I am staying in Philly!

I am staying in Philly. I made the decision officially today, although you all are the first to hear about it, haha. I feel 100% confident in this decision and I am going to try and explain why in just a minute. I am still unsure of what my role will look like. Unless something major changes, I will be looking for a part-time job in the fall to help supplement my income. My prayer is that I can get an 8-12 or 9-1 type job that will leave me open for all of my afternoon and evening ministry. I will again explain my reasons in a minute.

Okay, so I don't really know how to explain all of the things that God has been speaking to me over the past few weeks, so I apologize if I get confusing for you. I'm going to do my best though! (And Carisa, I still want to hear everything that you learned on your cruise!)

Okay, so obviously I have been praying about all of this for a while. First, I read about the Israelites being led BY GOD out of Egypt. First, He led them to the Red Sea. They followed Him to that exact place. He took them from one place of suffering, and led them to the impossible. They didn't get there as a result of their sin or by accident, God absolutely led them to the Red Sea...to a place where they could do nothing for themselves but had to completely rely on Him. So, what did God do? He parted the sea, stalled their enemies while they crossed the sea on dry land, then destroyed the enemies that were pursuing them. From there He led the Israelites every day by a pillar of cloud and every night by a pillar of fire.

But, where did He lead them? Well, we all know that eventually the Israelites sinned and God's punishment on them was to wander the desert for 40 years. However, before this happened, the Lord was taking them on the path to the Promised Land. What did that path look like? Well, at first it was wandering in the desert for 3 days without any water!!! What?!? I'm serious! The Lord led them around in the desert for 3 days without water, because that was HIS PLAN. Again, they hadn't sinned or gotten lost (they were following the cloud and the fire that God placed before them), and yet they went without water for 3 days. The Lord brought them to a point of complete desperation and utter dependence on Him. After 3 days He led them to water...water that was too bitter to drink. It's almost like He was playing with the Israelites! It almost seems cruel. Until you read what happens next. The Lord had once again brought them to a place where the Israelites (God's chosen and anointed) had to completely trust in and rely on God. Was their life easy? No. Were they always happy? No. Were they thirsty? YES! And I don't think the Lord had a problem with that. They were thirsty and needed water. I think the Lord loved that they were asking Him for water. I think He rejoiced every time one of His children said, "Father, I need water and I know you are the only one that can provide it. Please, give me water!" The more they asked, the more He rejoiced in being their Father and their Provider.

What He wanted to know, however, was whether or not the Israelites would trust Him to bring the water they needed, no matter how thirsty they got...or if there was a point at which the Israelites would turn from God. According to "experts", a person can only survive in the desert without water for 3 days. During those 3 days people experience extreme nausea, headaches, cramping, dizziness and even hallucinations. The Israelites followed God into these circumstances, they were a part of His plan. Would they trust Him through those circumstances, even when no solution was coming?

How about when they thought they had found a solution, and it turned out that the water was undrinkable? (Like maybe when I thought I had a roommate for the fall, but it all fell through). Would they still trust God, or was this the final straw? They were sick and tired and literally at the point of death (they didn't just think they might die, they were actually about to die), when God turned the water from bitter to sweet and the Israelites drank. God waited until the last possible minute, but He showed up. From there He led the Israelites to Elim where there were 12 springs of fresh water and had the Israelites camp there. (This is where the story goes downhill...where the Israelites forget all that God has done and end up angering God so much that He punishes them by not allowing them into the Promised Land...except for Joshua and Caleb. Lord NEVER let me forget who you are!!). This was all from Exodus 15, fyi.

I absolutely believe that I have followed the Lord every step of the way and that I am on the path that the Lord has laid out for me. I may have gotten a little off track here and there, but the Lord has always gently restored me and I believe that I am exactly where He has called me to be. I do feel like I am wandering in the desert right now, so thirsty....feeling lost, confused, dizzy...but still following His lead.

The events of the past few weeks, and especially the past few days have reminded me that there is also an enemy after me. I forget that sometimes because I know in the end he is defeated. However, that doesn't mean that he isn't out to do some damage right now. And he is relentless. As I was praying about this, the Lord led me to Joshua and Judges. In the first part of Joshua you read about all of the enemies that the Israelites fought and defeated. The Lord promised them victory over their enemies and over and over again He delivered. We see their victory over Jericho in a miraculous way, victory at Ai, victory over northern Canaan, and Edom, and so on and so on. But then you read in Joshua 15: 63 that they could not overcome the Jebusites in Jerusalem. Then again in Joshua 16:10 you read that they also could not conquer the Canaanites living in Gezer (The Canaanites over all were defeated, EXCEPT the ones living in Gezer). In fact, according to the Scripture, to this very day (meaning whenever the book of Joshua was written) the Jubusites and the Canaanites, of Gezer, live among the Israelites...they were never defeated (although the Canaanites are considered slaves). The Lord promised the Israelites victory over their enemies, why did He keep them from victory over these people?

The answer is found in the beginning of Judges. In Chapter 3 the Lord explains that the Israelites that were fighting these battles were not the Israelites that were used to battle. This was the generation of people that had come AFTER the generation that wandered the desert. This current generation had only known victory and never faced defeat. This generation needed to "be taught war" (Judges 3:2). The Lord didn't want them to become lazy or complacent in their victory, but needed them always ready for the battles they would face.

The Lord was also testing their faith. Would they "keep the way of the Lord to walk in it as their fathers did, or not"? (Judges 2:22) Every battle that we face does not result in immediate victory and rejoicing. Some battles will not be won until the day of Christ's return. Will I turn my back on Him when I face defeat? Will I continue to trust Him and follow Him as He trains me for battle?

At this point, though, in my life, I am still hurting. I am still suffering and I don't see any end in sight, and I can't help but wonder if I am doing something wrong. I hear what God is saying and I am starting to think that maybe He isn't leading me away from Philly, but I have to make sure that I haven't done something to bring this suffering on myself. Are things really supposed to be this hard, or did I mess something up along the way?

That is when the Lord led me to 1 Peter. " Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon for your testing, as though something strange were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed". (1 Peter 4:12, 13). Peter then goes on, in chapter 5 verses 8 and 9 to remind us that the enemy is prowling around like a lion seeking to destroy us! I have read plenty about suffering in the scripture and have often equated it to facing persecution or physical harm or even mockers. Here, though, Peter is talking about attacks from the enemy, that come in all shapes and sizes. Don't be surprised, Trish, when you are tested. He is making you more like Him, strengthening you everyday to fight for His glory, and ALLOWING you to share in His sufferings so you can receive even greater joy when His glory is revealed!!!

1 Peter ends with this, " And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." (1 Peter 5:10). The NASB says that He will "perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish" you. He doesn't say how long the suffering will last...for the disciples and many others on this earth today, the suffering lasts their entire lifetime. However, the promise is always there...that in the end, God HIMSELF with restore me, making me strong, firm, and steadfast. That has always been my prayer...which means without realizing it, I have been asking for these trials!!!!

Here is a quote from the book "Shattered Dreams" that I am reading. "In the mystery of suffering, enter the deeper mystery of His restrained passion. As the mother holds her baby still so the doctor can deliver the needed injection, so your Lord is allowing you to suffer for reasons you do not know".

I'm not finished though, He has shown me more!!! I hope this isn't boring you all too much...I guess you can stop reading whenever you feel like it, haha. :)

The final kicker for me was where my heart is. At no point in this journey have I had any peace about leaving Philly, and my heart ached at the thought of being here but not being able to be in ministry (which would happen if I got a full time job). I truly believe that God never pushes us to His will, He draws us to it. When Jesus walked on water and called Peter out of the boat to join Him, He was already on the water. He didn't get in the boat and then push Peter onto the water, He drew Peter out onto the water where He already was. I have absolutely been feeling pushed away from Philly, not drawn somewhere else.

Then today after church I was talking with Kareem about his plans for the future. He has made some mistakes this year that have left him a little behind on his track toward graduating. He will be able to graduate on time next year, but only if he takes extra classes after school, which means he is going to have to work extra hard all year. I want so badly to help him with that. With no after-school program in the fall, I am free to be available to tutor teens as well as help them with any projects that they have. I really do feel like I have a lot to offer the teens to help them realize their potential and get on the path toward what God has for them. My biggest thing with the kids and the teens is helping them seek the path that God has for them, but also preparing them for the work required to get there. God may have given the Israelites victory in battle, but they still had to fight, and I want to give these teens the tools as well as the motivation that they need to stay on the path God has for them. I know several people who are in their late teens and early twenties that still don't understand what it means to push through when things get hard. I have learned a lot about hard work and steadfastness in every area of my life, and I want to help these teens find that for themselves. I think I can actually do it too...though obviously not on my own strength. :)

All of this, however, still leaves me with the practical to deal with. I literally don't have enough money to live off of, and I don't believe that the Lord is leading me to a place of debt. So, where do I go from here? I don't know, but I know He will show me in His time. Maybe working a part time job as well as my work at the church is what the teens need to see...that I trust completely in the Lord, but that doesn't equal laziness. Or, maybe God is ready to make my bitter water sweet and I just have to wait for that timing. Either way, I have complete trust that His plan is perfect and I will follow wherever He leads me.

'Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today" ~Ruth 3:18