My Cat Has Been Brainwashed...

I know it appears that my conspiracy theories are getting a little out of hand, but I'm telling you, something is going on!!

In the last 3 weeks I have gone through 4 hard drives, 4 power chords and 2 computers...and I'm working with a borrowed computer right now until I can get something more permanent. You have all heard the stories of the hard drives and the computers, so here's the info on the power chords.

Gizmo apparently loves to chew them up. In fact, he chews them to shreds. I have seen bite marks on my computer chords before, but he has recently stepped up his destruction. He doesn't chew on any other chords, just the computer power chords!! I mean, come one! First, he chewed up my computer chord, which didn't really matter cause my computer died. Then I borrowed a friend's laptop and he chewed her chord (thankfully its still under warranty so she can replace it easily). Next, the AIM computer. This one he destroyed almost chewing it into 2 pieces. (And before you start to wonder, he does this in a matter of minutes without me knowing about it. He's very sneaky!).

After he chewed up the AIM chord I went and bought a universal power chord that for some reason doesn't work on that laptop (although the manual says it should). I can't seem to find a new power chord on line, but I'm hoping that's the only problem with the laptop. It doesn't turn on at all now, so we'll see...

Finally, I borrowed a computer from my future roommate Jen, which is the one I am using now. And you guessed it, Gizmo chewed up her power chord as well. Thankfully, her computer will accept the universal power chord, so I can use that until the new power chord arrives.

My cat is out to get me!! Whoever is behind this conspiracy to drive me crazy (they must be VERY powerful people) have managed to get to my cat and convince him to be a part of their plan! I am now working on re-educating him and bringing him back to my side. I have bought treats to bribe him, and sticky paper (normally used to keep cats from scratching the furniture) to wrap around my computer cords. This conspiracy will not bring me down!!

In other news, I got A TON accomplished today with having a working computer. I finished and printed my newsletter and it will go in the mail on Monday. I also updated pretty much everything that needed to be updated, did my laundry, returned the 2 hard drives I still had, paid several bills, responded to all the AIM emails I could...which are only the ones I have received since Thursday (most of the 170 emails are waiting for me on the AIM computer that is dead) and even started my Kids Club lesson. I am hoping to have all my Kids Club stuff ready by tomorrow night so I don't have to worry about whether or not I have a computer on Tuesday. I also REALLY need to clean my house as well(the sleepover girls did a pretty good job straightening up, but they left my basement a mess, and there are several dishes in my sink), but that's last on my list since I can do that without a computer. I don't know how long Jen will let me keep hers, so I want to catch up as quickly as possible!!

In the meantime, my cat is baned from my room (where I keep the computer) until he can prove to me that his allegiance lies with me and not the conspirators. He doesn't like it, but he must face consequences for his actions. That'll teach him! :)

The Conspiracy Continues...

If you remember several months ago I posted a blog about the government's conspiracy to slowly but surely drive me crazy. Well, I had thought maybe the plan stopped, but apparently they were just lulling me into complacency before kicking back into high gear.

Here is my most recent evidence:

1) I came out of my house today to find my car missing. Coincidentally, all of my neighbor's cars were also missing and we noticed that the street had been stripped. What we discovered is that the city decided to repave our street (starting with stripping it today) with no notice...not even a sign hung. So, this morning all of our cars were towed without our knowledge.

Thankfully, before calling the police we noticed that our cars were lined up on the street across the park from us.

They towed our cars one street over; cause they wanted to.

2) As you know, my hard drive crashed last Tuesday. I immediately ordered a new one that was supposed to arrive on Thursday. When it came I discovered it was the wrong part so I had to call Dell and order a new one. The correct part was supposed to arrive on Friday.

I went on line (on another borrowed computer) today to check the status of my hard drive and DHL informed me that the package had been delivered. After some more phone calls it was discovered that the DHL driver left the package on my front door.

I asked the DHL representative if that was standard practice for them and she informed me that the driver is allowed to leave a package at someone's door if they deem it safe.

So, apparently the DHL driver that delivered my package is the biggest idiot to ever walk this earth. I am not sure what about my narrow street full of trash, abandoned houses, and drug dealers on the corner made him feel safe, but he apparently saw no problems with leaving my package on my door (and incidentally, I don't even have a screen door for him to close the package in with...he might as well have just left it in the middle of the street!).

Needless to say, my package was stolen and I had to file a claim with Dell and with DHL. They are hoping that my new package (that I am having delivered to the Hinsons house cause they DO have a screen door and are home more than I am) will be here by Thursday or Friday...meaning that I will have 7 days of work to make up with AIM.

Oh, and incidentally..the only reason I wasn't here yesterday when the package was delivered was because I had to go to my friend Elizabeth's house to borrow her computer so I could get my Kids Club stuff ready for tonight.

I'm actually taking this all pretty well...other than still being in some pretty serious shock that ANYONE would deem my street safe enough to leave a packing sitting on my front step.

I'm putting together quite a bit of evidence toward my conspiracy theory...I think I'll have enough to take to the newspapers soon...

Very Strange...

The strangest thing happened to me this morning! It wasn't funny at the time, but its hilarious now.

I woke up this morning to go to staff prayer and found myself locked in my bedroom!! I still don't know how it happened, its a very old door. I never lock it, but apparently it locks itself.

I don't have any tools in my room, nor do I keep my wallet in there (so I couldn't use a credit card either). I also didn't have my keys in my room, and Shera is the only person who has a key to my house...and she was at work in Center City.

I did have my phone and was able to let people know what was happening (which they thought was hilarious). Again, at the time I wasn't finding it so funny.

I did get a little freaked out at first. I live by myself, and waking up locked in my room sent my imagination everywhere. Did someone break into my house and lock me in my room? Did they take my stuff? Are they still in the house?

(Incidentally, no one broke in...).

So, how did I get out?


I kicked a hole in it and then crawled out!!

Seriously!


(This is my view once I got out).

Don't mess with me!! :)

Once I got out, I realized that no one had broken in, and was able to see the ridiculous humor in the whole situation.

I'm sure later I will have some grand spiritual revelation from this scenario. But for now, its just really weird!!

New Reality Idea

Okay, I have a new idea for a reality TV show. The basic idea is this...I will give contestants some random materials to work with and a construction problem to solve. Their goal? Complete the task before Frank Hinson. If they do, they win a million dollars. Why a million dollars? Because I don't think its possible to beat Frank. He seriously can do anything! He connected my ice maker today despite me having bought the wrong parts. (I blame the guy at Home Depot who was supposed to be helping me but literally walked away from me mid-sentence to say hi to someone). It took Frank some time, and I have no idea what he actually did...but it works!! I think I could have given him a nail and a straw and he would have made it work. If anyone knows TV people, let me know cause I think this show is a winner!

My morning was not very fun at all today. I got up early and went to truancy court with Bonita and her mom. We had to wait about an hour before Bonita was called in, but it all went pretty well. It turns out that most of Bonita's absences (over 80%) are due to appointments that her mom makes for her (not doctor's appointments, other stuff). So, while they are excused, they are excessive. So, the judge ordered that Bonita is no longer allowed to have ANY appointments during school hours (unless she is really sick and needs a doctor right away). She also has to have a daily report filled out by her teacher and will have to serve 35 hours of community service (it will probably be done at the school). We are supposed to go back in 30 days to see if everything has been completed. As long as she has done the daily reports and the community service and hasn't missed ANY school, she will be fine.

Linda, on the other hand, will probably be in more trouble. Despite Bonita's absences, she still has good grades. Linda does not. In addition, Linda doesn't have nearly as many appointments as Bonita (Bonita is in speech therapy), but she has missed more school...which means her absences are her own fault. Its going to be interesting...

Well, I find myself really tired again from the day. I had a TON of AIM work to do when I got home from court and we had the members' dinner tonight (which was nice, but it was another thing I had to do). So, I think I am going to head to bed. Ahhh...I love my bed.

Oh Bonita!

Okay, I had to share this really quick. I just got back from picking Bonita and Linda up from the skating rink. Here is a great story...

The rink is pretty small and there were a lot of people there, many of whom skate well and fast. Bonita was skating around the rink when one of the workers noticed that she was about to get run over by a really fast skater. He came up behind Bonita and picked her up to move her out of the way. Unfortunately, Bonita thought it was a strange man trying to kidnap her so she immediately flailed her entire body until he had to let her go. When he did, she punched him and then skated away. That's right; SHE PUNCHED HIM!! I'm so proud of her. :)

He explained himself to her and she apologized (he wasn't upset)...and we all got a good laugh. Still, its really nice to know that she can take care of herself. That's my girl!!

I'm going to write a book!!!!

After a long and very interesting conversation tonight with several of my friends; I have decided to write a book. It is clear that there are things the world needs to know, and of course, I need to be the one telling them. Since I have recently unearthed the governmental plot to drive me insane (that's right, this apparently goes much higher than just my block...how else can you explain being summoned to jury duty twice in the same month), I figure I have nothing to lose with this book. It is still in the planning stages, but here are the first few chapters:

Chapter 1: The Masses Got Dumber
-this chapter will discuss how many of the greatest novels of all time (To Kill a Mockingbird, anything by Alice Walker), have been replaced by ridiculous stories that are sometimes told well, but have no real value. What was the last great (non Harry Potter) novel written? Who is today's great writer that will leave a mark for tomorrow? What happened to all the great African American writers that inspired an entire generation of blacks and whites toward something greater than themselves?

Chapter 2: We give 'em crap
-this will be a chapter about music and how it has become crap. Music used to be a means of expression and often bringing about social change. Even the gangsta rap era at least exposed the culture to the realities of inner city life. Music today is not only pointless in lyrics, but seriously devoid of musicality.

Chapter 3: The Whorification of the American Woman
-the title pretty much speaks for itself. We have gone from asking to be treated as equals to demanding to be treated as sex objects. That just doesn't make sense.

Chapter 4: How "Bratz" ruined the world.
-I was on the debate team in high school and I am pretty sure I can link the Bratz dolls to global warming as well as the genocide in Darfur. If nothing else, this chapter will discuss how we have quite literally thrown our daughters to the wolves in the name of modernization and feminism. Its disgusting.

Chapter 5: Guns kill, stop denying it...it makes you look stupid.
-Look into the eyes of a child who has been shot and explain to me why you should be allowed to buy a semi automatic assault rifle for deer hunting. The constitution protects your right to own a gun, when you are PROTECTING the people of your country. If you aren't doing that, you don't need a gun.

Chapter 6: F*** is not an adjective
-you can tell me you are smart until you're blue in the face but if you can't finish a sentence without using an expletive, I'm not going to listen.

That's as far as I have gotten. I will keep you updated as the book develops and I promise to inform you of any new chapters that I add. I know for sure that I want to cover the embarrassment that is most reality television (way to take a great idea and turn it to utter filth in less than a decade), the lack of integrity and considerable self seeking in most politicians, and of course, "why roosters should only be allowed to live on farms".

Oh, and the Epilogue will be titled: "Operation Insane Asylum". The world has to know. :)

Conspiracy

There is a conspiracy developing against me on my block. I don't want to give away too many details but it appears that there is a block wide conspiracy with the goal of driving me absolutely insane. Before you laugh off my theory, here is the evidence.

It started with the guys who like to blare their car stereos while they work on their cars. Doesn't sound too bad until you realize that their cars are parked directly in front of my house and their favorite time to work is early Saturday morning. Next came the ridiculously loud music my neighbors play in their house. I can't really hear the music, but the sub woofers make sure I can hear, and feel, the beat of the music. There is no rhyme or reason to the time the music starts or the duration it lasts. I actually prefer it at night because that's when I can wear earplugs and take NyQuil to help me sleep. However, they seem to prefer the daylight hours when I am sitting at my desk trying to work. Today I listened to the same beat for 3 hours straight. I'm pretty sure that is the same tactic the FBI uses to torture terrorists.

Then there are the hundreds of dogs that suddenly live on the block. Okay, hundreds is probably an exaggeration, but I would say that there are at least 25 pit bulls living on my block...of about 20 houses. (Tell me there is no dog fighting in the city...). Anyway, these dogs LOVE to bark at one another and whine when left alone. I am not exaggerating when I say that I see a new dog chained to a railing every day when I walk out of my house...and none of the dogs are quiet.

The music started my suspicions of a conspiracy and the dogs heightened my awareness. I wasn't 100% convinced until today...the day the rooster moved in. That's right, in the middle of Kensington in the city of Philadelphia I have a real live, early rising rooster living on my block. There is no denying it, something sinister is going on. My neighbors have banded together to slowly but surely drive me out of my mind.

Why they want me to leave, I don't know. I like most of my neighbors and they are always very nice to me. They even do a great job taking care of me; helping me carry my groceries, keeping an eye on my house when I'm away, etc. We have great conversations about life and I enjoy playing with their kids. They always smile and say hello and notice when I have been away for a while. It seems like such a great place to live. Apparently that is all just a cover for their secret plan. I'm calling it Operation Insane Asylum.

I'm trying to gear myself up for the next attack, but they are very sneaky and I have no idea what they might try next. I have considered the possibility of a counter strike in the near future.; 4 a.m. hanging of pictures? Maybe if I just let them know that I am on to them, they will back off. I don't think they scare easily though...

Hmmm...I think their tactics might be working...I may in fact be slowly going insane. :)

10 Reasons why I need a Husband...

Haha, just the title of this blog makes me laugh. This is one of the funny things I wrote in my journal one day when I was feeling overwhelmed with life and decided that a husband would ease my burdens, at least at that moment. I know a man would NOT solve all my problems, and in fact may add to them in some ways...but when I am looking at needing to get my car inspected, pick up the kids, and go to the laundromat in a span of about 2 hours...well, having someone else around would be helpful. So, I made this list!

Before I start, let me also make it clear that I am in fact NOT looking for a husband, haha. I am perfectly capable of doing everything on this list (or working around what I can't do, e.g. going to the laundromat since I can't hook up my washer and dryer). I have been and will continue to do the things on the list, and I will do them well. In fact, my life is so insanely busy right now there really isn't room for a husband (I have a hard time making room for my God!). And before you all start telling me, "Oh! That's when you're husband is going to come, when you aren't looking for him!", you can just stop. I have never been looking for a husband and I have been too busy for one for about 5 years now...and he still hasn't come. I'm thinking, and this is just a thought, that he will come in the LORD's timing...not mine or anyone elses. We'll just have to wait and see if I am right. :)

Oh, and I obviously understand that husband's are more than just people to run errands for you, haha. This list does not include all of the emotional and spiritual desires that a husband would fill. These are simply practical ways that a husband would be beneficial to me. :)

So, now here is the list...

1) Take care of my car...oil changes, inspection, etc.
2) Hook up washer and dryer...or go to the laundromat for me occasionally
3) Pick up the kids and drive them to wherever I am supposed to be taking them
4) Touch up paint from when my church painted my house (including repainting some of the walls)
5) Cook dinner...or at least put the leftovers on a plate for me and microwave them
6) Help carry groceries into the house after a trip to the store
7) Help drive on long road trips
8) Speak (with me or instead of me) at supporting churches!!!
9) Clean the litter box occasionally
10) Go places with me at night (okay, this one I try not to do on my own...but would like to if I ever do have a husband!!)

Since I wrote this in my journal, I have added to the list but I think I'll leave it alone for now. If I'm not careful I will start looking for a husband...well, looking for someone who can do things for me, haha. That would not be good.

Anyway, just wanted to share! Hopefully I'll have something interesting to write soon...don't hold your breath though... :)