I have Lost My mind

There are SO many reasons for the title of this blog. :) I will go through some of them, haha.

I got back to Philly on Tuesday around 2:30. Denise, my Kids Club co-leader called me around 10 (while we were on the road) to tell me that she had been called into work and wasn't going to be able to do the lesson for Kids Club that night. Not a problem, we have several movies we can show, and I have no problem doing that. However, I suddenly had the idea of playing a game to review things from the last semester with the kids. So, I spent a good part of the rest of the ride preparing the game...which included needing a wheel (kinda like wheel of fortune). Thankfully, we had one at the church that just needed some modifications!! But, the prep for Kids Club took me from the time I got home until right as Kids Club started. The game went well and everyone seemed to have a lot of fun, and it was a really good review for the kids. In fact, I think I will do it again at the end of next semester. Still...the movie would have been much easier. :)

When I finally got home on Tuesday night I checked my email to discover that I was WAY behind on my AIM work (like 57 emails and many phone calls behind). Now, because of my personality, waiting until Wednesday to do my work would have been very difficult. So, I proceeded to respond to all the emails I could and saved only the phone calls until Wednesday. That took me until about 7 a.m. I got completely caught up though!!! I took a quick nap and then headed to staff prayer at 9.

Thankfully, because I got caught on Tuesday night, I didn't have to work extra on Wednesday and when my AIM hours were over a 2 p.m., I immediately took a 3 hour nap. That had me rested and ready to go for Prayer Pals. I also pretty much went straight to bed after Prayer Pals, so now I am caught up on my work and my sleep!!

I know the staying up until 7 wasn't the best idea I have ever had...which means it continues with my theme of losing my mind. :)

I am really glad that I got caught up though because the rest of this week and on through about the middle of December will be extremely busy. Here is the quick run down:

Doctor's appt. tmw
Grocery shopping and house cleaning this weekend

Next week will be a "normal" week (which is still pretty busy).
Next Friday is the Cornerstone Adult Christmas Party

The following Monday is the Kids Club Christmas Party (which I will be planning for most of next week).

*** Something to pray for with that...the church that usually donates the presents for the party is talking about giving us gift cards to shop with...they will have the gift cards to us on Dec. 10th. The Christmas party is Dec. 10th. PRAY THEY SEND US MONEY INSTEAD!! Either way, we have to shop for about 200 Christmas gifts OURSELVES this year!! (Hopefully we don't have to do it the day of the party!)

Tuesday is the Pre-Teen Christmas Party (which I normally don't attend, but this year 5 of the kids that I drive to kids club are all in pre-teens! So, I will be going this year).

Wednesday is "normal"

Thursday is the Teen Club Christmas party.

My friend Catherine comes to visit on Friday. We will be driving to see her family in CT on Sunday, coming back on Monday.

That Wednesday is the Prayer Pals Christmas party (which also requires planning and probably shopping).

That should be the end of the chaos. I will head home to visit my parents in the 23rd or 24th, coming back to Philly on the 27th or 28th, depending on ticket prices.

Somewhere in there I also have to fit in a movie date with Paxton, a skating date with several kids, a shopping trip with Miguel and Bonita, a separate one with Tasha as well as my own Christmas shopping. Oh, and I am trying to keep going to the gym regularly and I work 9-2 everyday. Whew!!

I hope it doesn't sound like I am complaining, cause I'm not. This is always a busy time of year, so I am prepared for it. We don't start clubs back up until the end of January, so I will get some good rest time as well as prep time in there.

Still, the next few weeks are going to be interesting...especially if my mind stays gone. :)

I'm still here!?!?

I can't believe its Saturday, and I still have 2 more FULL days in Virginia!! Usually I would be on my way back to Philly, or packing to leave early in the morning. I am so excited to get to stick around!!

The last few days have been pretty uneventful (which I LOVE!), which is part of the reason I haven't posted. The other part is that my parents have dial up Internet, and its about to drive me insane. :) I didn't have Internet at my house until about a year ago, but there is no turning back!!

Anyway, Thanksgiving Day was a really nice day. We went out to eat for the meal (there are only 5 of us) and ate a ton. The rest of the day we just spent time together talking and relaxing. Friday turned out to be just as relaxing with very little activity. Everyone in my family hates crowds and none of us are fond of shopping either, so the idea of going anywhere on Black Friday was not appealing to anyone. My dad and I did have a few errands to run, but neither CVS nor Lowes was very crowded. :) I did have some shopping to do, but all the sales I wanted to hit were still going on today, so I decided to wait.

Instead, over my first 2 days here I read 2 novels and started a third. I LOVE to read, so this has been a GREAT vacation for me! Today turned out to be the most eventful day thus far. I slept in (which I also love to do!) and got up in time for the Tech/UVA game. This is always a big game, as I have mentioned before, and we were not necessarily favored to win. Thankfully, WE DID WIN!!!! It was a really fun game to watch, especially with my family who loves Tech football as much as I do. GO HOKIES!!!

After the game my brother and I headed out for some shopping. The closest shopping to South Boston is an hour away, but we had a good time in the car. My brother and I have the exact same sense of humor, so we laugh together a lot. We ended up visiting several different stores looking for the best deal...but neither of us are impulse buyers, so we didn't buy anything. We both think we found what we are looking for, so we will keep an eye out for the best price (nothing was on an extreme sale). The one thing I am looking to buy ASAP is a treadmill. In fact, I found a good one at a good price, but I wasn't sure if I could get it back to Philly. So, I will wait until I get back to Philly and hope to find the same one at a good price there. (It was on sale, but not a Thanksgiving Day sale, so the store people were pretty sure I could find it just as easily in Philly). I am REALLY excited to get one! :)

I still can't believe I have 2 more full days here! My dad will head back to NC tomorrow, so it will just be me and my mom. I do have to work for AIM on Monday (provided I can find some wireless Internet somewhere in this town!) and I have some Kids Club things to get ready for (invitations to the Christmas party...which I just realized need to be handed out as soon as I get back on Tuesday!). None of that is really stressful though. I do miss everyone back in Philly, but I have definitely enjoyed the rest.

Dear Michael Vick...

Dear Michael Vick,

My name is Trish and I am a graduate of Virginia Tech. In fact, I graduated in 2002, the same year you would have graduated had you not already gone pro. I was at every home game you played at Virginia Tech and even traveled to the Sugar Bowl in 2000 and to the University of Miami later that same year (you were injured and didn't play in the game). I have never actually met you, although I did see you from a distance a few times in West End during lunch. I never heard a bad word spoken about you as a person while I was at Tech. Of course, people had plenty to say about your performance on the field (funny how people in the stands can tell you exactly how you should have played a game...all the while not facing down a line of defenders whose only goal is to take you out), but I heard nothing bad about your character. I was a Michael Vick fan from the first Spring Game you ever played...and for the record, I am still a fan.

I continued my allegiance as you entered the NFL and became an Atlanta Falcons fan on draft day. In the fall of 2002 I moved to Philadelphia, and despite intense pressure from EVERYONE around me, rooted for the Falcons every time the two teams met. 5 years later I consider myself an avid Eagles fan now (growing up in VA left me with no real allegiance to a pro team...the Carolina Panthers were too little too late for true Virginians...besides, who needs a pro team when you have the Hokies?!?). However, no matter how my allegiance to the Eagles grows, I have never been able to root against you. I still can't.

Since the news of this dog fighting has come out, I have heard a lot of negative things being said about you. I find it interesting. In the almost 10 years that you have been in the spotlight, not a single person who has ever really known you has had a single negative thing to say about you. Even now in the midst of this scandal...the people who really know you can't say anything bad about you. Its only the people who have never met you that have a lot to say. That tells me something about who you really are. I hope you see that too.

I was watching the show Kid Nation tonight and a 10 year old boy looked the camera straight on and said, "Its not how many times you fall that matters. Its how many times you get up". I wanted you to know that I have watched you stand tall, I have watched you fall, and I am watching you get back up. I work with inner city youth in Philadelphia and you are one of the few celebrities that I WILL tell my kids to look up to. Why? Because you are one of the few celebrities...one of the few people in this world, who has made a mistake, owned up to it and faced the consequences; no excuses and no whining. There aren't many people like that left in this world. That is integrity. That is a role model. Too many celebrities exploit women, exploit their sexuality, and especially exploit urban culture to get rich and take no responsibility for how their actions affect so many people. You are not like that. Thank you.

I don't know where you are with your faith, and I don't want to sound like I am preaching at all. I hope you see this as an encouragement. When I think of you, I think of King David from the Old Testament. David was a man after God's own heart and was very blessed by God. But, David made a mistake. And then to cover up that mistake, he made an even bigger mistake. David's mistake was WAY worse than yours...he impregnated a woman and then KILLED that woman's husband to cover up what he had done. THEN, he kept all of that a secret. One day, though, David's secret was revealed...and he was disgraced. I think you kinda know that the feels like?

David's response was immediate repentance. That is what I saw from you as well. David still had to face consequences. The child that he bore with the married woman, died...and that tore David apart. I imagine right now, you are experiencing a lot of sorrow from your choices. Please know that because of David's repentance and trust in the Lord, he was restored. David became one of the greatest kings of Israel, is immortalized as "a man after God's own heart" and is in the blood line of Jesus. David's sin is not what defines him today; his heart for God is.

I can envision so many great things for your life. I don't have any idea what God's plan for you is, but I pray that you are seeking it...because I am positive that restoration is part of it. God is the restorer of broken walls, and right now I know you are broken. There are so many kids that could benefit from your life, your struggles...and yes, your talent.

I am so very tired of judging people, and even more tired of being judged. I struggle with judging people, I will be the first to admit that. In fact, that is one of the MANY things that the Lord is working with me on. There are a lot of people out there that think they are better than you. I find that simply hilarious. I know it sounds cliche, but Jesus said it so its not only true, but not something to be taken lightly; "He who is without sin, cast the first stone". It is SO hard for me to hear the voice of God over the voice of judgement and condemnation. I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you right now.

So, I am praying for you. I am praying that you will hear the voice of truth speaking to your heart. The voice telling you that you are NOT defined by your actions, nor by what other people think of you. You are defined by your heart. By who rules your heart. There are plenty of people who claim to know you...to know exactly the "kind of person you are". Not a single one of those people knows your heart. "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." ~1 Samuel 16:7.

I have to admit that I am writing this letter just as much for myself as I am for you. See, for me, the reason it is so much easier to hear the condemnation rather than the truth is because I believe the judgements myself. I believe that I am too overweight to ever been truly loved. I believe that mistakes that I have made make it impossible for me to be redeemed. I believe that other people are right and I am not worth much, if anything to this world. I believe the lies. Its so hard not to. That is, until I read the truth. The truth is, I am a treasure. The truth is, I am already loved, worthy and redeemed. The truth is, "Those who look to Him [God] are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." ~Psalm 34:5.

Do not be ashamed. You are redeemed. You are worthy. You are loved. Your heart is good, beautiful and pure.

And, if it matters...I am still a Michael Vick fan. Michael Vick the Hokie, Michael Vick the Falcon...Michael Vick the man...and Michael Vick the redeemed.

Sincerely,
Trish ...a Hokie, a woman, a treasure, redeemed and unashamed.

Going Home Today!!!!

I am so excited I can barely stand it! I get to go home tonight!! It turns out that the Hinsons have room in their van for me AND the route they take home just happens to pass about 20 minutes from my parents house. They don't even have to drive out of their way to take me because my mom can pick me up along their route, YAY!!! Plus, I haven't gotten to spend much time with the Hinsons over the last few months and I think a 6ish hour car ride should help make up for that. :) I had hoped to be back on Monday so I wouldn't miss God Squad, but the Hinsons aren't coming back until Tuesday. It still works out great though, I can do my AIM work from my parents house on Monday...and probably get my Tuesday stuff done since I won't be going to God Squad that night. I HATE missing God Squad, but I think this will be the first one in 3 years...so I think they will survive. Plus, I get to spend more time with my family!!! Oh, and I don't have to drive for 7 hours by myself!!!! I thought about flying back on Monday, but the cheapest flight was $140, and it would require my mom to drive me an hour and a half to the Raleigh airport...and then an hour and a half home. That verses a free ride back to Philly with people I REALLY enjoy being around....in the end it was a pretty easy decision. :)

I don't think we have any grand Thanksgiving plans. My family is small with no kids, so Thanksgiving is pretty low key; which I really like. Of course, there is the annual Virginia vs. Virginia Tech game, which will be so great to watch. I can't remember the last time I didn't watch that game with my family. In fact, I think this will be 27 years in a row that I have watched that game, either live or on TV, with my family. How cool is that?!?

Of course, this sudden change of plans means that my house won't be quite as clean as I want it to be before I leave. Actually, its pretty clean, just not perfect. :) I spent all day today running my last minute errands and got everything finished! I got a tire fixed on my car, copies of my house key made (because people keep taking them home with them...Brooke and Rich!), toiletry shopping, picked up the free turkey I earned at Pathmark (that will go to Bonita and Linda for Thanksgiving), and got my blood pressure checked (I continue to defy traditional medicine as I am considered obese yet have none of the complications that are supposed to be associated with my weight...my blood pressure, and everything else, is as healthy as I could possibly be!). Now I have to pack in a hurry and then get ready for Kids Club. I am praying for over 100 kids tonight! Its raining outside, which typically means smaller numbers, so it will be an even bigger deal if we get over 100!

I should be able to update while I am at home, although my parents still have dial up Internet (stone age!, hehe). My friend Joy is taking care of Gizmo while I'm away. She's great because she doesn't just feed him, she spends time with him...which he needs. He freaks out if he's alone for too long. In fact, when I came home he was downstairs on the couch. Now that I am upstairs in my "office", he is sleeping on the bed right next to my desk. He LOVED all the chaos of the weekend because there were always people around to pet him and talk to him (yes, he is a great listener). Oh how weird my cat is! :)

Alright, I'm off for now. Virginia here I come!!!

Kyler said Trish!!!!!

Today was a very good day full of a lot of good surprises, the greatest of which came when Paxton called me to remind me that I owe him a movie date (which I completely forgot about, but am very excited about!). After I talked to Paxton for a minute, Kyler decided he wanted to talk to me as well (he is 18 months old). He was laughing and giggling and making me smile when I heard Carisa say, "say Trish"...to which he very clearly responded, "Trish!". At first I thought it was Paxton trying to help him say it, but it was in fact Kyler saying my name!! That totally made my day!!! The Hinson kids are top on my list of favorite kids in the world. Unfortunately for me (not for the Hinsons though, haha), Frank and Carisa have a teenager living in their house that is able to help take care of the kids so I don't spend as much time with Kyler as I did with Paxton when he was younger...and I don't spend as much time with Paxton anymore either (which makes me even more excited about our movie date). I still have the goal of someones first word being Trish...but Kyler learning my name will do just fine for now. :)

In other exciting news, the leak in my bathroom is fixed and my washer and dryer are hooked up and working!! The washer has a broken part, but thanks to a metal plate, some duct tape and a strategically placed nail, it works nonetheless. The washer is currently washing everything I own!! Oh, and the pilot light on my furnace is also lit, so I now have heat!! Yay!! Both Franks spent a good amount of time helping me out today and I will never be able to repay them. Frank V. is also coming over later this week to switch my outlets from 2 prong to 3 prong so I can significantly lower the rick of me blowing up my house. Whew! :)

I also got a phone call today from the mother of the person who owes me money and she assured me that a check for the full amount owed to me is on its way to my house. That is a HUGE weight off my shoulders and I am so thankful that I didn't have to actually go to court. She was very nice and apologetic as well, which was a blessing.

It seems like literally almost every single thing I wrote in my blog yesterday was answered today. How good is God?!? I still have scary people and dogs living on my block, but I know God has that under control as well. I am still very excited to go home. I have decided to leave early Wednesday. I think I can still avoid most of the traffic, and I would prefer that to driving until 4 or 5 in the morning. I just got the EZ Pass, so at least I won't get stopped at tolls! :)

New Ceiling!!!

After a weekend of hard work, here is the new ceiling in my kitchen!!Beautiful!!! Okay...so its not quite finished. Turns out that the leak in my bathroom was not a simple fix, so that ended up taking up most of their time. Unfortunately, the leak is still there, but it is much smaller than it was and the major work is finished. They also worked on hooking up my washer and dryer. Apparently there were some problems there as well, so the washer is ready to go but not the dryer. I have to admit I am disappointed. Not about the ceiling, cosmetic stuff doesn't really bother me. I know they worked hard, and got a lot done...but nothing was actually finished...and I can't finish any of the things they started. So, unfortunately I have to ask more favors of people here in order to get things done. Thankfully, my friend Frank V. said he could come over and help me. Frank H. worked with my group all weekend and has already put way too much time, effort, energy and money into my house. I am about to wear out my welcome, if I haven't already. :)

My weekend was really fun, but EXHAUSTING!!! My group arrived around 2 a.m. on Friday morning, so I didn't sleep much. Usually Fridays are not busy AIM days, but this Friday was different. I actually ended up working until almost 5. I spent the evening helping get things set up for our church Thanksgiving lunch today and then headed to all night bowling at 11:30. We had a BLAST at bowling, but I didn't get to bed until 6:30 a.m.!!I took a good nap at my friend Shera's house (there were people working at my house) and woke up feeling a cold coming on. I managed to catch up with the group and spend some good time with them until around 7 when we had a worship night with some of the teens. We didn't have a ton show up, but it was still a good time. After worship a bunch of us went out to eat and I again didn't get to bed until about 2 or 3 in the morning.

Church was good today, but I was so tired. I got home around 3 (after saying good bye to my group) and took a 4 hour nap. It felt SO GOOD!!! I'm still tired, but recovering. I really want to drive home on Tuesday night, so I need to be well rested this week!

It is definitely time for me to go home. To go home and completely be away from Philly. I don't often talk completely honestly about things that go on...but things are really difficult right now. There is a friend of mine that owes me $1500 (he borrowed it over a year ago) and is now refusing to even take my calls much less pay me back...so I am having to pursue legal action against him. I have no idea how to do that...but I have no other options. Several new people have moved onto my block, one of whom is a very serious drug dealer that is also involved in dog fighting. In fact, I was almost attacked by one of his dogs this week. He and his dogs are very scary. Its the first time in 5 years I have been afraid of where I live.

Kids Club has the most kids that we have had in a long time, which is AWESOME, but also overwhelming considering I just started leading Kids Club barely 2 months ago. We are also having more and more girls get involved with our teen ministry. Again...AWESOME, but overwhelming.

Then there's my house, my part-time job, my debt, my lack of support raising...and I won't even go into what goes on in my head throughout the day. :)

I continue to have an AMAZINGLY supportive family, but when things are hard for me, they bear that burden as well. (And vice versa). Sometimes life feels like the 4 of us against the world...which makes living so far away hard. (This does not mean that I have any plans to move!). :)

I don't have an incredibly busy week, other than AIM work and cleaning up the mess from the weekend. I am not looking forward to the drive home, but I am definitely looking forward to being home!!!

Workin on my house...again...THANK GOODNESS!!!

I am once again banished from my house...but this does not bother me at all! A group from my church is here again this weekend finishing up some work on my house (specifically...hopefully...putting the ceiling into my kitchen and hooking up my washer and dryer). They are also going to go bowling with us tonight (its our annual Teen All Night Bowling...and we're not kidding about the all night part...11 p.m.-5 a.m.!) and will host a teen worship night tomorrow night. Its so exciting to have familiar faces around!! And even nicer when they are wearing Virginia Tech sweatshirts! :)

As a reminder, here is what my ceiling looks like right now...

Stay tuned to see the final product!!!

I did manage to get my house very clean before they came. Every inch has been dusted, vacuumed, scrubbed...my house is clean!! (Except for the steps...I did not vacuum the steps; whoops). I don't think the mess from this weekend will be as bad as last time. They don't have to move furniture or appliances, nor is there any painting or sanding...and those are the things that caused the most mess last time. I promise I am not complaining though...I have a FOR REAL KITCHEN!!! :)

As you can see, this is going to be a busy weekend!! The group didn't get in until almost 2 a.m., so I was up pretty late, but had to get up and start work by 9. Tonight we will be bowling until 5 a.m. I am taking a nap at a friend's house afterwards since the group will still be working at my house. Then tomorrow night is the worship evening...which is guaranteed to last quite a while (and I mean that in a good way!). Sunday is one of our biggest church services of the year as we serve a Thanksgiving dinner afterwards. We are expect about 250 people in church!!!

I think I am heading home Tuesday night after Kids Club because I don't want to get stuck in traffic all day Wednesday. We'll see how tired I am at that point though. :) Either way, I will crash when I get to my parents' house...but they are used to that. :)

93 Kids!!!

We had 93 kids at Kids' Club tonight! That is the biggest group that we have had since I've been here!! It was insane!!! Actually, the kids were pretty well behaved, the leaders were the ones with the problems, haha. We had several leaders come late, a few not show up and some fun computer things to work out. At one point Frank told me to stall so I resorted to counting kids and getting them excited about how many people we had there, haha. They were VERY into it and we now have an unofficial competition going on to see which age group will be the biggest (the 10 year olds always win hands down, but that doesn't seem to faze the younger ones). So, despite the technical difficulties, we had a GREAT night!!! I am hoping we can break 100 next week!!! I'm finding myself really enjoying Kids Club, even the upfront part. I had the fleeting thought today that I would be willing to take Kids Club over...but there is no way I could do that as long as I have a part time job. And some recent events have made the need for that part time job even greater. In fact, I'm trying to figure out how I can swing working more hours for AIM while not completely burning out. :) We'll just have to see what God's plan is!!

Another exciting thing for me tonight was Meredith (her name has been changed here). She is a friend of Bonita and Linda's that came to church with us on Sunday because she spent the night with them on Saturday. She is 11 so she came to our Sunday School class and LOVED it! She also really loved church and went to lunch with us after church. She was sweet and fun and I really enjoyed having her around. And tonight, she came to Kids Club!!! She has already asked me about Prayer Pals and wants to come to church every Sunday. She also attends a kids church program at another church on Wednesday nights that she has actually been taking Linda to. I really hope she sticks around, she could even be in Gods Girls this summer!! Its so fun to see Linda and Bonita reach out to their friends...and SO comforting to see that the have chosen a really good friend. Meredith is a beautiful girl that I am very excited to get to know!!

Tonight and tomorrow I am kicking the cleaning into high gear. I really want my house CLEAN!! I seem to still be a little messed up in the head trying to balance everything, haha. Not sure what's going on, but hopefully I will get my act together soon...Lord only knows what I will forget next! (Hopefully its not a kid!)

Productive Day!!

Today was one of the most productive days that I have had in a long time, thank goodness!! Actually, most of my days are "productive" in a work sense, but it seems that things in my life have fallen by the wayside as I work more and more. My basement has been a disaster since my church left at the end of July and I have just closed the doors and not touched anything since then. (I did straighten up the main room so it looked livable, but that really just meant all the crap was behind closed doors). A lot of my kitchen stuff had been moved to the basement during my kitchen remodel and I still hadn't gone down to get it!! Tonight, that all changed!! Let me start with the beginning of my day though...

Saturday is usually my day off, but for the second week in a row I didn't take it. I'm not complaining (yet, haha) because it was a good day (as was last Saturday). I won't get next Saturday off either since my church will be here, but that's okay because right after that I will head home for Thanksgiving for 5 days!!! Anyway, today was the Reload Conference held in Philly. Its a one day conference for urban youth workers that I had never been too but was pretty excited about. 6 of us from Cornerstone went and had a pretty good time. It wasn't great, but it wasn't a waste of time either, and we all had fun together...so over all it was pretty good. We had the opportunity to go to 2 different break out sessions and I apparently chose the same one twice. They had different titles and different speakers, but it was basically the same thing. Maybe God really wanted me to pay attention!! The seminar I went to was about gangs, which I didn't think we really had in Philly...I was WRONG!! I did learn a ton that has really opened my eyes to even more about what is going on in our neighborhood and especially the pressures our kids are facing.

I was a little bummed because the second session I went to was with a police officer in the city and I had hoped it would be about how churches can partner with law enforcement to help better our community (that's what the description of the talk said it would be). It ended up being more about gangs, oh well. I really did learn a lot though. I was also really encouraged because a pastor in the session talked about how his church is reaching out to law enforcement as well. As the daughter of a police officer I know all too well how difficult that job can be, especially on someone who really cares about the people and the community he/she serves. Last year alone there were over 450 suicides by police officers in the US. We need to be praying for these men and women!!!

I got home around 4:00 from Reload and invited Shera and Joy over for dinner. We had fun cooking, talking and eating. I told them that I wanted to clean my basement tonight and Joy immediately offered to help. Shera has been pretty sick , so she couldn't help much, but she provided some much appreciated laughter and fun. The whole process took me and Joy about 4 hours!!! But, it was SO worth it!! I moved Bonita and Linda's room to the basement and set up a full size bed in their old room. So, now I have a for real guest bed room!! (That also doubles as my office). I'm so grown up!! :)

The girls' room in the basement is bigger and cuter than their old one. They each now have their own dresser (although one drawer in each dresser must be given to Monique or Tasha since they are now regulars at my house as well). The also have a computer in their room (not hooked up to the internet) that they can play games on. The rest of the basement is set up as their own space with a TV and everything! (It works but isn't hooked up to anything...I will hopefully get a DVD or VCR soon so they can watch movies). I figure they are old enough now to have their own space...I hope they like it. I love it!! You can see for your self:

My new guest room! I don't have sheets or anything for the bed yet...that is coming soon! (My desk is to the right of the shelves...I couldn't get the whole room in one pic).The wood leaning against the wall on the left is a bookshelf that I need to put together...isn't this a great area for kids to hang out?!? Thank you Jesus!!How cute is their bedroom now?!? (Except for the exposed pipes in the middle...I have a curtain to cover that...I will hang it soon). There is a computer and another dresser on the right that you can't see. Now I just have to figure out how to get them to not be scared to sleep in the basement. Oh well...I have a guest room for them too!

My church is coming in a week and will be doing some work on my house and the church. I am working on getting my house spotless before they come so after they leave I only have to clean up their mess and not my own as well. The basement and guest room were the biggest projects; they involved moving furniture, storing stuff (Frankie still has A LOT of things at my house) and throwing a ton of stuff away. The rest of the house is just some major cleaning. I think I can get that done throughout the week. My house needs SO MUCH work, but its finally at the point where I'm not embarrassed to have people over...and that feels so good!! :)

You know your house is too cold when...

(That's Gizmo under my bedspread...I didn't put the covers over him...I saw something moving under the covers and discovered him!!)

A little off...

Today has been a pretty good day, but I have felt a little off all day. I'm not really sure why, but today was just one of those days.

Wednesday is my "abnormal" day anyway. Every other day of the week, I do my AIM work from 9-2 and then my Cornerstone stuff after that. Wednesdays, however, I go to Cornerstone staff prayer from 9-11 and only work for AIM from 11-2.

In my normal everyday schedule I tend to stay up later and sleep later. I do a lot of night ministry and I'm not the kind of person who can come home and go straight to bed. It takes me a while to decompress from the day. So, I often don't get to bed until 1 or 2 in the morning. This works fine since I work from my house and don't have to be dressed when I start my day. :) I usually drag myself out of bed around 8:30-8:45, grab a bowl of cereal and start my day. (For those of you who get up much earlier than me, remember that I don't go to bed until early in the morning...and that's often after a 10-12 hour day...so I'm not being lazy!) :)

Anyway, my day started abnormally but in what I thought, at the time, was a good way. I woke up a little before 8, with no alarm clock, and was wide awake and ready to go. So, I got some breakfast and decided to start work a little early. I wasn't even thinking about staff prayer and it wasn't until I decided to take a break around 9:45 that I realized I was VERY late!! I quickly got dressed and rushed out the door. I ended up not missing much of prayer (we rarely get started before 9:30), but I'm usually there on time or early, so it was weird for me to be that late.

After prayer I went back home and finished my AIM work. I had some odds and ends to get done with Kids Club as well as some extra AIM things to do that kept me busy until about 4. That's when I got a phone call from Jeff saying that no teens had come to the after-school program so he was going home. I had completely forgotten about that as well!!! I'm supposed to be at the Hope House at 3:30 on Wednesdays to help teens with their homework, but I completely skipped it. Where has my mind gone?!?

Both situations worked out fine, I didn't miss anything important at staff prayer, and no teens were at after-school anyway, but still...I have apparently lost my mind.

I did remember Prayer Pals tonight, and it went well...until the very end. In fact, the kids were the best behaved they have ever been; especially with 20 of them there! My mom's prayer pal is a fire cracker (to say the least) and she is often a trouble maker, but tonight she was perfect. I had a lot of fun!! Unfortunately, as the kids were leaving, some other kids (not involved with the church) wandered in and asked what was going on. I explained things to them, but it became clear very quickly that they were just looking for trouble. I asked them to leave and escorted them out as they cursed at me, in front of several of the kids. I kept my cool, but I think the only reason for that was shock. What exactly happened?!? I still don't know...

I'm glad I was in shock, I think it kept me from making stupid decisions. My first inclination was to lock the door and not let them leave until they called a parent to pick them up; so I could talk to the parent. I don't even know if I could legally do that, and my dad very kindly pointed out that those kids could have easily gotten violent. I did actually think of that, which is why I escorted them out and made sure I kept myself between them and my kids. My kids were a bit scared by everything, but Monique very matter of factly told everyone, "Ms. Trish isn't scared of anyone". Tasha, beautiful sweet innocent Tasha, was just in shock that anyone would curse at me, haha. She looked at me wide eyed with total shock on her face as she said, "They cursed at you!!" Bonita then asked where the kids had gone and someone told her that they ran away, to which she responded, "I'd run away too if I just cursed at Trish". I love my girls. :)

They day did end on a high note. I had to run to Target after Prayer Pals and I took Monique and Tasha with me. It was a quick trip, but it brought me many smiles. Tasha really enjoys waiting for automatic doors to almost close before running forward and making them open. She got a lot of giggles out of that one. Monique is still embarrassed by "feminine" things (sorry guys), so I had fun loudly talking about pads and tampons and making her blush. The three of us laughed and had fun and it was a really fun way to end a really weird day. I'm going to try to get to bed before 1 tonight. I liked being up at 8...and I don't think I have any important meetings to forget tomorrow. :)


And....a little addendum to my last post...I didn't mention it but my mom also thinks I am pretty much the most beautiful woman in the world. I didn't mention it because mom's opinion, on this subject, is even more biased than a dad's (I did come from her for goodness sake!). Still, I LOVE my mom for it. And my dad....here was his response to my post:

Dear Trish,

I read your blog. I only wish you could see what I see when I look at you. But then again, I’m a dad. When I say to you “Hey Beautiful !”, it’s not just coming from a dad. It’s the true picture of what I see.

Just for the record.

dad

If I have this kind of amazing support from my family, and I still struggle...how much harder is it for the beautiful young women out there who are never told how radiant they really are?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...I don't think it should be...some people don't know what beauty is.

I have never felt beautiful. At least, not that I can remember. I probably did when I was a little girl (every little girl does), but as a pre-teen, teen and adult I have always been aware that I am nowhere near what the world would consider beautiful. Now, I am not saying that I always feel ugly. Most of the time I feel...nothing. I don't feel beautiful, but I also don't feel repulsive. Looks wise, I pretty much go unnoticed. No matter how dressed up or dressed down I am, I'm just kinda there.

I was thinking about this yesterday, and I think I have figured out why. I'm overweight, and I have been most of my life. I'm not sure exactly what that means, other than I am not skinny. I am not even saying that I have a problem with my weight, but I am constantly aware that I don't weigh what people think I should weigh. I could be thinner, absolutely. I don't think I could ever really be thin (at least not in a healthy way), but I could definitely be thinner than I am. I am in pretty good shape (I run on a regular basis), I am physically pretty strong (which I really like about myself), I have never had anything close to high cholesterol or high blood pressure (which everyone says is the reason that being overweight is bad). But, I also eat too much. For the most part, I eat healthy...but I tend to eat too much. I also have a pretty intense sweet tooth, which I often satisfy with fruit...but not always.

There are people that eat more than me, and much less healthy than me...but they are thinner than me. I know plenty of people that exercise less than me, that are much thinner than me. The problem for me is not that I am unhealthy, its that I am overweight. Most people think that the two go hand in hand, but that's not always true.

Here is a report that just came out TODAY:

"Also surprising was that overweight people were up to about 40 percent less likely than normal-weight people to die from several other causes including emphysema, pneumonia, injuries and various infections. The age group that seemed to benefit most from a little extra padding were people aged 25 to 59; older overweight people had reduced risks for these diseases, too.

Why extra fat isn't always deadly and might even help people survive some illnesses is unclear and is still disputed by many health experts.

But University of South Carolina obesity researcher Steven Blair, who says people can be fat and fit, is a believer. He called the report a careful and plausible analysis, and said Americans have been whipped into a "near hysteria" by hype over the nation's obesity epidemic".

"Experts" are always changing their minds about what is healthy and what isn't. What is society going to do with this new information? This study states that people that are about 25 pounds OVER their "normal" weight are actually healthier than thinner people.

See, the solution to this problem is not for me to become thinner. If I did try and solve this problem by losing weight, I would always just be terrified of gaining it back. When I lose weight, the goal can't be to be thinner so I can feel beautiful. I need to feel beautiful now, and lose weight simply because I want to. How do I get there?

I am healthy, decently intelligent, occasionally funny with pretty eyes, good hair and skin (and thanks to my parents, great teeth)...why can't I feel beautiful? My lips are thin and my smile is crooked, my hair is sometimes too frizzy, I bite my nails and my feet aren't my favorite...but none of those things make me feel unattractive. It all comes down to my weight.

When I walk around, I don't feel uncomfortable with myself. When I see pictures of myself, I do. When I look in the mirror, I do. Every woman claims to struggle with this, but I have a really hard time believing that thin women have any idea what I'm talking about. They might not like certain parts of themselves, but overall society immediately accepts them. Tyra Banks walked around in a fat suit for a day. She had the same eyes, lips, hair that she always has. The only difference was that she was fat...and suddenly, she became unattractive.

So how in the world are overweight people supposed to feel beautiful?

How is it that I can be the most confident I have ever been in who I am as a daughter and chosen bride of the King...and still not feel beautiful? I absolutely feel beautiful to Him, doted on by Him...but He's the only one (well, Him and my dad here on earth...my dad has thought...and told me...I was beautiful from the minute I was born...and you know I couldn't have been too attractive as I was being born, haha).

I am not the woman you want to look like. Maybe that's my problem. You might think, "Oh I wish I had her...", but you don't think, "Oh, I wish I looked like Trish". I'm not saying this because I am ugly, I am saying this because if you wished to look like me, then you would be wishing to not be accepted. To be judged and ridiculed immediately, before a word is even spoken, because your body is unacceptable. No one would wish that on themselves. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.

How do you feel beautiful when satan isn't the only one lying to you...the rest of the world is too?

Yay for the Weekend!!!

I had a GREAT weekend!! It was insanely busy, but great!! First, on Friday night we took a group of 30 teens, pre-teens and leaders to the Revolve Tour, which is basically Women of Faith for young women. The event was Friday night and all day Saturday, and it was amazing! The speakers were wonderful and all have great messages. We also got to attend concerts given by christian rap artist KJ-52 (whom all the girls are in love with), Aiesha Woods (who is my new favorite Christian artist) and Hawk Nelson. They also had a great drama team and so much more. We all had a blast and learned a lot. It was wonderful!! Other than every speaker being a size 2 wearing skinny jeans and knee high boots with perfect hair and makeup telling the girls that looks don't matter, I loved the event! (Well, that and every woman's story ended with "then I met my husband and we lived happily ever after).Friday night I also had almost all of the girls, about 22 of them, sleepover at my friend Chris Fisher's house. I was going to have the sleepover at my house, but Chris' house is a bit bigger than mine so I took care of all the details, but we invaded Chris' house. That was also a ton of fun...and a little bit insane as well. :) Overall, the girls had an amazing weekend, which means that I had an amazing weekend. Linda even won a KJ-52 cd, and Monique touched his hand!!! :)
It was especially great for me to have Monique, Bonita and Linda there. As I listened to some of the talks and looked at my girls (who bravely sat next to me knowing that I was going to embarrass them...which I absolutely did), I had to hold back tears. They are SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!! Bonita was about to explode all week she was so excited (she is so cute! when she gets excited about something, she can't sleep and just thinks and talks about it all the time!). When we finally got to Revolve, it was everything she wanted it to be and more. She LOVED it!!! Linda had been last year, but had an amazing time once again.

Yesterday turned out to be just as good as Friday and Saturday. First, Sunday School went really great as we followed up with the things we learned at Revolve. I think the girls are really starting to get things that we have been telling them for years...and they seem to be enjoying it!! After Sunday School, I skipped church (whoops!) with several of our teens (ahh!) to head to Center City for a college fair. About 15 of us visited the fair, talked to tons of different colleges and talked to some financial aid counselors. It was a little overwhelming for some of them, but most had an amazing time!! Several of them think they really found the school they want to go to, which now gives them motivation and a goal to reach for. I was so excited!!!! Praise the Lord!!!
(We asked a random girl at the college fair to take this picture...I hope she isn't going to school for photography!)

After we spent a few hours talking to colleges we went to lunch and I had some AWESOME conversations with the girls. Ironically, it was with the girls that hadn't gone to Revolve with us, but we talked a lot about things from Revolve. God is doing some GREAT THINGS!!!!