All or Nothing

I am very much an all or nothing kind of girl. If I'm into something, I am ALL in it. That may be why I don't really like dating (well, that and I don't see any biblical support for it). Dating is so in between. You can't get really invested in someone, but you have to be somewhat invested, and I just don't like to do that. I'm either all in, or I'm out.

I discovered this big time as I started running. I have been all in, and now I am tired. I'm learning to cut back...actually take a day or 2 off here and there so I can continue to enjoy running and not kill my body. Still, its very hard. I am constantly deciding whether to just quit, or run 2 miles. No in between...its sad.

This mentality has been a problem for me many times in my life, especially in ministry. You can't go "all in" all the time; you will burn out. But, I have to be involved; that's why I'm here. If I quit everything I couldn't be "all in" on, then I would just have to quit. Still, I tend to at least start out all in with everything. In fact, in those times of being completely in, I have found myself praying for some sort of illness so I can take time off without feeling guilty.

So, how in the world do I find the balance? Truth be told, I can tend toward the lazy side just as easily as I can tend toward to overworked. I don't think I know where the middle ground is. Most people who struggle with finding balance in their lives know what that balance looks like, they just don't know how to get there. I'm not even sure I know what that looks like.

My heart has been hugely burdened for Dario and Luis recently, a million times more than ever before. My heart actually aches for them. I have always loved them and prayed for them; but the burden I feel now is very new to me...and it makes me want to go all in. The fact that they are boys helps keep me from that, but not totally. I know I don't have the time and energy, or even the capability, to do what my head thinks I should...but I can't just do nothing.

The easy answer...and probably the one God is actually calling me to...is prayer. You can never go wrong with prayer. But, in my mind, prayer is something else to add to the balancing act. In my mind, prayer doesn't constitute "doing" something, so while I know I need to pray, I also feel like I need to do more. (Yes, my mind actually tells me that handing things over to God isn't enough!) So I need to find the time to pray and then "do" something; but not get too involved and overwhelmed. Ugh, I'm overwhelmed just reading that!!

I know the truth, I just don't walk in it. The truth is, prayer is actually "doing" the most important thing I could do. By praying I am allowing God to take complete control instead of me. Through prayer God may show me things that He is calling me to "do"; but those things are from Him. I don't have to plan or strategize, I just need to listen and obey. That is much easier, and actually calming...but pretty difficult for me.

So, my prayer request in this is two fold. First, PLEASE be praying for Dario and Luis. I really feel like they are both in a "spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" situation, and I can see the enemy playing on their flesh. I belive that God wants to do something amazing in both of them, and they need so much support and prayer!!

And along with that, please pray that I would just listen and obey. I don't want to stress or plan...I don't want to feel guilty or pressured. I want the peace that comes from KNOWING that God is loving and merciful and kind; and loves Dario and Luis more than I could ever imagine.

I want Jonah's faith. When God called Him to go to Ninevah and preach repentance, Jonah didn't want to go because he KNEW that the people of Ninevah would repent and follow God and he didn't want them to! (They were his enemies). I want that faith for Dario and Luis! I want to KNOW that God will turn their hearts toward Him. I want to say Jonah's words; "I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity".

My Philly Family

Church was so much fun yesterday! Dario came!! On his own!! He even went to Sunday School and seemed to enjoy that. I REALLY love him and the man that he is becoming and I loved having him at church. Unfortunately, I had a meeting after church that lasted way longer than I thought it was going to, so I didn't get to spend a lot of time with him after church, but I think he is coming to God Squad tonight. (Luis didn't come to church because he was doing something with his mom. He did come to Teen Club last week, though, and is planning to come to God Squad tonight, yay!).
Dario wants to get his drivers' license so I think I'm going to help him with that. He's actually a very good driver (I've taken him several times), but the written test is going to be a challenge. I know he can do it though!

Today has been a little less exciting. I spent my morning at truancy court again, this time with Linda. I was actually pretty proud of her by the end. Turns out she has already gotten herself into an after-school program at her school (her last report card was BAD!) and has been going every day...and her teachers said that her grades are improving. Also, the truancy summons was actually in regards to her attendance troubles last year (remember when I had to go to their house in the mornings and make them go to school??). This year, she only has 4 unexcused absences, which is really great. She does have way too many tardies, and so she still had to face punishment. But, the judge was very impressed with how far she has come on her own (the fact that she went to and passed summer school last year helped a lot as well).

So, Linda received almost the same "sentence" as Bonita. Linda is on daily report, has 37 hours of community service (Bonita has 35), and she can't miss a single day of school; nor can she be late AT ALL. That part will be a challenge for Linda, but she can do it. I am proud that she at least goes to school...but we all know she can do better.

I have been struggling a lot recently with all this, mainly because Linda's grades were pretty good when we had after-school, but they have dropped considerably since after-school ended. However, seeing her take responsibility for herself and her grades and asking for help herself (from someone other than me), has made me realize that God is still in complete control. And, has made me even more proud of Linda.

Bonita and Linda both have to go back in 30 days, and if everything is completed then their case will be closed. Linda and Bonita will both serve their community service at an after-school/enrichment program at Linda's school; which is good because they can keep each other accountable. This is the first year that they have been in separate schools, and I don't really like it...they are good for each other.

So, it wasn't a bad ending, but not my favorite way to spend the morning. I am still in high gear getting ready for Kids Club tomorrow night (I have no lesson plan or ideas, haha) as well as trying to keep up with everything else. I think this week is going to be busy mostly because its a new routine, but once I get into this routine I think I'll be okay. I'm excited about God Squad tonight and spending some great time with the teens.

I'm also shopping around for a van!!! I will lose my current car in June, and I have recently been overwhelmed with my need for a mini van in the city. I average 7 kids in my car on Tuesdays, same on Wednesdays and now I have at least 3 teens with me on Mondays and Thursdays...and Sundays it can range anywhere from 2 kids to 9. Plus, these "kids" are quickly growing up and few are actually "kid" sizes. Needless to say, my 5 passenger Volkswagen Jetta is pretty much cramped all the time. And obviously, its not the safest way to travel. Whenever possible I try and shuttle the kids in shifts, but that isn't always possible. So, I REALLY need a van to get me and these kids where we need to go!! I have been saving money for a while and I'm in the market. I want to take plenty of time to look around...and always leave the door open for God to simply provide me with a van. :) So, I'm not in any hurry, yet, but please be praying that God would show me the right van to get...I've never done this before and I have the huge potential to mess it up. I don't want to mess this up! :)

Things that Make Me Smile

Here are some fun things that have happened recently that just make me smile. I'm going to post these every once in a while because sometimes I need to be reminded to smile. :)

1) Abby (who is 1 year old) ran to me, arms out, to give me a hug.

2) A woman from the church called me yesterday to ask a quick question. Her daughter (who is 5 or 6) heard her say my name and immediately wanted to talk to me. The woman was convinced she had no idea who I was until the daughter said, "Yes I do, I see her at church all the time. She always talks to all the kids!" Her mom then put her on the phone and she proceeded to tell me all the times she sees me during the week and that she would see me again at church on Sunday.

3) Dario, Luis and Zuly came to Teen Club with me last night...and we all had fun.

4) I am now up to 5 different girls calling me in the last few weeks to inform me of when they got their first period. I know that sounds silly, but it makes me smile to think that they want to share something that personal with me.

5) I prayed with several girls at Teen Club who just wanted more God in their life...including 2 God's Girls.

6) I have many fans. :) One of the kids told me that the other day as I was surrounded by kids wanting to give me a hug.

The Worst Product EVER!!

I don't normally do this (or ever do this), but I am so dissatisfied and even horrified by this product that I have to share it with you. I found it at PetSmart a few weeks ago and it was the same price as my normal cat litter, so I decided to try it. Everything on the website seems to indicate this cat litter is good for the environment as well as my cat...and worked as well as any other cat litter. That, plus the fact that it wasn't any more expensive than my regular cat litter made it seem like a great idea. Well, it wasn't.

First, the litter doesn't clump, it just stays in a big wet pile stuck to the bottom of the litter box. (The package says you have to keep the litter at least 3 inches deep in order to prevent this. I had it close to 4 inches deep and still didn't get clumps). Needless to say, that was a pain, and very disgusting, to clean up. Secondly, while it does control odor pretty well after your cat uses the bathroom, cleaning is a different story. The combination of this litter with my cat's urine created a literally toxic smell as I was cleaning. You know how your nose and throat will burn when you are around a lot of bleach for too long? Well, this smell was worse. Seriously. It took me close to an hour to clean Gizmo's litter box because I kept having to walk away coughing from the smell.

I ended up having to scrape and clean the litter box completely just to get everything out of the box. I scrubbed the litter box like I would scrub my tub...which I also had to do after cleaning the litter box because my bathtub was the only place I could really clean the litter box. It was a mess and made me very angry.

So, if you are ever looking for an alternative to your regular cat litter...especially an environmentally friendly one...DO NOT choose Swheat Scoop. The crazy thing is, most of the reviews I find on line about Swheat Scoop are very positive. I'm not sure what they are doing that I'm not...but I would never recommend this product to anyone.

The Dogs Are Gone!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited I can't stand it!! If you will remember, my block has been inundated with dogs over the last 4 or 5 months. Tons of dogs on the block, barking all the time. I have been 99% sure that these dogs were being used in dog fighting. I have been praying for a while that something would be done about these dogs, especially the ones that bite.

About 2 months ago the police showed up and were looking at a few of the dogs and didn't seem to mind them being around. They were even laughing and joking with the owners, which I took to mean that nothing would ever be done about the dogs. My dad told me that the officers were probably gathering information to use later, but I wasn't sure Philly police were that good. :)

Apparently, my dad was right! (Who would have thought that my dad, Chief of Police, would know something about how police officers work?!?). The police showed up yesterday and took away every single dog on the block!! Well, there is one left, because he was actually well fed and taken care of, but the rest were taken away. I had never seen all the dogs at once, and it was disturbing. Most of them looked horrible...angry and beaten up. It was so sad. The owners weren't arrested, but they were given lots of tickets and summons to appear in court. Apparently other neighbors have been calling the police complaining about the dogs. They had been getting out of their cages and running up and down an alley behind some houses and even attacking other dogs. Not to mention the barking day and night. We have all seen people urging their dogs to attack other dogs. Apparently they even found the house that was being used to actually fight the dogs. So disgusting.

I do feel kind of bad for one neighbor. He has a dog that is very well taken care of and doesn't fight. Their backyard is way too small to house the dog, so they keep him inside. However, they will let him in the backyard to go to the bathroom if they don't have time to walk him (they always clean up after the dog). Unfortunately, the police came just as the dog was going to the bathroom in the backyard, so he also got a ticket for unsanitary conditions for a dog. (His yard is in the same alley that the other dogs were terrorizing). He was pretty upset, and it is an unfortunate coincidence. But, I would rather have that than the dogs still be here.

My block has been SO much quieter!! No barking at all!! I had literally forgotten what it was like to go through an entire day without hearing dogs fighting and growling at one another. Or what it was like to walk down my block without looking around to see what fence or post I needed to avoid. Its SO nice!!! :)

Yesterday wasn't all great though. I got a phone call from a girl's mom asking me to talk to her because she has been getting in a lot of trouble at school. It broke my heart. I know this girl has been going through a lot over the last year, and I know exactly where her anger stems from. But, what do you do with that? How do you counsel a 12 year old girl through her anger while teaching her to be respectful and follow the rules at school? This little girl has the odds stacked against her to say the least...so how exactly can I help? What am I supposed to do?

I feel like that's the question I am constantly asking right now...Lord, what am I supposed to do? I'm not a mom, I don't have children. I have no idea how to handle these kids...yet I'm the one mom's are calling for help?? Lord, what exactly am I supposed to do? There are a million parenting books, but there aren't any "How to Parent Other People's Children" books. Lord, what in the world am I supposed to do?!?

Back in Philly

I am back from staff retreat, and for the first time ever I can honestly say that I had a lot of fun!! We laughed so much together over the last 2 days! It was a really good retreat for us. We shared a lot, laughed a lot and overall just had a really good time together. I'm really glad most of the church wasn't there though...if they saw all of us together like we were the last few days they would have some serious questions about how our church survives, haha. I even really enjoyed all the kids, and they seemed to have fun too!

I always like getting away from Philly for a few days here and there, so I need to make sure I do it more often. I don't like leaving Philly for long periods of time, but a day or 2 here and there can make such a difference in my outlook on things. And, we are so close to so many things (Washington DC, New York, Baltimore, the shore, etc), it shouldn't be hard to do.

Now that I am back in Philly, I am in overdrive, haha. I have to make up my AIM stuff from Monday and Tuesday, so I'm working 9-5 the rest of the week. Kids Club starts next week and I'm really trying to get a lot done for that as well. I have already organized the roster and made new name tags for all the kids. I even made sure they were all the correct ages! (We had a ton of kids with birthdays over the break, so, for example, while they were 7 before, now they need an 8 year old name tag). Next is getting all their pictures sized right with their names on them and then hung on a bulletin board. I am hoping to really work on that tomorrow and Friday. And, of course, planning the lesson, haha. I'm not so good at staying ahead of the game with lessons. I remember Carisa used to have 2 or 3 lessons (if not more) already done by the time we started up again in the spring. That's not so much me, but I guess as long as it gets done...

I also have a completely new support raising organizational plan that I am working on. I'm trying to get super organized with it and really kick that into high gear over the next few months as well. I REALLY want to only have one job in the fall! (I think that will allow to me start up after-school again, even if I don't have an official co-leader). So, there is a lot to do, but I am ready to get started!!!

And of course there is my continued eating and exercise plan. I am still doing SO WELL!!! And I can't take any credit, that HAS to be all God!! I even stuck with my plan while on the retreat. I ran on the treadmill there, and stuck very carefully to my eating plan. I did not have a single dessert at meals NOR did I eat a single cookie that Miss Denise brought!!!! (She brings 4 or 5 Tupperware boxes full of cookies. I don't want to know how many cookies we each eat over the 3 days...but not me this year!!). I'm not really noticing a difference in my appearance or anything, but that isn't really my goal anyway. I am feeling really good; physically, spiritually and emotionally, and that's all I really care about!

My Hair is GONE!!

Okay, so its not completely gone, but a good portion of it is. 10 inches in fact. Actually, more than that after it was styled and such. I am still getting used to it...I think I like it.

T (one of the teens) and I both have (rather, HAD) VERY long hair and we both agreed that it was time for a change. So, we decided to cut and donate our hair to Locks of Love. For those of you who don't know what that is, Locks of Love takes hair donations and makes wigs out of them and then donates those wigs to cancer patients who had lost their hair to chemo. I have donated before and never regretted it, at least not in the long run. I have to admit, though, its quite the shock at first.

So, this morning T and I got up and went with Joy to her cousin's house (about an hour away) to have her cut our hair. We were both very nervous. Our original plan was to cut only 8 inches, but we decided to go for 10 once we saw how long our hair really was. In no time, our hair was gone. Generally you get one pony tail of hair from each person. However, Tina and I both have so much hair that we were actually able to part our hair down the middle and make 2 pony tails each!! I couldn't believe it!!My hair didn't seem too short to me at first, but my curls quickly kicked in and shortened it significantly. When my hair was really long, the curls were weighed down and my hair was barely more than wavy. As soon as the weight was gone, the curls came back!! So, now I'm also getting used to shorter, much curlier hair. I'm not complaining though, I feel very blessed to have my hair (thanks mom!). I may have to straighten it for a few days so I can get used to the length and then slowly reintroduce the curls to my system. :)

Okay, I know you're all dying to see the pictures...so here you go!!!

Me and T before the cutting began:

Here is my hair before:

And T's hair before:

10 inches of my hair!!!

T's finished product. How beautiful is she?!?

This is my hair after. It doesn't look so short here, but the curls hadn't quite set in yet...

And the finished product:

Trust me, my hair is even shorter now that it's dry...and very curly! Overall, we were both very happy and had a lot of fun.

After out haircuts, we all headed out to eat with Joy's grandma. From there we did a little shopping. T needed some new clothes, and we had some gift cards donated for her, so we took her shopping. It didn't take long for her to find some things that she needed and then we headed home. We were in a rush when we dropped her off so I didn't get to see her family's reaction to her hair, so I can't wait to hear all about it tomorrow at Sunday School.

Tomorrow afternoon I will be heading out of town for a few days for our Winter Staff Retreat. I am really looking forward to a few days out of the city. We are staying at a retreat center that has a gym, so I am hoping to keep on track with my running while I'm there. I also have a lot of Kids Club prep that I want to do as well; and hopefully I will be able to do it without my phone ringing off the hook! :)

I'm also hoping I can get used to my hair before I have to go out in public. :)

New Reality Idea

Okay, I have a new idea for a reality TV show. The basic idea is this...I will give contestants some random materials to work with and a construction problem to solve. Their goal? Complete the task before Frank Hinson. If they do, they win a million dollars. Why a million dollars? Because I don't think its possible to beat Frank. He seriously can do anything! He connected my ice maker today despite me having bought the wrong parts. (I blame the guy at Home Depot who was supposed to be helping me but literally walked away from me mid-sentence to say hi to someone). It took Frank some time, and I have no idea what he actually did...but it works!! I think I could have given him a nail and a straw and he would have made it work. If anyone knows TV people, let me know cause I think this show is a winner!

My morning was not very fun at all today. I got up early and went to truancy court with Bonita and her mom. We had to wait about an hour before Bonita was called in, but it all went pretty well. It turns out that most of Bonita's absences (over 80%) are due to appointments that her mom makes for her (not doctor's appointments, other stuff). So, while they are excused, they are excessive. So, the judge ordered that Bonita is no longer allowed to have ANY appointments during school hours (unless she is really sick and needs a doctor right away). She also has to have a daily report filled out by her teacher and will have to serve 35 hours of community service (it will probably be done at the school). We are supposed to go back in 30 days to see if everything has been completed. As long as she has done the daily reports and the community service and hasn't missed ANY school, she will be fine.

Linda, on the other hand, will probably be in more trouble. Despite Bonita's absences, she still has good grades. Linda does not. In addition, Linda doesn't have nearly as many appointments as Bonita (Bonita is in speech therapy), but she has missed more school...which means her absences are her own fault. Its going to be interesting...

Well, I find myself really tired again from the day. I had a TON of AIM work to do when I got home from court and we had the members' dinner tonight (which was nice, but it was another thing I had to do). So, I think I am going to head to bed. Ahhh...I love my bed.

New Fridge!!!

I got a new refrigerator!! I am SO excited!!! My kitchen is seriously now almost finished. I have a new microwave that needs to be put up (its the kind that hangs over the stove), and of course the ever problematic ceiling is still not finished...but I am almost there!! YAY!!!

It has actually been a long process to get this fridge. First, I have to say THANK YOU to some wonderful people who gave me the money for the fridge (not sure if they want their identity revealed). Once I learned about this amazing gift, I went shopping. I ended up finding a fridge that I LOVE at a Sears Outlet store in Delaware (it was 50% off!!! Yay for Sears scratch and dent!). So, on Friday I bought the fridge and they told me that I would have until Monday to pick it up. That's when all the fun started...

Leaving the Sears store on Friday is actually when I twisted my ankle, which pretty much took me out of commission on Saturday. On Sunday I got a truck for a few hours and drove to Delaware to pick up the fridge. My friend Shera came with me, as did 3 kids. (Incidentally, we had some time to kill before I could get the truck so we all hung out at Arbys. The kids were getting bored so I suggested they run laps around the building. They ran 16 laps, and apparently had a blast!)

We got the fridge, loaded it into the truck and drove slowly back to Philly (its about a 30 minute drive normally, but I was terrified the fridge was going to fall off the truck, so it took closer to an hour). Once we got back to Philly I met up with Pastor Joe and a friend to help me take the doors off and get it into the house. Unfortunately, but this time it was dark and had started raining and we had some trouble getting the doors off. Eventually we called Frank (who, I am convinced now more than ever, knows EVERYTHING) and he said he would be able to help in the morning. So, we drove the fridge to the church for the night, and I finally took the kids home around 9. I was exhausted...and still didn't have a fridge.

Frank and Joe came over this morning and within an hour had the fridge in the house and ready to go. The ice maker still has to be hooked up (I have never had one of those before!!) but Frank said he could easily do that this week. (I'm telling you...he knows everything!).

So, the fridge adventure was pretty much over, but I still had a very busy day. I went grocery shopping, unloaded my groceries and then left to pick up 7 kids to take them to see the new Veggie Tales movie that is in the theater. It took a while to round them all up (apparently Bonita and Linda can hear neither the phone or the door), but we got there just as the movie was starting. I think everyone enjoyed it, although 4 year old Little A had a hard time sitting still and quiet for the entire hour and a half. He did GREAT for him, but it was still a challenge, haha. He was really sweet and fun though, and especially enjoyed being the only boy. He and Bonita bonded and hung out together. I also took Linda, Monique, Tasha, Mercedes and little K. Shera was with me as well, so we had a lot of fun.

Now I am finally home and literally haven't had a moment to just sit and chill since Saturday. I still need to go for a run tonight, but other than that I plan to just chill!!

Tomorrow is going to be a pretty busy day as well. Bonita has to go to court for truancy in the morning (don't get me started on that...) and I am going with her and her mom. We are supposed to be there at 9, hopefully it won't take too long. There is a chance that she will get taken away from her mom (considering their history), and Linda has her own court date next week, so everyone is a little nervous. (Well, Linda isn't...she is clueless about consequences). Their social worker seems to think things will be okay though. In fact, this past weekend the entire family attended parenting and family classes together. They are scheduled to attend several more as well and we are hoping this will look good for the judge. And I am hoping they will all actually learn something!! Anyway, if you think about it, please be praying for all of this!!

Tomorrow night is the member's dinner and then Wednesday I have dinner with a teen and Prayer Pals. I am also sharing at teen club (not the whole message, just part of it) on Thursday. Thursday also marks the beginning of an enrichment program that will be run by students from Philadelphia Biblical University (PBU). I am supposed to be inviting the kids this week and I have barely started. I am also supposed to be the one getting at least 6 of them to and from the program. Whew, what a week!!! I also have plans all day Saturday, so I am really hoping that I can take Friday afternoon (after my AIM stuff) just for me!!! We'll see, though.

I am very tired and can't wait to relax, but I'm also SO excited about my new fridge!! I LOVE it, and I still can't believe all the amazing people that continue to support me here in Philly. I know it seems silly, but this fridge makes me feel so loved and cared for...thank you Jesus! :)

A Walk with Jesus

I twisted my ankle yesterday. Its not bad; I'm positive it isn't even sprained, just soar. I stepped wrong off a curb and twisted it. I can still walk fine, with only a small limp. I iced it all last night and for a while this morning. Its really more stiff than anything. But, I am frustrated.

I have been doing SO well with my running; enjoying it a ton, learning a lot and feeling great about myself. I have a schedule to keep if I am going to be ready for the 10K in time, and a few days off was NOT in my schedule. And for the first time in a LONG time, I have the discipline necessary to actually keep on that schedule, as well as the motivation to push myself when its hard. Why now?!?

Even spiritually, things are going great. I listen to worship music when I run, take time to pray. I am seeking to learn all I can about Him through this...things were so good.

As I sat on the couch today, staring at my treadmill longingly (who would have ever thought that would happen?!?), I started asking God why now. Why in the world would I have to stop running when everything seemed to be going so great...especially when I feel spiritually great as well? No, I haven't had a lot of time to just sit and read or sit and talk or sit and listen...but I have done all of those things while I run. I feel very close to God while I run, and I feel good about myself while I run. I am killing two birds with one stone here, what's the problem?!?

That's when I realized it...God doesn't want to be a bird. (That's a quote to write on your mirror, haha). He misses me. Yeah, we spend time together while I do other things, which He loves...but more than that He loves my complete undivided attention...and He loves to give me His. Its not all about productivity with Him, its just about Him.

I am involved in a very serious and very intimate relationship with a God that I am completely in love with. Yet, it appears that there are very few times that I give Him my undivided attention. I don't ignore Him, we spend a lot of time together. But intimacy can't really be developed when my mind is also on other things and when I am distracted by plans and goals.
When I run, I am focussed on running...how far can I go, can I push myself more, etc. Its a fun time with Jesus as He is the one continuing to push me and encourage me, but it isn't intimate.

So today I went on a walk with Jesus. I am walking with only a slight limp, and my newfound love for running means that I really enjoy myself while I am walking or running. This walk was different, though. I walked with no distance or speed goals...I just walked alongside the love of my life. I talked, I listened, I limped. :) It was wonderful.

As soon as I can (I'm praying for tomorrow), I will be back on my running schedule and I will continue to focus and keep challenging myself; and Jesus will continue to be with me; strengthening and encouraging me every step of the way. But, I also want to (need to) make time to just be with Him. No plans or goals, just intimacy. Whether thats reading the bible, worshiping, praying, or just listening...I just want to be with Him. And He desperately wants to be with me.

Running the Race

Okay, so you know that I'm on this running kick; and so far its going great. Yesterday I ran an entire mile without stopping! To some of you this is no big deal, but for me this is a huge accomplishment.

A week and a half ago I could barely get to 1/4th of a mile without stopping. I had to push myself to the limit to get to a quarter mile. 10 days later, I got to the mile. Now, I'm not exactly running at world record pace, but nonetheless, I am definitely improving.

My next goal: 1.5 miles without stopping. I have been working extremely hard over the last 10 days to get where I am. I have run every day (except for 2...cause everything I have read says that I need a day off a week for best results; I'm trying to do this the healthy way!), and I have been lifting weights on a regular schedule. I am tired and sore...and I feel GREAT!

Endurance is a VERY hard thing to achieve; especially for me. It does not come naturally to me at all. A week and a half ago, endurance meant getting past the quarter mile, now it means a full mile. Lord willing, in 2 more weeks it will be even farther. I will have to continue to work really hard at this to get there. Endurance is really hard.

But, it it also worth it. Now, when I get to a quarter mile I feel like I have been walking. I don't even start feeling tired until close to 3/4th of a mile. Thanks to the hard work, I am gaining endurance- and while 1 mile used to scare me, it doesn't anymore.

I am trying to develop endurance in my life as well. Again, it doesn't come easily for me. I feel like I am constantly fighting the urge to just stop. I have made it past 5 years here and while I feel fatigued, I see some things that have become my quarter mile.

I am enjoying my singleness like never before. I am enjoying my alone time like never before. While standing in front of Kids Club with a microphone in my hand used to terrify me, now I look forward to it. These are my quarter miles.

Its the accomplishment of that quarter mile...and onto the mile...that keeps me going because I have some 5K's ahead of me that seem impossible to accomplish. I am enjoying singleness at 27, but what will I feel like at 47? I enjoy Kids Club, but next week I am supposed to speak at Teen Club, and I'm scared. Finances seem to be my marathon, requiring MUCH endurance and constant struggle.

Training for a marathon is really intense. It takes a lot of work, a lot of perseverance and endurance. It takes focus, determination, and not everyone is made to do it. That's completely okay, I don't think there is anything wrong with stopping at a 5 or 10K.

In life plenty of people stop at a certain point and are comfortable with how far they have come. That is absolutely an individual choice and one I feel like I am faced with all the time. I am constantly tempted to stop running. I'm tired, I'm hurt, and I just want to rest. (I mean this both literally and figuratively- my legs are sore!)

I always have to ask myself how far I really want to go. It would be so much easier to stick with where I am and not push myself any farther. I really like being comfortable, and pushing myself is hard, not comfortable. I could even stay in Philly and not really push myself, refusing to go after challenging things and turning my back on things that might be too difficult. I'm constantly surprised by how comfortable my life really could be if I chose to stop pushing myself. So, I have to ask myself; how far do I want to push? I know I can go as far as I want, God makes it very clear that He will give me all the strength I need...but the farther I go, the more that will be required of me.

In my running endeavors, my current goal is a 5K, hopefully to go onto a 10K. After that, we'll see.

In life, I'm going for the marathon.

So Tired...

Today was an exhausting day. I was up late last night helping celebrate one of the teen's 18th birthday (dinner and a movie) and got up early for staff prayer. From there I spent the early afternoon doing my AIM stuff. As soon as I was finished at 2, I did my daily run and then headed to the church to prepare for a special Kids' Day. That went from 3:30-5 and it was a BLAST!! I had no idea how many kids to expect, but I was hoping for at least 30. Thankfully, we had 42! That's really great when you consider that yesterday I passed out a ton of fliers; none of which had the date on them. Haha, whoops!

So, the Kids Day was really a play day. We sang songs until we were tired, at snack and played on the playground. Not a ton of planning, but very busy and active...and fun!!

I went straight from the Kids Day to Prayer Pals. It was a pretty full night and 2 of my favorite pals that had switched to Sunday night pals came tonight. I was SO excited when they came in and especially had fun hanging out with one of them...who is quickly becoming one of my favorite kids in the world. He is very smart and fun but also a little mischievous, which makes him so much fun!!

My mom's prayer pal came as well and after checking her box announced, "Your mother has not been writing me letters!" (She's 8 years old). It made me laugh so hard that I decided to call my mom and they talked on the phone for about 20 minutes. She made my mom laugh and the conversation seemed to appease the 8 year old...at least for now. :)

I didn't get home until after 8...which makes it an 11 hour day. I also spent different parts of the day fighting the state of Virginia over my 2004 taxes. I think I have it all figured out, I just have to get the paperwork to the right person. However, she doesn't have a direct line, so I have to call her and leave a message and then wait for her to call me back. But, if I can't answer the phone when she calls me, then she leaves me a message. And so on and so on. Its pretty frustrating, and I can't wait to have it all figured out. Bottom line, though, I did NOT live or work in VA in 2004, so I don't owe them a thing.

I'm also still trying to help Bonita and Linda's mom get a house. We found a house that she wants, and we have the rental agreement, but I can't help her fill it out because I don't know Spanish. Unfortunately, the girls' oldest sister, Dayonarra, who usually helps the mom with this stuff had a baby today and isn't really available. So, hopefully she can get everything filled out and turned in before someone else gets the house...and before they have to move out of their current house.

So, overall a good day...but now I am going to bed. :)

You've Got Nothing Better To Do...

Do you have any idea how many times I hear that statement? You would be surprised. As often as you probably think I hear it, you would be wrong. I hear it even more than that. Well, you might not be surprised, you might have actually said it to me. Or, at least thought it. Its okay, I'm used to it and it doesn't really make me mad. A little sad, but not mad.

What exactly would constitute something"better" to do? I really enjoy reading, and because I don't have a family I have time to read. But, apparently that isn't "better" than what married people with children have to do, so I get the statement. Making dinner for myself apparently doesn't constitute "better", but were I making dinner for a family, I could qualify under the "better" column.

Despite what many people apparently think, my day does not completely revolve around me. First, I work a part time time job as well as in full time ministry. I live on the mission field and I take care of all of my own finances as well as support raising. No one knows the number of hours I spend on the phone with teens and Gods' Girls. Nor do they know the trips I take with them, from dinner to the movies to Hershey Park. And, there is the time I spend chatting back and forth on MySpace and Facebook with various teens and preteens. No one knows because I am alone when I do those things. That fact apparently disqualifies them from being "better".

The fact that I am willing and able to drop things that I am doing to do something else also apparently means that what I do does not qualify as "better". It is very true, that I rarely have things that I HAVE to do, or at least I rarely have things that will keep me tied to one place. But does that automatically mean that I don't have something "better" to do? Or, could it possibly mean that God has allowed me, at this time in my life, to have plenty of "better" things to do, but also the freedom to choose which ones to do? The reality is, I am available to come and go. That doesn't mean that I don't have something "better" to do, it just means I'm more mobile.

If there is an immediate need for something to be done, say in the middle of the day, I will get the phone call before a woman who has children. It is very possible that at that moment she and I are actually doing the same thing (lets pretend her children are napping and her husband is out). However, I am able to leave and she isn't. What is the response I get though? "Well, its not like you had something better to do". Interesting...

The other interesting part of that statement, for me, is this: If the assumption is that I truly have nothing better to do, why do I only get phone calls in times of need? If you assume that I am just sitting in my house, wasting my time away, why don't you call me to hang out? Or...something? I mean, I have nothing better to do...oh, but I forgot...apparently, everyone else does have something "better" to do.

Okay, so the last paragraph did sound a bit angry, but I promise I'm not. A little annoyed probably.

I have caught myself doing this to married people with kids, and I have to admit that I have done plenty of repenting and apologizing. I have many friends who are married with children and don't work a full time job outside the home, and I have wondered "what do they do with their time?". I'm not proud of that thought, but I have had it. I still don't necessarily know what people do all day, but I do know that whatever it is, its important.

I guess I just want people to realize the same about me. No, not every minute of every day is spent busily doing things for other people. But, neither is it spent doing this and that because I have "nothing better to do".

The truth is, I do have the choice to make my day completely about me. I could go all day and do only what I want. But I don't. At least not all the time, and I refuse to feel guilty in the times that I do. I also refuse to believe that married people don't take time for themselves as well.

So, the moral of this story is two fold.

1) Just because I'm single, please don't assume that my day is chalk full of me piddling away at life waiting for something "better" to come along.

2) If you think I'm at home with nothing "better" to do, maybe try calling me and offering me that "better". Just try and balance out the favors with the fun. I absolutely don't mind doing favors for people, but I promise I do them because I actually want to, not because I don't have anything "better" to do.

Now I am off to drive Bonita and Linda's mom to go look at some houses. They have to move because of some pretty serious issues involving their neighbors (that aren't their fault). I have plenty of other things I could/should be doing right now...but at this moment I can honestly say that I can't think of anything "better" I could be doing.

Orange Bowl!!

Okay, so we lost the game, so I am not going to talk about that. (Or about some of the people that came to watch the game with me and actually asked me to turn it down so they could talk, haha). But, I am quite proud of my party, so I will share that with you. (Sorry I haven't posted sooner, we took these pictures on Joy's camera and I just got them from her).

Since the bowl was the ORANGE bowl, and one of Tech's colors is ORANGE, we had an ORANGE party. First, all the food was orange. Unfortunately, I don't have any orange plates. We served oranges, macaroni and cheese, crackers and cheese, orange chicken, orange peppers, carrots, veggie dip (dyed orange), Doritos and Cheetos. And we drank orange soda and orange juice. :)

We tried to die the rice orange, but it actually came out maroon and orange...which was even better!!!

Next, the guests had to wear orange:

And finally, Giz had an orange collar. :) (He actually wore it all night!)

Overall it was a pretty fun night, despite the final score. I'm already excited for next year. I have plans for any of the BCS bowl possibilities...including a Mexican theme for the Fiesta Bowl, a Red Theme for the Rose Bowl, a much bigger Orange theme if we go back to the Orange Bowl or a Sweets Theme for the Sugar Bowl. I hope we have a great year!!

My Day...

I had a really fun day today! I started the morning getting my AIM stuff finished. Then I headed to Center City to try and track down my great grandfather's birth certificate (for my mom). After much searching through the records of all children born in Philadelphia in 1890, I came up empty. It was pretty disappointing, but still fun to search.

After that I headed to Jones Middle School for their first basketball game of the season. One of my favorite teens, T, is on the team so Joy and I went to cheer her on. The game was HORRIBLE in terms of basketball. I am pretty sure T was the only one on the court who actually knew how to play basketball. I am not joking when I saw that I have seen better games played by 9 year olds. It was actually extremely frustrating for me to watch. I may not be a basketball star, but I do know how to play...and this was NOT how you play. Nonetheless, I enjoyed watching T play; especially when she made the game winning basket with less than 30 seconds to go in the game. It was great!!!T's little sister is my mom's Prayer Pal and came to the game a little late; after her sister D picked her up from school. She immediately came and sat in my lap and spent the game telling me to stop yelling in her ear. I told her she could move if she wanted, but I was still going to cheer. She stayed. :)

When we got to the game we realized that 2 of the guy teens from the church are on the Jones Boys Basketball Team, so we decided to stay for their game. We had to leave after the 3rd quarter, but Jones was up 50-7 at that point, so I don't think we missed much. :)

From the game I headed to Prayer Pals and then out to dinner with another teen, M. We had a really good time together. She has a lot going on in her family and while I was not helpful in the advice department, I was able to listen to her, and I think that helped.

So, now I am at home and ready to go to sleep! I still have a million things to do before tomorrow night, but I think I will get some sleep and worry about that tomorrow. Usually I tend to stay up late to do stuff, but I think I will be more productive tomorrow if I sleep. And, hopefully sleep will help me be a better Christian college football fan. :)

Happy New Year!!!

I am SO excited that it is 2008!! Honestly, I am not a fan of 2007, and I am really looking forward to a much better year. I had a pretty fun New Year's Eve yesterday. I worked in the morning and then got some things done around the house in the afternoon. Last night I went to Frank and Elizabeth's house to hang out with some friends. Then we all headed to the Delaware River to watch the midnight fireworks. Joy and I picked up 2 of the teens to go with us, since their families were going to celebrate in ways they didn't want to participate in. We all had so much fun!! This time last year I was in Kenya...its amazing where I year will take you.

As you can imagine, the Delaware River was pretty packed, so we had to park pretty far away and walk (this is my 3rd trip to the fireworks, and we always have to park far away). Unfortunately, we didn't leave ourselves enough time to walk from our car to the spot we wanted to get to so we all literally had to run half a mile (I measured the distance on our way home) before midnight hit. We got there with 1 minute to spare!!! That's actually much better than 2 years ago when we were running up to the river during the countdown. :) It took us a good hour to drive home, but that gave us some good time to talk in the car, so we didn't mind.

Today has been a great day for me; mostly because I did next to nothing! :) I didn't get til bed until almost 3, so I slept in pretty late. I even turned my phone off!! I almost never turn my phone off; I'm always afraid something will happen to one of the kids and they won't be able to get in touch with me. The idea of one of the kids being in the hospital and me not knowing it terrifies me, so I usually keep my phone on. Unfortunately, that also means that the random, "Hey Trish, I'm bored" phone call wakes me up all too often. Usually that doesn't bother me...but last night I decided to just sleep!!

So, I woke up and still stayed away from my phone for most of the day. I check occasionally for missed calls, but other than that I read, watched TV and yes...went for a run. :) Tomorrow things go pretty much back to normal, so I decided to soak up today. I have work, Prayer Pals and plenty of things to do to prepare for Kids Club starting up. And of course; errands, cleaning, laundry, etc. I have also gotten calls from several teens that need to get together to talk, so I need to make time for them. I'm excited though, I enjoy the one on one opportunities.

And of course, I have to get ready for Thursday. Why? Because Thursday is the Orange Bowl!!! Virginia Tech will be taking on Kansas in their last game of this year; and it should be a really great game!! I am planning on having a party; everyone must wear orange, the house will be decorated orange...and of course, I will serve oranges. I am SO excited about this game!!!! My house is nowhere near ready for company, nor is my work ready to give me a night off...but hopefully that will change tomorrow!!!

I can't think of a better way to start of 2008 than with a Hokie win!!! :)