Do you have any idea how many times I hear that statement? You would be surprised. As often as you probably think I hear it, you would be wrong. I hear it even more than that. Well, you might not be surprised, you might have actually said it to me. Or, at least thought it. Its okay, I'm used to it and it doesn't really make me mad. A little sad, but not mad.
What exactly would constitute something"better" to do? I really enjoy reading, and because I don't have a family I have time to read. But, apparently that isn't "better" than what married people with children have to do, so I get the statement. Making dinner for myself apparently doesn't constitute "better", but were I making dinner for a family, I could qualify under the "better" column.
Despite what many people apparently think, my day does not completely revolve around me. First, I work a part time time job as well as in full time ministry. I live on the mission field and I take care of all of my own finances as well as support raising. No one knows the number of hours I spend on the phone with teens and Gods' Girls. Nor do they know the trips I take with them, from dinner to the movies to Hershey Park. And, there is the time I spend chatting back and forth on MySpace and Facebook with various teens and preteens. No one knows because I am alone when I do those things. That fact apparently disqualifies them from being "better".
The fact that I am willing and able to drop things that I am doing to do something else also apparently means that what I do does not qualify as "better". It is very true, that I rarely have things that I HAVE to do, or at least I rarely have things that will keep me tied to one place. But does that automatically mean that I don't have something "better" to do? Or, could it possibly mean that God has allowed me, at this time in my life, to have plenty of "better" things to do, but also the freedom to choose which ones to do? The reality is, I am available to come and go. That doesn't mean that I don't have something "better" to do, it just means I'm more mobile.
If there is an immediate need for something to be done, say in the middle of the day, I will get the phone call before a woman who has children. It is very possible that at that moment she and I are actually doing the same thing (lets pretend her children are napping and her husband is out). However, I am able to leave and she isn't. What is the response I get though? "Well, its not like you had something better to do". Interesting...
The other interesting part of that statement, for me, is this: If the assumption is that I truly have nothing better to do, why do I only get phone calls in times of need? If you assume that I am just sitting in my house, wasting my time away, why don't you call me to hang out? Or...something? I mean, I have nothing better to do...oh, but I forgot...apparently, everyone else does have something "better" to do.
Okay, so the last paragraph did sound a bit angry, but I promise I'm not. A little annoyed probably.
I have caught myself doing this to married people with kids, and I have to admit that I have done plenty of repenting and apologizing. I have many friends who are married with children and don't work a full time job outside the home, and I have wondered "what do they do with their time?". I'm not proud of that thought, but I have had it. I still don't necessarily know what people do all day, but I do know that whatever it is, its important.
I guess I just want people to realize the same about me. No, not every minute of every day is spent busily doing things for other people. But, neither is it spent doing this and that because I have "nothing better to do".
The truth is, I do have the choice to make my day completely about me. I could go all day and do only what I want. But I don't. At least not all the time, and I refuse to feel guilty in the times that I do. I also refuse to believe that married people don't take time for themselves as well.
So, the moral of this story is two fold.
1) Just because I'm single, please don't assume that my day is chalk full of me piddling away at life waiting for something "better" to come along.
2) If you think I'm at home with nothing "better" to do, maybe try calling me and offering me that "better". Just try and balance out the favors with the fun. I absolutely don't mind doing favors for people, but I promise I do them because I actually want to, not because I don't have anything "better" to do.
Now I am off to drive Bonita and Linda's mom to go look at some houses. They have to move because of some pretty serious issues involving their neighbors (that aren't their fault). I have plenty of other things I could/should be doing right now...but at this moment I can honestly say that I can't think of anything "better" I could be doing.
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