Anxiety

I am filled with anxiety right now and I have no idea why...and I hate it! I mean, I am busy right now, but not any busier than I usually am, and I'm doing 1000 times better at taking care of myself; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, than I ever have before. So, what's up with the anxiety?? I don't know!!

My trip to South Boston this past weekend was WONDERFUL!! I had a really relaxing trip down and really enjoyed some quiet alone time in the car (about a 7 hour drive). Enterprise gave me a free upgrade on my rental car, so I had free XM Satellite radio, which was awesome. Saturday I got up early and went for a run (I'm up to 3 miles right now. Still can't run it all without walking some...I am NOT a good runner...but I'm not quitting!) and really enjoyed the scenery. My brother lives way out in the country, so I could judge my distance by the few mailboxes I passed. It was so quiet and wonderful!

From there we headed to my brother's gym (yes, the one he OWNS!) and I participated in his "boot camp". Before going he assured me that it wouldn't be too difficult for me. He was wrong. :) I really enjoyed it, but it was definitely a work out! His fiance, Suzanne, participated as well as some of his clients. I felt much better watching them struggle too. My brother knows what he is doing!

So, after barely surviving my "torture by sibling" (as I like to call it), we went to lunch and then just hung out the rest of the day at his house. We watched many episodes of "Friends" on dvd, talked about life, and I enjoyed playing with their dogs (they have 5, I think...maybe more. Its definitely the country!).

Sunday was pretty full of church stuff. First, I attended a breakfast, then went to one of their Sunday School classes. Then there was the actual service, of which I was the main speaker. I was TERRIFIED and really just prayed I wouldn't fall on my face while walking to the podium. Thankfully, I made it up and down the stairs just fine (I took my time, haha), and while I remember a million mistakes I made while speaking, I seemed to get a really great response. Everyone was very encouraging and supportive, which was a huge blessing. They also took me out to lunch after the service, which was really fun. My brother came to the service with me, but didn't go to lunch (he's not very social, haha).

I had to get on the road pretty much right after lunch, although not before my brother created a new workout (weight lifting) routine for me. Monday was day 1 of that routine, and he is NOT going easy on me! :)

So, I left his house a little before 4 and made my way back to Philly. I made really good time, and again had a very relaxing, quiet (I don't get a lot of quiet thanks to my roommate) trip. I even got home early enough to get some good sleep and still get up for spinning on Monday!

It does feel REALLY good to have that "speaking" engagement behind me. I was SO worried about it! But, I still have so much coming up...and for an unknown reason, I am really anxious about most of it.

I am planning a baby shower for one of the teens at church. Unfortunately, because she is a pregnant, unmarried teen, I can't have the shower at church and I am having a hard time finding a place to have it that doesn't cost $500 (or more!). I have a college group coming with AIM in about a month and I have NO IDEA what I am going to do with them during the day. Plus, they are an all guys group, so I have NO IDEA how to spiritually guide them for the week either. Then there is the AIM training I am leading in April, the 100 woman bible study group I am speaking to in May, the Broad Street Run I am training for, the Kids Club and Children's Church lessons I need to plan, and my 30 hour a week part time job.

Okay, so maybe that's where all the anxiety is starting, but I really don't understand why its becoming so overwhelming. I feel like every moment of every day is spent with me asking Jesus to calm my beating heart! Its certainly not bad that I'm talking to Him alot, but it isn't very good that I can't seem to trust Him...