I would say that about 90% of the time I am completley okay with being single. I don't often struggle with being alone (I actually really like alone time) and I really do trust in the Lord for whatever plan He has for my life. I tend to view everything in terms of opportunity cost (its an economics term). Opportunity cost is basically the benefits you could have received by doing one thing instead of anther option. Everything has a cost, even if it isn't money. For example, for me to go on vacation for a week (let's pretend its all expenses paid so there is no actual monetary cost), I also have to give up a week in Philly. The week in Philly is the opportunity cost. In that situation, it is most likely that I would decide that the opportunity cost was worth giving up and I would take the vacation.
So, for me right now in my life, I really feel like the opportunity cost of getting married isn't worth it (I am positive this will change when I meet my husband). I have no desire to give up the things that I would have to give up in order to have a husband (again, I believe that the reason I feel this way is because I haven't met my husband yet so the opportunity cost of changing my life for a fictional person isn't really worth it). All that to say, as of right now, when I think of a husband I think of all the things that would change and the things I would miss out on...which doesn't leave me longing for a man. Usually...
I am thankful for my current mindset because like I have said (several times in fact, I really want you to get this, haha), I know this mindset will change when my husband has a face and a name.
Still, there is about 10% of the time that I do struggle. I wonder if I will be alone for my whole life. If it is actually possible for someone to love me and want to spend their life with me. If anyone finds me beautiful or captivating.
The time of year that this struggle is the hardest is always right around the start of God's Girls. I hate satan. My desire in being a God's Girls leader is to show the girls that our identity is in Christ, not our bodies, in men or in what other people expect us to be. I desire to be the example of a Godly woman who is madly in love with her God and will wait patiently (forever if necessary) for the man God has for her. Satan hates that, and he comes after me.
Well, God's Girls is starting up in a little less than 2 weeks, and the attacks have begun. Just a few days ago I was literally feeling at my most confident in who I am and in who Christ is in me. I felt beautiful, cherished adored...loved and protected. Those feelings are gone (for the time being) and I am entering into the battle to believe the truth and cast out the lies. Praise the Lord, I am not fighting alone. God is so amazing...
Wednesday night was a particularly rough night for me in this area. I just couldn't believe that I was single because God was calling me to be single, I was convinced it was because I was ugly and unlovable. I began to cry out to God and ask Him if it was ever possible for me to find someone who will love me (because despite my occasional bouts with desperation, I refuse to settle). As I was crying, this song came on the radio (not the Christian station):
You put your heart up on a shelf
I know it's hard to be by yourself
You need someone that's true and strong
Baby someone just came along
I am that man you're trying to find
I am that man you had in mind
And I'll give you all my love
'Til you understand
I won't give up
'Cause I know I am
Talk is cheap, it ain't worth a dime
So don't talk to me, just give me some time
I'm gonna show you what love can be
My job won't be done until you believe
I am that man you're trying to find
I am that man you had in mind
And I'll give you all my love
'Til you understand
I won't give up
'Cause I know
I am that man you're trying to find
I am that man you had in mind
And I'll give you all my love
'Til you understand
I won't give up
'Cause I know
I am that man
Notice the words I have bolded...they are not a coincidence. In the midst of my tears and my hearts cry, the I AM let me know that He is exactly what I have been looking for.
How crazy is that?!? The I AM let me know that He has chosen me, He is in love with me, and He is everything I could ever ask for.
"I'm gonna show you what love can be..."
He sang that to me while I cried...
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Cliff's Notes
I haven't written in a while, so here is the Cliff's Notes version of what's been going on (as well as some thoughts that haven't been cliffed...).
* Tasha came home from camp on Friday and Bonita, Linda, Monique and I all fought to be the first to welcome her home. We all missed her so much!!! (Linda won...). When I asked her how camp was, she responded; "There was a spider on my head". She had a great week. :)
* I taught Sunday School this week because Carisa is out of town. We have had some heavy weeks in class for a while, so this week we just chilled and laughed...a lot.
* Bonita, Linda and Monique all left for camp on Sunday. I love them SO MUCH, but I was ready for a break from so many kids around all the time (they have all been staying with me for about 2 weeks). Now its just me and Tasha...poor Tasha is bored a lot.
* I am leading an AIM trip this week and so far its going really well. They are leading VBS at Cornerstone and we have had close to 40 kids come each day. Its been fun, but absolutely exhausting (and its only Tuesday!)
* We had 3 new kids at Reading Rocks today, and they were all great!! And, we survived our first day without Carisa (she's on vacation, not gone forever, whew!!). I seriously wasn't sure if I would make it, but PRAISE THE LORD for Shannon, Laurie and Joy. Thanks to them, we survived and had fun!
* Kids Club tonight was AWESOME!! We had over 60 kids, which is a lot for the summer (we've hardly broken 40 this summer). It was crazy...2 of my main leaders are out of town and almost all of my other adult leaders came very late because their car got a flat tire, plus I felt horribly unprepared with the lesson. But, God showed up in amazing ways and it was GREAT!
* I am so far behind on my AIM work its not even funny. Seriously...
* Our cook this week on the AIM trip is from VA and has been making is sweet tea. If you read my post called "Things I didn't sign up for", you will know why this is so exciting for me...and why I totally see God's hand in it (not physically in the tea itself...that would be mucho weird).
* Today at VBS one of the girls (who I just met today) came and gave me a big hug, and when she did I said, "Hello Beautiful!". She quickly looked up at me and said, "You are beautiful too!". It was sweet.
* I had a very interesting conversation with one of the girl teen leaders today that really challenged me (this is part of the uncliffed section). An incident happened at God Squad on Monday where a teen was using her phone (which is against the rules) and this leader asked her to put it away. From there the leader then addressed the issue of using phones with a large group, which made the teen feel singled out and frustrated, and she vocalized that. To make a long story short, the teen felt very disrespected and uncared for, and the leader felt the same way. As I talked with the leader today, she said over and over again, "That is against the rules and I have been put in authority over the teens to enforce the rules".
This really made me think. Her statement is very true, but there was something missing. Rules are designed not to be strict guidelines to establish good and bad. They are created to ensure safety, respect and most importantly, to teach us how to be more like Christ. The whole point of the law in the Old Testament is to show us our desperate need for a Savior.
I started to wonder how this view would change my relationships with the teens. If my goal wasn't to simply enforce rules, but to see them followed so that the teens could be made into the image of Christ. I want my heart in enforcing rules to be about teaching the teens to be like Christ, not anything having to do with me. My heart should be for the teens, not the rules. (I still believe that following the rules is integral to the teens becoming like Christ, so I am not saying I will stop enforcing the rules...I just want my heart to change).
Another statement that this leader made was; "They need to understand that I am not you (meaning me, Trish). I have a completely different personality and I handle things differently". Another true statement, but as I thought about this a little deeper I realized that I'm not who I was. (Weird statement, I know...stick with me on this). I came into inner city teen ministry with one mindset and way of thinking, but over the years God has changed that and molded and shaped me in some really different ways. I have learned how to talk with the teens, what discipline they will respond to, how to show them respect (even when they don't show me any), and so on. I have learned that; "I am your leader, you have to listen to me" doesn't really work with them, so I have changed. To some that may seem like being too soft (which is weird cause I am not afraid of disciplining)...I see it as humility. Oh, I still have a VERY long way to go and I mess up ALL THE TIME, but again, I want my heart to be for the teens, not myself.
In order to work with teens here you have to play many different roles in their lives. At times you are a mentor, other times you are a mother. Sometimes you are a disciplinarian and sometimes you are a shoulder to cry on. You have to be ready to take hits (not physical) that you don't deserve because so many things are hurting them in their lives that they don't know how to handle that they have to lash out at someone and you are the only person they know isn't going anywhere. Sometimes you are a shelter, and others you are the one pushing them to fly on their own. You are a teacher and a listener. Our teens have so many emotions they don't understand and we are in the position of walking alongside them as they try and sort through it all. Its not always easy, its not always fun, it certainly isn't pretty and it can be exhausting. And the truth is, the fruit is not always visible (and in fact may never be). The even more amazing truth is, I am being shaped and refined through them.
A few weeks ago I was seriously considering stepping out of teen ministry so I could focus on more stuff with kids. I am still praying that God will open that door someday (soon...), but for now I feel strongly about my calling to the teens. God has used them in incredible ways to strip me of my flesh and fill me with Himself. (Incidentally, I am now seeking to take the things I have learned about caring for/leading/mentoring etc, into my relationship with Bonita and Linda. As they get older I am moving more and more out of the "mothering" role in their life and slowly into the "mentor" role. Its a weird adjustment that will take us some time and will require A LOT of grace and humility...but I think we're ready for it).
My conversation with this leader reminded me of the person I used to be, and that I still have so far to go. But, it made me so thankful to serve a God that is willing to refine me.
Okay, back to Cliff's notes...
* I saw the movie Hancock and LOVED it!! I also saw a lot of myself and a lot of Christ in the movie (despite a lot of unnecessary language), and I will write about that soon.
* The last of our kittens went to her new home. We're back to just Gizmo, and my house doesn't smell like poop anymore!
* The bible says that my God sings over me. How sweet is that?!?
* The question I asked the kids tonight at Kids Club was, "If you don't tell them [about Jesus], who will?"
* If I don't love them, who will?
* Tasha came home from camp on Friday and Bonita, Linda, Monique and I all fought to be the first to welcome her home. We all missed her so much!!! (Linda won...). When I asked her how camp was, she responded; "There was a spider on my head". She had a great week. :)
* I taught Sunday School this week because Carisa is out of town. We have had some heavy weeks in class for a while, so this week we just chilled and laughed...a lot.
* Bonita, Linda and Monique all left for camp on Sunday. I love them SO MUCH, but I was ready for a break from so many kids around all the time (they have all been staying with me for about 2 weeks). Now its just me and Tasha...poor Tasha is bored a lot.
* I am leading an AIM trip this week and so far its going really well. They are leading VBS at Cornerstone and we have had close to 40 kids come each day. Its been fun, but absolutely exhausting (and its only Tuesday!)
* We had 3 new kids at Reading Rocks today, and they were all great!! And, we survived our first day without Carisa (she's on vacation, not gone forever, whew!!). I seriously wasn't sure if I would make it, but PRAISE THE LORD for Shannon, Laurie and Joy. Thanks to them, we survived and had fun!
* Kids Club tonight was AWESOME!! We had over 60 kids, which is a lot for the summer (we've hardly broken 40 this summer). It was crazy...2 of my main leaders are out of town and almost all of my other adult leaders came very late because their car got a flat tire, plus I felt horribly unprepared with the lesson. But, God showed up in amazing ways and it was GREAT!
* I am so far behind on my AIM work its not even funny. Seriously...
* Our cook this week on the AIM trip is from VA and has been making is sweet tea. If you read my post called "Things I didn't sign up for", you will know why this is so exciting for me...and why I totally see God's hand in it (not physically in the tea itself...that would be mucho weird).
* Today at VBS one of the girls (who I just met today) came and gave me a big hug, and when she did I said, "Hello Beautiful!". She quickly looked up at me and said, "You are beautiful too!". It was sweet.
* I had a very interesting conversation with one of the girl teen leaders today that really challenged me (this is part of the uncliffed section). An incident happened at God Squad on Monday where a teen was using her phone (which is against the rules) and this leader asked her to put it away. From there the leader then addressed the issue of using phones with a large group, which made the teen feel singled out and frustrated, and she vocalized that. To make a long story short, the teen felt very disrespected and uncared for, and the leader felt the same way. As I talked with the leader today, she said over and over again, "That is against the rules and I have been put in authority over the teens to enforce the rules".
This really made me think. Her statement is very true, but there was something missing. Rules are designed not to be strict guidelines to establish good and bad. They are created to ensure safety, respect and most importantly, to teach us how to be more like Christ. The whole point of the law in the Old Testament is to show us our desperate need for a Savior.
I started to wonder how this view would change my relationships with the teens. If my goal wasn't to simply enforce rules, but to see them followed so that the teens could be made into the image of Christ. I want my heart in enforcing rules to be about teaching the teens to be like Christ, not anything having to do with me. My heart should be for the teens, not the rules. (I still believe that following the rules is integral to the teens becoming like Christ, so I am not saying I will stop enforcing the rules...I just want my heart to change).
Another statement that this leader made was; "They need to understand that I am not you (meaning me, Trish). I have a completely different personality and I handle things differently". Another true statement, but as I thought about this a little deeper I realized that I'm not who I was. (Weird statement, I know...stick with me on this). I came into inner city teen ministry with one mindset and way of thinking, but over the years God has changed that and molded and shaped me in some really different ways. I have learned how to talk with the teens, what discipline they will respond to, how to show them respect (even when they don't show me any), and so on. I have learned that; "I am your leader, you have to listen to me" doesn't really work with them, so I have changed. To some that may seem like being too soft (which is weird cause I am not afraid of disciplining)...I see it as humility. Oh, I still have a VERY long way to go and I mess up ALL THE TIME, but again, I want my heart to be for the teens, not myself.
In order to work with teens here you have to play many different roles in their lives. At times you are a mentor, other times you are a mother. Sometimes you are a disciplinarian and sometimes you are a shoulder to cry on. You have to be ready to take hits (not physical) that you don't deserve because so many things are hurting them in their lives that they don't know how to handle that they have to lash out at someone and you are the only person they know isn't going anywhere. Sometimes you are a shelter, and others you are the one pushing them to fly on their own. You are a teacher and a listener. Our teens have so many emotions they don't understand and we are in the position of walking alongside them as they try and sort through it all. Its not always easy, its not always fun, it certainly isn't pretty and it can be exhausting. And the truth is, the fruit is not always visible (and in fact may never be). The even more amazing truth is, I am being shaped and refined through them.
A few weeks ago I was seriously considering stepping out of teen ministry so I could focus on more stuff with kids. I am still praying that God will open that door someday (soon...), but for now I feel strongly about my calling to the teens. God has used them in incredible ways to strip me of my flesh and fill me with Himself. (Incidentally, I am now seeking to take the things I have learned about caring for/leading/mentoring etc, into my relationship with Bonita and Linda. As they get older I am moving more and more out of the "mothering" role in their life and slowly into the "mentor" role. Its a weird adjustment that will take us some time and will require A LOT of grace and humility...but I think we're ready for it).
My conversation with this leader reminded me of the person I used to be, and that I still have so far to go. But, it made me so thankful to serve a God that is willing to refine me.
Okay, back to Cliff's notes...
* I saw the movie Hancock and LOVED it!! I also saw a lot of myself and a lot of Christ in the movie (despite a lot of unnecessary language), and I will write about that soon.
* The last of our kittens went to her new home. We're back to just Gizmo, and my house doesn't smell like poop anymore!
* The bible says that my God sings over me. How sweet is that?!?
* The question I asked the kids tonight at Kids Club was, "If you don't tell them [about Jesus], who will?"
* If I don't love them, who will?
Friday, July 18, 2008
What's Going On?
So, I told you about a week ago about a very serious thing going on here in Philly. Well, we are still right in the middle of it, and it's ugly and hard...but all we can seem to do is give God praise. And a 12 year old girl is showing us all what strength and courage really are.
And I was right, this has changed everything. Yet we are seeing beauty come from the ashes.
The city of Philadelphia moved very fast once the allegations were made and by the beginning of this week, the investigation was in full swing. Y was sticking to her guns, her brother had raped her. Her brother (whom we all know and love as well) was insistent that he didn't do anything. The rest of us felt caught in the middle. So, we prayed.
It became a ridiculous game of he said/she said, with so much pain and fear behind the words. Their family was divided, our church was becoming divided. We were all desperate for the truth, but only 2 people had it...and one was lying. So, we prayed.
The brother was threatening to run, convinced he would be sent to jail despite his claims of innocence. He was angry and scared. So we prayed.
Y was scared it would happen again. She hated going home (remember, even her family is divided), and unsure who would stand by her. She was angry and scared. So we prayed.
We cried out to the Lord, simply desperate for the truth. Even a trial with evidence would always leave lingering doubts in out minds. We didn't know how He was going to do it, but we knew that we needed God to bring the truth to light. Then we knew He would bring healing.
We had no idea how good God really is.
On Wednesday the brother decided to face the accusations and tell his side of the story. We all knew someone wasn't telling the truth, he wanted to prove that it wasn't him. He went and talked to the police, persistent in his claims of innocence. He left the police station and waited. Then the Lord stepped in. He heard the voice of the Lord calling him. So the brother sent a text message; "I did it. God told me to tell the truth, and I did it" (Not word for word, I was not the recipient of the text message).
The horrible, ugly, filthy truth had come to light. Only God could have done that.
The brother went back to the police and told the truth. He was guilty. And completely broken. God loves the brother too. He can be healed. The brother is now in jail and a whole new set of challenges lay ahead. We have no idea what comes next, but we know we can trust in the Lord with whatever that is.
Y was incredibly relieved and so much weight has been lifted off of her tiny shoulders. She has a long road of healing ahead of her, but she isn't walking it alone.
This has obviously been so difficult on Y's mother as both parties are her precious children. There are other siblings who feel so lost and confused. Why did this happen? How do we love both our brother and our sister? I can't imagine the pain and the turmoil.
Then there is our church. People who care deeply about Y and her brother. Did we ever really know him? How can we forgive him?
Its all just so much. But we know that God is good. All the time.
And in the midst we just stand in awe of Y. Her strength puts the rest of us to shame. Her honesty has opened the door for so many others to talk about their own pain. More things being brought to light. More healing can begin.
Healing is not easy, nor is it painless. As I write this I have hydrogen peroxide bubbling on a wound, and it stings. Yet, I know its necessary and eventually that wound will barely, if at all, be noticeable.
Please continue to pray. I have learned that my prayers need to be neither long nor eloquent. Our prayers over the last week have consisted of one word: truth. That's what God gave us, and so much more.
Now my prayer is for redemption. To see Him glorified in the ugliest of circumstances and to see His children healed and restored.
Please pray with us.
And I was right, this has changed everything. Yet we are seeing beauty come from the ashes.
The city of Philadelphia moved very fast once the allegations were made and by the beginning of this week, the investigation was in full swing. Y was sticking to her guns, her brother had raped her. Her brother (whom we all know and love as well) was insistent that he didn't do anything. The rest of us felt caught in the middle. So, we prayed.
It became a ridiculous game of he said/she said, with so much pain and fear behind the words. Their family was divided, our church was becoming divided. We were all desperate for the truth, but only 2 people had it...and one was lying. So, we prayed.
The brother was threatening to run, convinced he would be sent to jail despite his claims of innocence. He was angry and scared. So we prayed.
Y was scared it would happen again. She hated going home (remember, even her family is divided), and unsure who would stand by her. She was angry and scared. So we prayed.
We cried out to the Lord, simply desperate for the truth. Even a trial with evidence would always leave lingering doubts in out minds. We didn't know how He was going to do it, but we knew that we needed God to bring the truth to light. Then we knew He would bring healing.
We had no idea how good God really is.
On Wednesday the brother decided to face the accusations and tell his side of the story. We all knew someone wasn't telling the truth, he wanted to prove that it wasn't him. He went and talked to the police, persistent in his claims of innocence. He left the police station and waited. Then the Lord stepped in. He heard the voice of the Lord calling him. So the brother sent a text message; "I did it. God told me to tell the truth, and I did it" (Not word for word, I was not the recipient of the text message).
The horrible, ugly, filthy truth had come to light. Only God could have done that.
The brother went back to the police and told the truth. He was guilty. And completely broken. God loves the brother too. He can be healed. The brother is now in jail and a whole new set of challenges lay ahead. We have no idea what comes next, but we know we can trust in the Lord with whatever that is.
Y was incredibly relieved and so much weight has been lifted off of her tiny shoulders. She has a long road of healing ahead of her, but she isn't walking it alone.
This has obviously been so difficult on Y's mother as both parties are her precious children. There are other siblings who feel so lost and confused. Why did this happen? How do we love both our brother and our sister? I can't imagine the pain and the turmoil.
Then there is our church. People who care deeply about Y and her brother. Did we ever really know him? How can we forgive him?
Its all just so much. But we know that God is good. All the time.
And in the midst we just stand in awe of Y. Her strength puts the rest of us to shame. Her honesty has opened the door for so many others to talk about their own pain. More things being brought to light. More healing can begin.
Healing is not easy, nor is it painless. As I write this I have hydrogen peroxide bubbling on a wound, and it stings. Yet, I know its necessary and eventually that wound will barely, if at all, be noticeable.
Please continue to pray. I have learned that my prayers need to be neither long nor eloquent. Our prayers over the last week have consisted of one word: truth. That's what God gave us, and so much more.
Now my prayer is for redemption. To see Him glorified in the ugliest of circumstances and to see His children healed and restored.
Please pray with us.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Things I Didn't Sign Up For...
The title of this blog makes me laugh. A lot. Really, my life is NOT what I signed up for. I never expected to be single (with nothing on the horizon) at 28. Never thought I would be living in the inner city. I never thought I would make less money than people on welfare. Never thought I would "mother" children that weren't mine. I never expected to be Godmother to 9 kids. And I certainly never thought I would live in the north...and like it!!
(And incidentally...before I continue with this post...all of my "never thoughts" above are things in my life I would NEVER want to change...except maybe the money thing...and the single thing, in God's timing...).
In addition to all of that, I have accumulated a list of things that, when I entered full time ministry in Philadelphia, I never expected to be a part of my life. Some are good and I wouldn't change them for the world, some are bad and I pray daily that they will change...and some are just funny. Nonetheless, these things make up my life; what a strange and crazy life it is.
Things I didn't sign up for in Philly:
1) KITTENS
2) Being called "Miss Trish" all the time, even by adults (even my friends occasionally call me that)
3) Having the distinct ability to immediately tell the difference between gunshots and fireworks
4) No sweet tea ANYWHERE!
5) Having curly hair (my hair was straight until I moved to Philly, seriously!)
6) Driving a minivan when I don't have any children
7) Barking dogs...all the time...
8) Developing personal relationships with drug dealers
9) Having my brother offer (more than once) to buy me a gun and teach me how to shoot it
10) Having my dad support my brother's suggestion
11) Having my phone number memorized by half the kids (if not more) in our ministry
12) Getting to travel to several countries in Africa
13) Finding the sound of the El rolling by soothing (when I'm inside)
14) Watching a man die in front of his children
15) Taking 9 kids (that aren't mine) on a dream vacation...and loving every minute of it!
16) Caring so much it hurts
17) Knowing, seeing, feeling and hearing God in ways I never thought possible
18) Being okay with me...size and all. :)
19) My friends
20) Not being the sidekick
21) Having my every need taken care of, always
22) rats
23) roaches
24) Parties on my street that last until the wee hours of the morning
25) Learning too love running
26) Missing my parents
27) Missing my brother
28) Gizmo
29) roosters
30) Being upfront a lot...and not throwing up every time
That's all I have for now...I'm sure I will add more later!
In addition to all of that, I have accumulated a list of things that, when I entered full time ministry in Philadelphia, I never expected to be a part of my life. Some are good and I wouldn't change them for the world, some are bad and I pray daily that they will change...and some are just funny. Nonetheless, these things make up my life; what a strange and crazy life it is.
Things I didn't sign up for in Philly:
1) KITTENS
2) Being called "Miss Trish" all the time, even by adults (even my friends occasionally call me that)
3) Having the distinct ability to immediately tell the difference between gunshots and fireworks
4) No sweet tea ANYWHERE!
5) Having curly hair (my hair was straight until I moved to Philly, seriously!)
6) Driving a minivan when I don't have any children
7) Barking dogs...all the time...
8) Developing personal relationships with drug dealers
9) Having my brother offer (more than once) to buy me a gun and teach me how to shoot it
10) Having my dad support my brother's suggestion
11) Having my phone number memorized by half the kids (if not more) in our ministry
12) Getting to travel to several countries in Africa
13) Finding the sound of the El rolling by soothing (when I'm inside)
14) Watching a man die in front of his children
15) Taking 9 kids (that aren't mine) on a dream vacation...and loving every minute of it!
16) Caring so much it hurts
17) Knowing, seeing, feeling and hearing God in ways I never thought possible
18) Being okay with me...size and all. :)
19) My friends
20) Not being the sidekick
21) Having my every need taken care of, always
22) rats
23) roaches
24) Parties on my street that last until the wee hours of the morning
25) Learning too love running
26) Missing my parents
27) Missing my brother
28) Gizmo
29) roosters
30) Being upfront a lot...and not throwing up every time
That's all I have for now...I'm sure I will add more later!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Seeking Blogs...
By single Christian women. Anyone know any?
I have several blogs that I read regularly and they all encourage, inspire and humor me. Unfortunately, none of them are written by single Christian women. I know they're out there, I just can't seem to find them.
I actually spent several hours today looking through blogs on other people's sites, and still didn't find anything from single Christian women.
So, I'm asking for your help. I'm not looking for "How to Survive Single" or anything like that. I am simply looking for some blogs written by single Christian women about their lives.
Please don't think that I am discounting married women, I am not. But, I am surrounded by inspiring married women here in Philly, and have found a 1,975,376 blogs written by married women (that number was made up, but you get the idea). I really do love reading parenting stories, but I can't relate to those. Its always encouraging to hear from women who love Jesus, married or single. I'm hearing from the married ones, now I want to hear from the single ones.
So, I'm looking for a blog I can relate to. Someone who has given their heart to God and is waiting for the man in who's hands God will place that heart.
Anyone?
(Bonus points if the author of the blog is in her late 20's or older. Single women in their early 20's don't count as "single" in my book, they're just weighing their options, hehe). :)
I have several blogs that I read regularly and they all encourage, inspire and humor me. Unfortunately, none of them are written by single Christian women. I know they're out there, I just can't seem to find them.
I actually spent several hours today looking through blogs on other people's sites, and still didn't find anything from single Christian women.
So, I'm asking for your help. I'm not looking for "How to Survive Single" or anything like that. I am simply looking for some blogs written by single Christian women about their lives.
Please don't think that I am discounting married women, I am not. But, I am surrounded by inspiring married women here in Philly, and have found a 1,975,376 blogs written by married women (that number was made up, but you get the idea). I really do love reading parenting stories, but I can't relate to those. Its always encouraging to hear from women who love Jesus, married or single. I'm hearing from the married ones, now I want to hear from the single ones.
So, I'm looking for a blog I can relate to. Someone who has given their heart to God and is waiting for the man in who's hands God will place that heart.
Anyone?
(Bonus points if the author of the blog is in her late 20's or older. Single women in their early 20's don't count as "single" in my book, they're just weighing their options, hehe). :)
Only One Thing Makes Sense Right Now
Worship.
Though, it doesn't make much sense to me that that's the only thing that makes sense.
I have spent the last several days trying to wrap my mind around everything that is going on. That is impossible. In this world, nothing that is happening makes any sense. I have listened to story after story after story after story after story after story after story of young girls who have been raped or sexually abused (yes, that is 7 stories). I have listened to story after story after story after story after story of girls who's parents abuse drugs and alcohol (that would be 4 more stories). Its just so much.
I don't feel like these girls are looking to me for answers, which is a very good thing, because I don't have any. I have tried to find some, but so far I'm empty. I do feel like these girls are looking for someone to listen, to care and to cry with them (you always feel better when someone else is crying too...makes you feel like you're not alone). I haven't been the only one doing that, though, they have been doing it for each other as well.
I think that is the part that is surprising me the most. I guess tragedy does bring people together, and God is uniting so many young women in our church and it is so beautiful to watch.
At the same time, though, Satan is working hard to divide.
I have heard several stories over the last few days about ridiculous rumors going around about me. They honestly don't bother me, they are that ridiculous. Still, others are becoming angry and lashing out at one another. Satan is most definitely at work.
In the midst of all of this I have tried to find answers or at least solace in the Scriptures. Instead, I find a bunch of stuff that doesn't make any sense. This is unusual for me, and was kind of alarming for me at first.
See, I LOVE the Word. (You would think that would lead me to spend more time reading it...you would think...). I especially LOVE the Old Testament. That probably makes me a little weird (especially since I had never even opened to the Old Testament until college), but I'm okay with that. Its not that I don't love the New Testament, I do. But, the Old Testament if full of amazing characters and stories. People I can relate to, people I can learn from. The Old Testament has a ton of people that I can follow from birth to death, I get to see their whole story. I kinda see the Old and New Testaments the opposite from most people. To me, the New Testament has the most instruction and guidelines to follow, while the Old Testament is much more about the story of a God and His people. I just LOVE it!!!
**Quick side note: Bonita and Lindaare up to something right now. I have no idea what it is, but it is making them laugh uncontrollably. I think they're trying to sneak up on me; which is difficult with the laughing. I'll just keep typing and wait for it...
Anyway, knowing how much I love the Word and how 90% of the time, I find everything I need in it, you can see why I have been a little on edge. I have tried and tried to read the word and I get nothing. I'm not captivated by the stories I read. I'm not highlighting and writing down my inner most thoughts on how I am just like (or just the opposite) from the latest character that I have fallen in love with.
For me, if God's Word doesn't make sense, then nothing will. Well, almost...
As I was searching through the Word yesterday (I skipped Sunday School because I was pretty sure it was going to include more stories...ones that I have heard and couldn't bare to listen to again at that moment), I first read about Jacob wrestling with God. Jon, the author of the "Stuff Christians Like" blog that I love, also had a blog called "97 Seconds With God". On that blog a few days ago he was talking about Jacob wrestling with God and Jon says that God actually loved that moment with Jacob because no matter how difficult the battle was, Jacob was close to God. I LOVE that idea and will hold onto it in the future (I wrestle with God way more than I want to admit), but at this point in time, I don't feel like I'm wrestling.
I'm just kinda here.
So, I kept looking. I went to the New Testament (not my usual route, haha) and started reading about Mary and Martha. Mary wasn't wrestling with God, she was just sitting at His feet, listening to Him. The problem there, for me, is that I was trying to listen, but wasn't hearing anything. On I went.
Finally I came to the story of Mary washing Jesus feet with her hair. She was at His feet worshiping Him. For some reason, that made sense to me. So I stopped reading and started to worship. Me, alone in my bedroom with no music or instruments, praising a God that makes no sense to me right now. And I found myself, as I praised His name, no longer lost or confused, but in the arms of my Savior.
I went to church yesterday, and that continued. I didn't get a thing out of the sermon (sorry Bill...not your fault at all...), but I could worship. So I did.
So, that's where I am right now. No answers, but complete trust in a Savior. My Jesus is the same as He was before I heard all of these stories. What else is there to do but praise Him?
**I have discovered what the girls are up to. They were playing with Suki, the only kitten we have left, right outside my door trying to get her to come into my room and scare me. I'm not sure what they were thinking, kittens aren't really scary...but Binita and Linda's hair is terrifying right now from all their rolling on the floor...
Though, it doesn't make much sense to me that that's the only thing that makes sense.
I have spent the last several days trying to wrap my mind around everything that is going on. That is impossible. In this world, nothing that is happening makes any sense. I have listened to story after story after story after story after story after story after story of young girls who have been raped or sexually abused (yes, that is 7 stories). I have listened to story after story after story after story after story of girls who's parents abuse drugs and alcohol (that would be 4 more stories). Its just so much.
I don't feel like these girls are looking to me for answers, which is a very good thing, because I don't have any. I have tried to find some, but so far I'm empty. I do feel like these girls are looking for someone to listen, to care and to cry with them (you always feel better when someone else is crying too...makes you feel like you're not alone). I haven't been the only one doing that, though, they have been doing it for each other as well.
I think that is the part that is surprising me the most. I guess tragedy does bring people together, and God is uniting so many young women in our church and it is so beautiful to watch.
At the same time, though, Satan is working hard to divide.
I have heard several stories over the last few days about ridiculous rumors going around about me. They honestly don't bother me, they are that ridiculous. Still, others are becoming angry and lashing out at one another. Satan is most definitely at work.
In the midst of all of this I have tried to find answers or at least solace in the Scriptures. Instead, I find a bunch of stuff that doesn't make any sense. This is unusual for me, and was kind of alarming for me at first.
See, I LOVE the Word. (You would think that would lead me to spend more time reading it...you would think...). I especially LOVE the Old Testament. That probably makes me a little weird (especially since I had never even opened to the Old Testament until college), but I'm okay with that. Its not that I don't love the New Testament, I do. But, the Old Testament if full of amazing characters and stories. People I can relate to, people I can learn from. The Old Testament has a ton of people that I can follow from birth to death, I get to see their whole story. I kinda see the Old and New Testaments the opposite from most people. To me, the New Testament has the most instruction and guidelines to follow, while the Old Testament is much more about the story of a God and His people. I just LOVE it!!!
**Quick side note: Bonita and Lindaare up to something right now. I have no idea what it is, but it is making them laugh uncontrollably. I think they're trying to sneak up on me; which is difficult with the laughing. I'll just keep typing and wait for it...
Anyway, knowing how much I love the Word and how 90% of the time, I find everything I need in it, you can see why I have been a little on edge. I have tried and tried to read the word and I get nothing. I'm not captivated by the stories I read. I'm not highlighting and writing down my inner most thoughts on how I am just like (or just the opposite) from the latest character that I have fallen in love with.
For me, if God's Word doesn't make sense, then nothing will. Well, almost...
As I was searching through the Word yesterday (I skipped Sunday School because I was pretty sure it was going to include more stories...ones that I have heard and couldn't bare to listen to again at that moment), I first read about Jacob wrestling with God. Jon, the author of the "Stuff Christians Like" blog that I love, also had a blog called "97 Seconds With God". On that blog a few days ago he was talking about Jacob wrestling with God and Jon says that God actually loved that moment with Jacob because no matter how difficult the battle was, Jacob was close to God. I LOVE that idea and will hold onto it in the future (I wrestle with God way more than I want to admit), but at this point in time, I don't feel like I'm wrestling.
I'm just kinda here.
So, I kept looking. I went to the New Testament (not my usual route, haha) and started reading about Mary and Martha. Mary wasn't wrestling with God, she was just sitting at His feet, listening to Him. The problem there, for me, is that I was trying to listen, but wasn't hearing anything. On I went.
Finally I came to the story of Mary washing Jesus feet with her hair. She was at His feet worshiping Him. For some reason, that made sense to me. So I stopped reading and started to worship. Me, alone in my bedroom with no music or instruments, praising a God that makes no sense to me right now. And I found myself, as I praised His name, no longer lost or confused, but in the arms of my Savior.
I went to church yesterday, and that continued. I didn't get a thing out of the sermon (sorry Bill...not your fault at all...), but I could worship. So I did.
So, that's where I am right now. No answers, but complete trust in a Savior. My Jesus is the same as He was before I heard all of these stories. What else is there to do but praise Him?
**I have discovered what the girls are up to. They were playing with Suki, the only kitten we have left, right outside my door trying to get her to come into my room and scare me. I'm not sure what they were thinking, kittens aren't really scary...but Binita and Linda's hair is terrifying right now from all their rolling on the floor...
Friday, July 11, 2008
I Miss Them
I'm sure you have noticed that I changed my Blog Title design. I actually really like it. But, everytime I see the pictures of Pedro and Miguel, I really miss them (they are in Lancaster, PA for the summer).
Just wanted to share that.
Just wanted to share that.
Good Things are Happening too!!
In the midst of all the chaos going on (please keep praying because this isn't going to end soon), there are a lot of really great things going on here in Philly.
The most exciting, and most fun for me is Reading Rocks. We started our 4th year of Reading Rocks (at least, I think its been 4 years...) last week and this summer is by far the best one we have had yet! In fact, on Tuesday we had 34 kids show up! You can go to the Reading Rocks page on our website (which is linked above) and get some general info on what it is and how it works. I will try and post a more detailed description of it when I get the chance (or I'll just copy and paste Carisa's posts on How Reading Rocks Works...we'll see how lazy I get, hehe). Basically, the kids come in and read books for an hour, earning points which leads to prizes...and everything culminated in an awesome party in August!
One of my favorite parts about Reading Rocks this year has been our teen tutors. Trust me, I have not said that in past years. This year, though, we have some really awesome younger teens who just last year participated in Reading Rocks and are now serving. Its been so great!!
(recognize that teen?!? I'm still not over the fact that she is a teen!!!)
I would have to say that my favorite part about Reading Rocks this year, though, has been Carisa and Shannon. Carisa developed Reading Rocks and she and I have worked together over the last few years to tweak things here and there and try to make it better. Little did we know that what we really needed was Shannon!! This year we have made a lot of really great changes and the three of us have each taken our own role in Reading Rocks, and so far I feel like we are working together like a dream team!! I LOVE working with other people, especially other women (most of the people I work with are men...who are amazing...but they don't quite get me, haha), and especially women I love and respect; so this team is just amazing!! Laurie, another woman on staff that I love and respect, is working with us as well, though she is away for 2 weeks and we miss her!
I mentioned before that last Saturday we also had our annual Block Party. Well, the fruit from that has been incredible! Literally almost half the kids at Kids Club this week were new visitors from the Block Party! We also had a ton of new people at church on Sunday, and at Teen Club last night!! Praise the Lord! I was SO excited when I left Kids Club on Tuesday night with so many new names and faces!!
And finally, Wednesday my roommate Jen and I took a group of 14 teen and preteen girls on an overnight camping trip. Any of you who know me are probably a little surprised, and that's okay...I am too. I am NOT a fan of camping! However, I am a fan of hanging out with awesome teens and getting out of the city, so I decided to go (well, that and they had to have at least 2 leaders go...and there are only 2 teen girl leaders so I didn't have much choice, haha). When someone asked me how the trip went, I responded; "terrible and amazing". Amazing because we had a lot of fun and all the girls were really open and honest about what was going on in their lives. Terrible because a lot of them have some really horrible things going on in their lives.
We spent most of the day Wednesday laughing in the pool, jumping on a trampoline and playing cards. We laughed a lot and all really enjoyed each other. We spent most of Wednesday night pouring out our hearts. As I listened to each girls story, I found myself saying several times, "Lord, I don't know how much more I can listen to". But, they kept talking, so I kept listening. It was incredible to see the honesty come from these girls, and the love and compassion they were showing one another. We all went to sleep exhausted; physically and emotionally.
I didn't get to stay too long on Thursday (I had to leave early to get back in time for Reading Rocks), but I was there for some more intense sharing, crying and praying. It was amazing and terrible all at the same time. I will tell you that I have the privilege of working with some of the strongest and most beautiful girls (soon to be women) in the world. I found that as I listened to them talk, they gave me strength. God is doing amazing things. I can already see the beauty forming out of the ashes. Thank you Lord.
I can honestly say that with everything going on, I have a million questions, and about 3 of them actually have an answer. With that, though, comes Jesus. I can see Him everywhere, working in the midst of even the hardest circumstances. I don't have any answers, but I have Jesus.
I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed (did I mention that I am also leading an AIM trip in 2 weeks, organizing the Teen Leadership Camp in 3 weeks and trying to prepare for the mission trip that is only 5 weeks away; with God's Girls squeezed on the middle?!), but all of that is just constantly taking me back to Jesus. His words, "I will never leave you or forsake you" are really taking root in my life right now.
The most exciting, and most fun for me is Reading Rocks. We started our 4th year of Reading Rocks (at least, I think its been 4 years...) last week and this summer is by far the best one we have had yet! In fact, on Tuesday we had 34 kids show up! You can go to the Reading Rocks page on our website (which is linked above) and get some general info on what it is and how it works. I will try and post a more detailed description of it when I get the chance (or I'll just copy and paste Carisa's posts on How Reading Rocks Works...we'll see how lazy I get, hehe). Basically, the kids come in and read books for an hour, earning points which leads to prizes...and everything culminated in an awesome party in August!
One of my favorite parts about Reading Rocks this year has been our teen tutors. Trust me, I have not said that in past years. This year, though, we have some really awesome younger teens who just last year participated in Reading Rocks and are now serving. Its been so great!!
(recognize that teen?!? I'm still not over the fact that she is a teen!!!)I would have to say that my favorite part about Reading Rocks this year, though, has been Carisa and Shannon. Carisa developed Reading Rocks and she and I have worked together over the last few years to tweak things here and there and try to make it better. Little did we know that what we really needed was Shannon!! This year we have made a lot of really great changes and the three of us have each taken our own role in Reading Rocks, and so far I feel like we are working together like a dream team!! I LOVE working with other people, especially other women (most of the people I work with are men...who are amazing...but they don't quite get me, haha), and especially women I love and respect; so this team is just amazing!! Laurie, another woman on staff that I love and respect, is working with us as well, though she is away for 2 weeks and we miss her!
I mentioned before that last Saturday we also had our annual Block Party. Well, the fruit from that has been incredible! Literally almost half the kids at Kids Club this week were new visitors from the Block Party! We also had a ton of new people at church on Sunday, and at Teen Club last night!! Praise the Lord! I was SO excited when I left Kids Club on Tuesday night with so many new names and faces!!
And finally, Wednesday my roommate Jen and I took a group of 14 teen and preteen girls on an overnight camping trip. Any of you who know me are probably a little surprised, and that's okay...I am too. I am NOT a fan of camping! However, I am a fan of hanging out with awesome teens and getting out of the city, so I decided to go (well, that and they had to have at least 2 leaders go...and there are only 2 teen girl leaders so I didn't have much choice, haha). When someone asked me how the trip went, I responded; "terrible and amazing". Amazing because we had a lot of fun and all the girls were really open and honest about what was going on in their lives. Terrible because a lot of them have some really horrible things going on in their lives.
We spent most of the day Wednesday laughing in the pool, jumping on a trampoline and playing cards. We laughed a lot and all really enjoyed each other. We spent most of Wednesday night pouring out our hearts. As I listened to each girls story, I found myself saying several times, "Lord, I don't know how much more I can listen to". But, they kept talking, so I kept listening. It was incredible to see the honesty come from these girls, and the love and compassion they were showing one another. We all went to sleep exhausted; physically and emotionally.
I didn't get to stay too long on Thursday (I had to leave early to get back in time for Reading Rocks), but I was there for some more intense sharing, crying and praying. It was amazing and terrible all at the same time. I will tell you that I have the privilege of working with some of the strongest and most beautiful girls (soon to be women) in the world. I found that as I listened to them talk, they gave me strength. God is doing amazing things. I can already see the beauty forming out of the ashes. Thank you Lord.
I can honestly say that with everything going on, I have a million questions, and about 3 of them actually have an answer. With that, though, comes Jesus. I can see Him everywhere, working in the midst of even the hardest circumstances. I don't have any answers, but I have Jesus.
I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed (did I mention that I am also leading an AIM trip in 2 weeks, organizing the Teen Leadership Camp in 3 weeks and trying to prepare for the mission trip that is only 5 weeks away; with God's Girls squeezed on the middle?!), but all of that is just constantly taking me back to Jesus. His words, "I will never leave you or forsake you" are really taking root in my life right now.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
This can't be real...
I just did literally the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. A 12 year old girl that I am very close to (It is NOT Bonita or Linda) told me that her oldest brother, whom I also know, has been molesting her for the last 6 years. I had to call the authorities. What comes next will change everything.
My mind has been racing with possibilities, and I just shut it down. I don't know if that's okay, but its what I have to do. If I think about what happened to her, I won't be there for her. If I think about what will happen to him, I will make all the wrong decisions. I am so desperate for Jesus.
Praise the Lord for the lady that took the report. She was extremely supportive, encouraging and helpful (I still pray I never have to make that phone call again). I shared everything, and she listened. She brought up things that I hadn't thought of (the possibility of STD's), and when I broke down, she just let me. She cares about this little girl and she has never even met her.
Unfortunately, I don't have much faith in the Philadelphia system, so I have no idea what will happen next. The case will be referred to DHS (Department of Human Services), and we'll see what happens from there. Other things have been going on in the home (drinking, fighting, etc), so I am praising God that (hopefully) these things will be dealt with as well.
If you ask me how I'm doing, I won't have an answer for you. All I can tell you is that I am desperate for Jesus. Sick to my stomach, NOTHING else will even come close, desperate for JESUS. That can't be a bad place to be...
My mind has been racing with possibilities, and I just shut it down. I don't know if that's okay, but its what I have to do. If I think about what happened to her, I won't be there for her. If I think about what will happen to him, I will make all the wrong decisions. I am so desperate for Jesus.
Praise the Lord for the lady that took the report. She was extremely supportive, encouraging and helpful (I still pray I never have to make that phone call again). I shared everything, and she listened. She brought up things that I hadn't thought of (the possibility of STD's), and when I broke down, she just let me. She cares about this little girl and she has never even met her.
Unfortunately, I don't have much faith in the Philadelphia system, so I have no idea what will happen next. The case will be referred to DHS (Department of Human Services), and we'll see what happens from there. Other things have been going on in the home (drinking, fighting, etc), so I am praising God that (hopefully) these things will be dealt with as well.
If you ask me how I'm doing, I won't have an answer for you. All I can tell you is that I am desperate for Jesus. Sick to my stomach, NOTHING else will even come close, desperate for JESUS. That can't be a bad place to be...
Monday, July 7, 2008
Grace and Jealousy
First let me say, I have gotten over myself. My complaining is finished. Whew! The Block Party really was amazing and I will update you on that soon (actually, I will update you whenever Carisa updates her blog, haha. I don't have any pictures, but she does!)
So, a huge issue has come to light in the last few days that I honestly have no idea how to handle, and I don't think I am supposed to. That issue ultimately comes down to jealousy. It started on the vacation when several of the kids accused me of playing favorites with Tasha (the youngest). No one said anything to me until the end of the week, although they had been talking to each other about it all week. Once we talked about it I was able to show them that they weren't seeing the whole picture, but they still struggle. They were (are) jealous.
Since then, several other kids and teens (teens especially) have expressed that they feel like I play favorites with some more than others. Its a difficult thing for me to balance because I am more involved in some of their lives than in others. That doesn't mean I like anyone more than anyone else, it just means that certain people need more at a certain time. What I want all of them to see is that I am here for all of them. I am certainly not perfect, but I am absolutely seeking to do exactly what God calls me to, whatever that is.
Sometimes I think, if they only knew...if they only knew the hours I spent praying for them. The times I gave up what I wanted to do in order to spend time with them. The amount of money I spend on them. The number of tears shed over them. But, I really don't want them to know all of that, because then they would also know the nights I decided to watch TV instead of pray for them. The times I didn't answer the phone when they called because I just didn't want to deal with anything. The amount of money I spend on ridiculous things for myself. The number of times I have criticized and judged them in my head.
I want them to know the good because that makes me feel righteous. I want to hide the bad, though, because that makes me feel worthless.
The truth is, though, that none of this is about me.
I am so thankful that life is not about trying to balance the good with the bad; that would get so exhausting! (Trust me, I keep trying to do it and I keep failing!). Life if really about grace.
In order to teach grace, I need to live it. I need to accept and extend grace at all times. That's what I need to do. I'm not always so great at doing what I need to do.
Here's the thing, I really struggle with jealousy. I am often jealous of people that don't live my life (which would be a lot of people, haha). It's so easy for me to see the world through my eyes only and I get jealous of the people that don't have my struggles and frustrations. And its even easier to blame that on a person and even God.
I read a blog that I LOVE called "Stuff Christians Like". One of the updates today was about banishing the words, "If Only" from the Christian vocabulary. I want to trumpet that cause. That's really what jealousy is. If only...my life was different in some way....everything would be okay. The problem is, that statement is a bold faced lie.
But, that is the statement I believe. I believe that God is providing for everyone else, but not me. That is exactly how these kids and teens are looking at me. They see what I do for someone else and think, "Trish doesn't do that for me. She doesn't care about me.." I've made those exact same statements about God.
So and so has a great husband and great kids...I want that...God loves them more because He provided that for her and not me.
Trish has so and so spend the night, but doesn't invite me. She loves them more.
So and so isn't alone, I am. God loves them more.
And so on and so on.
The truth is, I have made mistakes with these kids and teens, and I will make more. I don't want my life here to be about not making mistakes or even trying to take care of everyone. I want my life to be about loving and following Jesus, and hopefully being a part of others doing the same. In order for that to happen, I have to admit when I fail, but also accept that I won't be able to please everyone. Which means people might not like me, and they might tell other people they don't like me.
I am also aware that a big part of this jealousy is because of other people talking about me. One person gets upset about something I did, and they talk to their friends about it. Then they all agree on what I have done wrong and get mad about it. I know that scenario well; I do it. Too much. Way too much.
I don't think it's a coincidence that we studied Mariam in Sunday School yesterday. (The sermon yesterday also kicked my butt, but I'll talk about that later). The last thing we talked about in Sunday School was the scene where Miriam and Aaron were upset with Moses for marrying a Cushite woman, so they were talking about him behind his back (Numbers 12). They really felt like they were right in their judgment of him. In fact, when God showed up to confront them on their gossip, Miriam was convinced that God was going to punish Moses!
God didn't punish Moses, though. Instead, this is what He said:
He (God) said, "Listen to my words: "When a prophet of the LORD is among you, I reveal myself to him in visions, I speak to him in dreams. But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house. With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the LORD. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?" The anger of the LORD burned against them, and he left them.
Whoa!!! Now, I'm not saying that I am Moses or really anything like Moses. What I do get from this is; when God's people are doing what He has called them to do, we don't have to worry about what other people are saying about us, God will take care of that. In fact, after making this statement to Miriam and Aaron, God struck Miriam with leprosy! (she was healed 7 days later)
Here's the deal. Moses was far from perfect. In fact, after this incident, Moses makes one of the biggest mistakes of his life (and that's saying a lot considering he committed murder). Moses reacts out of anger and pride to a certain situation and as a result God doesn't even allow him into the promised land!! So, God's response to Miriam is not because Moses is such a great guy he doesn't deserve to be gossiped about. God's response to Miriam was because she was talking about His son, His chosen servant. What she said didn't matter, it was the fact that she felt like she had the right to say anything bad about him at all.
This gives me hope as much complaining and gossip is being spread about me, and it challenges me, as I like to spread my own opinions as well.
So, as I have been praying about this jealousy thing, I have asked God for several things.
First and foremost, I am praying that He will help me rid my life of jealousy. I want to stop looking around at everyone else and keep my eyes focused on Him. If I'm looking at Him, and seeing myself and my life through His eyes, I have nothing to be jealous of.
Second, I am praying that the kids and teens will do the same. Not look at themselves, or me...but only to Him.
And, I am praying that God will defend His servants from malicious gossip. This means me when I am being gossiped about, and others when I am the one gossiping.
Finally, I am praying I can live a life of grace. I want to freely accept and freely give grace in all circumstances. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for freely given grace...and I never want to forget that.
So, a huge issue has come to light in the last few days that I honestly have no idea how to handle, and I don't think I am supposed to. That issue ultimately comes down to jealousy. It started on the vacation when several of the kids accused me of playing favorites with Tasha (the youngest). No one said anything to me until the end of the week, although they had been talking to each other about it all week. Once we talked about it I was able to show them that they weren't seeing the whole picture, but they still struggle. They were (are) jealous.
Since then, several other kids and teens (teens especially) have expressed that they feel like I play favorites with some more than others. Its a difficult thing for me to balance because I am more involved in some of their lives than in others. That doesn't mean I like anyone more than anyone else, it just means that certain people need more at a certain time. What I want all of them to see is that I am here for all of them. I am certainly not perfect, but I am absolutely seeking to do exactly what God calls me to, whatever that is.
Sometimes I think, if they only knew...if they only knew the hours I spent praying for them. The times I gave up what I wanted to do in order to spend time with them. The amount of money I spend on them. The number of tears shed over them. But, I really don't want them to know all of that, because then they would also know the nights I decided to watch TV instead of pray for them. The times I didn't answer the phone when they called because I just didn't want to deal with anything. The amount of money I spend on ridiculous things for myself. The number of times I have criticized and judged them in my head.
I want them to know the good because that makes me feel righteous. I want to hide the bad, though, because that makes me feel worthless.
The truth is, though, that none of this is about me.
I am so thankful that life is not about trying to balance the good with the bad; that would get so exhausting! (Trust me, I keep trying to do it and I keep failing!). Life if really about grace.
In order to teach grace, I need to live it. I need to accept and extend grace at all times. That's what I need to do. I'm not always so great at doing what I need to do.
Here's the thing, I really struggle with jealousy. I am often jealous of people that don't live my life (which would be a lot of people, haha). It's so easy for me to see the world through my eyes only and I get jealous of the people that don't have my struggles and frustrations. And its even easier to blame that on a person and even God.
I read a blog that I LOVE called "Stuff Christians Like". One of the updates today was about banishing the words, "If Only" from the Christian vocabulary. I want to trumpet that cause. That's really what jealousy is. If only...my life was different in some way....everything would be okay. The problem is, that statement is a bold faced lie.
But, that is the statement I believe. I believe that God is providing for everyone else, but not me. That is exactly how these kids and teens are looking at me. They see what I do for someone else and think, "Trish doesn't do that for me. She doesn't care about me.." I've made those exact same statements about God.
So and so has a great husband and great kids...I want that...God loves them more because He provided that for her and not me.
Trish has so and so spend the night, but doesn't invite me. She loves them more.
So and so isn't alone, I am. God loves them more.
And so on and so on.
The truth is, I have made mistakes with these kids and teens, and I will make more. I don't want my life here to be about not making mistakes or even trying to take care of everyone. I want my life to be about loving and following Jesus, and hopefully being a part of others doing the same. In order for that to happen, I have to admit when I fail, but also accept that I won't be able to please everyone. Which means people might not like me, and they might tell other people they don't like me.
I am also aware that a big part of this jealousy is because of other people talking about me. One person gets upset about something I did, and they talk to their friends about it. Then they all agree on what I have done wrong and get mad about it. I know that scenario well; I do it. Too much. Way too much.
I don't think it's a coincidence that we studied Mariam in Sunday School yesterday. (The sermon yesterday also kicked my butt, but I'll talk about that later). The last thing we talked about in Sunday School was the scene where Miriam and Aaron were upset with Moses for marrying a Cushite woman, so they were talking about him behind his back (Numbers 12). They really felt like they were right in their judgment of him. In fact, when God showed up to confront them on their gossip, Miriam was convinced that God was going to punish Moses!
God didn't punish Moses, though. Instead, this is what He said:
He (God) said, "Listen to my words: "When a prophet of the LORD is among you, I reveal myself to him in visions, I speak to him in dreams. But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house. With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the LORD. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?" The anger of the LORD burned against them, and he left them.
Whoa!!! Now, I'm not saying that I am Moses or really anything like Moses. What I do get from this is; when God's people are doing what He has called them to do, we don't have to worry about what other people are saying about us, God will take care of that. In fact, after making this statement to Miriam and Aaron, God struck Miriam with leprosy! (she was healed 7 days later)
Here's the deal. Moses was far from perfect. In fact, after this incident, Moses makes one of the biggest mistakes of his life (and that's saying a lot considering he committed murder). Moses reacts out of anger and pride to a certain situation and as a result God doesn't even allow him into the promised land!! So, God's response to Miriam is not because Moses is such a great guy he doesn't deserve to be gossiped about. God's response to Miriam was because she was talking about His son, His chosen servant. What she said didn't matter, it was the fact that she felt like she had the right to say anything bad about him at all.
This gives me hope as much complaining and gossip is being spread about me, and it challenges me, as I like to spread my own opinions as well.
So, as I have been praying about this jealousy thing, I have asked God for several things.
First and foremost, I am praying that He will help me rid my life of jealousy. I want to stop looking around at everyone else and keep my eyes focused on Him. If I'm looking at Him, and seeing myself and my life through His eyes, I have nothing to be jealous of.
Second, I am praying that the kids and teens will do the same. Not look at themselves, or me...but only to Him.
And, I am praying that God will defend His servants from malicious gossip. This means me when I am being gossiped about, and others when I am the one gossiping.
Finally, I am praying I can live a life of grace. I want to freely accept and freely give grace in all circumstances. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for freely given grace...and I never want to forget that.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
I'm gonna complain
I know no one likes to hear me complain, which is unfortunate because I certainly like to complain. Nonetheless, I TRY (try being the operative word there) to keep my complaining to a minimum, especially in my blog. Having said that, I must warn you, I am about to complain.
I worked 16 hours on my birthday, as did most of my friends, leaving me no time to celebrate, and no one to celebrate with had I had any time. The day after my birthday I watched a man die on the street. Then today I find out Boyz II Men is performing a FREE concert IN Philadelphia, and I COULDN'T GO!!!!
We had our block party today (which was amazing and a wonderful success), but I spent first half of the day sitting at a table explaining the same thing over and over to hundreds of kids. Then I spent the second half of the day sitting at that same table being yelled at by kids and parents wanting their prizes before we could give them out. Oh, and throughout the day staff were only allowed to eat hot dogs unless we were willing to stand in the pizza line. I am allergic to hot dogs, and was too busy all day to be able to stand in line for anything. So, I ate nothing. Also, Ambassador, one of my favorite Christian artists, performed a concert at the Block Party, but I missed the entire thing. I had to stay at my table guarding and then passing out t-shirts. The block party didn't end until almost 7:30 and by the time we were cleaned up and things were taken care of, it was a little after 9. The concert ended at 9:30.
I know that the block party was NOT about me, and I will get over myself soon, I promise. The Gospel definitely went forth today, and the job I had was a necessary one that I am certainly not too good to do. In fact, my issue isn't really with my role at the block party. It wasn't fun, but it was a blessing just to be a part of the day.
My real problem is, I LOVE Boyz II Men!! If you know anything about me, you know this. When I love something, I REALLY love it. I get passionate about it. And I am passionate about some ridiculous things, and I'm okay with that. There are several things in my life that I absolutely love: Virginia Tech, oranges, mashed potatoes, ice cream, and BOYZ II MEN!
They were the first concert I ever went to, and I have actually seen them in concert twice. I own all of their cd's (including the one that came out this past November) and know all the lyrics to their songs. They are the music I grew up with. The songs I danced to at junior high dances, and at prom. The love songs I listened to when I had a crush, the sad songs I listened to when that crush asked someone else out. Their dedications to Jesus on each album even made God more okay in my eyes in the years before I became a Christian. I LOVE BOYZ II MEN.
And they were here, in Philadelphia. Performing a free concert. That I didn't get to go to. 2 days after my 16 hour work day (also known as my birthday). The day after I watched a man die.
I am sad.
I worked 16 hours on my birthday, as did most of my friends, leaving me no time to celebrate, and no one to celebrate with had I had any time. The day after my birthday I watched a man die on the street. Then today I find out Boyz II Men is performing a FREE concert IN Philadelphia, and I COULDN'T GO!!!!
We had our block party today (which was amazing and a wonderful success), but I spent first half of the day sitting at a table explaining the same thing over and over to hundreds of kids. Then I spent the second half of the day sitting at that same table being yelled at by kids and parents wanting their prizes before we could give them out. Oh, and throughout the day staff were only allowed to eat hot dogs unless we were willing to stand in the pizza line. I am allergic to hot dogs, and was too busy all day to be able to stand in line for anything. So, I ate nothing. Also, Ambassador, one of my favorite Christian artists, performed a concert at the Block Party, but I missed the entire thing. I had to stay at my table guarding and then passing out t-shirts. The block party didn't end until almost 7:30 and by the time we were cleaned up and things were taken care of, it was a little after 9. The concert ended at 9:30.
I know that the block party was NOT about me, and I will get over myself soon, I promise. The Gospel definitely went forth today, and the job I had was a necessary one that I am certainly not too good to do. In fact, my issue isn't really with my role at the block party. It wasn't fun, but it was a blessing just to be a part of the day.
My real problem is, I LOVE Boyz II Men!! If you know anything about me, you know this. When I love something, I REALLY love it. I get passionate about it. And I am passionate about some ridiculous things, and I'm okay with that. There are several things in my life that I absolutely love: Virginia Tech, oranges, mashed potatoes, ice cream, and BOYZ II MEN!
They were the first concert I ever went to, and I have actually seen them in concert twice. I own all of their cd's (including the one that came out this past November) and know all the lyrics to their songs. They are the music I grew up with. The songs I danced to at junior high dances, and at prom. The love songs I listened to when I had a crush, the sad songs I listened to when that crush asked someone else out. Their dedications to Jesus on each album even made God more okay in my eyes in the years before I became a Christian. I LOVE BOYZ II MEN.
And they were here, in Philadelphia. Performing a free concert. That I didn't get to go to. 2 days after my 16 hour work day (also known as my birthday). The day after I watched a man die.
I am sad.
Friday, July 4, 2008
I saw a man shot today...
I saw his seemingly lifeless body (I still don't know if he lived or died) lying in the sidewalk, blood pouring out of bullet holes in his neck. I watched his children standing in the doorway of their house screaming for their daddy. I watched the police arrive, check for a pulse, and literally drag his body into the back of their car and drive him to the hospital. I watched his teenage son scream at the cops, "that's my dad. that's my dad". I may have seen a man die today. Right in front of my eyes.
I also saw the teenage shooter run away scared from the scene. I, along with several others, gave a description of the shooter. The shooting happened at noon today, on a street full of people (it is the 4th). I can't imagine the shooter not being caught. I saw a teenager ruin his life today.
I don't really have words. I honestly don't. So, I'm copying Carisa's blog post (I was with her when this happened). She doesn't really have the words either, but she has more than me. She and her family give me strength. This happened very near her house. Her 2 young sons were standing in the doorway when this happened. She isn't packing up and leaving, so I won't either (actually, I'm not really tempted to. I have found that incidents like this don't create fear in me, but overwhelming sadness. Still, sometimes the sorrow is a lot to take...) Okay, that's all I have for now.
Here is Carisa's post:
Awhile back I wrote a walk out your front door post, and today unfortunately it's time for another one. This is the view today...
Those of you familiar with the area will recognize the cross in the upper right hand corner--that's the Hewitt Center, giving you a good idea of where the photo was taken (I was standing on my doorstep).
I also saw the teenage shooter run away scared from the scene. I, along with several others, gave a description of the shooter. The shooting happened at noon today, on a street full of people (it is the 4th). I can't imagine the shooter not being caught. I saw a teenager ruin his life today.
I don't really have words. I honestly don't. So, I'm copying Carisa's blog post (I was with her when this happened). She doesn't really have the words either, but she has more than me. She and her family give me strength. This happened very near her house. Her 2 young sons were standing in the doorway when this happened. She isn't packing up and leaving, so I won't either (actually, I'm not really tempted to. I have found that incidents like this don't create fear in me, but overwhelming sadness. Still, sometimes the sorrow is a lot to take...) Okay, that's all I have for now.
Here is Carisa's post:
Awhile back I wrote a walk out your front door post, and today unfortunately it's time for another one. This is the view today...
Those of you familiar with the area will recognize the cross in the upper right hand corner--that's the Hewitt Center, giving you a good idea of where the photo was taken (I was standing on my doorstep). Earlier my view was of a teenage male riding away on his bike after shooting a 30 year old father 5 times in the neck. I don't have complete confirmation that he died, but I would be shocked to find out he survived. This is the closest I have ever personally experienced murder, I hope to never be closer, this alone was way to close for comfort. Here's a map of our streets for those of you not familiar with our home...
Trish had been over all morning, we were just chatting--it was great. She went outside to get something for Paxton out of her car and I followed her out with the boys on our heals (thankfully they actually stayed inside of the house). Within less than a minute we heard 5 gunshots, looked at each other, I think both wondered if that was for sure what we heard (but both knew in our guts it was), and then we both saw the shooter run, stumble around to move fast, pick up a bike, and ride away. I just stood there in shock for a moment thinking it couldn't be real, and for a second convinced myself it was just fireworks and a crazy kid riding away because he shot a firework in the middle of the street. Trish ran over to check and unfortunately she was one of the first to see the fallen man, lying alone on the sidewalk, bleeding form the wounds in his neck, not moving. She was the first to call the police and they came before she even hung up.This whole time Ky and Pax are standing behind me in the house behind the glass door. Paxton is old enough that I had to explain to him what happened. Not something you want to tell your 6 year old, but this is our life and he knows it. He fully understands our role as a missionary family now and knows why we live where we live. We have had many talks lately about this.
The man was rushed away in the back of a police car to the hospital and I haven't heard an update but from what Trish saw, it doesn't seem hopeful. From what we have put together, this is a father of 6, who lives across the street from us, on Shannon's street, Elkhart. A few of his children were outside when it happened and saw their Daddy fall. It was a teenager who did it, I saw him ride away--a very disturbing image in my mind on several different levels.
Obviously I don't even have to write that this is difficult, that my brain and heart are struggling. There are so many different levels of struggle inside of me right now--I couldn't even begin to write them all out. One thing I will say is that this does NOT cause me to fear, it doesn't make me nervous or scared. I rarely feel that in our life here. God provides us with an unbelievable sense of peace and protection in our life, I honestly rarely fear. My struggles are more with sadness, of remembering the reason we serve here, the pain for the children and family of the man, the destroyed life of the teenage shooter, the desperate desire to bring hope to so many kids and families we work with who see this along with us everyday. Who grow up with tragedy like this as being normal. The difference between them and us is that we could leave if we wanted to. Many of them can't.
Please keep this in your prayers, please continue to pray for hope and light to be brought into this community filled with darkness. Please pray for God to work through us in any way He wants.
**Update: The man did not survive. Here is an article written about what happened. Apparently he was shot preparing for his daughter's birthday party.Thursday, July 3, 2008
I'm 28!!!
Yay! Today I turn 28 years old, and I must say, this is my favorite age so far. I'm past the crazy preteen and teen years, and the ultra confusing early twenties. It feels pretty nice.
I have decided in honor of my 28 years in existence, I would tell you a little about the people that have made my entire life possible, my parents. I actually meant to do this on Mother's and Father's Day, but ran out of time. Still, I can't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday than to celebrate the people who made me the person I am today.
The year that I was born my father was named officer of the year for his bravery (he had only been on the force for a few years) in saving a family from a burning building. Every little girl thinks that her father is a hero, and my dad being a police officer only magnified that perception in my mind. 28 years later, my father is still my hero.
Though my parents were divorced for part of my life, I don't have a single important memory that doesn't include my dad. He was at every major event in my life, from sports games, to birthdays and holidays. He has ALWAYS been there for me and my brother, through good times and bad.
When my parents remarried, the first year was rough for me and my dad. I was hitting the teenage years and not okay with any kind of authority in my life, yet my father showed me consistent love, discipline and structure. Thanks to him we quickly moved past that stage and have been great ever since.
My father has adored me from the moment he laid eyes on me, and the feeling in mutual.
My dad is a man of integrity like no other. In a time where police officers are constantly in the news for their wrongdoings, my dad's badge shines bright (as do his shoes and gun belt, he's kind of obsessive about his appearance in uniform, haha. He won't even let my mom iron his clothes). He stands up for what is right and will fight for justice, yet he is a man full of compassion. My dad is well respected and he ha earned that respect. He is hard working, diligent, intelligent and...well he's my hero. He's my daddy.
In the Christian world I hear A LOT about the "wounds" our fathers inflict on us. There is always talk of how our earthy fathers fail us and how we need to turn to God and not put our own father's mistakes on Him. I'm not trying to belittle that idea, but my dad does not fall into this category. My dad certainly isn't perfect, but when I look at him, I see Christ. He loves, adores, respects, cares for, and cherishes me...the same way my heavenly father does. He carries himself with dignity and honor and nothing bad can be said about him.
I can talk to my dad about anything. I don't think he knows what to do with me all the time because I talk a little too much, haha. Still, I don't know many daughters that call home and can talk to their dads just as long, and as openly, as they do their moms.
Its hard to believe that a woman exists that is worthy of my dad, but my mom most definitely is. In fact, I'm not 100% convinced my dad is worthy of her, haha, but he comes as close as anyone possibly could.
My mom is one of the smartest people I know, though she has no idea just how smart she is. If I can manage to be half the mom she is, my kids will be blessed. My mom always puts her family first and is a great care taker. She made sure I was always at school, always had my homework done, and she always had food on the table for us, even if that meant she didn't have any. She stayed up late helping me with projects, saved her pennies so my brother and I could go on field trips and despite being a single working mom, never missed a ball game, class recital or band concert.
My mom is gentle and kind...until you mess with her family. She stands beside my dad through thick and thin, and does the same for me and my brother. There is no greater encouragement in my life than my mom.
While I am most definitely daddy's girl, my mom always has been and always will be my best friend. I literally can (and do) talk to my mom about anything and everything. She has (and continues to) put up with SO much from me! If you only knew me as a child...
I can be totally myself with my mom, and she makes me feel like that's okay.
My mom is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Her eyes glow and her laugh is contagious. There are so many characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman that describe my mom:
10:A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
17: She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
20: She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
23: Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
25: She is clothed with strength and dignity;she can laugh at the days to come.
I learned integrity and character from my dad. I learned strength and perseverance from my mom.
Together my parents make a pretty amazing team, which I why I believe the Lord worked so hard to bring them back together after over 8 years being divorced. My parents have the same sense of humor, and it has definitely been passed down to me and my brother, which is awesome. We laugh a lot as a family...both with and at one another.
Incidentally, I think pretty highly of my brother as well, but I'll have to talk about him some other time.
My parents have forgiven the unforgivable, loved me when I was unlovable, protected me when I didn't think I needed to be protected, cherished me despite my many faults and nurtured me through very difficult times; physically, emotionally and spiritually.
In high school when I had both my jaws broken (on purpose, it was a necessary surgery), my dad cried because he didn't like the idea of the pain I was in, and my mom stayed in the hospital with me 24/7 until I went home.
When I was in the hospital with malaria, my parents drove 8 hours through the night to be at my side in the hospital. It didn't matter to them that I was 23 years old...they wanted to take care of me.
I know how rare my parents are, and I thank God so much for the incredible blessing that they are. There are many ways that God could have chosen to make me into the woman of God that He created me to be, and He chose to give me 2 incredible teachers and mentors that I can (try to) model myself after.
I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for my parents, but they are so much more than that. I wouldn't be who I am without them. Everything that I am is God's grace on me through my parents.
Thank you Jesus for my parents.
I have decided in honor of my 28 years in existence, I would tell you a little about the people that have made my entire life possible, my parents. I actually meant to do this on Mother's and Father's Day, but ran out of time. Still, I can't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday than to celebrate the people who made me the person I am today.
The year that I was born my father was named officer of the year for his bravery (he had only been on the force for a few years) in saving a family from a burning building. Every little girl thinks that her father is a hero, and my dad being a police officer only magnified that perception in my mind. 28 years later, my father is still my hero.
Though my parents were divorced for part of my life, I don't have a single important memory that doesn't include my dad. He was at every major event in my life, from sports games, to birthdays and holidays. He has ALWAYS been there for me and my brother, through good times and bad.
When my parents remarried, the first year was rough for me and my dad. I was hitting the teenage years and not okay with any kind of authority in my life, yet my father showed me consistent love, discipline and structure. Thanks to him we quickly moved past that stage and have been great ever since.
My father has adored me from the moment he laid eyes on me, and the feeling in mutual.
My dad is a man of integrity like no other. In a time where police officers are constantly in the news for their wrongdoings, my dad's badge shines bright (as do his shoes and gun belt, he's kind of obsessive about his appearance in uniform, haha. He won't even let my mom iron his clothes). He stands up for what is right and will fight for justice, yet he is a man full of compassion. My dad is well respected and he ha earned that respect. He is hard working, diligent, intelligent and...well he's my hero. He's my daddy.
In the Christian world I hear A LOT about the "wounds" our fathers inflict on us. There is always talk of how our earthy fathers fail us and how we need to turn to God and not put our own father's mistakes on Him. I'm not trying to belittle that idea, but my dad does not fall into this category. My dad certainly isn't perfect, but when I look at him, I see Christ. He loves, adores, respects, cares for, and cherishes me...the same way my heavenly father does. He carries himself with dignity and honor and nothing bad can be said about him.
I can talk to my dad about anything. I don't think he knows what to do with me all the time because I talk a little too much, haha. Still, I don't know many daughters that call home and can talk to their dads just as long, and as openly, as they do their moms.
Its hard to believe that a woman exists that is worthy of my dad, but my mom most definitely is. In fact, I'm not 100% convinced my dad is worthy of her, haha, but he comes as close as anyone possibly could.
My mom is one of the smartest people I know, though she has no idea just how smart she is. If I can manage to be half the mom she is, my kids will be blessed. My mom always puts her family first and is a great care taker. She made sure I was always at school, always had my homework done, and she always had food on the table for us, even if that meant she didn't have any. She stayed up late helping me with projects, saved her pennies so my brother and I could go on field trips and despite being a single working mom, never missed a ball game, class recital or band concert.
My mom is gentle and kind...until you mess with her family. She stands beside my dad through thick and thin, and does the same for me and my brother. There is no greater encouragement in my life than my mom.
While I am most definitely daddy's girl, my mom always has been and always will be my best friend. I literally can (and do) talk to my mom about anything and everything. She has (and continues to) put up with SO much from me! If you only knew me as a child...
I can be totally myself with my mom, and she makes me feel like that's okay.
My mom is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Her eyes glow and her laugh is contagious. There are so many characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman that describe my mom:
10:A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11: Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
17: She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
20: She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
23: Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
25: She is clothed with strength and dignity;she can laugh at the days to come.
26: She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27: She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28: Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
30: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
I learned integrity and character from my dad. I learned strength and perseverance from my mom.
Together my parents make a pretty amazing team, which I why I believe the Lord worked so hard to bring them back together after over 8 years being divorced. My parents have the same sense of humor, and it has definitely been passed down to me and my brother, which is awesome. We laugh a lot as a family...both with and at one another.
Incidentally, I think pretty highly of my brother as well, but I'll have to talk about him some other time.
My parents have forgiven the unforgivable, loved me when I was unlovable, protected me when I didn't think I needed to be protected, cherished me despite my many faults and nurtured me through very difficult times; physically, emotionally and spiritually.
In high school when I had both my jaws broken (on purpose, it was a necessary surgery), my dad cried because he didn't like the idea of the pain I was in, and my mom stayed in the hospital with me 24/7 until I went home.
When I was in the hospital with malaria, my parents drove 8 hours through the night to be at my side in the hospital. It didn't matter to them that I was 23 years old...they wanted to take care of me.
I know how rare my parents are, and I thank God so much for the incredible blessing that they are. There are many ways that God could have chosen to make me into the woman of God that He created me to be, and He chose to give me 2 incredible teachers and mentors that I can (try to) model myself after.
I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for my parents, but they are so much more than that. I wouldn't be who I am without them. Everything that I am is God's grace on me through my parents.
Thank you Jesus for my parents.
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