It's Hard...

Its really hard to be a woman in ministry. I would also venture to say that it is even more difficult to be a single woman in ministry, but since I have never been a married woman in ministry, I can't really compare. What I can say, though, is that it is hard to be a woman in full time ministry.

It is especially difficult when 90% of your co-workers are men. It doesn't matter how hard you work or how "qualified" you are, you are still second to a guy in most circumstances. I work with one guy who is 4 years younger than me and has only been in full time ministry for 2 years, but he gets much more respect than I do and is often given the benefit of the doubt in situations that I am called to account for.

There are several women on staff at church and they are all amazing. They are all moms yet they do incredible ministry outside their homes as well. They understand where I am coming from, to a point. But they all have men in their corner backing them up. I do not.

It doesn't help that I work with teens...as a part of a leadership team that consists of 4 men and me. It is natural that they would have a camaraderie that I am not a part of. It makes sense that a lot of the work that I do would go unnoticed. It's no ones fault, but that doesn't make it easy.

Our teen ministry also consists of mostly guys. In fact, we only have 4 girls going on the mission trip, as compared to 13 guys. Its hard for me to get respect, its easier for them to just ignore me. And they do. Its hard for my male coworkers to understand how difficult this is for me. I don't expect them to, but that doesn't make it easy.

I work extremely hard. I do a majority of that work alone and behind the scenes. I spend a lot of time with kids and teens that no one sees. I spend a lot of time doing a lot of things that no one sees, either because I'm not in their sight or they just aren't paying attention.

Little things start to pile up, and they make the big things even bigger in my mind. Someone offers me a new set of couches and then the offer is rescinded when a guy friend decides he wants them. I ask to talk to a friend about some decisions I need to make about my ministry and the request is ignored. A guy friend shows up at my door, banging on it until I awaken to let him in (he needed to get something from me but I was taking a nap...he banged on the door for 10 minutes to wake me up), and then I am accused of overreacting when I ask him to never do that again.

I know I am not the only one struggling with this. I talked recently with a friend who experiences the exact same thing at her church. She does just as much work as her male counterparts, but they are heralded as gifts from God, while she is given a never-ending list of things she needs to correct. We understand each other so well.

I don't think all of this would bother me as much if I also didn't feel constantly at the mercy of the men around me. I don't make enough money and often need their help to get paid. I can't fix things that break in my house and am constantly dependant on their generosity. The amazing thing is, they are EXTREMELY generous. I do not work with self centered chauvinist pigs. I work with incredibly wonderful men of God. Most of the things that I struggle with are simply a result of the differences between men and women. Some changes do need to be made, but a lot of it is just the way things are. I'm a woman. They will never get that. And that makes it hard.