Yesterday I spent a long time after Prayer Pals talking with Carisa and one of the parents of some of my after-school kids. Both of her kids have been in the after-school program since it started. One of them, "Kylie", has a lot of problems. She has ADHD and is in special education classes. She is one of the more challenging kids that we have in after-school, and she has a lot of problems at school. However, I had no idea the extent of the problems until last night. Carisa and I talked with her mom for a while and heard horrible stories about how the girl is treated at school. So horrible, in fact, that I would be tempted to not believe them...except that I have seen it with my own eyes with other kids at the same school. I have seen other kids that we work with treated horribly by the teachers at this school, and it makes me so sad. This school is where the majority of our pre-teens go, and many of them have a lot of problems at the school. My heart broke for this mom (who is a single working mom with 2 other children she is trying to raise) because I know she is trying so hard to do right by her children, and she is getting no help.
All of this has me thinking more and more about after-school, and my thoughts on the program for next year have changed. Let me review the things I have learned/seen in last few weeks for you:1) "Kimberly's" (one of the girls who has been in the program from its beginning 3 years ago) entire family has started coming to Sunday School and Church every Sunday. Her 15 year old sister, who is struggling with addiction, is not only coming to church and God Squad, but is seeking help through Frank's new addiction/recovery ministry.
2) I have added 2 new girls ("Tali" and "Mona") to after-school, and they are already improving in their grades and attendance at school. These 2 girls lost their father to a heart attack earlier this year, and the program has helped them recover and motivated them to keep going.
3) "Kaylie's" mom has told me more than once that she feels like we are the only ones who actually care about her children and want to help her. "Kaylie" is a struggle at times, but has really grown through after-school, and her sister "Kris" is showing real signs of improvement in grades and behavior (although there is still a long way to go...but I have been here before with other kids).
4) Several of my teen tutors are struggling in school, which I would not know about if they weren't helping me out. I am now starting to tutor and motivate them to do better, and the kids are helping!
5) 4 year old Paxton comes and has a blast! He has friends in the program and is growing so much in his social interaction. We are reading the book "Prince Caspian" as a group, which is a book that should be over his head...however he constantly picks up on things going on and is often able to answer questions about the story! (I don't think he completely understands it, but he gets way more that I thought he would!).
6) Pedro's math grade has improved so much that he is on his way to honors math. He still struggles with reading, but I actually have a PBU student that comes and helps him one on one every Tuesday.
7) Bonita and Linda have slowly improved over the years. They went from needing summer school every year to never even having that possibility discussed. They have gone from threats of truancy court to good attendance awards every report period.
8) Miguel was Student of the Month in January!
9) Every kid who has been in after-school (except the ones that have moved away) has improved in their attendance, grades and behavior at school.
10) Though I have days of struggle and frustration, and I am often drained after leaving the program, I love the kids more that I could ever express. The days of struggle are easily outnumbered by the days full of joy and excitement at the opportunity I have to spend time with these wonderful children of the King. The bottom line is...its hard, but I love it! I lose sight of that sometimes and let the struggles overcome me, but the truth is, I really do love it.
None of these things happened overnight, and there is still a long way to go with a lot of the kids. Some have been in the program for 3 years, some only this year; yet I am seeing amazing fruit in all of their lives and it is spilling over into their families.
All of this has lead me to conclude that I want to fight for the after-school program. I am not going to fight in the world, however, I am going to fight in prayer. The Lord knows what I need and what I can handle...and I am not going to hold onto something that He is asking me to let go, but I'm not going to let go of something that He wants me to hold on to either. I need Him to make it VERY clear if its time to let go, because I'm not sure that's what He wants me to do. I really think that He is asking me to hold on...to persevere...and to trust Him to provide for my every need. So, I'm giving it all to Him. I am asking for His will to be done and for the strength and courage I need to follow Him.
I don't have to make any decisions any time soon, and I won't. I won't make any decisions until He makes His will clear to me. Please pray for me and with me in this. The number one thing that has made this program so difficult for me this year has been the fact that I am doing it alone. I am really praying for someone to come along side me in this. I don't know exactly what that looks like...if its someone who will come one day a week as a leader (not just a volunteer), if its someone who wants to take on after-school full time that will work with me completely side by side, or maybe its someone who will come along side the program as a partner in prayer and financially...who knows what God will provide.
I have been thinking about the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18. The widow goes to an unjust judge and asks for justice. He denies her over and over again, but her persistence finally gets to him, and he gives her what she asked for. Jesus then reminds us that God is a just judge. So, if persistence and perseverance can convince an unjust judge, imagine what it can do with God! In Matthew 15 we see a woman, who is not an Israelite, asking Jesus to heal her daughter. His first response is that He has come for the "lost sheep of Israel" not her. He goes on to say, "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs" (basically saying that His time and energy needs to be devoted to His people, not her). Her response is amazing! She says, "Yes, Lord, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table." She basically comes back with, "I know I'm not worthy of the meal, I'm just asking for the crumbs...and I know that even just your crumbs will be enough". At that moment Jesus sees her faith and heals her daughter. He wasn't calling her a dog (although that's what it sounds like), He wanted to see where her faith really was. Did she really believe that He could heal her daughter? If so, then she would fight for it...she would take the crumbs and know they were enough. If her faith wasn't sincere, she would have walked away.
Her humility is amazing, and I want to learn from that. I know I don't have the biggest, greatest ministry...and it would be really easy to think that God should spend time blessing other ministries...other people. In fact, sometime I think I should spend my time in a more "effective" ministry. But, that isn't His heart at all. Every kid in after-school is His, and He loves them SO much. I believe He wants to do incredible things in their lives, and I am going to ask Him for those things. I am going to be persistent in it, knowing that He can do far more that I could ever even ask or imagine. I hope this makes sense. I feel like the woman who's daughter was sick. I am going to Jesus asking Him to help my ministry, and He has responded with, "And why should I help you?" He isn't asking because He doesn't want to help...He is asking because He wants me to remember where my faith is, who my faith is in, and why I'm even doing this in the first place. The widow wouldn't give up until the judge heard her. The woman who's daughter was sick had the faith to believe that the Jesus she heard about could heal her daughter, and she wouldn't take no for an answer. Their persistence showed their faith. The widow got justice and the woman's daughter was healed.
Lord, give me the faith and the perseverance. These kids need justice. They need to be healed.
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