GREAT WEEKEND!!!

I had such a wonderful weekend! It started on Friday night when I went to Elizabeth and Frank's house with some friends. We played Balderdash all night and had so much fun. I really enjoyed laughing with them!!

Saturday I got up early and drove to Hershey Park with Shera, J, Jen, Joy, and Lindsay. We spent the entire day at the park riding roller coasters, which I have discovered is a huge love of mine!! Jen and Lindsay aren't big fans of roller coasters, so when the rest of us rode the major coasters (like the Storm Runner that drops you 121 feet almost straight down!), they hung out together. We tried to ride as many things as possible together though. The only negative was having to stand in line for the rides, but we even turned that into a positive (I told you it was a great weekend!). While standing in line we decided to take turns picking rides out of the map and then acting them out for everyone else to guess. We laughed A LOT, acted very silly and it made the lines so much more fun. It was great!!

The "Granny Bugs" ride was the hardest for us to guess, so we decided to take a picture in front of it. We looked for it all day and finally found it as we were leaving the park!!

By the end of the day we had convinced Lindsay to try some scarier roller coasters and she had a blast! By the time we left she was ready to try an upside down coaster!! We ran out of time, but we'll get her on one next time!!

We didn't leave the park until after 9 (after spending some time shopping for chocolate...were were at HERSHEY Park!), and didn't get home until after midnight. Our original plan was to stop for dinner on the way home, but we were so exhausted we just headed straight home. Jen (who is a student at PBU) and Lindsay spent the night with me which was fun too. We didn't stay up too late, but we had some laughs and everyone enjoyed Gizmo. I have the best cat ever!!! He entertained, and loved us for a while before we fell asleep.

I was pretty tired when I got to church this morning and wasn't very helpful at Sunday School, but enjoyed being there with the girls. I had a blast during worship this morning and had a really cool God moment with Paxton. Every Sunday he comes and sits with me during worship and morning announcements. He is so sweet and fun and I really love watching him, and worshipping with him even if we worship in different ways (he really enjoys spinning in circles, not my favorite thing, haha). Anyway, as we were singing one song I looked down at my left hand and started looking at my ring finger. I asked the Lord if He has a plan for that finger. I wasn't asking if He had a husband for me, I wasn't longing for a husband. I just wanted to hear from Him that married or single, I would always be loved and pursued. Its hard to explain what I really meant by that question, but God knew exactly what I was asking.

Literally as soon as I finished asking the question, Paxton grabbed my left hand, looked at it, took my ring finger, wrapped his hand around it and started to spin with a huge smile on his face...his beautiful brown eyes looking right at me. I knew at that moment that God absolutely loved me, was pursuing me and that He has a plan for me. It was awesome.

A friend, R, came to church today and brought his daughter. I was really excited to see him (he hasn't been to church in a while) and his daughter is so beautiful!! After church Shera and I went to lunch with Miguel and Linda. We had a lot of fun (can you see a theme for the weekend...fun!). Today is Peurto Rican Day, and Shera and I decided to celebrate. :) In Philly, Puerto Rican Day is a huge party. People drive around the city honking and yelling with Puerto Rican flags flying. There is also a televised parade. So as we were driving, Shera and I joined the fun rolling our windows down, honking and yelling. Linda and Miguel were extremely embarrassed, and we loved every second of it. They spent most of the car ride literally hiding in the back seat. When we got to Wendy's Linda announced "Just wait, I'm going to get you back on Irish Day!" (Haha, I'm assuming she meant St. Patrick's Day).
After lunch I went home and took a nap! There were other things I could have done, but the nap was screaming the loudest. I had Prayer Pals tonight and it went well. We didn't have too many kids but I have been wanting to clean the Hope House for over a week now and tonight I (with Shannon's help) got it to a manageable point. Now it won't be constantly on my mind!!

After Prayer Pals I headed back to Elizabeth and Frank's for another game night and had even more fun than Friday. It was a really great way to end the weekend. I actually had some amazing times with the Lord this weekend as well...and I will probably share some of that soon (and it will make my whole "ring finger" question make more sense, haha).

The Unexpected

Today was full of irony, and before I go on I must say I'm not sure I am a fan of irony. I learned a lot today, and have even more to ponder. Here is my day.

I woke up at 6 a.m., took a shower and then got the girls up and ready for school. I had to take them home at 7 because I had to be in Center City by 8 for my day of jury duty. I expected to be there until around 3:30 (unless I was chosen for a jury). From there I would run a few errands, go back home, head to Prayer Pals at 6, church prayer at 6:30, be home around 9 and spend the evening relaxing. While I wasn't really looking forward to jury duty, I was excited to not be working all day. I took a great book with me and my journal and set out for what I thought would be a pretty sweet day.

As I sat in the jury room waiting to be called to a panel I started to journal. I journaled about the unexpected things that happen in life. I have been thinking about that a lot recently. Nothing in my life is how I expected it to be. I don't really know what I expected, but this isn't it. I went through this several months ago as I searched to decide if it was time to leave Philly. Unexpected things happened and they caused me to question.

I started thinking about the unexpected again when Carisa stepped down. I came on staff only 2 years ago to lead an after-school program that no longer exists and to work along side a woman who is now stepping out of ministry; and I have to work an additional part time job in order to be able to do this. Not at all what I expected.

I had/have a lot of questions.

I wrote in my journal today: "In general I don't think we have a concept of the unexpected. We are often thrown of for a moment by an unexpected illness, phone call, etc. but we eventually (often quickly) go back to life as usual. Then there are the life altering unexpected things...a death in the family, a terminal illness, a job loss, etc. These are dramatic, but eventually even they become a part of the norm. Eventually the unexpected becomes old news.

That still leaves me with the question, though, What do you do with the unexpected? When something is unexpectedly harder than you thought it would be, how do you know when its time to back away or if its just a call to fight?

If you quit the things that are hard and things get easier, is that proof that you did the right thing? I mean, logic would say that if you don't do things that are hard, then life won't be hard. Is that okay?

If you follow what you think is God's call and things don't turn out how you expected, did you make a mistake?

What do you do with the unexpected?"

I wrote that and then just sat. I had no answer, and I knew I would probably never have a complete answer. This may be the question I ponder for the rest of my life.

Not long after I finished that entry I was called to be on a panel as a prospective juror. I spent about an hour on the panel before it was decided that I would not serve on the jury. (An interesting side note: the reason I could not serve on this jury was that the defendant lived right around the corner from me!! Crazy!). Anyway, it was about 11:30 and normally I would have had to sit in the jury room for another 4 hours and possibly be on another panel. However, today was a light day and they decided they didn't need us anymore, so they let us go home.

I was so excited!! Sometimes the unexpected can be good! An unexpected check in the mail, an unexpected phone call from a friend you miss...or an unexpected afternoon off. I was so pumped! I was going to eat lunch and hang out in Center City for the rest of the day, praising Him for the unexpected.

As soon as I stepped out of the courthouse, I turned on my cell phone (you can't have them in the courthouse) and saw a missed call and voice mail. I checked it and listened to a friend tell me that he was taking my friend Shera to the Emergency Room. She was having a lot of pain and needed help. I called quickly to see how she was and found out that he was going to have to leave her at the hospital, he was too busy to stay. He was going to pick her up later when she was finished, but she would spend the day alone in the Emergency Room.

Sometimes the unexpected is not good. I know I would never want to spend any time alone in the Emergency Room and I would never want any of my friends to either. I immediately got on the train, headed back to my house, got in my car and was at the hospital with her in about 45 minutes. I got there around 12:15, we got home at 8:30 p.m. It was a long, unexpected day.

I struggled throughout the day. I had plans and those plans were gone. I got over that pretty quickly. But then there were the things I was supposed to do for other people. My friend had to leave Shera because he was too busy. Should I have left and done my work as well? I had to get someone to cover Prayer Pals for me and I missed church prayer. Is that okay? Do you always have to go with the unexpected, or should you treat the unexpected as temporary inconveniences and get back to what you had expected? How do you know what to do?

I don't regret how I spent my day, but I'm not sure that means I did what I was supposed to. I am not a person that believes in the end justifying the means. I was able to keep Shera calm, take care of her and help her through some painful and scary tests, all the while wondering if the doctor was going to come in and tell her something devastating. I am grateful to have been able to be there for her. I absolutely would not have wanted to be anywhere else...but does that mean that I was in the right place?

As you can see, my mind has been swimming with questions all day. Questions with no easy answer. The answer, of course, is probably "depends". What do you do with the unexpected? "Ask God". That is SO much easier said that done. It is very easy to convince ourselves that we are hearing God when we are really following our own desires. Sometimes our desires match up with His, but not always. How do you know the difference?

I don't have an answer to that question, although I am working on it. I do know that God has a plan and a will and He wants to share that with me. His word says that His desire for us is that we not be swayed by the changing winds but that we would stay firm in the faith He has given us. In other words, He does not want our lives to be governed by the things of life, whether they are expected or unexpected; He wants us to follow Him. He promises that if we seek Him, we will find Him. I sought Him back in May when unexpected circumstances led me to question my call to Philly. I found Him. I heard Him say stay. Since then, unexpected things have happened that could easily cause me to once again question my call to Philly. They have not, however, because I have heard Him tell me to stay. I will stay. The circumstances, good or bad, do not decide my life for me, He does.

What I have realized is that I find it hardest to follow Him when it comes to other people. I worried all day about the choice I had made not because I thought God wanted me to do something else but because I knew other people wanted me to do something else. I am a people pleaser in every way. I HATE letting people down and I work very hard (sometimes too hard) to make sure that I don't let people down. And when I do, I am devastated. This isn't completely a bad thing as it helps keep me accountable to my brothers and sisters. However, it also enslaves me to them (although they don't realize it). I make so many decisions based on what is going to be best for others rather than what I think God has called me to. Its kinda like the story of Mary and Martha...only at least Martha was busying herself to serve Jesus (not realizing that He just wanted to spend time with her); I'm busying myself to serve people. I don't even get it as much as Martha did...and she missed the mark!!

So, what do I do with the unexpected? Right now the only answer I have is...don't let the unexpected control you...allow God to use it to mold you.

Oh What a Night

Tonight I did the only thing left on my "I will Never" list...I led Kids Club. I actually taught the lesson!! I probably shouldn't be writing this now, I haven't had a lot of time to process, but I guess here is my first impression.

To start with, I was ridiculously nervous. Not quite as nervous as I was when I preached at church, but a very close second. I was pretty much up front the entire time, and that is my least favorite thing to do. I really don't like being up front. That isn't so much a humility thing as it is an insecurity thing...although even at my most confident I still prefer to be behind the scenes. However, once I am up front I usually find myself pretty comfortable, which is what happened tonight. I hate going up front, but once I was there, I was fine.

I was pretty excited about the lesson I had planned and while I didn't do it exactly how I wanted to (I doubt I will ever get it perfect), overall I was happy with how it went. We talked about how Jesus lived before He was born...how He left heaven to be with us. I have no idea what the kids thought (they always seem to have the same look on their faces) but I made it through. It feels good to have done one and hopefully it will make the next one easier. I really just have to get past the looks on the kids faces, I always think they are annoyed and/or bored. I remember always being riveted by Carisa's lessons but seeing those same looks on the kids faces, and I know the kids love Carisa's lessons.

I don't know what the future holds for Kids Club, but although tonight went pretty well I am not feeling a pull to making this my new job. We'll see how the rest of the season goes. I really enjoyed being in the Reading Room tonight. We are doing Mad Libs with the kids, teaching them what verbs, nouns, adjectives, etc. are. It was really fun tonight!

Bonita and Linda are spending the night tonight, which is funny to me. On Kids Club nights they pretty much go straight to bed, but they still love to come over. Works for me, I don't have to do much!! We will be getting up very early tomorrow though. I have jury duty (AGAIN!!) and have to be downtown by 8 a.m. So, I have to drop the girls off at home by 7, which means we get up at 6:30. Whew!

I have a lot of work to do over the next week or so for my job with AIM, but it comes at a really good time because I don't have to prepare my next Kids Club lesson for 2 weeks; next Tuesday is Family Night.

So, now that clubs have started back up I am getting a real look at what the next few months are going to be like. I'm really glad I got to ease into it...starting with AIM before clubs start up and things going a little slow with AIM in the beginning. Its already starting to pick up and get busier, but I still feel really good about the way things are going. I'm really excited to make it to Saturday, Hershey Park!!!! (I love my days off!)

On a completely different note...I really like my neighbors but I don't enjoy their music 24/7.

Fun with my Cousin!

I had such a fun day off today!!! My cousin (I only have two, haha) came to visit for the day and we had a BLAST!! Actually, she got in last night (she lives in NY, so she took the train) and we stayed up for several hours talking. We are very good at talking, we take after our moms. :)

We planned on getting up and being ready to go by about 10, but we both accidentally slept in until about 10:30, whoops. It was probably a good thing, though, we both had pretty busy weeks and needed the sleep. Our original plan for the day was to go to brunch and then see the King Tut exhibit at the Franklin Institute. Unfortunately, I didn't think to get tickets yesterday and they were sold out for the entire day today by the time we called. Its okay though, the tickets were $32 each, and I am okay with not spending that. So, we ended up going to brunch with some of my friends and had a really good time (and ate really good food!). From there we went to Center City to see the movie "Across the Universe". Its an art film that was only playing in one theater, and it was GREAT!! The theater was very cool too...you can get chai and coffee to take into the movie with you!

After the movie I drove her to the train station and she headed back to NY. It was a short trip but we got a lot of good time to talk and we both had a lot of fun. We have a good system of visiting one another every few months which is really fun. I visited her in April, she came to me in Sept. so I guess I need to plan another trip in January...which I am actually already doing (apparently that is when Broadway shows are the cheapest). She and I are only a year apart and pretty much grew up together (our moms are sisters and best friends). My mom, brother and I even lived in her house for a summer. She and I went to Tech together and even had some classes together (we were both business majors, though I was management and she was marketing). We are actually VERY different people (I love sports, she loves theater...my favorite group of all time is Boyz II Men, hers is REM), but we really enjoy one another and its always so refreshing to hang out.

I had hoped to come home and work on Kids Club a bit tonight, but I am still clueless about what to do. I did have a "duh" moment about all of this though, haha. I have been trying not to stress and coming up with all the ways to cover myself if I don't have anything for Tuesday and I realized that I have not taken any time to pray!! How stupid is that?!? I know God has something He wants to say to these kids, and whether He (or I) likes it or not, I am going to be the one to say it...so whatever it is, He needs to tell me! But, He can't tell me if I don't ask Him and then listen!!! So, that's what I am trying to do. He hasn't said anything yet, but I get the feeling He has been waiting for me to ask. :)

I should be at the laundromat right now, but I think I can wait a few more days before I have to re-wear things that I should not be re-wearing (i.e., you will smell me before you see me). So, I am going to watch some TV and then maybe get to bed at a decent hour!

10 Reasons why I need a Husband...

Haha, just the title of this blog makes me laugh. This is one of the funny things I wrote in my journal one day when I was feeling overwhelmed with life and decided that a husband would ease my burdens, at least at that moment. I know a man would NOT solve all my problems, and in fact may add to them in some ways...but when I am looking at needing to get my car inspected, pick up the kids, and go to the laundromat in a span of about 2 hours...well, having someone else around would be helpful. So, I made this list!

Before I start, let me also make it clear that I am in fact NOT looking for a husband, haha. I am perfectly capable of doing everything on this list (or working around what I can't do, e.g. going to the laundromat since I can't hook up my washer and dryer). I have been and will continue to do the things on the list, and I will do them well. In fact, my life is so insanely busy right now there really isn't room for a husband (I have a hard time making room for my God!). And before you all start telling me, "Oh! That's when you're husband is going to come, when you aren't looking for him!", you can just stop. I have never been looking for a husband and I have been too busy for one for about 5 years now...and he still hasn't come. I'm thinking, and this is just a thought, that he will come in the LORD's timing...not mine or anyone elses. We'll just have to wait and see if I am right. :)

Oh, and I obviously understand that husband's are more than just people to run errands for you, haha. This list does not include all of the emotional and spiritual desires that a husband would fill. These are simply practical ways that a husband would be beneficial to me. :)

So, now here is the list...

1) Take care of my car...oil changes, inspection, etc.
2) Hook up washer and dryer...or go to the laundromat for me occasionally
3) Pick up the kids and drive them to wherever I am supposed to be taking them
4) Touch up paint from when my church painted my house (including repainting some of the walls)
5) Cook dinner...or at least put the leftovers on a plate for me and microwave them
6) Help carry groceries into the house after a trip to the store
7) Help drive on long road trips
8) Speak (with me or instead of me) at supporting churches!!!
9) Clean the litter box occasionally
10) Go places with me at night (okay, this one I try not to do on my own...but would like to if I ever do have a husband!!)

Since I wrote this in my journal, I have added to the list but I think I'll leave it alone for now. If I'm not careful I will start looking for a husband...well, looking for someone who can do things for me, haha. That would not be good.

Anyway, just wanted to share! Hopefully I'll have something interesting to write soon...don't hold your breath though... :)

I'm so Boring...

I know I haven't written in a while, but honestly I just haven't had much to write. Things are pretty boring for me right now. I am NOT complaining about that, but it doesn't make for interesting blog entries. I'll go ahead and update you on all of the non-excitingness that is my life. :)

I started work for AIM on Monday and so far I am loving it! I keep pretty busy throughout the day, but nothing too stressful which is really nice. Actually, this whole week has gone great with AIM! I haven't gotten behind on my work or stressed out. Of course, it is my first week and clubs haven't started back up at Cornerstone yet...but for now its great! :)

Tuesday night I met with Denise and Patsy to talk about Kids Club. I am SO glad we met as they reminded me of about 1000 things that we needed to do that I completely forgot about. I think we have a pretty good handle on things for the fall, but I am starting to freak out a little about teaching the lesson. I still have no idea what I am going to do for this week, and while I still have some time to figure it out, I'm getting a little nervous. I'm sure I'll be fine once I do it (at least I hope I will be, haha) but the anticipation is getting to me. So far no one has really had much encouragement for me. I don't think a single person has told me, "You can do this", they've all just said "You just have to make it through". That's not so encouraging... :) I know it sounds crazy but I kinda get the feeling that people are expecting me to not do well and they are just making themselves okay with it because they don't have a choice. I'm probably making that up in my head, but not having a plan for Kids Club that starts in 5 days doesn't help...

Wednesday was a slightly busier day with a trip to Target to buy my parents' Prayer Pals birthday presents (I got a remote control tarantula for my dad's pal!) and then Prayer Pals at night. I finally got to see Bonita and Linda for the first time since I've been back which was really great. Their phone was cut off so I had to wait for them to call me, which they did on Monday. Their mom was worried because she hadn't seen me in a while...the girls forgot that I was out of town, haha. Anyway, Prayer Pals was a lot of fun and afterwards I went out to dinner with my friend Shera. We planned on going for about an hour or so but stayed our until 10. It was SO great to get to just talk and hang out and not feel pressured to do anything for her. I had a lot of fun! It was actually great to just get to talk to anyone! I work from home during the day, so I don't get a lot of people interaction.

I have also managed to finish my newsletter this week and it will hopefully go in the mail tomorrow (I have the envelopes addressed and stamped, they just need newsletters in them). I also have all my thank you cards written and mailed from the summer and most of my bills paid and finances close to in order (the rest will have to wait until pay day). In all I still feel pretty good about where I am, although my to do list is still much longer than I would like it to be. Its manageable for now, but I am a little nervous once next week get here and I start my schedule of working every day until 2 and then night activities at the church every Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I am hoping that not having after school this year will free me up to go to more kids' sporting events and field trips. We'll see if it happens, but I really want it to!!!

That's about it for now! Hopefully I'll have something more exciting to share soon. My cousin is coming to visit this weekend (Friday and Saturday) so that should be fun, and then next weekend I am going to Hershey Park with some friends. I only get 1 day off a week and I am trying to take full advantage of it while I can!! :)

Oh, here is something fun. I was saving all my files to cds earlier (in case my computer were to ever crash or something like that) and I found some pictures of the kids and gizmo from 3 years ago. I can't believe how much they have grown up!!!!

Here is the only current picture I have of the 4 (the kid on the far left is Lindo, Dario's best friend, then Dario, Pedro is boy in the orange shirt, Linda, Luis and then Bonita is in the front)


And here is a picture almost exactly 3 years ago of Bonita, Linda, Dario and Luis:
I get to watch these guys grow up!!! What a blessing!!!!!!!!!!!

Bonita

I wasn't sure if you guys had taken the time to look at the God's Girls portraits on the Cornerstone Phanfare site, so I wanted to post this picture. She is SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Family

So, I am sitting in the Charlotte Airport and I will be here for about 3 hours with nothing to do, so I thought I would blog! Actually, I tried to start planning Kids Club lessons, but I wasn’t getting anywhere and it was frustrating me. I still have over a week before I have to do my first lesson, and then I have the week after that off because of Family night, so I still have time, and I didn’t want to frustrate myself if I wasn’t getting anywhere. So, I am blogging!

This weekend was incredible in so many ways. First, I got to be with a lot of people that I really enjoy. A lot of the people that were at the staff conference were on staff when I worked with AIM before, so I already knew a lot of them. I don’t usually enjoy meeting lots of new people, but I really liked the people that I met this weekend (I know it wasn’t actually a weekend, but since it was 2 days and I was away from home, I’m calling it a weekend). Anyway, I also got to meet all the guys that I will be working with/for over the next year and they are all wonderful! They are all very different and I am actually excited to work with each of them. Yay!!

Elizabeth and Frank (her husband) were there as well as Melanie and Ryan (all of whom live in Philly), and I REALLY enjoy them. We kind of segregated ourselves at times, but that’s okay. While we do all live in Philly we don’t actually get to hang out together a lot so this was a real blessing.

Okay, here is where I get really honest about what has been going on in my life, so get ready. The last year (and my years run Sept. to Sept., so I am talking about 2006-2007) has been hard. Really hard. In fact, in April of 2007 I had already pretty much written the entire year off as crap and was just trying to hold on until 2008. It sucked (sorry if that language offends anyone). Not that everything that happened was bad, but even the good stuff was hard. For example, Carisa had a baby. She had a beautiful baby that I am absolutely in love with…but her having a second child changed a lot of things and made it hard. Elizabeth got married. She married an amazing guy that I love and really enjoy and helps me out a ton. But, she was my closest single friend, so her being married changed things and made it hard. That’s life. This year, life was hard.

Then there were the bad things. A “friend” borrowed $1500 from me with the promise to pay me back. He hasn’t paid me back yet. I lost friends. I was alone A LOT. I had to give up the after-school program. Twice it looked like I would have a roommate, and both times they backed out at the last minute. My finances got to the point where I was seriously considering leaving full time ministry. I cried myself to sleep more nights than I didn’t. My journal was soaked from my tears, as was my pillow. My prayers were groaning that only the Holy Spirit could understand…but not because I was speaking in tongues...I often couldn’t even find the words. I fell apart more times that I would ever want to count. Psalm 89. Over and over again, Psalm 89.

The kicker for me was when I went to a trusted advisor and co-worker and asked for help. I confessed my struggles and my thoughts about where I might go with it. I sought encouragement, wisdom…if nothing else, prayer. Instead, I got these words:

“Some people just aren’t cut out for inner city ministry”

Those words swam around in my head over and over and over again. Was the Lord really telling me to leave? Did I make a huge mistake even coming to Philly? Is this God’s way of telling me what I always suspected…I don’t have what it takes, I can’t make it here and I never will?

At that point I couldn’t listen to anyone else; I needed to hear the Lord; so I went to His Word. I dug into it, sought Him and asked Him, “Am I cut out for inner city ministry?” That was a long process. The answer did not come quickly, and it didn’t come without tears. The answer did come…though it wasn’t exactly what I expected.

I was waiting for a simple yes or no. Am I cut out or not? His answer:

“No one is cut out for inner city ministry. Some are called. How do you know if you are called? Don’t look in your support account to find the answer, that isn’t where it is. The fact that some people are being disobedient to my call to support you does not mean that you aren’t called. Don’t ask other people, they don’t know. Only I know, because only I have the plans for your life. Remember those plans? I have plans to PROSPER you. No, you aren’t cut out for this…no one is. But, you are absolutely called to it”.

So, I stayed. When I made the decision to stay, however, I made it very naively. I expected to continue to suffer. I expected to continue to have to push through. To stand under an often unbearable weight. I was accepting the call, forgetting who it was that called me. I forgot, for a time, that He loves me. That He is IN LOVE with me. That He is my bridegroom and DESIRES to take care of me. I ignored the fact that He knows my every thought…my every need and want and TAKES JOY in providing those things for me. I forgot all that. He wants to remind me.

Not long after I made the decision to stay God opened the door for me to work for AIM. My old boss just “happened” to be in Philly leading a mission trip that just “happened” to be working with Cornerstone. I just “happened” to mention that I was looking for a part time job while she was here. When she got back from the trip she found out that one of her employees just “happened” to find another job, which just “happened” to leave a part-time job available with AIM…one that just “happened” to be a paid position. Within another week, I had the job.

But this isn’t just any job. I can work from home, I already know how to do the job, I enjoy it, and they are taking care of anything I need to be able to do the job. My hours are flexible and I don’t have to step down from anything at Cornerstone. If I could have concocted my dream part-time job, it wouldn’t be as good as this.

I praised God. I was in awe of God. But, I still didn’t get it. I forgot that He is so much bigger than I think He is. That is what I realized this weekend.

We spent the first night of staff conference praying over one another. Not praying with an agenda, praying with Love. We spent the rest of the weekend talking over meals, sharing “God Stories” in our “meetings”. Being completely real and honest about where we are and how amazing God is. The focus wasn’t AIM, our ministry philosophy…the focus was God. On the first night Clint, the head of Short Term Missions at AIM, stood up and said he was resigning as a missionary. He didn’t want to be defined by that any more. He just wanted to love Jesus. As we worshipped he cried out to be with Jesus and he shared that at that time God had revealed to Him that He was with Jesus…because he was with us. He stood before us and said, “Trish, I want to be with you because Christ is with you. I want to be near you because being near you brings me to Jesus”. That was the focus of the weekend. Christ is in us…we want to draw near to Him; we need to be with one another. So, that’s what we did.

We had a few meetings where we did talk business, but even those were saturated with Christ. At no point did we try and make plans, concoct schemes to draw people to us…we talked about what we were passionate about, what God was doing in us and how we could share that with people. The overwhelming desire was for Christ and nothing else. I am working for the “Church Mobilization” team. Our goal is to get youth groups signed up on mission trips. As I listened to the people I will work with talk, I didn’t hear a desire to get people in AIM trips, I heard a desire to mobilize the Church into the world. I heard a desire to send and be sent. I heard an overwhelming desire for Christ.

There are people that I met for the first time on Thursday that I know better than people I have known for years. AIM is huge, but this conference was only for the people involved with the short term trips, so there were about 40 of us there. We were from all over the country, and even Mexico. We all have different gifts and even passions. No one else there loves Cornerstone or the kids at Cornerstone, but they love Jesus, and so do I.

I didn’t really get what this all meant for me until this morning. We met together for worship and prayer that was only supposed to last 20 minutes or so and it went all morning. Before worship we started with a presentation on the financial state of AIM. That sounds boring and had the potential to be very technical. Instead, it was saturated with Christ. The bottom line of the presentation…”we, as AIM, want to take care of you. You are worth so much and we want to show you that. We know some of you are struggling financially and we want to walk along side you in that struggle. You are not alone, and you are not a failure”. I couldn’t believe it!! I have never heard anyone tell me that! We talked about ways to cut costs and make more “profit” because AIM wants to pour that money directly into us…whether that’s help with health insurance or retirement, or if it’s helping pay for us to see a counselor so we don’t get burnt out. AIM is a family and they WILL take care of one another. The people that are well supported made a commitment to walk along side those that are struggling…both practically and in prayer.

It gets better. After we spent some time praying several people stood up to share ways that God has worked in their lives over the last year, and one story blew me away. To make a really long story short, there is one guy at AIM that was struggling incredibly all year. He was at the end of his rope and didn’t know what to do. He lives in Mexico but his boss lives in Georgia (where the AIM main office is). His boss called him regularly, prayed for him and with his regularly. (By the way, his boss, Steve, is the Director of Operations at AIM…he has about 30 or so people under him as well as being in charge of all the hiring and overall operations of the entire company…he is a VERY busy man). When things got to a critical point, Steve called this guy’s home church pastor and AIM paid for the two of them to fly to Mexico. They showed up at this guy’s house and drove him to a treatment center. Steve had already arranged for him to get treatment and even arranged for a hotel for him. He was there for 4 weeks, and AIM paid for all of it. He is a new man. Steve saved his life. AIM didn’t bat an eye at doing that…he was family.

What I have been longing for in Philly is a family. Cornerstone doesn’t offer me that. Don’t hear me wrong. I am not saying they should or that they are somehow letting me down by not offering me that. I LOVE Cornerstone, I LOVE the people at Cornerstone, I LOVE the people that I work with at Cornerstone. I have no desire to leave and I know I would be completely unfulfilled if I wasn’t at Cornerstone. The people that I work with at Cornerstone challenge and encourage me daily. I am in awe of the Christ that is in them and SO thankful to be a part of that team. But we aren’t a family. We are a group of people that love Jesus and work together for a common purpose. That is amazing, and I love it. But, it isn’t a family. I don’t NEED a family (I do have a wonderful biological family which is a huge blessing…this isn’t what I’m talking about either), but I desire one. I desire to be taken care of. AIM is saying that they WANT to take care of me. I didn’t even really know I wanted this until it was offered to me.

After we heard that story we spent time in worship and in prayer and I just cried. God didn’t just say He was going to take care of me, He IS taking care of me. He didn’t just provide me with a part-time job so I could make some money; He brought me something that I have been desperately longing for without even knowing it. I feel like a part of a family. I feel taken care of. I feel wanted and appreciated. I feel Jesus.

Nature!!

Why do all retreats have to happen in the woods? Why can't we "retreat" at the beach? or even in a nice hotel in the city? Why the woods?!?

Don't get me wrong, I love nature. Well, I enjoy parts of it, for a time at least. I enjoy hiking... to a specific place (an overlook, a waterfall, etc). The actual process of hiking is really just walking, and I enjoy that along a lake or river more than I do in the woods. I am okay with camping, as long as there is a bathroom nearby. I do enjoy the quiet and calm, but I get that at the beach.

We are supposed to bond together in nature. Fishing together, hiking together, etc. What about football? Why can't we all watch football together...that would be awesome bonding for me!!

I am in the mountains in North Carolina and I am having a good time. Relaxing, reading, enjoying friends, sleeping...but as I walked in to the place where we were staying, we say a huge sign warning us of bears! That's right, there are tons of walking trails, places to fish, etc. but if we choose to venture out to them, we need to be cautious of bears. How is this relaxing?!? I retreat from the dangers of the city into nature...where I face bears!! I think I stand a much better chance in the city...

I am looking forward to the day when I go on a staff "retreat" where we rent 2 or so houses at the beach and we spend our free time at the ocean or a pool. That may never happen, but I can dream. :)

Okay, now that I got that off my chest, I can move on. I am having a GREAT time!!! This staff conference is so great so far! Let me go back a little...

On Wednesday I flew into Knoxville and spent the day training for my new part time job. Its very similar to what I did before, so the training didn't take long. My friend Sara also drive me around Knoxville and I really enjoyed it! Its beautiful!! The Tennessee river is spectacular, I wish I had taken my camera.

Thursday we got up and drove into Asheville, NC for the AIM staff conference. We ate dinner here and then had some time of worship. That part was incredible. The entire staff spent time worshipping and praying together...with no agenda or teaching...just time with the Lord...corporately. The purpose of this weekend is to meet with God, and follow Him from there. We will spend time in meetings and planning, but only after we have spent time, individually and corporately, with Him. Then we will follow Him. The theme for this weekend (which was revealed to us last night...not preplanned) is Joshua 3:3-4: "When you see the ark of the covenant of the LORD your God, and the priests, who are Levites, carrying it, you are to move out from your positions and follow it. Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before..."

I feel like this is the verse for me...I'll explain later.

I am excited to see where we are going to go from here. God is speaking a lot to me and I will share it when I get the chance to really process all of it. In the meantime, I'm going to watch a movie. Ahhhhh, nature. :)

(In my defense, it is raining right now...not that I would change my plans if it wasn't, haha)

I might be ready to move...

Okay, not really, but Washington, NC has come the closest to getting me out of Philly. I am in love with that town! (By the way, the picture is of my mom and dad)

I had a pretty good trip to NC, although it did require a lot of driving. I will be very excited (as will my mom and dad) when my parents' house sells in VA and my mom will move permanently to NC. That will hopefully happen before I visit again, sometime around Thanksgiving. Anyway, I really enjoyed my time with my family and I especially enjoyed the town of Washington. My dad's goal is to be the chief there for at least 10 years, so I am very much looking forward to visits home (and of course I love my parents!).

The only downer on the trip was the fact that I was sick the entire time. Well, that at the fact that Tech and the Eagles lost their respective games, but I'm over that. My dad was sick the whole time too, so we all spent most of our time inside resting, sleeping or coughing. We did make some trips out and had so much fun. Check out these pictures, they are of downtown Washington. These were taken literally a short walk (not drive, WALK) from my parents' house.

I mean seriously!! This is the kind of place where I would pay for a vacation!! I didn't get to the beach on this trip, but I will in the spring. You can take a short ferry ride straight from Washington to the Outerbanks for the day. How sweet is that?!?

I had hoped to go for a run along the river, but my illness prevented that. And God, in his wonderful mercy, also sent tropical storm Gabrielle to bring us some rain so I wouldn't feel so bad about being inside, haha.

I am back in Philly now, and feeling much better! I am leaving at 6:15 tomorrow morning to fly to Knoxville, TN for my training with AIM. On Thursday I will drive with my friend Sara to Asheville, NC (I think its about a 5 hour drive??) for AIM's staff conference. I don't really know what to expect but I always enjoy staff conference. It isn't a family focus at all, its really a time to decompress from the previous year and just fellowship with one another and with the Lord. I'm excited! I get back to Philly Saturday night and pretty much hit the ground running with Sunday School and Prayer Pals on Sunday and then I start working for AIM and preparing for the fall kick off at Cornerstone on Monday. The kids have already started school here...its so crazy!! This time last year Bonita and Linda were living with me, isn't that strange? Its amazing what can happen in a year...

Another One!!

Okay, I know I have posted already today, but here I am again!! I'm heading out to my parents house in the morning and I don't know if I will be able to post while I am there, so I wanted to get one last post in. If I can post while I'm there, I definitely will!!

Today turned out to be a really great day! I dropped my car off to get it inspected around 9 a.m. and the guy told me it wouldn't be ready until after 1. I had to walk home (or wait for 4 hours!), which I thoroughly enjoyed!! Its about a 15-20 minute walk, but it was such a nice morning I didn't care how long it took! Plus, I pass my fruit stand on the way, so I got some oranges (hopefully they will help with my cold..which is sadly getting worse) and then headed home. As you read earlier, I got a ton done in the morning and went to pick up my car around 2.

That is where the real fun began!! I needed to take 6 kids uniform shopping, and since school starts on Monday, it had to be done today. My original plan (before I waited until the last minute) was to take the kids in sets of 2 (they are actually 3 sets of siblings, so it would have been easy to do) so I wouldn't be stressed out. Instead, I took all 6 kids, representing 4 different schools, to shop for uniforms 4 days before school starts. Not one of my brightest ideas...

Everyone got uniforms though!! Actually, other than being very squished in the car (I really need a mini van), we all had fun!! The kids laughed and were very cooperative and everyone helped everyone else find what they needed. Bonita turned out to be the problem as she was VERY picky about what she liked...and what she did like was not in her size. We decided to have a little competition to see who could find pants that Bonita liked the fastest and Pedro and Miguel won (we were in teams). It took a little while to find everyone things that fit (of course all of the kids are odd sizes), but we did it!!!

After I dropped the kids off I headed home to do some laundry. I think I have now washed everything I own. As much as I was dreading the Laundromat, it wasn't too bad (other than the money it cost!). I washed everything I needed to in about 2 hours. Pretty Sweet!!

So, now my house is clean, I am organized and I am heading home!! I had hoped to be in NC already, but I'm glad I finished things up here before I left. It will make coming back so much nicer. I am really looking forward to going home though...especially now that I am sick. My mommy can take care of me!!

Here is my schedule for the next week or so:

Friday, Sept. 7- drive (with Gizmo) to South Boston, VA; pick up my mom and head to Washington, NC
Friday night-Tuesday Sept. 11- Hang out in Washington
Tuesday Sept. 11- drive to South Boston, VA; drop mom off and head back to Philly
Wednesday, Sept. 12- Fly to Knoxville, TN for AIM training
Thursday, Sept. 13- drive (actually ride with my friend Sara) to Asheville, NC for AIM Staff Conference
Friday, Sept. 15- fly back to Philly

Whew that's a lot of traveling!!! The good thing is, all of the destinations will be providing me with rest, relaxation, family, friends and fun! Yay!! I am really hoping to post some pictures of my parents' new place, the town is so beautiful!! I really really want to go for a run around the lake, so pray that I feel better soon!!

Here is another crazy thing that happened that I could definitely use prayer for. I was talking to a friend tonight who lives in the area and I was telling her about my part time job with AIM. She didn't realize that I was having to work in addition to working at the church and was really upset about that. Suddenly, she came up with 3 different ways that she thinks her church might be able to support me! She got really excited about it and is going to make some phone calls tomorrow. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it all sounds so exciting. So, PRAY!!! We'll see what God does!

Okay, I need to get to bed, but hopefully I will be posting again soon. I actually have a really funny post that I want to share from my personal journal whenever I have time to type it out. So, stay tuned for that one!

And its CLEAN!!

The last few days have had some ups and downs, but more ups than downs, so I can’t complain.

Let’s start with the ups. My house is CLEAN!!! The upstairs and first floor are pretty much spotless and I am SO EXCITED!! I’m also 99% finished organizing everything. I just need a few more drawers and storage things, and a cork/dry erase board and I will be ready to go. My basement is a different story however…

Actually, my basement is clean, except for one room…but that room is a disaster. I will get to that eventually though, I’m in no hurry.

The most exciting part about my house is that I am leaving tomorrow and I will be gone for about 10 days, so my house is going to stay clean!!! :)

I have also gotten a TON of other stuff done. I organized everything on my computer and I have Prayer Pals, Kids Club and all my personal finances together and organized. I still have plenty to do (newsletter, preparing for Kids Club, etc), but I am at a really good place to be able to get all that stuff done. I also cleaned my car, got it inspected and I am leaving in about an hour to get the kids’ school uniforms. The only thing left for me to do is a mountain of laundry. I will spend some quality time at the Laundromat tonight. :)

So, overall I am feeling great about everything and my to-do list is not nearly as intimidating. However, I have run into some email problems that are causing me some frustration. I can’t figure out what the problem is, and neither can the Verizon people. I can access my email, but only from their website, I can’t get any of it on my computer. I really don’t want to have to change my email address!!

I am also facing a situation actually similar to one I faced this time last year. There is a person who is upset with me about something but won’t talk to me about it. It is a very frustrating situation and I am again put in the position of just waiting until this person either talks to me or gets over it. It is also a somewhat embarrassing situation because several people know what is going on and are talking about it, although no one seems to know why this person is upset with me. I don’t like people being upset with me, especially when I have no idea why. There isn’t anything I can do about it though, oh well.

Actually, this person isn’t the only person that seems upset with me. I would say that I overall get the feeling that there are a good number of people upset or annoyed with me, or just don’t want me to be around. Good thing I am going out of town for 10 days! J I don’t know if it’s all in my head or not, so I guess all I can do is trust that people will talk to me if they need to. I try to be humble, I know I’m not perfect and I am aware that I make a lot of mistakes, hopefully people can give me the grace I need…even if I don’t deserve it.

Oh, and I caught a cold...what's that all about?!?

Still Cleaning...

My upstairs is clean!! And when I say clean, I really mean clean!!! I rearranged everything, cleaned it better than it has ever been cleaned and organized my "office", so I am ready to go!! I even cleaned the bathroom like never before. I have a VERY small bathroom (I know you are picturing a small bathroom in your head right now...go smaller...keep going...smaller...there, that's about the size of my bathroom), but it took quite a while to clean it. I scrubbed every part of it, including the shower curtain liner, and it looks SO good!!!

I have moved onto the first floor and I hope to finish it before I head to my parents house on Friday, but I am not sure I will. I think I will get it pretty clean, but ideally I would like to move all my kitchen stuff back into my kitchen. However, most of my kitchen stuff is dispersed throughout my basement and I don't know that I will have the time to track it all down and put it in its correct place. I can survive for a while without all of it anyway.

In addition to cleaning a lot today I also managed to get the oil changed in my car, make an appointment to get it inspected, organize all the files and pictures on my computer and shop for some necessary items for my house. It was a pretty busy day, but a great one!!

Starting tomorrow I actually have a few things on my schedule outside of my house. I will be heading to Philadelphia Biblical University (PBU) tomorrow morning to try and recruit some college students to come and help us this fall with our ministries. I think I will be back around 2 or 3 from that, and I will spend the rest of the day cleaning and doing some laundry at the laundromat. On Thursday I am taking all my kids shopping for school uniforms which should be fun, and getting my car inspected. I will hopefully finish up cleaning and organizing my house on Thursday and head to VA either late that night or early in Friday. I am driving to South Boston, picking up my mom and then heading to Washington to spend the weekend there with my parents (and I am taking Gizmo with me!!). I am SO excited to get back to NC, and then to come home to a really clean house!!

(Did I mention that I just got another summons for jury duty? Its my 3rd time in 3 years. I'm not so excited about that...)

Relaxing AND Productive!!

I have had a GREAT past few days!!! I know I could have been way more productive than I have been, but for the first time in a while I don't HAVE to be productive all the time, so I am choosing not to! :)

I spent most of the weekend by myself and I loved every second of it. I have spent a lot of time reading, in prayer, and watching TV. College football is here and that ALWAYS lifts my spirits!! I spent about 5 hours watching football on Saturday, including watching the greatest upset in college football history. Not only did I predict it, I got to watch it! It was so fun! And, of course the Hokies' win was also a highlight. I know it seems like a lot of TV, but if you know how much I love football, then you know how much of a blessing that was...and I know I won't get the chance to do that again anytime soon.

Also this weekend I decided to rearrange the upstairs of my house and try and do a real deep cleaning before the fall craziness starts. I have gotten a lot done, and thrown a TON of stuff away, but I still have quite a ways to go as well. I decided that since I will be working a lot in the fall, especially on my computer, that it wasn't a great idea for me to have my office in my bedroom. So, I have moved my desk and all of my "work" stuff out of my bed room and into the girls' room. There is still plenty of room for their bunk beds and dresser, and now I have my own work space. Its great!!!

Of course, right now the upstairs is still in the transition phase and is pretty much a disaster. I am planning on having it finished by tonight (hopefully!) and then I will move to the first floor...which is now a disaster as well. I am really enjoying all of this though...I get to work at my own pace with no one else's expectations on me. I LOVE IT!!!

I haven't gotten a lot of preparing done yet for Kids Club or anything like that, but I actually feel really good about where I am. I tend to come up with an idea whenever I have it and then just run with it. I think I will feel SO good about everything I have going on in the fall if my house is in order and I don't have to stress about that or live in a mess. I can handle the mess for now, but once I really get going the mess will really stress me out.

Church was fun yesterday and the teens did a great job sharing about the mission trip. I think the congregation was really challenged by them, which was our prayer. I caused some problems as I made a slide show, but couldn't burn it onto a DVD. So, we spent quite a while trying to get it all set up (I say we but it was mostly J and Frank via cell phone). We got it to work though, and it was great!! We had a lunch after church and it was fun hanging out with people. I also had Prayer Pals last night, and then went over to my friend Elizabeth's house to hang out with friends. It was my first time out of the house and with people in about 4 days! I had a lot of fun and didn't get home until after 1.

This blog was kind of my break from cleaning, but I need to get back to it. I am almost finished cleaning my bedroom and the girls' room/my office. I still have the bathroom and laundry room to go! Those rooms are still trashed from when my church was here, so its going to take a while to clean. I really hope I can get it all done tonight though!! I had planned on going home to visit my parents on Thursday, but I am slowly pushing that back. I still think I am going to go, but I'm thinking Friday or Saturday is now the goal. I just want my house clean!!