I was awakened at 2 a.m. this morning by 6 gun shots. I spent my first few years in Philly hearing occasional fireworks and often wondering if they were gun shots. Now I know they weren't. Gun shots are unmistakable, and they will jar you out of the deepest sleep.
I don't know what happened after the gun shots. I called the police, but I wasn't even really sure where the shots were coming from. They were NOT right outside my window, and sounds bounce off row homes like you wouldn't believe. I pray it was just kids shooting in the air (and no one got hurt).
I was not angry that I was awakened, nor that I live in an area where that happens. (Okay, sometimes I get angry about that...but not this morning). I chose to live here. I was angry that the kids that I have worked with have lived with those sounds all their lives. I was angry that too many of them have witnessed a shooting, know someone who have been shot, or have been shot themselves.
What really makes me angry about that is that the majority of the city doesn't care about that. Most of the crime and violence in this city boils down to pride. I want something, and I will have it, no matter the consequences. When you drive in the city, you often find people crossing the street (when you have a green light) at a very leisurely pace. They do what they want to do.
Now, I am not saying that everyone in the city is like this. In fact, I really do love this city, and the people in it. For every negative experience, there are plenty of good ones. Still, the bad continues to mount.
Women want babies so they get pregnant. Babies are cute, why not have one? When that baby is walking and talking, its a lot more work and not so cute, so they ignore that child and decide to have another baby. Another baby is not just cute, its also more money. When that baby gets older, she starts over. Women are great at having babies. Few even attempt to raise them.
I know a 2 year old that doesn't have a bed time. She stays up until all hours of the night watching television while the rest of her family sleeps. She is the oldest of 3 and has been pushed aside for a while. She regularly falls asleep throughout the day, whenever she's tired. No one really pays attention to her anyway.
She's 2 and already her development has been hugely affected by simply not having a bed time.
I'm angry that people in my neighborhood choose not to use trash cans. I regularly watch people eat food and just drop the trash on the ground. I have to work hard to teach the kids not to do that. Such a simple way to clean up the neighborhood...
I am angry that my kids know exactly what a drug deal looks like. I'm angry that they don't know that Philadelphia is not a state, but they do know the words to every nasty song about sex that is played on the radio.
I'm angry that I am the only virgin any of the God's Girls know; and there are few in their lives telling them that they are worth saving themselves.
I have been struggling with anger a lot recently (can you tell? haha). The core of that struggle is righteous anger. Anger directed at sin and evil and the horrible affects I see all around me. However, sometimes that comes out as anger toward a driver driving too slow, or someone whistling in the store (I think whistling is one of the most annoying sounds in the world, haha). Right now the righteous anger is leading me to sin...I want it to lead me to pray.
I've started to believe that God is ONLY the God of redemption, and that has skewed my view big time. I believe 100% that God can and will redeem everything for His glory. But, do I believe that God is big enough to change hearts and lives for good?
Do I believe that God can redeem a teenage girl who gets pregnant? Absolutely! Do I believe that He can work in her heart so that she won't get pregnant? I don't know...
What I see around me are situations in need of redemption. What I want to see is people in need of a Savior. God is Savior just as much as He is Redeemer.
People in my neighborhood are standing at the edge of a cliff about to step off. I need to believe that God can pull them off the ledge just as easily as He can catch them on His wings when they step off. Shoot, I'm on the cliff myself all too often, and he has pulled me back more times than I can count. Why can't I believe that He will do that for those around me?
I'm not there yet though...but I know I'll get there. I have to get there, or I certainly won't make it here.
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