Holidays in Philly are rarely holidays for me. Other than Thanksgiving and Christmas, the two holidays I v
isit my family for, I spend most holidays alone. Most people do things with their family, and I don't have any family here, so I just usually hang out by myself. Its not a sad or depressing thing, just the way it is. Occasionally I will hang out with the kids, but they are often with their fam
ilies as well. So, this past Sunday, Easter, I fully expected to just hang out by myself. Bonita and Linda were with their dad and Pedro didn't come to church, so it was just me and Miguel. However, instead of me and Miguel going out to eat and then me taking Miguel home (my original plan), the Hinson's invited us over to their house for lunch! Yay! After lunch, Miguel and Paxton (and the rest of us) dyed Easter eggs and had a blast laughing and being creative. It was SO much fun! Miguel wasn't happy when it was time to go home, but that's pretty normal. It was a really fun day! I am really glad that Sunday was so great, because the rest of this week has been exhausting...and its only Tuesday! Oh, and I forgot to mention that I finally cleaned my house! I can't even describe how messy my house had become over the last few weeks as a result of my busyness, and laziness. It was to the point that it almost seemed better to move out than try and clean. Finally, though, I took several hours and just cleaned my whole place. It feels SO good to come home to a nice place instead of a dump! Its amazing how much my attitude and outlook is changed when I'm not surrounded by piles of junk. Whew!
Okay, now here comes the chaos on my head. Get ready! :) So Monday marked the return of after-school, and thus a crazy schedule and constant testing of my patience. Even when the kids are all on their best behavior, dealing with 15 kids for 2 hours with help only coming from teenagers, that often need as much help as the kids, is challenging. Rewarding, fun, and absolutely worth it...but still...very trying. What has happened with after-school is something that I should have expected, but didn't and I was thus unprepared for it. I am now integrally involved in these kids lives. I know so much more than I ever thought I would...and its information I can't ignore. When a kids' parents get divorced and they are hurting, I know it. Whether or not they actually want to talk about it, I know what they are going through. I am there as they struggle with their emotions, and I have to try and help them deal with those emotions. 15 VERY different kids, all struggling with different things...from simply growing up and hitting puberty, to having drug addicted and abusive parents. I have to be ready to talk when they want to talk, to understand when they lash out at simple things knowing that they are really mad at something else, to mediate conflicts that are so small in the grand scheme of things but HUGE to kids, to try and teach kids math in a way that they will actually understand (which means trying to figure out each kids' learning style and meet them in that), to to teach them manners and try and help them grow in their social skills (helping a 5 year old who until just recently had been an only child learn to get along with an 11 year old who thinks that the world revolves around him...), and of course to teach them what God and the bible says about...well...just about everything. For 2 hours a day, 4 days a week I am a teacher, mentor, sister and mother to 15 kids. None of which are "mine".
I have to tell you a secret though. I can't keep this secret anymore, as much as I would like to. I love it. I really really do. I love the challenge of it. I love what I learn about life, about the kids, about myself, and especially about God. I love that I have to constantly depend on Him because there is no part of me that can do any part of this without Him. I love the kids. My heart beats for them, every single one of them. When the 5 year old storms off and pouts because the other kids won't let him do whatever he wants, I love him. When the cheerleader runs past me after I tell her for the 10th time not to run, I love her. I get frustrated, there is no doubt about it. Sometimes I don't like the kids, but I can't stop loving them. I love the fact that I know them and especially that I get to love them. I just love it.
My job is different from other jobs though, because it doesn't stop when I leave after-school. When the kids see me on the street, at Kids Club, Prayer Pals, or church on Sunday, I am back in my role of mentor/teacher/sister/mother. I never really stop being that, especially with Bonita, Linda, Pedro and Miguel being so involved in everything I do. And there's more...
I also work with teens. Monday night was a great reminder of that. There are only 2 female leaders at God Squad, and Chris, the other female leader, wasn't there this week. It was a GREAT night, with a lot of the girls being open and honest about the things that they are going through. I loved it and felt the presence of God in everything that we did. However, I had forgotten that I am a mentor/teacher/sister/mother to the teens as well. I am getting more into their lives, and there is no turning back.
Did I mention the pre-teens? I am all the things I mentioned before to the pre-teen girls as well. In fact, I would say that they are the group that I am most aware of my influence. They are growing into women of God, and have few to no examples of that a Godly woman really looks like. So, eyes are constantly on me.
That is why this week has been so exhausting. Not that I am really busy, but for some reason the reality of what I do, and who God has called me to be has come crashing down on me. Not in a burdensome way, but a definite reality check.
I am 26 years old with no children of my own, and no plans to have any any time soon, but I have a stack of parenting books that I am reading. When my cell phone rings, more often than not its a kid or teen calling me, not an adult.
As I look at next year, and continue to pray about what it will look like for me, I am realizing that I can't ignore the things God has already done. I am a mentor, a teacher, a sister...and even a mother. That is who God has created me to be. What exactly it will look like for me to serve in those roles, is still very much up in the air.
Okay, now here comes the chaos on my head. Get ready! :) So Monday marked the return of after-school, and thus a crazy schedule and constant testing of my patience. Even when the kids are all on their best behavior, dealing with 15 kids for 2 hours with help only coming from teenagers, that often need as much help as the kids, is challenging. Rewarding, fun, and absolutely worth it...but still...very trying. What has happened with after-school is something that I should have expected, but didn't and I was thus unprepared for it. I am now integrally involved in these kids lives. I know so much more than I ever thought I would...and its information I can't ignore. When a kids' parents get divorced and they are hurting, I know it. Whether or not they actually want to talk about it, I know what they are going through. I am there as they struggle with their emotions, and I have to try and help them deal with those emotions. 15 VERY different kids, all struggling with different things...from simply growing up and hitting puberty, to having drug addicted and abusive parents. I have to be ready to talk when they want to talk, to understand when they lash out at simple things knowing that they are really mad at something else, to mediate conflicts that are so small in the grand scheme of things but HUGE to kids, to try and teach kids math in a way that they will actually understand (which means trying to figure out each kids' learning style and meet them in that), to to teach them manners and try and help them grow in their social skills (helping a 5 year old who until just recently had been an only child learn to get along with an 11 year old who thinks that the world revolves around him...), and of course to teach them what God and the bible says about...well...just about everything. For 2 hours a day, 4 days a week I am a teacher, mentor, sister and mother to 15 kids. None of which are "mine".
I have to tell you a secret though. I can't keep this secret anymore, as much as I would like to. I love it. I really really do. I love the challenge of it. I love what I learn about life, about the kids, about myself, and especially about God. I love that I have to constantly depend on Him because there is no part of me that can do any part of this without Him. I love the kids. My heart beats for them, every single one of them. When the 5 year old storms off and pouts because the other kids won't let him do whatever he wants, I love him. When the cheerleader runs past me after I tell her for the 10th time not to run, I love her. I get frustrated, there is no doubt about it. Sometimes I don't like the kids, but I can't stop loving them. I love the fact that I know them and especially that I get to love them. I just love it.
My job is different from other jobs though, because it doesn't stop when I leave after-school. When the kids see me on the street, at Kids Club, Prayer Pals, or church on Sunday, I am back in my role of mentor/teacher/sister/mother. I never really stop being that, especially with Bonita, Linda, Pedro and Miguel being so involved in everything I do. And there's more...
I also work with teens. Monday night was a great reminder of that. There are only 2 female leaders at God Squad, and Chris, the other female leader, wasn't there this week. It was a GREAT night, with a lot of the girls being open and honest about the things that they are going through. I loved it and felt the presence of God in everything that we did. However, I had forgotten that I am a mentor/teacher/sister/mother to the teens as well. I am getting more into their lives, and there is no turning back.
Did I mention the pre-teens? I am all the things I mentioned before to the pre-teen girls as well. In fact, I would say that they are the group that I am most aware of my influence. They are growing into women of God, and have few to no examples of that a Godly woman really looks like. So, eyes are constantly on me.
That is why this week has been so exhausting. Not that I am really busy, but for some reason the reality of what I do, and who God has called me to be has come crashing down on me. Not in a burdensome way, but a definite reality check.
I am 26 years old with no children of my own, and no plans to have any any time soon, but I have a stack of parenting books that I am reading. When my cell phone rings, more often than not its a kid or teen calling me, not an adult.
As I look at next year, and continue to pray about what it will look like for me, I am realizing that I can't ignore the things God has already done. I am a mentor, a teacher, a sister...and even a mother. That is who God has created me to be. What exactly it will look like for me to serve in those roles, is still very much up in the air.
1 comment:
Beautifully written...thank for loving ALL of them the way you do. I love you!
~Carisa
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