it.
None of these things happened overnight, and there is still a long way to go with a lot of the kids. Some have been in the program for 3 years, some only this year; yet I am seeing amazing fruit in all of their lives and it is spilling over into their families.
All of this has lead me to conclude that I want to fight for the after-school program. I am not going to fight in the world, however, I am going to fight in prayer. The Lord knows what I need and what I can handle...and I am not going to hold onto something that He is asking me to let go, but I'm not going to let go of something that He wants me to hold on to either. I need Him to make it VERY clear if its time to let go, because I'm not sure that's what He wants me to do. I really think that He is asking me to hold on...to persevere...and to trust Him to provide for my every need. So, I'm giving it all to Him. I am asking for His will to be done and for the strength and courage I need to follow Him.
I don't have to make any decisions any time soon, and I won't. I won't make any decisions until He makes His will clear to me. Please pray for me and with me in this. The number one thing that has made this program so difficult for me this year has been the fact that I am doing it alone. I am really praying for someone to come along side me in this. I don't know exactly what that looks like...if its someone who will come one day a week as a leader (not just a volunteer), if its someone who wants to take on after-school full time that will work with me completely side by side, or maybe its someone who will come along side the program as a partner in prayer and financially...who knows what God will provide.
I have been thinking about the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18. The widow goes to an unjust judge and asks for justice. He denies her over and over again, but her persistence finally gets to him, and he gives her what she asked for. Jesus then reminds us that God is a just judge. So, if persistence and perseverance can convince an unjust judge, imagine what it can do with God! In Matthew 15 we see a woman, who is not an Israelite, asking Jesus to heal her daughter. His first response is that He has come for the "lost sheep of Israel" not her. He goes on to say, "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs" (basically saying that His time and energy needs to be devoted to His people, not her). Her response is amazing! She says, "Yes, Lord, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table." She basically comes back with, "I know I'm not worthy of the meal, I'm just asking for the crumbs...and I know that even just your crumbs will be enough". At that moment Jesus sees her faith and heals her daughter. He wasn't calling her a dog (although that's what it sounds like), He wanted to see where her faith really was. Did she really believe that He could heal her daughter? If so, then she would fight for it...she would take the crumbs and know they were enough. If her faith wasn't sincere, she would have walked away.
Her humility is amazing, and I want to learn from that. I know I don't have the biggest, greatest ministry...and it would be really easy to think that God should spend time blessing other ministries...other people. In fact, sometime I think I should spend my time in a more "effective" ministry. But, that isn't His heart at all. Every kid in after-school is His, and He loves them SO much. I believe He wants to do incredible things in their lives, and I am going to ask Him for those things. I am going to be persistent in it, knowing that He can do far more that I could ever even ask or imagine. I hope this makes sense. I feel like the woman who's daughter was sick. I am going to Jesus asking Him to help my ministry, and He has responded with, "And why should I help you?" He isn't asking because He doesn't want to help...He is asking because He wants me to remember where my faith is, who my faith is in, and why I'm even doing this in the first place. The widow wouldn't give up until the judge heard her. The woman who's daughter was sick had the faith to believe that the Jesus she heard about could heal her daughter, and she wouldn't take no for an answer. Their persistence showed their faith. The widow got justice and the woman's daughter was healed.
Lord, give me the faith and the perseverance. These kids need justice. They need to be healed.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Adjusting to America
I am having somewhat of a hard time adjusting to being back in Philly...back in America. I have been back for about 3 weeks now, and I still haven't fully adjusted. Why is it so hard for me to adjust? Well, in Africa for 3 weeks straight I wasn't busy. I had plenty of full days, and several of them wore me out. But, I was never busy. I never had to be anywhere at any time. I went places because I felt like I should go and did what I felt like God wanted me to do. I didn't do anything simply because I had to. Then, after a few full days in a row, I got a day of rest. My life in America is not like that.
Since coming back I have tried to stop being so busy. I have really been seeking to fill my days with only the things that God wants me to. I don't mind have a lot to do, but I don't want to be busy. The problem is, everyone around me is busy. I don't know a single person who isn't busy all the time. I have been back for 3 weeks and have hung out with friends 3 times. I have tried to find time with them many more times than that, but everyone is so busy.
Unfortunately, I'm busy too, and that's part of the problem. In Africa there was no coordinating of schedules, here that's all I do. I'm not trying to make a statement about which is better. I absolutely see the benefits of the way things work here...and I don't think that the lifestyle in Africa would work at all in America. I enjoy everything that I do and I don't want to cut any of it out.
I don't really think one way is better than the other, they are just different. When I worked for AIM we had a saying that we used to tell groups going into cross cultural situations. We used to tell them to look at the things that other cultures do differently from us and say, "Its not bad, just different". I really believe that is true. Of course neither is perfect, but one isn't more right than the other either. They are just different, but I am having a hard time adjusting to the differences.
I was only in Africa for 3 weeks and I am struggling to adjust to life
in the US...and I was born and raised here! I can't imagine how difficult the adjustment must be for people moving here. When we were in Sudan we met several refugees who had left Sudan and moved to America. One of them was David, whom we actually spent a lot of time with. He told us that the hardest adjustment for him was the busyness of everyone around him. He was not used to people being too busy for friends, something that happens a lot in America, but very rarely in Africa. He said he struggled a lot with loneliness at first, getting used to being alone a lot and having to work to find time to be with friends. Now I understand (on a much smaller scale) how he felt.
But, David has adjusted, and so will I. :) On another, completely unrelated note, Linda is doing extremely well in her music class! They moved her up to the next level in both her voice and her trumpet class (she is with kids that have been taking lessons for years!) and even invited her to a summer music camp this summer! She is so excited, and I am so proud of her!!! Usually her mom doesn't allow her to go away unless I'm with her, but I'm hoping we can convince her to let Linda go to this camp. The instructor said that I would be allowed to come and visit her, so hopefully that will make her mom feel better. This is such an incredible opportunity for Linda!
Bonita is doing well in her music classes as well, but she isn't as into it as Linda. I think it's okay because Bonita did much better than Linda at ice skating. So, Linda has music and Bonita has skating. They are both doing well in ballet (which makes sense for both of them, seeing Linda's musical skills and Bonita's athletic skills) and are pretty equal in basketball too. So far they are doing really well encouraging one another, even when the other is doing better. I hope that continues!
I didn't do so well going to bed early last night, and I woke up feeling sick again this morning, so I'm still not on the track I want to be on. I have staff prayer tomorrow morning, so that will at least get me up early. Plus, I just remembered that I am supposed to speak to Linda's class on Thursday morning about Africa and malaria, so that will force me to get up and moving then as well. Hopefully that will start a trend for me. It seems like its taking me a while to make the changes that I need to make, so I am praying for the commitment and perseverance I need to get through this. I know He will provide!
Since coming back I have tried to stop being so busy. I have really been seeking to fill my days with only the things that God wants me to. I don't mind have a lot to do, but I don't want to be busy. The problem is, everyone around me is busy. I don't know a single person who isn't busy all the time. I have been back for 3 weeks and have hung out with friends 3 times. I have tried to find time with them many more times than that, but everyone is so busy.
Unfortunately, I'm busy too, and that's part of the problem. In Africa there was no coordinating of schedules, here that's all I do. I'm not trying to make a statement about which is better. I absolutely see the benefits of the way things work here...and I don't think that the lifestyle in Africa would work at all in America. I enjoy everything that I do and I don't want to cut any of it out.
I don't really think one way is better than the other, they are just different. When I worked for AIM we had a saying that we used to tell groups going into cross cultural situations. We used to tell them to look at the things that other cultures do differently from us and say, "Its not bad, just different". I really believe that is true. Of course neither is perfect, but one isn't more right than the other either. They are just different, but I am having a hard time adjusting to the differences.
I was only in Africa for 3 weeks and I am struggling to adjust to life
in the US...and I was born and raised here! I can't imagine how difficult the adjustment must be for people moving here. When we were in Sudan we met several refugees who had left Sudan and moved to America. One of them was David, whom we actually spent a lot of time with. He told us that the hardest adjustment for him was the busyness of everyone around him. He was not used to people being too busy for friends, something that happens a lot in America, but very rarely in Africa. He said he struggled a lot with loneliness at first, getting used to being alone a lot and having to work to find time to be with friends. Now I understand (on a much smaller scale) how he felt.But, David has adjusted, and so will I. :) On another, completely unrelated note, Linda is doing extremely well in her music class! They moved her up to the next level in both her voice and her trumpet class (she is with kids that have been taking lessons for years!) and even invited her to a summer music camp this summer! She is so excited, and I am so proud of her!!! Usually her mom doesn't allow her to go away unless I'm with her, but I'm hoping we can convince her to let Linda go to this camp. The instructor said that I would be allowed to come and visit her, so hopefully that will make her mom feel better. This is such an incredible opportunity for Linda!
Bonita is doing well in her music classes as well, but she isn't as into it as Linda. I think it's okay because Bonita did much better than Linda at ice skating. So, Linda has music and Bonita has skating. They are both doing well in ballet (which makes sense for both of them, seeing Linda's musical skills and Bonita's athletic skills) and are pretty equal in basketball too. So far they are doing really well encouraging one another, even when the other is doing better. I hope that continues!
I didn't do so well going to bed early last night, and I woke up feeling sick again this morning, so I'm still not on the track I want to be on. I have staff prayer tomorrow morning, so that will at least get me up early. Plus, I just remembered that I am supposed to speak to Linda's class on Thursday morning about Africa and malaria, so that will force me to get up and moving then as well. Hopefully that will start a trend for me. It seems like its taking me a while to make the changes that I need to make, so I am praying for the commitment and perseverance I need to get through this. I know He will provide!
She Came!!
A 15 year old girl that I have been praying would come to God Squad finally came tonight! I was so excited to see her! She has a lot going on in her life and is definitely testing the waters with Christianity, and I am praying SO hard for her. I will call her Carly; PLEASE PRAY FOR HER! I don't even know all that is going on in her life, but she is searching and I know that God is pursuing her hardcore! She seemed to have fun, although it was really hard to tell what she thought of the lesson and small group time. I really pray that she felt welcomed and loved...and that she would come back next week!
The last few days have been just as busy as the ones before it, but they have been really good. I did get plenty of time to relax on Saturday, which was so nice...and needed. Sunday turned out to be a much more full day than I thought it would be. Pedro and Miguel came to church on Sunday for the first time in a long time. Miguel actually called me at 7:30 in the morning to remind me to pick him up! (Sunday School doesn't start until 9:45). Sunday School went really well, and church was good too. After church I ended up taking 6 kids out to lunch, and had them with me until basketball started at 3. Basketball went until 5, and then I finally took all the kids home. I was pretty exhausted at that point, but only had a few minutes to grab something to eat before heading back to church for membership class. I wasn't too happy about having to go to the class during the Superbowl (did I mention that I really love football?!?), but the class was actually pretty fun. I got home at halftime and enjoyed watching the rest of the game. I also started my newsletter, finally, and I'm already almost finished!
Once I start something, I'm not very good at leaving it unfinished, so I ended up staying up pretty late last night working on my newsletter. I finally went to bed around 1:30 when I was at a good stopping point. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning with a pretty bad cold and it took me a while to get up and moving. My whole "go to bed early and get up early" thing isn't going too well, but I'm still working on it. I just have to learn to not start working on things when I get home late at night, because that keeps me up later and messes me up for the next day. I'll get it eventually. :)
I finally got going around 10 this morning and got a lot of work done. I left at 3 to pick the kids up and it was another great day at after-school!! I got to spend some good one on one time with several of the kids and again didn't have any major disciplinary problems to deal with. I'm still not making any decisions about next year (I will do that this summer when I'm not in the middle of everything), but I know its going to be a hard program for me to let go...and it doesn't help that its going so well right now. I know that God will show me His plan, though, and I will follow it no matter how difficult it may be.
My night ended at God Squad, which also went really well. I really love the teens and I enjoy being there. The small group times are always a challenge for me, mostly because I don't feel comfortable teaching. I can never tell what the girls are thinking and I always feel like I am not making any sense. My goal, however, is to always walk out of those times feeling like I spoke the truth and shared the love of Christ in my words and actions. I felt that way tonight when I left, so overall I think it went well.
Obviously, I am up late again, but I am about to go to bed. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow and we have Family Night tomorrow night. I really need God to teach me to make my schedule based on Him, and not myself or even what others expect. I have this mindset that if its daytime and I am up, I should be working. The problem with that is that I have a ministry every night of the week. So, if I work from the time I get up until I come home at night, I'm easily working 14 hours a day, 4 days a week. That's not good! I need to be okay with being up at 9 on a Thursday morning and taking that time to be with the Lord or go to the gym or something, knowing that After-school and Teen Club are coming...which accounts for 6 hours alone! I can start working at 2 p.m. on Thursday and still work for 8 hours. Since I now have a ministry every night, I need to learn to start my "work day" later, or take breaks in the middle of the day rather than feeling the pressure to be working all the time. Its going to take some time to change my mindset, but I know I need to. I don't want to burn out!
The last few days have been just as busy as the ones before it, but they have been really good. I did get plenty of time to relax on Saturday, which was so nice...and needed. Sunday turned out to be a much more full day than I thought it would be. Pedro and Miguel came to church on Sunday for the first time in a long time. Miguel actually called me at 7:30 in the morning to remind me to pick him up! (Sunday School doesn't start until 9:45). Sunday School went really well, and church was good too. After church I ended up taking 6 kids out to lunch, and had them with me until basketball started at 3. Basketball went until 5, and then I finally took all the kids home. I was pretty exhausted at that point, but only had a few minutes to grab something to eat before heading back to church for membership class. I wasn't too happy about having to go to the class during the Superbowl (did I mention that I really love football?!?), but the class was actually pretty fun. I got home at halftime and enjoyed watching the rest of the game. I also started my newsletter, finally, and I'm already almost finished!
Once I start something, I'm not very good at leaving it unfinished, so I ended up staying up pretty late last night working on my newsletter. I finally went to bed around 1:30 when I was at a good stopping point. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning with a pretty bad cold and it took me a while to get up and moving. My whole "go to bed early and get up early" thing isn't going too well, but I'm still working on it. I just have to learn to not start working on things when I get home late at night, because that keeps me up later and messes me up for the next day. I'll get it eventually. :)
I finally got going around 10 this morning and got a lot of work done. I left at 3 to pick the kids up and it was another great day at after-school!! I got to spend some good one on one time with several of the kids and again didn't have any major disciplinary problems to deal with. I'm still not making any decisions about next year (I will do that this summer when I'm not in the middle of everything), but I know its going to be a hard program for me to let go...and it doesn't help that its going so well right now. I know that God will show me His plan, though, and I will follow it no matter how difficult it may be.
My night ended at God Squad, which also went really well. I really love the teens and I enjoy being there. The small group times are always a challenge for me, mostly because I don't feel comfortable teaching. I can never tell what the girls are thinking and I always feel like I am not making any sense. My goal, however, is to always walk out of those times feeling like I spoke the truth and shared the love of Christ in my words and actions. I felt that way tonight when I left, so overall I think it went well.
Obviously, I am up late again, but I am about to go to bed. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow and we have Family Night tomorrow night. I really need God to teach me to make my schedule based on Him, and not myself or even what others expect. I have this mindset that if its daytime and I am up, I should be working. The problem with that is that I have a ministry every night of the week. So, if I work from the time I get up until I come home at night, I'm easily working 14 hours a day, 4 days a week. That's not good! I need to be okay with being up at 9 on a Thursday morning and taking that time to be with the Lord or go to the gym or something, knowing that After-school and Teen Club are coming...which accounts for 6 hours alone! I can start working at 2 p.m. on Thursday and still work for 8 hours. Since I now have a ministry every night, I need to learn to start my "work day" later, or take breaks in the middle of the day rather than feeling the pressure to be working all the time. Its going to take some time to change my mindset, but I know I need to. I don't want to burn out!
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Busy Week
This week has been a blur of activity! I still haven't had much time to sit and process my trip to Africa, so I apologize to anyone who has been waiting for me to write more about that. Its coming, I promise!
Wednesday was a really rough day for me spiritually. It was pretty normal in terms of my schedule, but there was a lot going on around me that was challenging. I went to pick Pedro and Miguel up for after-school and found their street blocked off by the police. Apparently, just before Miguel came home from school there was a shooting right in front of their house. A man was shot 4 times and the blood was still on the sidewalk. My heart sank as I thought about what could have happened had Miguel been walking home from school when the shooting started. It sank even more when I realized that this event was not shocking to Pedro or Miguel, they were used to it. They have seen several shootings in their lives, and they are still so young.
Thursday ended up being the best day we have ever had at after-school! Philadelphia schools were closed on Friday, so none of the kids had homework on Thursday. Instead of trying to make them read or something, I decided to play games. Everyone started playing different games, but eventually all of us came together (one at a time, haha) and played pictionary for an hour and a half! Literally everyone, kids and leaders, played and we had so much fun! There weren't any fights or arguments, even when 2 of the kids were caught cheating. I was so proud of how they all behaved and handled the competition, and I can't remember the last time we all laughed like that (few of us could be considered artists...you should have seen some of the things we tried to draw!). I added 2 new girls to after-school, and Thursday was their first day. They were very quiet and shy at first, but once we all started to play they got into the game. It was a great way to make them part of the family!
I have started going to Teen Club on Thursday nights, and for the most part I am enjoying it. I have to confess that I miss my night off, but I know that God has called me to be a part of this. I really love the teens, but I'm also pretty shy. God Squad is much easier for me because there are fewer teens there and I already know most of them. Teen Club is proving to be more of a challenge for me, but I'm getting there.
Friday was supposed to be my day off, but they have a special on Fridays where you can ice skate for only $5. The girls have been begging me for months to take them ice skating, so I finally gave in yesterday. Zuly (their older sister) and little Kearstin came with us, and we met up with some of the teens from church. We had a blast! It was the first time any of those girls had been ice skating, but you wouldn't know it from the way Bonita was flying across the ice. It was amazing! Linda took a little longer to get comfortable, but by the end she was doing pretty well too. Zuly and I weren't so great at it, but we had fun trying. I was so impressed with how well Bonita and Linda were doing, I think I'm going to sign them up for lessons. They're going to pay half and I will pay half. I'm really excited to see how they do, they are definitely naturals at it. Now I have them in music classes, ballet lessons, basketball practice and ice skating lessons. These girls are going to be well rounded!
Last night was great too as I got to hang out with Joy for the first time in forever! We have been trying to for weeks, and finally found the time. We rented a chick flick, ordered pizza and just hung out. It was so nice and so much fun! And just FYI, we rented "The Lake House" and LOVED it! We had both heard it wasn't a good movie, but we thought it was great! (In case anyone was thinking about renting it...)
Since I didn't get a full day off yesterday, I'm taking the rest of today for me. I had worship practice this morning, and then I took the girls to ballet. I will pick them up soon and then come home to read and relax. My house is clean, my car is clean, and my bills are paid. So, unless something major arises, I plan on hanging out with Jesus and a book for the rest of the day. Maybe I'll even get some sleep tonight!
Wednesday was a really rough day for me spiritually. It was pretty normal in terms of my schedule, but there was a lot going on around me that was challenging. I went to pick Pedro and Miguel up for after-school and found their street blocked off by the police. Apparently, just before Miguel came home from school there was a shooting right in front of their house. A man was shot 4 times and the blood was still on the sidewalk. My heart sank as I thought about what could have happened had Miguel been walking home from school when the shooting started. It sank even more when I realized that this event was not shocking to Pedro or Miguel, they were used to it. They have seen several shootings in their lives, and they are still so young.
Thursday ended up being the best day we have ever had at after-school! Philadelphia schools were closed on Friday, so none of the kids had homework on Thursday. Instead of trying to make them read or something, I decided to play games. Everyone started playing different games, but eventually all of us came together (one at a time, haha) and played pictionary for an hour and a half! Literally everyone, kids and leaders, played and we had so much fun! There weren't any fights or arguments, even when 2 of the kids were caught cheating. I was so proud of how they all behaved and handled the competition, and I can't remember the last time we all laughed like that (few of us could be considered artists...you should have seen some of the things we tried to draw!). I added 2 new girls to after-school, and Thursday was their first day. They were very quiet and shy at first, but once we all started to play they got into the game. It was a great way to make them part of the family!
I have started going to Teen Club on Thursday nights, and for the most part I am enjoying it. I have to confess that I miss my night off, but I know that God has called me to be a part of this. I really love the teens, but I'm also pretty shy. God Squad is much easier for me because there are fewer teens there and I already know most of them. Teen Club is proving to be more of a challenge for me, but I'm getting there.
Friday was supposed to be my day off, but they have a special on Fridays where you can ice skate for only $5. The girls have been begging me for months to take them ice skating, so I finally gave in yesterday. Zuly (their older sister) and little Kearstin came with us, and we met up with some of the teens from church. We had a blast! It was the first time any of those girls had been ice skating, but you wouldn't know it from the way Bonita was flying across the ice. It was amazing! Linda took a little longer to get comfortable, but by the end she was doing pretty well too. Zuly and I weren't so great at it, but we had fun trying. I was so impressed with how well Bonita and Linda were doing, I think I'm going to sign them up for lessons. They're going to pay half and I will pay half. I'm really excited to see how they do, they are definitely naturals at it. Now I have them in music classes, ballet lessons, basketball practice and ice skating lessons. These girls are going to be well rounded!
Last night was great too as I got to hang out with Joy for the first time in forever! We have been trying to for weeks, and finally found the time. We rented a chick flick, ordered pizza and just hung out. It was so nice and so much fun! And just FYI, we rented "The Lake House" and LOVED it! We had both heard it wasn't a good movie, but we thought it was great! (In case anyone was thinking about renting it...)
Since I didn't get a full day off yesterday, I'm taking the rest of today for me. I had worship practice this morning, and then I took the girls to ballet. I will pick them up soon and then come home to read and relax. My house is clean, my car is clean, and my bills are paid. So, unless something major arises, I plan on hanging out with Jesus and a book for the rest of the day. Maybe I'll even get some sleep tonight!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)