I have decided that I would like to live in a TV show, a comedy. Problems would arise, but more often than not, they would be quickly resolved. Even if it took weeks or months to resolve the problem, I wouldn't have to actually sit through that time...the weeks/months would be condensed into minutes. I could always be sure that things would end happily and that difficult times would be lightened with a bit of comedy. Plus, if I Tivo the show, I can fast forward through things that are just too hard and go straight to the happy ending.
Real life is SO different. I actually have to sit through difficult times, with no guarantee of them ending well...nor do any idea how long they will last. I have poured 5 years into Bonita and Linda. 5 years, and I don't plan on stopping any time soon. But, there is no guarantee that they will follow the Lord when they get older. I have poured out love, but there is no guarantee that I will receive love in return. I think I have been living my life with the mindset that as long as I continue to follow the Lord, I will be rewarded with good things. While the Lord does promise to take care of me, and to NEVER leave me, He never made any promises about what my life would really look like. I keep waiting for the day when I will stop crying so much, but that day isn't promised until heaven. I keep waiting for the "American dream" that I kinda feel like I deserve...but the truth is, I was never promised that.
Right now I am going through the Word to figure out what I am really promised. What I have found is that I'm not promised a whole lot in terms of this life...at least not a lot of tangible things. God promises to take care of me, but He never really says what that will look like. He promises to eventually wipe every tear from my eye, but here on earth He only promises to be with me while I cry, bottling up every tear. There is no promise of stopping the tears. I know there are many more promises; I have just started my journey. However, as I read the Psalms and hear David's cries, I am starting to realize that my life will never be a television show. There are some similarities...in both TV and life there are moments of joy and sorrow, very interesting characters, and life lessons to learn. But, real life is hard. It requires persistence and perseverance and there is no easy way to get through it. For those people who think Christianity is just a crutch...well, I would like them to walk a few days in my shoes and tell me what exactly "Christianity" is protecting me from.
We learned tonight at God Squad about the 10 plagues that God sent on the Egyptians. We decided that He went to some really drastic measures for 2 main reasons: 1) To display His power and glory and 2) to take care of His people. God will go to whatever lengths necessary to make sure His glory is revealed and to ensure that His people are taken care of. Taking care of His children, however, does not mean providing them with the "American dream". It means drawing them into Him, deepening the intimate relationship He has with His bride...taking care of us means giving us our hearts desire. In order to do that, He has to strip us of all the things that we desire that are pathetic replacements of what our heart truly desires. Once He has done that, we realize what our true hearts' desire is...Him. He wants to get us to the point where we can say: I honestly and truly only want Him. If I never have an earthly husband, if I never know what it feels like to not have people leave...if I feel the pain that I am experiencing right now every day for the rest of my life, I will still say that He is worth it. I will still say He is good.
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