Disappointment isn't Real

Disappointment isn't real. We are only disappointed because we can only see so far into the future. If we could see what God can see...if we could see the outcome of all of our disappointments, would we ever really be disappointed?

We shouldn't be. At least, if the Bible is true then we shouldn't be. In the Bible, God tells us that He works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him. ALL things...even the disappointments. Does that change the way you see disappointments?

How disappointed was Joseph when he ran away from temptation, but was still thrown in jail? How disappointed was Joseph when the baker and the cup bearer promised not to forget him (after he basically saved their lives), and then, they forgot him?

Every single disappointment Joseph faced was necessary to put him in the position to be 2nd in command to Pharaoh...necessary to put him in the position to save an entire nation from famine.

How disappointed was Jesus when Peter, His trusted disciple, denied him 3 times? Even after Jesus warned him it would happen?!? How disappointed was Jesus when Judas, another TRUSTED disciple, traded His life for 5 pieces if silver? And again, this happened after Jesus warned him it would happen?!?

Yet, Peter's overwhelming sorrow from those denials led him to NEVER deny Christ again and to share the message and truth of Christ with thousands. Judas' betrayal...well, how necessary was that?!? That disappointment ultimately saved me from Hell.

God can see so much past what we can see. We never want to think of a loving God bringing disappointments into our lives, yet it only makes sense that He would.

Would any loving parent give their child everything they ever wanted? I should hope not.

As much as we don't want our children to suffer; we want even more for them to grow into strong men and women that seek to follow God no matter the circumstance. If that's what we want, then we have to let our children face adversity.

The truth is, everything in this world will eventually disappoint. So, by placing us in this world, has God set us up for failure?

I don't think so. Instead, I think God has set us up for Him.

Have you ever read the book of Job? Especially the last 400 chapters? Okay, maybe 400 is an exaggeration, but the majority of the end of the book of Job is God's answer to Job's big question of, "Why?". Job never doubts or curses God, but he does ask for some answers; why does he have to suffer so much? God's response is basically chapter after chapter of, "I'm God, that's why".

I have always read that to be basically the same as what I have heard from my parents for my entire life; "Because I said so" (And incidentally, I now say that way more often than I would ever admit). And the truth is, "because I said so" is a very valid response. God goes on for chapters reminding Job that He created the heavens and the earth, that He created every living thing, including every man on the earth. So, if He says so, then it should be so.

However, much like my response to my parents when I was a kid, God's answer of "because I said so" has never sat well with me. I accepted it...He is God for goodness sake...but I can't say I ever really liked it. Until tonight. Tonight, when I read it, not with my eyes, but with my heart. With a heart seeking to hear and understand God's heart. And tonight, everything changed.

The words did not change, not a single one. But, instead of hearing, "I created the heavens and the earth, so I can say how things go", I heard...

"I created the heavens and the earth, and I created them perfectly. I existed before time began and I will exist forever, even after this earth fades away. I thought of you before your parents were even born, and I have delighted in you forever. I know every flake of snow that falls from the sky just as well as I know every hair on your head. That is who I am. I know every time your heart beats, and everything that makes it flutter. I have every tear you have ever cried bottled up. I own the cattle on a thousand hills, so money does not trouble me. I know the hearts of man, so man I do not fear. I understand the inter workings of everything on earth, so nothing perplexes me. I know the beginning, the middle and the end of your story. I know where you have been and where you are going. You don't know what I have planned for you, but I know....so you have to trust me with every step. You have to trust the heartaches as well as the joys. I know you and I love you. That's why".

God placed us on this earth to join Him on a journey. Ironically, the journey is toward Him. I have always heard the phrase, "Its not the destination that matters, its the journey". In this case, God is both. God is good. All the time. All the time. God is good.

I may not ever get to see the positive result of every disappointment. I can't point to my lack of a date to my junior prom and say, "Now I see why that happened!". And believe me, there are plenty of other disappointments in my life that seem to have no explanation; yet every one has a purpose. Every single joy and disappointment in my life can be explained very simply:

"I know you and I love you. That's why".

I like that so much better than, "because I said so" :)

New Web Site!!

Hey Everyone! I only have a second, but I wanted to let you know that I have created a website all about me!! :) I have gotten several questions recently from people asking how they can share my ministry with others so, I figured that creating a website was the easiest way for people to meet me and get to know me and my ministry.

So, check it out, HERE!! Let me know if you have any questions, or suggestions!!

I'll write more soon! Thanks!

All or Nothing

I am very much an all or nothing kind of girl. If I'm into something, I am ALL in it. That may be why I don't really like dating (well, that and I don't see any biblical support for it). Dating is so in between. You can't get really invested in someone, but you have to be somewhat invested, and I just don't like to do that. I'm either all in, or I'm out.

I discovered this big time as I started running. I have been all in, and now I am tired. I'm learning to cut back...actually take a day or 2 off here and there so I can continue to enjoy running and not kill my body. Still, its very hard. I am constantly deciding whether to just quit, or run 2 miles. No in between...its sad.

This mentality has been a problem for me many times in my life, especially in ministry. You can't go "all in" all the time; you will burn out. But, I have to be involved; that's why I'm here. If I quit everything I couldn't be "all in" on, then I would just have to quit. Still, I tend to at least start out all in with everything. In fact, in those times of being completely in, I have found myself praying for some sort of illness so I can take time off without feeling guilty.

So, how in the world do I find the balance? Truth be told, I can tend toward the lazy side just as easily as I can tend toward to overworked. I don't think I know where the middle ground is. Most people who struggle with finding balance in their lives know what that balance looks like, they just don't know how to get there. I'm not even sure I know what that looks like.

My heart has been hugely burdened for Dario and Luis recently, a million times more than ever before. My heart actually aches for them. I have always loved them and prayed for them; but the burden I feel now is very new to me...and it makes me want to go all in. The fact that they are boys helps keep me from that, but not totally. I know I don't have the time and energy, or even the capability, to do what my head thinks I should...but I can't just do nothing.

The easy answer...and probably the one God is actually calling me to...is prayer. You can never go wrong with prayer. But, in my mind, prayer is something else to add to the balancing act. In my mind, prayer doesn't constitute "doing" something, so while I know I need to pray, I also feel like I need to do more. (Yes, my mind actually tells me that handing things over to God isn't enough!) So I need to find the time to pray and then "do" something; but not get too involved and overwhelmed. Ugh, I'm overwhelmed just reading that!!

I know the truth, I just don't walk in it. The truth is, prayer is actually "doing" the most important thing I could do. By praying I am allowing God to take complete control instead of me. Through prayer God may show me things that He is calling me to "do"; but those things are from Him. I don't have to plan or strategize, I just need to listen and obey. That is much easier, and actually calming...but pretty difficult for me.

So, my prayer request in this is two fold. First, PLEASE be praying for Dario and Luis. I really feel like they are both in a "spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" situation, and I can see the enemy playing on their flesh. I belive that God wants to do something amazing in both of them, and they need so much support and prayer!!

And along with that, please pray that I would just listen and obey. I don't want to stress or plan...I don't want to feel guilty or pressured. I want the peace that comes from KNOWING that God is loving and merciful and kind; and loves Dario and Luis more than I could ever imagine.

I want Jonah's faith. When God called Him to go to Ninevah and preach repentance, Jonah didn't want to go because he KNEW that the people of Ninevah would repent and follow God and he didn't want them to! (They were his enemies). I want that faith for Dario and Luis! I want to KNOW that God will turn their hearts toward Him. I want to say Jonah's words; "I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity".

My Philly Family

Church was so much fun yesterday! Dario came!! On his own!! He even went to Sunday School and seemed to enjoy that. I REALLY love him and the man that he is becoming and I loved having him at church. Unfortunately, I had a meeting after church that lasted way longer than I thought it was going to, so I didn't get to spend a lot of time with him after church, but I think he is coming to God Squad tonight. (Luis didn't come to church because he was doing something with his mom. He did come to Teen Club last week, though, and is planning to come to God Squad tonight, yay!).
Dario wants to get his drivers' license so I think I'm going to help him with that. He's actually a very good driver (I've taken him several times), but the written test is going to be a challenge. I know he can do it though!

Today has been a little less exciting. I spent my morning at truancy court again, this time with Linda. I was actually pretty proud of her by the end. Turns out she has already gotten herself into an after-school program at her school (her last report card was BAD!) and has been going every day...and her teachers said that her grades are improving. Also, the truancy summons was actually in regards to her attendance troubles last year (remember when I had to go to their house in the mornings and make them go to school??). This year, she only has 4 unexcused absences, which is really great. She does have way too many tardies, and so she still had to face punishment. But, the judge was very impressed with how far she has come on her own (the fact that she went to and passed summer school last year helped a lot as well).

So, Linda received almost the same "sentence" as Bonita. Linda is on daily report, has 37 hours of community service (Bonita has 35), and she can't miss a single day of school; nor can she be late AT ALL. That part will be a challenge for Linda, but she can do it. I am proud that she at least goes to school...but we all know she can do better.

I have been struggling a lot recently with all this, mainly because Linda's grades were pretty good when we had after-school, but they have dropped considerably since after-school ended. However, seeing her take responsibility for herself and her grades and asking for help herself (from someone other than me), has made me realize that God is still in complete control. And, has made me even more proud of Linda.

Bonita and Linda both have to go back in 30 days, and if everything is completed then their case will be closed. Linda and Bonita will both serve their community service at an after-school/enrichment program at Linda's school; which is good because they can keep each other accountable. This is the first year that they have been in separate schools, and I don't really like it...they are good for each other.

So, it wasn't a bad ending, but not my favorite way to spend the morning. I am still in high gear getting ready for Kids Club tomorrow night (I have no lesson plan or ideas, haha) as well as trying to keep up with everything else. I think this week is going to be busy mostly because its a new routine, but once I get into this routine I think I'll be okay. I'm excited about God Squad tonight and spending some great time with the teens.

I'm also shopping around for a van!!! I will lose my current car in June, and I have recently been overwhelmed with my need for a mini van in the city. I average 7 kids in my car on Tuesdays, same on Wednesdays and now I have at least 3 teens with me on Mondays and Thursdays...and Sundays it can range anywhere from 2 kids to 9. Plus, these "kids" are quickly growing up and few are actually "kid" sizes. Needless to say, my 5 passenger Volkswagen Jetta is pretty much cramped all the time. And obviously, its not the safest way to travel. Whenever possible I try and shuttle the kids in shifts, but that isn't always possible. So, I REALLY need a van to get me and these kids where we need to go!! I have been saving money for a while and I'm in the market. I want to take plenty of time to look around...and always leave the door open for God to simply provide me with a van. :) So, I'm not in any hurry, yet, but please be praying that God would show me the right van to get...I've never done this before and I have the huge potential to mess it up. I don't want to mess this up! :)

Things that Make Me Smile

Here are some fun things that have happened recently that just make me smile. I'm going to post these every once in a while because sometimes I need to be reminded to smile. :)

1) Abby (who is 1 year old) ran to me, arms out, to give me a hug.

2) A woman from the church called me yesterday to ask a quick question. Her daughter (who is 5 or 6) heard her say my name and immediately wanted to talk to me. The woman was convinced she had no idea who I was until the daughter said, "Yes I do, I see her at church all the time. She always talks to all the kids!" Her mom then put her on the phone and she proceeded to tell me all the times she sees me during the week and that she would see me again at church on Sunday.

3) Dario, Luis and Zuly came to Teen Club with me last night...and we all had fun.

4) I am now up to 5 different girls calling me in the last few weeks to inform me of when they got their first period. I know that sounds silly, but it makes me smile to think that they want to share something that personal with me.

5) I prayed with several girls at Teen Club who just wanted more God in their life...including 2 God's Girls.

6) I have many fans. :) One of the kids told me that the other day as I was surrounded by kids wanting to give me a hug.

The Worst Product EVER!!

I don't normally do this (or ever do this), but I am so dissatisfied and even horrified by this product that I have to share it with you. I found it at PetSmart a few weeks ago and it was the same price as my normal cat litter, so I decided to try it. Everything on the website seems to indicate this cat litter is good for the environment as well as my cat...and worked as well as any other cat litter. That, plus the fact that it wasn't any more expensive than my regular cat litter made it seem like a great idea. Well, it wasn't.

First, the litter doesn't clump, it just stays in a big wet pile stuck to the bottom of the litter box. (The package says you have to keep the litter at least 3 inches deep in order to prevent this. I had it close to 4 inches deep and still didn't get clumps). Needless to say, that was a pain, and very disgusting, to clean up. Secondly, while it does control odor pretty well after your cat uses the bathroom, cleaning is a different story. The combination of this litter with my cat's urine created a literally toxic smell as I was cleaning. You know how your nose and throat will burn when you are around a lot of bleach for too long? Well, this smell was worse. Seriously. It took me close to an hour to clean Gizmo's litter box because I kept having to walk away coughing from the smell.

I ended up having to scrape and clean the litter box completely just to get everything out of the box. I scrubbed the litter box like I would scrub my tub...which I also had to do after cleaning the litter box because my bathtub was the only place I could really clean the litter box. It was a mess and made me very angry.

So, if you are ever looking for an alternative to your regular cat litter...especially an environmentally friendly one...DO NOT choose Swheat Scoop. The crazy thing is, most of the reviews I find on line about Swheat Scoop are very positive. I'm not sure what they are doing that I'm not...but I would never recommend this product to anyone.