Linda

Man this girl is growing up! She definitely looks older, and she is really starting to act older as well. And I am really impressed with who she is becoming.

My eyes were really opened last week on the God Squad retreat. She is a teenager. In every way. I saw boys looking at her, and her looking at boys. I must say my heart dropped a little until she pulled me aside and wanted to talk to me about a specific boy. She likes him and he likes her but she doesn't want to do anything that God doesn't want. The guy she likes is very serious about God, which is what she really likes about him. She wanted advice and prayer. Linda??

She really connected with Lindsay a lot on the retreat and has since decided that Lindsay is her best friend. This makes my heart sing. Lindsay is a very solid 16 year old who is not only serious about her relationship with the Lord, but also very serious about not letting boys get in the way. I have been discipling Lindsay for years and I LOVE that she and Linda are getting so close.

Tonight Lindsay called because she wanted Linda to spend the night at her house. Linda was already planning on spending the night with me, so Lindsay just came over with her. I love it.

Linda still faces a lot of challenges. If she does it, she will be the first girl in her family to save herself for marriage. She is scared that she won't be able to do it, but she really wants to.

This past Monday at God Squad sent me home crying, happy and sad tears. At God Squad we break up into small groups at the end of the night to talk about the lesson more in depth. I usually ask that Linda NOT be put in my group because I think she might be more open if I'm not there. For some reason, though, Andy put her in my group this week. Our conversation started out pretty lighthearted at first, and then out of nowhere Linda burst out laughing. Uncontrollable. She couldn't stop...tears were coming to her eyes she was laughing so hard. She asked to leave and spent most of the rest of the small group time (only about 5 min or so), in the bathroom.

As we were leaving God Squad, Linda pulled me aside and said she really needed to talk to me.

She hadn't been laughing. She was crying. Uncontrollably. But, she didn't want anyone to know that she was crying, so she covered it up by pretending to laugh.

Why was she crying? She had no idea. She began to share with me that during worship that night, for the first time ever in her life, she felt God. She wasn't just singing, she knew that God was there. And as we started talking in our small group, her emotions overwhelmed her and she couldn't control it. Everything that she has been dealing with, things she had been bottling up inside of her, came flooding out in uncontrollable tears. Why then? Because she knew God was there. She could finally begin to let things go.

She started to cry as she told me this, and of course I did to. I went home after we talked for a while and just wept. I cried happy tears thanking God for being her Father...but also many sad tears as I thought about all the difficulties this beautiful (not so) little girl has had to face.

At one point in our conversation she looked at me, tear streamed face, and said, "Why did my dad have to beat my mom?"

She knew I didn't have the answer, but she needed to finally ask the question.

Linda is a Kids Club leader now with me in the 7-10 year olds. Little kids are already looking up to her. Enjoying her. Wanting to be like her.

I have had the privledge of watching her grow up for the last 6 years. Its crazy to think that she was a little foul-mouthed, undisciplined and full of attitude (and laughter) 7 year old when I met her. And look at her now. Last weekend while I was in Chicago I confessed to my friends my doubts. I LOVE Bonita and Linda more than I could ever say. Yet, like with any child, I understand that there are no guarantees as to how they will grow up. I wonder all the time what will her future entail.

Linda still has a lot of growing up to do, and a lot of mistakes to make. But, I feel like God is giving me just a glimpse of His plans for her.

And no surprise...they are beautiful and perfect.