Good Week!

This week has been a pretty good one, which is SO nice to say! Its been very full and exhausting, but good.

After-school has been extremely draining, but not in the usual way. I haven't had a lot of help this week, and it seems like each of the kids are going through interpersonal crisis's, but they are all behaving and getting along. That is such a relief! Since the kids have been behaving (for the most part), I get to spend more one on one time with them, really listening to them and talking through their struggles. I feel drained, but I also feel like I have actually done something! Its draining on me in a completely different way since I am used to spending my days controlling chaos and trying to put out little fires before they become full blown arguments. Basically its the difference between being exhausted at the end of the day but not sure what exactly you did all day, and being exhausted because you were able to pour yourself out and you know that God is doing something. I love being the second kind of exhausted!

Several of the teens are going through some really hard times as well, and again I have had the opportunity to spend time in prayer with them as well as really getting to talk to and listen to them. SO much of my week has been getting to listen, pray and disciple...all of which I LOVE!

At the same time all of this is happening, I am going through a deeply personal struggle that only a few people know about. This struggle has stripped me of everything and placed me completely in God's hands as I don't have the strength to even stand without Him. That's probably why I feel like things are going so well! As a wounded and broken person, there is absolutely no part of me that can do anything...so everything is ALL Him. I do NOT like the way I feel, but I like Him moving without my interference. :)

Today was a really fun day. I took the After-School kids to see the new "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie and we all had so much fun! In all I had 16 kids and 11 leaders (funny...I have almost NO leaders at After-School during the week, but when we are doing something fun, suddenly everyone has time to help! Oh well, it made the day really fun). It was absolute chaos to organize rides, tickets, popcorn and drinks, seats, bathroom runs...but that's the kind of chaos I enjoy. No one misbehaving, everyone having fun. I LOVED it!

In fact, this week of After-school has once again reminded me why I do what I do. I have been able to see the beautiful hearts of each of these kids, and God has opened my eyes to the future that is available to them. I get so bogged down in being alone and how hard things are now that I lose sight of where things are going. I forget that I have been alone with Bonita and Linda for 5 years, and I wouldn't trade a second of my time with them for anything...even the hard times...even the lonely ones. I have had Pedro and Miguel for almost 3 years, and I am looking so forward to the next 8 (that's when Miguel will be 18). And just when I thought my heart was full, Kearstin came into my life and though she can drive me crazy, I would be so sad if she wasn't around anymore. I feel the same about every one of the kids. As a group, with all 17 of them together, the kids in after-school can overwhelm me. But, individually, I wouldn't trade my time with any of them them for anything.

The other day I decided that I want to spend more individual time with the kids. It is impossible at after-school; I spend most of my time in chaos management, but I want to really pour into these kids. I want to love them. So, since they have Spring Break coming up, they get out early on a lot of Fridays, I don't have a ton to do most Saturdays, and the month of May is a down month for us (to prepare for the summer), I decided to try and make time over the next several weeks to do individual things with the kids. I offered for them to write down on a piece of paper what they would like to do with me if we could spend a few hours together, just the 2 of us. Some of the kids were more excited about the activity than by hanging out with me, but not all of them.

Natasha wrote that she wants to go to the mall with me, and she hasn't stopped talking about it. She is telling everyone she knows that she and Ms. Trish are going to the mall together. Paxton wrote that he just wants to play games, and I am so excited about setting aside a few hours to just play with Paxton. I'm going to get to go skating with Miguel, an arcade with Pedro, a movie with Monique...some of the kids had some unrealistic ideas, but I think we'll be able to find a compromise. I don't know what next year hold for after-school, but this year these kids will KNOW that they are loved...they will NOT be able to doubt it. :)

My day ended with watching Bonita, Linda and Zuly at their ice skating lessons. I usually just drop them off and pick them up when they are finished, but tonight I stayed, and I am so glad I did. It was so much fun to watch them learn, and even more fun to watch them enjoy me watching them. :) Bonita is absolutely in love with ice skating, and I love her face when she skates. Paxton and Kirsten are taking lessons too, and I always love spending time even just near Paxton. The girls really love him too, which I am SO thankful for.

The rest of this weekend is going to be a busy one, and next week looks as busy as this one was. I am going home next weekend, and I am really looking forward to getting to rest as well as meet my brother's new dog. As I work through my current struggles, I am so thankful that I will always have a family to go home to whenever I need to just be loved.