13.1 Miles!!

In less than 3 hours!!! I know that's not very fast, but my goal was under 3.5 hours, so in my mind, I kicked butt!!! I still can't believe it did it! I didn't train nearly as well for this as I did for the Broad Street last year (life and random sicknesses kept getting in the way), but I guess my overall fitness level has improved because I was able to finish, finish under my goal time, and was feeling perfectly normal again within 2 days. Thank you Jesus!!!

The race was actually last weekend, but I am just now getting around to posting about it. Honestly, it was the most grueling run that I have ever done. I ran the Garden Spot Village Half Marathon, and when I signed up I was really excited. It was advertised as a nice run through the countryside of Lancaster, PA... running alongside farms and the Amish in their buggies. It sounded awesome!

I still had some coupons for a really nice hotel near Lancaster, so we decided to make a weekend trip out of it. We got up early Saturday morning (4:30 a.m.!!) and drove to Lancaster for the race (I had to pick up my race packet at 6:30). Our plan was for me to run the race, then we were going to get some lunch, then hang out in Lancaster for a while doing some touristy stuff and then spend the night in a nice hotel. On Sunday we hoped to sleep in, do some more random stuff and then head back to Philly in the early evening. The weekend almost went like that...

The first problem was that the half marathon was not accurately advertised. Yes, we did run through the countryside next to farms and I did see one horse and buggy. What they FAILED to mention was that 6 of the 13.1 miles would be UP HILL! (It was even worse for those running the full marathon, one of whom was my friend Jen). I was NOT prepared for so many hills! They also didn't tell us that they would not be stopping traffic for the race, so as we ran up and down windy roads, we would often be pushed into the grass (there wasn't even a bike lane!) to avoid oncoming traffic. NOT my ideal race, but I finished it nonetheless!!

And the fact that I finished to far under my goal time, even WITH all of those crazy hills, is really exciting to me!

Okay, so about the race. A little before 8 a.m., I started to get ready. I got my race number:

And I got my motivation:

What is written on my arms?


The writings on my arm are an inside joke with my family... my brother and parents will know what they mean. :) Its just too long... and weird... to type, haha. They did provide me with the motivation that I needed when I wanted to quit! My family makes me smile. :)

After that, I was ready to go! (And SO nervous!!)

At 8:08, we started! Okay, now here is a rundown of the race:

The first 2 miles were great; a few slight inclines but that was about it. At mile 3 we started to slowly move uphill, but still mostly doable. Then we hit mile 4... mile 4 was straight uphill. If it had been on a treadmill, we would have been at at least incline 7. Mile 5 was a slight decline, and then right at mile 6, the course went straight down. It was so steep I was seriously concerned that I would fall going down! A hill that steep requires just as much strength to go down as it does to go up (incidentally, I had to go back up that same hill, since the race was mostly a loop). After the sharp decline, we once again started an incline. The rest of mile 6 was uphill, as was mile 7. Somewhere between mile 7 and 8 was the turn around. Ashley and Cupcake came to meet me at the turnaround and I was already so tired! They ran with me for a few minutes and were so encouraging!!

(this picture was taken half way up one of the hills! CRAZY!)

I was so happy to see them! I was more than half way finished, but I knew I had that big hill to conquer. It wasn't quite the relaxing run I had expected. Thankfully, Ashley and Cupcake saw the steep hill that I was about to run up and went to take a picture of it. Ashley's words to me as I came up the hill: "Most ridiculous hill ever!". I'm so glad I have testimony as to just how crazy it was!

After the turn around, they no longer had mile markers, which was really frustrating. Once we caught back up to the full marathon course, we could figure out how much distance we had left based on their mile markers, but that wasn't until mile 9. So, mile 7-8 and 8-9, I had no idea how far I had gone...I just knew I was running uphill. In fact, we didn't get to a decline again until mile 11. Mile 11 was a pretty steep decline that took us down the mountain we had climbed and started us on our trip to the finish line. Thankfully, miles 12 and 13 were pretty much on flat ground with only slight inclines and declines. I was SO exhausted by this point. I kept telling myself that if I saw Ashley and Cupcake again, I was going to get in the car with them and just be finished! Thankfully, I didn't see them until the finish line. :)

(This is me at the turn around... a little more than half way finished!)

The last .1 miles of the race was through the retirement community that was hosting the event. It was so encouraging at the end because as you approached the finish line, EVERYONE was cheering for you. There weren't many people running the race, so once you got past the first pack of people, the rest of us pretty much crossed one by one. I was about 30 seconds behind the person in front of me, and the next runner didn't cross for about 2 minutes after I finished. As I rounded the final corner I immediately saw Cupcake and Ashley and they cheered me on through the finish.

I seriously thought about walking at that point (I was SO tired), but then I saw that the time clock was at 2 hours and 58 minutes, and I felt a last burst of energy to try and finish under 3 hours... and I did!! My final time was 2 hours 58 minutes and 20 seconds!!

I FINISHED A HALF MARATHON!!!! I still can't believe it!

We stuck around for another hour to see Jen cross the finish line after running the full marathon. As soon as she crossed she immediately started telling everyone about the insane hills that she had to climb. We're both so glad that we both ran the race so we can confirm what each other says about it... it was crazy!!

It was also pretty cold (as you can see by the emergency blankets they gave us at the finish line!),

so once we saw Jen finish; Ashley, Cupcake and I left to go get food!! Shady Maple, an AMAZING smorgasbord, is only about 5 minutes away from the race, so we headed over there to eat, eat and eat some more. It was delicious!!! Unfortunately, we were all so tired (even though Ashley and Cupcake didn't run, they had been up since 4 a.m.!) that we just kinda slowly ate and almost fell asleep in our food, haha. Of course, I was moving VERY slowly, which didn't really help. We made sure to get our money's worth, of course, but I would like to go back some time when we aren't quite as tired.

After lunch, I had originally wanted to hang out in Lancaster. I wasn't prepared, however, for how tired we all would be nor how sore my legs would be (I didn't train on hills!). So, we decided to check in to the hotel and rest... which turned into a 4 hour nap. That part was awesome. :)

So, the rest of Saturday we rested and hung out together (which was fine with me, I LOVE Ashley and Cupcake!). We did go get dinner late that night and stayed up watching some TV, but pretty much spent most of the rest of the day in the hotel. I did have to go to the drug store to get some cough medicine though. :( I had a cough going into the race, and the race made it so much worse... I coughed through the first 5 miles, and then couldn't really stop after we took our afternoon nap. Thankfully, we got some cough syrup that also helped me sleep, so I was able to get plenty of rest. :)

On Sunday we all slept in until we absolutely had to get up, and we checked out of the hotel at the last possible minute. It was so relaxing and QUIET!!! :) I was walking better by then, so we decided to get some brunch at Cracker Barrel (we ate well last weekend!) and then check out some of the outlet stores. We had a lot of fun laughing at one another and shopping for pretty much nothing. We tried to get Cupcake to let us take her dress shopping, but she refused, haha. So, we ended up buying a few kitchen things and then just heading home. Oh, and we did play a little MASH at Starbucks. My future husband is apparently a ninja. :)

By Monday, my legs were feeling back to normal! I still took that day off from exercising too, but on Tuesday started back up again for my training for the Broad Street Run in a few weeks. I have found that I actually do like running! Okay, I don't really like the running as much as I like accomplishing things I never thought I could do.

Did I mention that I RAN A HALF MARATHON?!?!?

Please excuse my hair, it was a windy day. :)

(And before you ask, this half marathon definitely confirmed in my mind that I have no desire to ever run a full marathon!) :)

House, and other stuff

Hey everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been updating much lately, and unfortunately this won't be much of an update either. There have been some bumps on the road to buying a new house, and I am slowly working through all of it. But its taking A LOT of time... and unfortunately, money. I am confident that it will all work out, but it feels like we'll never get there, haha.

At the same time, my CASA case is going to court soon and some new things have come up there that takes some time.

There is a lot of crazy drama happening with our teens that is requiring a lot of time and counseling with several teens. Yet another situation that God will definitely work out for His glory...but its a long road.

Oh, and I'm running a half marathon on Lancaster, PA in 2 days.

On the bright side, my tooth is FINALLY fixed! And it only took 4 months, 3 dentists and $2000! ;)

So yeah...I'm a little busy.

I'll be back with a real post soon! Thanks for your patience!!

Depression

Depression sucks. I don't usually like to use that word, but its the only one that somewhat describes how horrible depression is. The worst part about depression is that the wounds it creates are all internal and can not be understood by people that don't face the same struggle. Make no mistake, though, the wounds are most definitely real.

I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. As I have grown in my relationship with the Lord, in SOME ways that struggle has gotten easier. Actually, the more I think about it... the struggle hasn't gotten any easier, I've just found a reason to keep fighting. Christ has given me a reason...and the strength.

I go through periods of time (sometimes weeks at a time) where it takes literally everything I have to get out of bed. I go through days in a daze, kinda going through the motions waiting until I can just crawl back into bed. I feel worthless, hopeless and overall just sad.

Please understand, I am NOT suicidal. I do not want my life to end nor do I think this world would be a better place without me in it. I don't want to lose sight of the incredible work that God has done in my heart. There are times that I don't FEEL like my life has a purpose, but thanks to Christ, I KNOW that God created me with a purpose. While I struggle believing it at times, I KNOW that I am created in the image of my King, which means I can't be as pathetic as I feel.

But the feelings are so overwhelming. Sometimes they are even crippling. I hate it. And people who don't struggle with depression just really don't understand. "Just get out of bed!", "Why cant you just get over it?", "Your life is good, what do you have to be depressed about?". Trust me, I know it doesn't make sense and I want to just get over it. But I can't. I just can't.

The craziest part, though, is that I'm actually thankful for the struggle. Of course, on the days when I can barely get out of bed, I don't spend much time praising Him for the battle. However, when I talk with others that struggle with depression as well, I am thankful that I am one of the few who can understand. In my own life, I am SO thankful for the people who understand my struggle, so I feel blessed to be that for others. Well, most of the time I feel blessed. :)

The other night I was hanging out with one of the teens from church. She was at my house for a little while and then I said I would drive her home. My car was at the church (I left it there in favor of walking home on such a nice day), so we walked to my car and then I drove her home.

As we were walking, we just started talking about life. Its not a far walk, but by the time we got to my car, something had changed. The happy, carefree girl that was at my house had been replaced by a lost and vulnerable little girl. As she talked to me about what was going on in her life, I saw in her the same feelings I battle with all the time. We talked for a really long time, and when I finally got her to look me in the eye, I knew. I am very used to teens telling me story after story to get attention. This girl wasn't looking for attention, she was hurting. Hurting in a way that I understand all too well.

The look in her eyes will haunt me for a while. No one that amazing should hurt like she does.

I know the incredible redeeming work that Christ has done in me is also at work in her heart. I don't feel hopeless for her, in fact, just the opposite. I have complete trust that God will replace the sadness with joy, and that she will use her struggle for His glory. He has an amazing plan for her life. But, as with me, the battle continues for her.

And the only thing that makes any sense in the middle of the fight is just, depression sucks.