Since coming to North Carolina, I have found myself struggling. A lot. I don't think its because I was in NC, or because I was with my parents; I'm pretty sure I have actually been struggling for a long time, I just haven't taken the time to really notice.
I find myself very discontent with how my life has turned out. I was laughing with my dad when I got off the plane that I never really notice how unusual my life is until I am away from my normalcy. And, that is partly true. However, I also have reminders everyday of how different my life really is.
Most of my co-workers are male or moms, I am neither...and most of the moms are homeschooling moms. Obviously, during the school year, that takes up a majority of their time; something I can not relate to at all. None of my close friends are single women in ministry. One of my closest friends is single, but works a regular job (which, believe it or not, is a huge difference) and another WAS a single woman in ministry, but has now been married for almost 2 years (to a man that I think is awesome, incidentally). The closest I have to someone who might understand my place in life is my roommate (who is awesome). She is 6 years younger than me and just starting in ministry. She is just now getting a glimpse of the shattered dreams I have faced during my life in ministry.
For a while now I have been trying to convince myself that I am happy with how my life has turned out. I should be happy, right? Is God's plan for my life, so who am I to complain? Well, as it turns out...I'm not so happy.
The question I have been asking myself over the last few days is, why am I not happy? I'm not naive enough to believe that marriage and kids would solve this problem for me. I do desire that in my life, and while sometimes I wonder if it will ever happen (all the while praying that it will!), I know that my discontent runs deeper.
While at Barnes and Noble the other day, I literally happened upon a book that is starting to answer my question for me. The "Christian Inspiration" section in Barnes and Noble is overwhelming, to say the least. All books that might even be slightly "Christian" are lumped together alphabetically by author. Topics are interspersed, and the section encompasses at least 4 or 5 double-sided shelves. (Incidentally, after reading countless titles and back covers of many Christian books, I can honestly understand why so many people run screaming from the church. I almost did from Barnes and Noble). So, finding what you are looking for is next to impossible, which was okay for me because I had no idea what I was looking for.
I LOVE stories, so I spent a good amount of time in the "Fiction" section. From there I decided to browse the rest of the books and see if any titles or authors jumped out at me (I have my favorites...CS Lewis, Frederich Buechner, John Piper, etc). It wasn't long before I got frustrated at the crap (excuse my language, but its the only appropriate word) that is being printed in the name of Jesus. Not all of it was crap, but it was pretty difficult to find Jesus in the midst of the crap. Anyway...
As I was about to leave the section, my hand landed on a book entitled "Lost Women of the Bible". Nothing about the title, or the picture on the cover really stood out to me, but I knew I needed to buy it. I didn't even read the back, I just added it to the other 2 books I had in my hand and headed toward the counter.
It wasn't until I got home that I even looked at the back, and again nothing really jumped out at me...except for this phrase: "This book gives hope to women whose lives don't fit the traditional mold". That is ME!! So, I started to read the book. Now here is another interesting part...I never read the introduction to books. Generally, I find it boring and information I don't care to know, so 9 times out of 10, I skip right to the first chapter. For some reason, this time I decided to read the introduction.
And there, I started to find answers...
The introduction is long, but it spoke to my heart in ways I can't even explain. I am going to type the whole thing in the post just under this one. This blog is about what's going on in my life and in my heart...this introduction is my heart. (I have bolded a few things that were especially poignant to me).
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
The Introduction to "Lost Women of the Bible" by Carolyn Custis James
Introduction: Lost
I was lost and I didn't know it. I was the pastor's daughter and literally grew up in church. "Lost" was the last word I would have used to describe myself. I belonged to Jesus. I was in the fold-one of the "found" ones. I knew my way around the Bible, felt at home in the church, and had a clear sense of my calling as a woman. I knew where I was going in life. But I got lost along the way.
The only girl in a family of four children, I, like most of my friends, was raised by loving parents to become a wife and mother. My life plan was clear. I would be the next in a long line of women devoted to husband, home, and hearth, volunteering countless hours of ministry in the church. Everything I heard and observed within the church and read in books addressed to young Christian women reinforced these ideas. Nearly all of the women I knew walked the church's center aisle and said "I do" to marriage and motherhood. This was God's purpose for women-a plan as old as the Garden of Eden- the plan He unveiled when He created Eve to be Adam's wife and helpmeet. And then I got lost.
Wedding bells didn't ring for me after four years at a Christian college. Unlike many of my friends, I graduated without an engagement ring and no prospective husband on the horizon. In my heart, I held into the belief that marriage and family were God's destiny for me. Then one year turned into ten, and I never felt so lost.
As the decade rolled agonizingly by, I entered into the workforce, earned a seminary degree, and set up an apartment for one. This wasn't the life I expected. I felt lost as a woman and bewildered about God. What had gone wrong? Had he forgotten me? I played by the rules, dated only Christians, wasn't wild or rebellious, read my bible, prayed and faithfully served the church. Yet, instead of building my life around a husband and children, I was on my own, protecting and providing for myself. Who was I as a woman and what was my purpose in life if I never married or had a family? Had I misread the Bible's teaching about women or was something wrong with me?
God was challenging my ideas of him, something he continues to do to this day. But there was another side to my struggle that took longer for me to engage, for he was also challenging my ideas about myself with basic questions that might never have troubled me if my life had unfolded according to plan. What does it mean to be a Christian woman? Is there a right way and a wrong way (or a best way) for a woman to walk with God? What are we supposed to do when our lives don't follow the map, either because we march to the beat of a different drummer or, as in my case, things simply don't work out? Do we, as one woman put it, "miss the best life has to offer a woman"? Or, what if we marry and have children and then something goes wrong- we lose our husband or our children don't turn out right? What then? Has our womanhood fallen short?
Some might expect those questions to go away after marriage, but when I got married, they didn't. As a matter of fact, a whole new set of questions emerged. Instead of allowing me to pick up where I left off after college and settling me into the role of stay-at-home wife and mother, God worked through my husband and circumstances we faced together to challenge my paradigm even more.
My husband appreciated a fine meal as much as any man. But he wanted more of me than cooking, cleaning house, and raising kids. He wanted (he says "needed") the experience and knowledge I brought into our marriage. He sought and valued my interaction in his work, my counsel in his decisions, and my collaboration in tackling the problems that came our way. He wanted a partner, not a dependent. Instead of rendering my career temporary, unnecessary, or possibly a threat, marriage gave my vocation, gifts and contributions a new sense of mission.
During those early years of marriage, we battled against infertility and lost. God gave me marriage (albeit a little late in the game), now motherhood seemed out of reach. Fortunately what I had learned about God through my earlier struggles as a single saved me from another spiritual nosedive. I discovered later, God has more than one way of creating families. Still, according to the biblical model, I was doomed to miss out on childbirth, which many believe is the point in life when a woman experiences her highest sense of self-fulfillment. I had run head-on into one of the major threats to a woman's identity that is exacerbated, not relieved, by prevailing Christian views on how a woman finds fulfillment and meaning in life.
Many of the churches we attended were inquisitive and eager to employ Frank's gifts, but showed no interest in mine. I'm embarrassed to admit this didn't bother me at first. I thought this was how things were supposed to work. My husband was the focus of attention now and my job was to promote and encourage his ministries. He couldn't have disagreed more. He was interested in my calling as a Christian too and challenged me to develop and use my gifts. Certainly, if we take seriously the New Testament statements about the Holy Spirit giving spiritual gifts to each member of the body of Christ, then every believer who crosses the church's threshold is bearing vital gifts for our spiritual welfare.
With Frank's urging, I ventured out into new territory both in my computer career and in ministry, where I discovered gifts and abilities I didn't know I had and certainly never expected to use. I was learning, growing, and flourishing. We worked together to nurture and raise our daughter, along with tackling the challenges of work and ministry that God brought our way. Our marriage relationship was richer than anything I could have imagined. God opened amazing opportunities for us both, and we marveled (still do marvel) at how he was weaving our lives together at so many different levels.
Looking back, I wouldn't change places with anyone. Still, whenever I consult the traditional blueprint, pr something someone says reminds me I'm out of step, that old lost feeling returns with force. The truth is, I'm not a typical wife, I don't have a typical family and my marriage isn't typical either. God gave me my heart's desire-a husband and a daughter- but in ways that shook up all my preconceived Christian categories.
Its a terrible thing to admit, but I had to lose my way before realizing how many other women feel lost too. Everywhere I go I find women struggling because their lives turned out differently than they expected. What are we to do when we don't or can't fit into the mold? Or when in public we look like we have perfect lives but behind closed doors its a sham? And what about the gifts God entrusted to us? Does he intend for is to use them or will they get us into trouble? No matter what view we take on debates over Christian womanhood, we want to know how to live faithfully as followers of Jesus Christ. We don't want to waste our lives.
The ground has shifted under women today. We are not living in the world of our mothers and grandmothers. Ans our daughters' world will be different from ours. Like generations before us, most of us are wives and mothers. However, many of us-more than ever- are alone, not simply through the death of a spouse but often because we never married or are divorced. Many are single parents. We are better educated and have more career opportunities than any previous generation.
As Christian women, however, we face a conundrum. When we look at what the church is saying about women in contrast to the message coming to us from contemporary culture and from circumstances we can't control, it seems that either we are out of step or the bible is. Given the vast opportunities, demands, and realities we face, not to mention our differing gifts and personalities, the Bible's message for women seems to be wooden and strangely limiting. The pattern for women handed down to us in the church simply doesn't fit all sizes and shapes that women come in these days.
A whole wave of talented women who are valued and sought in the workplace for their training, expertise and leadership skills are walking away from the church because it seems uninviting to them. Tragically, the message they're picking up is that the church will clip their wings and has nothing hopeful to offer them. Even those of us who stay- women deeply committed to the church- are baffled when the church doesn't always seem to make the best use of (or even show interest in) the gifts and talents we offer.
Today when we pick up our Bibles, we want to know how to be better wives and mothers. But we have other questions too. We want to know what the bible says to those of us whose lives don't follow the traditional formula. Is there only one biblical track for women, or does God intend to take delight in our great diversity? Are women second-class citizens in God's family, or does He value us as much as he does our husbands and brothers? Does God have large purposes for his daughters, or does His word limit our options? Is the Bible relevant for women in the third millennium, or have we outgrown its message? I am not a prophetess, but I suspect even women who do not struggle with these questions for themselves will in time be asking them (along with a lot of men) for the sake of their daughters.
If there's any truth to the notion that Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, its undoubtedly in a woman's readiness to stop and ask for directions as soon as she realizes she's lost. That so called female instinct drove me back to the Scriptures with my questions to look again at the women in the Bible to see if they had any wisdom for me today. Changing winds of culture, long held traditions of the church, private opinions, and impassioned arguments concerning women must, in the final analysis, yield to the authority of God's Word. Little did I expect to find that the women in the Bible felt lost too.
Admittedly, their stories (which I thought I knew as well as my own) didn't offer much help to me at first. Most of them seemed out of touch with my circumstances and the struggles women are facing today. These women in the Bible had some painful struggles, but unlike many so many of us, their lives almost always turned out well in the end. Furthermore, their stories usually followed the wife and mother model and reinforced the idea that God prefers to do His most important work through men. Still, a lot of things weren't adding up.
Looking closer, I began to see many women who, like me, didn't fit neatly into the traditional paradigm. Strong women like Tamar, Rahab, Deborah, Jael, Priscilla, and Junia have always posted problems for interpreters because biblical writers clearly admired these women and held them up as outstanding examples of godliness even though their conduct broke with the accepted convention. They were daring, took initiative, and courageously exercised leadership, even in their interactions with men. To resolve the conflict this poses, biblical interpreters often downsize their contributions to leave a more "suitable" impression or else reclassify them as "exceptions", thereby removing their portraits from the gallery of acceptable role models for Christian women. (In the case of Jael, I must admit driving a peg through a man's head probably is not a good Christian example. But even Jael has something important to say to us and deserves more careful study).
Upon closer inspection, I discovered many women in the Bible had trouble fitting into the wife-and-mother definition of what it means to be a woman. They clearly embraced traditional expectations and tried desperately to live within those parameters, but ultimately found it impossible. Naomi in the Old Testament and Anna in the New enjoyed ideal lives at one point, only to lose everything through the premature death of a husband. Sarah didn't become a mother until she was ninety, which was considerably worse than my experience of delayed motherhood and hardly any woman's dream. Hagar's and Esther's lives were hopelessly reconfigured- actually sacrificed- to serve someone else's agenda. Neither woman had a voice in events trampled underfoot her private hopes and dreams.
It is not often noted, but many stories of women in the Bible make no mention of husband or children. Although singleness was exceedingly rare in the ancient Hebrew culture, no one knows if Miriam, Mary and Martha, or Mary Magdalene ever married. In a jarring break from the culture (and without diminishing family), the New Testament anchors a woman's identity and purpose to her relationship with Jesus rather than her parentage, her marital status, or her children.
As I continued to study, new details emerged that brought fresh clarity to me as a woman. To my relief, I found I was traveling a well-beaten path. Women in the Bible were quite familiar with roadblocks, disappointments, and feeling lost. They knew what it was like to hit bottom when their lives veered off in unexpected directions or when they didn't seem to count for much in the eyes of others. They were honest disclosures of anger, frustration, doubts about God, and deep insecurities about themselves. Many were thrown into circumstances that took them completely out of their comfort zone and compelled them to take a stand or fight a battle they undoubtedly expected someone else (presumably a man) to handle for them. Their remarkable honesty freed me to be honest about the complexities of being a woman in a man's world and more importantly, to be truthful regarding the state of my own heart before God.
Time after time, they put God to the test, and He displayed the greatness of His heart for women in powerful ways I'd never noticed before. Under their tutelage I learned God has a larger vision for women than I realized, a vision that encompasses the vast diversity of all our lives and that calls us to be more. It was clear, as I believed all along, that the Bible strongly affirms our significance as wives and mothers, but I was stunned to learn God values us just as much when our lives follow other paths. Their stories gave me the freedom to embrace the life God was opening up for me.
My excitement over what I was finding was tempered by a sense of grief that the strong voices of women in the Bible are silent at a time when women inside and outside the church are searching for answers that can withstand the pressures and challenges confronting us today. Crucial dimensions of the ancient stories have been muted, forgotten, or passed over. It made me thankful, in a strange sort of way, that I got lost and had to search for answers myself. As I studied, I discovered I was part of an exciting trend in biblical studies that is galvanizing the study of women in the Bible and recovering the Bible's lost message for women.
**I'm excited to read this book...
I was lost and I didn't know it. I was the pastor's daughter and literally grew up in church. "Lost" was the last word I would have used to describe myself. I belonged to Jesus. I was in the fold-one of the "found" ones. I knew my way around the Bible, felt at home in the church, and had a clear sense of my calling as a woman. I knew where I was going in life. But I got lost along the way.
The only girl in a family of four children, I, like most of my friends, was raised by loving parents to become a wife and mother. My life plan was clear. I would be the next in a long line of women devoted to husband, home, and hearth, volunteering countless hours of ministry in the church. Everything I heard and observed within the church and read in books addressed to young Christian women reinforced these ideas. Nearly all of the women I knew walked the church's center aisle and said "I do" to marriage and motherhood. This was God's purpose for women-a plan as old as the Garden of Eden- the plan He unveiled when He created Eve to be Adam's wife and helpmeet. And then I got lost.
Wedding bells didn't ring for me after four years at a Christian college. Unlike many of my friends, I graduated without an engagement ring and no prospective husband on the horizon. In my heart, I held into the belief that marriage and family were God's destiny for me. Then one year turned into ten, and I never felt so lost.
As the decade rolled agonizingly by, I entered into the workforce, earned a seminary degree, and set up an apartment for one. This wasn't the life I expected. I felt lost as a woman and bewildered about God. What had gone wrong? Had he forgotten me? I played by the rules, dated only Christians, wasn't wild or rebellious, read my bible, prayed and faithfully served the church. Yet, instead of building my life around a husband and children, I was on my own, protecting and providing for myself. Who was I as a woman and what was my purpose in life if I never married or had a family? Had I misread the Bible's teaching about women or was something wrong with me?
God was challenging my ideas of him, something he continues to do to this day. But there was another side to my struggle that took longer for me to engage, for he was also challenging my ideas about myself with basic questions that might never have troubled me if my life had unfolded according to plan. What does it mean to be a Christian woman? Is there a right way and a wrong way (or a best way) for a woman to walk with God? What are we supposed to do when our lives don't follow the map, either because we march to the beat of a different drummer or, as in my case, things simply don't work out? Do we, as one woman put it, "miss the best life has to offer a woman"? Or, what if we marry and have children and then something goes wrong- we lose our husband or our children don't turn out right? What then? Has our womanhood fallen short?
Some might expect those questions to go away after marriage, but when I got married, they didn't. As a matter of fact, a whole new set of questions emerged. Instead of allowing me to pick up where I left off after college and settling me into the role of stay-at-home wife and mother, God worked through my husband and circumstances we faced together to challenge my paradigm even more.
My husband appreciated a fine meal as much as any man. But he wanted more of me than cooking, cleaning house, and raising kids. He wanted (he says "needed") the experience and knowledge I brought into our marriage. He sought and valued my interaction in his work, my counsel in his decisions, and my collaboration in tackling the problems that came our way. He wanted a partner, not a dependent. Instead of rendering my career temporary, unnecessary, or possibly a threat, marriage gave my vocation, gifts and contributions a new sense of mission.
During those early years of marriage, we battled against infertility and lost. God gave me marriage (albeit a little late in the game), now motherhood seemed out of reach. Fortunately what I had learned about God through my earlier struggles as a single saved me from another spiritual nosedive. I discovered later, God has more than one way of creating families. Still, according to the biblical model, I was doomed to miss out on childbirth, which many believe is the point in life when a woman experiences her highest sense of self-fulfillment. I had run head-on into one of the major threats to a woman's identity that is exacerbated, not relieved, by prevailing Christian views on how a woman finds fulfillment and meaning in life.
Many of the churches we attended were inquisitive and eager to employ Frank's gifts, but showed no interest in mine. I'm embarrassed to admit this didn't bother me at first. I thought this was how things were supposed to work. My husband was the focus of attention now and my job was to promote and encourage his ministries. He couldn't have disagreed more. He was interested in my calling as a Christian too and challenged me to develop and use my gifts. Certainly, if we take seriously the New Testament statements about the Holy Spirit giving spiritual gifts to each member of the body of Christ, then every believer who crosses the church's threshold is bearing vital gifts for our spiritual welfare.
With Frank's urging, I ventured out into new territory both in my computer career and in ministry, where I discovered gifts and abilities I didn't know I had and certainly never expected to use. I was learning, growing, and flourishing. We worked together to nurture and raise our daughter, along with tackling the challenges of work and ministry that God brought our way. Our marriage relationship was richer than anything I could have imagined. God opened amazing opportunities for us both, and we marveled (still do marvel) at how he was weaving our lives together at so many different levels.
Looking back, I wouldn't change places with anyone. Still, whenever I consult the traditional blueprint, pr something someone says reminds me I'm out of step, that old lost feeling returns with force. The truth is, I'm not a typical wife, I don't have a typical family and my marriage isn't typical either. God gave me my heart's desire-a husband and a daughter- but in ways that shook up all my preconceived Christian categories.
Its a terrible thing to admit, but I had to lose my way before realizing how many other women feel lost too. Everywhere I go I find women struggling because their lives turned out differently than they expected. What are we to do when we don't or can't fit into the mold? Or when in public we look like we have perfect lives but behind closed doors its a sham? And what about the gifts God entrusted to us? Does he intend for is to use them or will they get us into trouble? No matter what view we take on debates over Christian womanhood, we want to know how to live faithfully as followers of Jesus Christ. We don't want to waste our lives.
The ground has shifted under women today. We are not living in the world of our mothers and grandmothers. Ans our daughters' world will be different from ours. Like generations before us, most of us are wives and mothers. However, many of us-more than ever- are alone, not simply through the death of a spouse but often because we never married or are divorced. Many are single parents. We are better educated and have more career opportunities than any previous generation.
As Christian women, however, we face a conundrum. When we look at what the church is saying about women in contrast to the message coming to us from contemporary culture and from circumstances we can't control, it seems that either we are out of step or the bible is. Given the vast opportunities, demands, and realities we face, not to mention our differing gifts and personalities, the Bible's message for women seems to be wooden and strangely limiting. The pattern for women handed down to us in the church simply doesn't fit all sizes and shapes that women come in these days.
A whole wave of talented women who are valued and sought in the workplace for their training, expertise and leadership skills are walking away from the church because it seems uninviting to them. Tragically, the message they're picking up is that the church will clip their wings and has nothing hopeful to offer them. Even those of us who stay- women deeply committed to the church- are baffled when the church doesn't always seem to make the best use of (or even show interest in) the gifts and talents we offer.
Today when we pick up our Bibles, we want to know how to be better wives and mothers. But we have other questions too. We want to know what the bible says to those of us whose lives don't follow the traditional formula. Is there only one biblical track for women, or does God intend to take delight in our great diversity? Are women second-class citizens in God's family, or does He value us as much as he does our husbands and brothers? Does God have large purposes for his daughters, or does His word limit our options? Is the Bible relevant for women in the third millennium, or have we outgrown its message? I am not a prophetess, but I suspect even women who do not struggle with these questions for themselves will in time be asking them (along with a lot of men) for the sake of their daughters.
If there's any truth to the notion that Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, its undoubtedly in a woman's readiness to stop and ask for directions as soon as she realizes she's lost. That so called female instinct drove me back to the Scriptures with my questions to look again at the women in the Bible to see if they had any wisdom for me today. Changing winds of culture, long held traditions of the church, private opinions, and impassioned arguments concerning women must, in the final analysis, yield to the authority of God's Word. Little did I expect to find that the women in the Bible felt lost too.
Admittedly, their stories (which I thought I knew as well as my own) didn't offer much help to me at first. Most of them seemed out of touch with my circumstances and the struggles women are facing today. These women in the Bible had some painful struggles, but unlike many so many of us, their lives almost always turned out well in the end. Furthermore, their stories usually followed the wife and mother model and reinforced the idea that God prefers to do His most important work through men. Still, a lot of things weren't adding up.
Looking closer, I began to see many women who, like me, didn't fit neatly into the traditional paradigm. Strong women like Tamar, Rahab, Deborah, Jael, Priscilla, and Junia have always posted problems for interpreters because biblical writers clearly admired these women and held them up as outstanding examples of godliness even though their conduct broke with the accepted convention. They were daring, took initiative, and courageously exercised leadership, even in their interactions with men. To resolve the conflict this poses, biblical interpreters often downsize their contributions to leave a more "suitable" impression or else reclassify them as "exceptions", thereby removing their portraits from the gallery of acceptable role models for Christian women. (In the case of Jael, I must admit driving a peg through a man's head probably is not a good Christian example. But even Jael has something important to say to us and deserves more careful study).
Upon closer inspection, I discovered many women in the Bible had trouble fitting into the wife-and-mother definition of what it means to be a woman. They clearly embraced traditional expectations and tried desperately to live within those parameters, but ultimately found it impossible. Naomi in the Old Testament and Anna in the New enjoyed ideal lives at one point, only to lose everything through the premature death of a husband. Sarah didn't become a mother until she was ninety, which was considerably worse than my experience of delayed motherhood and hardly any woman's dream. Hagar's and Esther's lives were hopelessly reconfigured- actually sacrificed- to serve someone else's agenda. Neither woman had a voice in events trampled underfoot her private hopes and dreams.
It is not often noted, but many stories of women in the Bible make no mention of husband or children. Although singleness was exceedingly rare in the ancient Hebrew culture, no one knows if Miriam, Mary and Martha, or Mary Magdalene ever married. In a jarring break from the culture (and without diminishing family), the New Testament anchors a woman's identity and purpose to her relationship with Jesus rather than her parentage, her marital status, or her children.
As I continued to study, new details emerged that brought fresh clarity to me as a woman. To my relief, I found I was traveling a well-beaten path. Women in the Bible were quite familiar with roadblocks, disappointments, and feeling lost. They knew what it was like to hit bottom when their lives veered off in unexpected directions or when they didn't seem to count for much in the eyes of others. They were honest disclosures of anger, frustration, doubts about God, and deep insecurities about themselves. Many were thrown into circumstances that took them completely out of their comfort zone and compelled them to take a stand or fight a battle they undoubtedly expected someone else (presumably a man) to handle for them. Their remarkable honesty freed me to be honest about the complexities of being a woman in a man's world and more importantly, to be truthful regarding the state of my own heart before God.
Time after time, they put God to the test, and He displayed the greatness of His heart for women in powerful ways I'd never noticed before. Under their tutelage I learned God has a larger vision for women than I realized, a vision that encompasses the vast diversity of all our lives and that calls us to be more. It was clear, as I believed all along, that the Bible strongly affirms our significance as wives and mothers, but I was stunned to learn God values us just as much when our lives follow other paths. Their stories gave me the freedom to embrace the life God was opening up for me.
My excitement over what I was finding was tempered by a sense of grief that the strong voices of women in the Bible are silent at a time when women inside and outside the church are searching for answers that can withstand the pressures and challenges confronting us today. Crucial dimensions of the ancient stories have been muted, forgotten, or passed over. It made me thankful, in a strange sort of way, that I got lost and had to search for answers myself. As I studied, I discovered I was part of an exciting trend in biblical studies that is galvanizing the study of women in the Bible and recovering the Bible's lost message for women.
**I'm excited to read this book...
Sunday, May 25, 2008
You don't have to be a missionary...
to serve the Lord. I think this is a very common mistake that a lot of people make...you are only truly giving your life to God if you are a missionary. I think that's crap.
In fact, this idea actually kinda makes me angry. First, because I know missionaries that aren't in it for serving the Lord. Let's be honest, in the Christian world, missions is glamorous. Other people supporting you so you can do what you want. Getting to travel the world, do things most people can only dream about...its not all that bad a gig. Now, as a full time missionary, I am fully aware of all the struggles and heartache that follow as well. But, that only follows the people that are really seeking to serve the Lord. It's unfortunate, but true...you can be a full time missionary and not really seek the Lord. Instead, you seek excitement and glory. Its no different than being a Christian singer. Plenty of them do it for the glory of God; and plenty do it for the glory of themselves.
I am tired of missionaries looking at support raising as "money raising". I need money to do what I want, and it is your Christian duty (as a less committed Christian, of course, because you aren't doing the hard work that I am) to support me. Do you ever feel like that? I really hope that I have never made my supporters feel like that, because that's not how I see it at all. But again, I know several missionaries that do.
Here is my perspective:
God is calling ALL of His people together to change the world. He wants hearts turned over to Him, and He is not going to stop until every knee bows and every tongue confesses. He wants me to be a part of that. He wants you to be a part.
I will use the example of my friend Catherine here to illustrate my point. Catherine is the reason I am a believer. She was bold and strong enough to share Christ with me when I didn't want to listen. Her parents took me to church and youth group every week until God broke through the thick wall around my heart and revealed himself to me.
Catherine is married with a BEAUTIFUL son and living in a nice home in Florida. She lives a very comfortable life. And, she is changing the world. She is changing Kensington. Not just with her financial contributions, but with her heart for the Lord. I have seen God do incredible things in Kensington, and she has been an integral part.
Do I love the Lord more than she does because I live in Kensington? Does the size or location of her home disqualify her from serving the Lord?
Or, does the Lord call people to suburbia? If He calls people to the ends of the earth...could that, maybe, include the wealthy as well as the poor? Could it be, and maybe I'm stretching a bit here, that God cares about ALL people, no matter their financial status? Just a thought...
I seem to remember the Apostles thinking salvation was only for the Jews, until God came in and showed them that salvation was for all. Did I make that up?
When I search the scriptures, I find tons of people that Paul and the Apostles meet along their way...people that supported them in every way...financially, emotionally and spiritually. They weren't traveling with the Apostles, but they were following God.
I could not survive on the mission field without Catherine, and so many others. They are an integral part of the body. I may be the hands and feet, but I would literally not know what to do without them seeking the Lord and providing me support and guidance. My supporters are the heart.
So, I guess I just want you all to know...whether you are upper, middle or lower class, or something in between; if you love the Lord, then I owe you a huge debt of gratitude. I am honored and humbled to be counted along side you as members of God's family; those chosen to share His truth and know His heart. Thank you for taking your place in the body...I would be useless without you.
(**Disclaimer...for those that pursue wealth above all, then you do have something to worry about. If your desire is wealth, you will be sorely disappointed. However, if your desire is God, and wealth has been one of God's blessings in your life...and why not, God did it for Job...then Praise the Lord!!)
In fact, this idea actually kinda makes me angry. First, because I know missionaries that aren't in it for serving the Lord. Let's be honest, in the Christian world, missions is glamorous. Other people supporting you so you can do what you want. Getting to travel the world, do things most people can only dream about...its not all that bad a gig. Now, as a full time missionary, I am fully aware of all the struggles and heartache that follow as well. But, that only follows the people that are really seeking to serve the Lord. It's unfortunate, but true...you can be a full time missionary and not really seek the Lord. Instead, you seek excitement and glory. Its no different than being a Christian singer. Plenty of them do it for the glory of God; and plenty do it for the glory of themselves.
I am tired of missionaries looking at support raising as "money raising". I need money to do what I want, and it is your Christian duty (as a less committed Christian, of course, because you aren't doing the hard work that I am) to support me. Do you ever feel like that? I really hope that I have never made my supporters feel like that, because that's not how I see it at all. But again, I know several missionaries that do.
Here is my perspective:
God is calling ALL of His people together to change the world. He wants hearts turned over to Him, and He is not going to stop until every knee bows and every tongue confesses. He wants me to be a part of that. He wants you to be a part.
I will use the example of my friend Catherine here to illustrate my point. Catherine is the reason I am a believer. She was bold and strong enough to share Christ with me when I didn't want to listen. Her parents took me to church and youth group every week until God broke through the thick wall around my heart and revealed himself to me.
Catherine is married with a BEAUTIFUL son and living in a nice home in Florida. She lives a very comfortable life. And, she is changing the world. She is changing Kensington. Not just with her financial contributions, but with her heart for the Lord. I have seen God do incredible things in Kensington, and she has been an integral part.
Do I love the Lord more than she does because I live in Kensington? Does the size or location of her home disqualify her from serving the Lord?
Or, does the Lord call people to suburbia? If He calls people to the ends of the earth...could that, maybe, include the wealthy as well as the poor? Could it be, and maybe I'm stretching a bit here, that God cares about ALL people, no matter their financial status? Just a thought...
I seem to remember the Apostles thinking salvation was only for the Jews, until God came in and showed them that salvation was for all. Did I make that up?
When I search the scriptures, I find tons of people that Paul and the Apostles meet along their way...people that supported them in every way...financially, emotionally and spiritually. They weren't traveling with the Apostles, but they were following God.
I could not survive on the mission field without Catherine, and so many others. They are an integral part of the body. I may be the hands and feet, but I would literally not know what to do without them seeking the Lord and providing me support and guidance. My supporters are the heart.
So, I guess I just want you all to know...whether you are upper, middle or lower class, or something in between; if you love the Lord, then I owe you a huge debt of gratitude. I am honored and humbled to be counted along side you as members of God's family; those chosen to share His truth and know His heart. Thank you for taking your place in the body...I would be useless without you.
(**Disclaimer...for those that pursue wealth above all, then you do have something to worry about. If your desire is wealth, you will be sorely disappointed. However, if your desire is God, and wealth has been one of God's blessings in your life...and why not, God did it for Job...then Praise the Lord!!)
Saturday, May 24, 2008
I am an Introvert...
If there was any doubt before, today has confirmed it...I am an introvert. I love my family and have throughly enjoyed spending time with them, but today I got some much needed alone time and I am feeling very refreshed.
I have suspected this for a while. When I meet with Pastor Bill and he talks about how much he despised living alone when he was single, I can't relate. I have very much enjoyed living alone for the past 2 years. In fact, while I LOVE Jen and am enjoying her as my roommate, I sometimes long for the house to myself again, even if just for a day. (This is a big area of difference for me and Jen. She is at home alone right now while I am in NC, and it is apparently torture for her. It would be heaven for me).
I love my friends and family and enjoy time with them, but after weeks of ministry and working hard, I usually find myself longing for a day away from people...with no phone or any way for people to get in touch with me.
So, today I took some time alone and loved every second of it. My parents live about 30 minuted from Greenville, NC which has a ton of shops, as well as a Starbucks and a Sonic. So, I borrowed my dad's car (which is where he keeps one of his guns...almost left with that in the front seat...not a good idea) and headed to Greenville. I got a little lost on my way, but finally made it and spent about 4 hours in Barnes and Noble (I have a book addiction...just yesterday I ordered 5 new books on Amazon and then today I buy 3 more at B&N....). I browsed, read and drank some Starbucks. I also did some window shopping at a few other places before I went home. Nothing too exciting, but a great day for me. I actually would love to do it again tomorrow...we'll see if I can do it without offending my parents.
I did spend the evening with my parents, we enjoyed watching "The Great Debaters" together (great movie). Oh and the most exciting part of the day...
MY PARENTS GOT A HOUSE!!!! We went and looked at a house yesterday that we all immediately fell in love with (it is literally my dream house). They decided to put an offer on it right away, and today that offer was accepted!! We are all in shock! They have been looking for MONTHS, and even put in several offers on another house. All of those offers were rejected and my parents were getting VERY frustrated (they were not unreasonable offers, the owner was just crazy). I am pretty sure God was behind the whole thing, though, because the house they got is MUCH bigger, with a MUCH bigger yard (my mom loves yard work), in a GREAT neighborhood...and it was cheaper!!
I really love the house, and my parents are planning on this being the last house they ever live in. I can't wait to spend holidays there, its literally the PERFECT retreat from the city! (It even has a porch swing!). Now I just need to talk them into installing a pool...
I have suspected this for a while. When I meet with Pastor Bill and he talks about how much he despised living alone when he was single, I can't relate. I have very much enjoyed living alone for the past 2 years. In fact, while I LOVE Jen and am enjoying her as my roommate, I sometimes long for the house to myself again, even if just for a day. (This is a big area of difference for me and Jen. She is at home alone right now while I am in NC, and it is apparently torture for her. It would be heaven for me).
I love my friends and family and enjoy time with them, but after weeks of ministry and working hard, I usually find myself longing for a day away from people...with no phone or any way for people to get in touch with me.
So, today I took some time alone and loved every second of it. My parents live about 30 minuted from Greenville, NC which has a ton of shops, as well as a Starbucks and a Sonic. So, I borrowed my dad's car (which is where he keeps one of his guns...almost left with that in the front seat...not a good idea) and headed to Greenville. I got a little lost on my way, but finally made it and spent about 4 hours in Barnes and Noble (I have a book addiction...just yesterday I ordered 5 new books on Amazon and then today I buy 3 more at B&N....). I browsed, read and drank some Starbucks. I also did some window shopping at a few other places before I went home. Nothing too exciting, but a great day for me. I actually would love to do it again tomorrow...we'll see if I can do it without offending my parents.
I did spend the evening with my parents, we enjoyed watching "The Great Debaters" together (great movie). Oh and the most exciting part of the day...
MY PARENTS GOT A HOUSE!!!! We went and looked at a house yesterday that we all immediately fell in love with (it is literally my dream house). They decided to put an offer on it right away, and today that offer was accepted!! We are all in shock! They have been looking for MONTHS, and even put in several offers on another house. All of those offers were rejected and my parents were getting VERY frustrated (they were not unreasonable offers, the owner was just crazy). I am pretty sure God was behind the whole thing, though, because the house they got is MUCH bigger, with a MUCH bigger yard (my mom loves yard work), in a GREAT neighborhood...and it was cheaper!!
I really love the house, and my parents are planning on this being the last house they ever live in. I can't wait to spend holidays there, its literally the PERFECT retreat from the city! (It even has a porch swing!). Now I just need to talk them into installing a pool...
Thursday, May 22, 2008
In North Carolina
I made it to North Carolina yesterday and so far I'm having a GREAT time! I got here yesterday afternoon; my dad picked me up at the airport (I'm SO glad I flew instead of driving 8 hours alone!). My dad and I went to lunch together and had a really great time.
I didn't get much sleep the night before I left Philly (thanks to my procrastination in packing and the 4 kittens), so I took a nice nap once I got to my parents' house. Then, to my wonderful surprise, my aunt and uncle came to visit and we all went to dinner together. I haven't seen them in a while and they are 2 of my favorite people in the world...they have been incredible supporters and encouragers of me throughout my life, so it was awesome to see them.
Today I honestly didn't do much of anything, which was really nice. When I got up, no one was home, so I spent some good time alone (which I really enjoy nowadays). My mom came home around lunch and she and I went and looked at some houses that my parents are interested in and then ran a few errands. I set up wireless internet at their house (mostly so I can use my own computer rather than theirs, haha) and discovered that life without TiVo is full of a lot of bad TV. Other than that, I just relaxed and loved every second of it. I do plan on getting some work done while I'm here, but I still have 4 more days to do that. :)
Tomorrow my mom and I are going to look at a few more houses, and I want to head to Greenville (about 30 minutes away) to do a little shopping and reading (they have a Starbucks there!). I also WILL go for a run by the water, if its the last thing I do! :)
My phone has also been ringing constantly from kids and teens calling wondering when I will be back. Its nice to be missed...but I'm not answering the calls. :)
I didn't get much sleep the night before I left Philly (thanks to my procrastination in packing and the 4 kittens), so I took a nice nap once I got to my parents' house. Then, to my wonderful surprise, my aunt and uncle came to visit and we all went to dinner together. I haven't seen them in a while and they are 2 of my favorite people in the world...they have been incredible supporters and encouragers of me throughout my life, so it was awesome to see them.
Today I honestly didn't do much of anything, which was really nice. When I got up, no one was home, so I spent some good time alone (which I really enjoy nowadays). My mom came home around lunch and she and I went and looked at some houses that my parents are interested in and then ran a few errands. I set up wireless internet at their house (mostly so I can use my own computer rather than theirs, haha) and discovered that life without TiVo is full of a lot of bad TV. Other than that, I just relaxed and loved every second of it. I do plan on getting some work done while I'm here, but I still have 4 more days to do that. :)
Tomorrow my mom and I are going to look at a few more houses, and I want to head to Greenville (about 30 minutes away) to do a little shopping and reading (they have a Starbucks there!). I also WILL go for a run by the water, if its the last thing I do! :)
My phone has also been ringing constantly from kids and teens calling wondering when I will be back. Its nice to be missed...but I'm not answering the calls. :)
Monday, May 19, 2008
What a weekend
I had a very very busy weekend! It started with Bonita's birthday celebration Saturday afternoon. We took her to lunch at the restaurant of her choosing, which turned out to be Red Lobster. (I told the kids that I would do something big for their 13th birthdays, which is why Linda got a sleepover this year. Next year will be Bonita's big party).
From there we were supposed to get L to her surprise birthday party at the church. We had a few hours to kill in between the two, so we all hung out at my house with the kittens.
We finally headed to the church to surprise L for her 16th birthday. She didn't suspect a thing and was so surprised! It was a really fun time and she was really blessed.
After the surprise party, my friend Chris decided to have a sleepover for the teens at her house. But, she wasn't going to be home until after midnight. Jen and I decided that it probably wasn't a good idea for the teens to be alone in a house all night, so we went to the party. :) (I didn't have my camera, so no pictures).
Bonita and Linda were invited as well as J, another preteen who is about to be a teen. It was really exciting to see the older girls mixing with the younger ones.
Jen and I left around 3 a.m. to go home and take care of the kittens. Unfortunately, the news after we left was not good. Apparently Linda and Bonita were acting up quite a bit and really frustrating the other girls (Chris was asleep and unaware of what was going on). It made me very sad to hear this, but I wasn't completely shocked. Bonita and Linda face such a battle (and they aren't the only ones). They know how to act, but whenever I am not around they don't always think to act right...cause at home they get away with a lot more...and are influenced by very different things.
The encouraging thing was what the teen who told me about Linda said. She was telling me how the girls were acting and she said, "I don't think they knew that we don't act different outside of church". How encouraging!!! I talked to several of the older girls after the sleepover and they all said it really showed them that they need to be focused on being role models and examples for the younger girls, as well as spend time with them and mentor them. So, while I was disappointed in how the girls acted, I'm excited that other teens are stepping up!!
Okay, and finally....the surprise you have been waiting for...
I got a van!! One of the families here in Philly got a new van, so they gave me their old one! Its perfect for getting around the city with tons of kids! I won't be taking any road trips in it, but with gas prices, I won't be taking many road trips anyway.
Thank you Jesus!
From there we were supposed to get L to her surprise birthday party at the church. We had a few hours to kill in between the two, so we all hung out at my house with the kittens.
We finally headed to the church to surprise L for her 16th birthday. She didn't suspect a thing and was so surprised! It was a really fun time and she was really blessed.
After the surprise party, my friend Chris decided to have a sleepover for the teens at her house. But, she wasn't going to be home until after midnight. Jen and I decided that it probably wasn't a good idea for the teens to be alone in a house all night, so we went to the party. :) (I didn't have my camera, so no pictures).Bonita and Linda were invited as well as J, another preteen who is about to be a teen. It was really exciting to see the older girls mixing with the younger ones.
Jen and I left around 3 a.m. to go home and take care of the kittens. Unfortunately, the news after we left was not good. Apparently Linda and Bonita were acting up quite a bit and really frustrating the other girls (Chris was asleep and unaware of what was going on). It made me very sad to hear this, but I wasn't completely shocked. Bonita and Linda face such a battle (and they aren't the only ones). They know how to act, but whenever I am not around they don't always think to act right...cause at home they get away with a lot more...and are influenced by very different things.
The encouraging thing was what the teen who told me about Linda said. She was telling me how the girls were acting and she said, "I don't think they knew that we don't act different outside of church". How encouraging!!! I talked to several of the older girls after the sleepover and they all said it really showed them that they need to be focused on being role models and examples for the younger girls, as well as spend time with them and mentor them. So, while I was disappointed in how the girls acted, I'm excited that other teens are stepping up!!
Okay, and finally....the surprise you have been waiting for...
I got a van!! One of the families here in Philly got a new van, so they gave me their old one! Its perfect for getting around the city with tons of kids! I won't be taking any road trips in it, but with gas prices, I won't be taking many road trips anyway.Thank you Jesus!
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