Does it matter what they think?

Do you care more about what people think of you, or about who you really are?

That was the question I asked Linda today, and it made me really examine myself. Linda got in a fight at school today and she spent a good amount of time trying to rationalize this to me. Apparently a boy in her class took her coat and book bag and threw them both in the trash, destroying both and taking all of her school supplies. Now, I can't fault her for being mad; I was mad listening to the story. I can also completely understand why that anger might send her into a fight. Lets be honest; had someone done that to me when I was 12...Let me put it this way, no one would have tried something like that on me when I was 12; everyone was too afraid of me. Shoot, I can't remember the last time I hit or even threatened someone, or even got extremely angry, yet most people still agree that I am not someone they want to mess with. (Okay, I can remember 2 times where I caused physical harm to someone, but both instances were men trying to get something from me that they are not allowed to have...so I don't think that really counts).

Still, I don't want Linda to be the 12 year old that I was. And while I can understand the anger, the fighting is still a problem. So, we talked through the situation and it finally came out that she didn't even fight the boy out of anger. She fought him because she knew if she just let it go, "everyone would talk about me". She fought him because she was concerned about what other people would think of her.

Linda is a beautiful, sweet, smart, and funny girl who really does love the Lord. That doesn't equal cool around here and that certainly won't get her respect. So, she has to make a choice. Will she be the woman God created her to be, or will she be the woman everyone else tells her she should be?

Its a little scary to me that she is finally at the place where she has to make that decision. And its even scarier that I have no control over that decision.

I am so thankful that I finally made the choice to be who God created me to be and not what I thought I should be. Yet, actually I am still constantly faced with that choice. Is the love and acceptance of God really enough, or do I need approval from others as well? Can I follow the voice of God in my heart even when it directly contradicts the voices all around me?

Can I trust in the one who loves me unconditionally, or will I settle for trying to please one who offers me love only momentarily?

What if they all do talk about me? What if they mock me and berate me? What if I am completely alone? Will I still chose Him, or the world?

Sometimes that's a really hard decision for me now; what would it have been like when I was 12? I didn't even try to make the right decision until I was 16...and I'm still just trying.

There was a baby in my house!!!!

I had the best weekend! My friend Catherine and her 7 month old son, Ephraim, came to visit me this weekend and we had a blast! It was the first time I have ever been around a baby for any extended period of time and I can tell you two things; I am absolutely in love with Ephraim, and I am absolutely in no hurry to have a baby of my own. :)

Gizmo, however, is apparently ready for me to have a baby in the house. He spent the entire weekend keeping an eye on Ephraim for us. Seriously! He was never far from the baby. If Ephraim was on the floor, Giz perched himself in a place where he could see the baby (notice the picture). When Ephraim would cry, Gizmo would come quickly to let us know...but even then had his eye on the baby. If Ephraim was crying and we didn't tend to him, Gizmo would wander to him and stick by him until one of us picked him up. By Sunday Giz was EXHAUSTED. :)

Catherine and Ephraim got to Philly in Friday and we spent Friday night with Linda (who is Catherine's Prayer Pal). Saturday was a very cold day so we decided to stay in for most of it. We ran a few errands (including a fun experience at a Philly grocery store on a Saturday afternoon; us and the rest of the city) and then Catherine cooked me gumbo for dinner. It was delicious and I have enough food for the week! Shera came over that night as well and we had a lot of fun. Ephraim was having some trouble by the middle of the day and didn't want to be away from mommy. That was, until I picked him up!! He and I played and laughed while we watched Catherine cook and it was great! He went to bed soon after Shera came, but didn't stay there. I don't think poor Catherine slept much all weekend (I apparently have a wonderful ability to sleep through screaming babies, sorry Catherine!). Poor Ephraim had been sick, wasn't at home with his normal routine, was surrounded by strange sounds and just didn't know what to do with himself. I still thought he was wonderful, but Catherine said he's usually even better than he was. Hopefully he (and Catherine) are getting a good nights sleep tonight!!

We were all exhausted by about 9:00 p.m. on Saturday and went to bed (after I took Shera home). We went to church Sunday morning but could only stay for worship before leaving to head to New Haven, CT. Ephraim was pretty fussy in the morning, until we got to church. Once he was surrounded by people, he was so happy!! He really enjoyed worship as well, which is a great sign! I have decided he is an extrovert. He was only fussy when we weren't around people. The minute he hit a crowd, he was in his element!!

The drive to New Haven took exactly 3 hours and was such an easy drive. We met Catherine's parents there and headed out to dinner with them along with her brother, John, and his girlfriend. The Siphers (Catherine's family) are my second family and are a HUGE blessing to me. It was really great to see them!! There are a handful of people in my life that really make it possible for me to be in Philly. Along with my parents, the love and support of the Sipher family keeps me going, and sane. They are the reason I am even a believer! They picked me up and drove me to church and youth group for years when I was a teenager and have supported me in everything I have done. I love them!!

After dinner we went to see John perform in his graduate recital. He is a trombone player about to graduate from Yale's Music School with a graduate degree. The recital was wonderful and he played amazingly...though I didn't understand most of the pieces he played. :) Catherine, Ephraim and I all spent the night in a hotel room (after Ephraim attended his first college party where we congratulated John and Ephraim immediately passed out, haha). I slept well (thanks to Karen Sipher's kind donation of ear plugs), but it appears Ephraim and Catherine didn't sleep as well. I really do hope they are both sleeping right now!

This morning, we pretty much got up, ate breakfast, packed and headed back to Philly. We hit some traffic on the way back, and I missed a turn in New Jersey which caused us to end up in Delaware, but we still got to the airport before Catherine's flight. We had to run into the airport with and quick goodbye and then it was back to life as usual for me. We didn't even get a picture of me with Ephraim, which is sad, but at least I have some pictures. Besides, Catherine has pictures of Ephraim's first everything, so there is no shortage of pictures from the trip. :)

It was a really fun trip, and so funny to see the differences in how our lives have turned out. Catherine and I have been friends for over 20 years (how crazy is that?!?) and I don't think either of us ever expected to be where we are now...and yet neither of us would want to be anywhere else. And, while I definitely want to have children of my own someday, for now I'm very content with being a surrogate aunt/friend to some of the greatest kids in the world (Ephraim, Paxton, Kyler...) :)

Some Great Things to Check Out...

I don't have much time to write, my best friend since first grade, Catherine, is coming tomorrow with her baby boy, Ephraim!! So, I have some cleaning to do. But, I wanted to quickly mention the 2 new links that I have added to my blog. Belle Tower belongs to my friend Shera. She is incredibly talented and is seeking to become a full time designer. She does home interiors as well as many other things. She describes her line as a "sanctuary of southern style". I think she is amazing, and her product is amazing, so I had to share it with you!!

Little Bits is run by Carisa and her mom as a way to raise support for the Hinson family. Little Bits are baby, toddler and even mommy items created, designed and hand made by Carisa's mom. They have a ton of different items to choose from and you can customize every order! I have bought several things from Little Bits for different friends who have had babies (including Catherine), and I have LOVED everything! So, check out the site...and support the Hinsons!!!

Here is an example of things you will find at Little Bits:
I'll post post an example of Belle Tower products as soon as I can get a picture from Shera. In fact, many of her items are now being sold in stores in Philadelphia! We are heading over to VIX Emporium tomorrow to take pictures of her first store sales!

And...Number Three!

Tonight was the last Kids Club Christmas party. The 5 & 6 year olds had their party and it was, of course, so much fun! Because of Prayer Pals, I was only there for the second half of the party but it was still a blast. It was fun to see a bunch of kids that will be moving up to 7-10's Kids Club soon!

Other than that, today was a pretty uneventful day. If you look to the right you will notice that I have become an Amazon.com affiliate. Basically, if you click on my "widget" and get to Amazon.com and then order anything from them, Amazon will give me part of the profits!! Its not much and I don't expect to make a ton of money from it, but I figured it can't hurt. So, if you ever order from Amazon, just get there through my blog and you can help support me!!

I actually mainly joined because I love music, books, TV and movies and I love to share the things that I love! So, you can check out some of my favorite things. My music, TV and movie tastes might be a bit different from yours, but I would HIGHLY recommend all of the books that I have on my list (except maybe "Invisible Man", its pretty intense). I'll try to keep my list updated, so if you are ever looking for a good book, you can check it out!

Number Two

Today was a day of number twos. It was kids Christmas party #2 (the preteen party) and it was my second try at a Christmas Card picture. I liked the picture we took before, but it wasn't great, and I really wanted to get Mercedes in the picture (the newest addition to my clan). So, we tried again tonight. It didn't quite work out like I hoped...Let's start with the preteen party though.This party was really fun for me because I didn't really have to do anything. I just got to sit back and watch the kids have fun. I took 5 kids; Bonita, Linda, Pedro, Monique and Mercedes. They all had fun and got the presents they wanted.

I lost a dollar to Pedro at the party. I saw a spiderman football that I was sure he would pick, so I bet him $1 that I could guess what he would get. I told Mercedes my guess so she could prove that I was right. Unfortunately, I didn't see the Megatron Transformer on the stage, which is the gift he actually chose. I should have known better!! He and I have the same taste in toys. :)

I also didn't get a picture of Linda with her gift. She picked baby dolls that she can give to her niece, but she was too embarassed to have her picture taken with the gift...in case people thought they were for her. I didn't get a picture of her though; how beautiful is she?!?

I can't believe I didn't get a picture of Mercedes with her gift!!! We saw a sewing machine in the mix when we were setting up the presents and as soon as we saw the sewing machine, we knew she would LOVE IT! She was in the later group of kids to get to pick presents because she has only been coming to Kids Club for about a month. So, we kind of hid the sewing machine behind some other gifts hoping no one would pick it. It was still visible, just not right in front. :) One other girl expressed interest in it, but decided it wasn't really worth it since she doesn't know how to sew. So, Mercedes got it and she was SO excited. She is such a sweet and wonderful girl and I am so glad she is a part of my life now!!!

After the Christmas party we decided to attempt the Christmas picture again. Shera came along to take the picture for us. I piled everyone into my little Jetta and headed to Bonita and Linda's house. (I REALLY need a van!! Please pray with me that God would provide one! I regularly pile 6-9 people in a very small car meant to seat 5). It took us a while to locate Miguel, and we all actually had fun in the car in the meantime. We finally got everyone and lined up for the picture. We did get one picture in which everyone was looking at the camera and smiling...

I'm pretty sure I'm still going to use it...Miguel with his finger in his nose is pretty appropriate...that's just Miguel. Plus, I really like that you can see how tall Dario has gotten in this picture with him standing next to Linda (who is the same height as me).

I was completely exhausted today (that crazy party took a lot out of me), so I didn't get nearly as many errands done as I planned. My friend Catherine and her baby Ephraim are coming on Friday and I need to clean my house to at least make it presentable for them; as well as get the oil changed in my car, drop clothes off at the dry cleaners, pick up some Christmas presents, look up my 3rd great grandfather at the archives (for my mom), meet with Bill...and so on. I also have to figure out how to get a copy of my 2004 tax return. Virginia is claiming that I owe them taxes from that year, but I lived and worked (and paid taxes) in Pennsylvania that year. In fact, I haven't lived or worked in Virginia since 2002. Not only that, but VA is claiming that I owe almost $700 in taxes. I have never earned enough money to owe that much. Oh Virginia...

I have also decided that I want to take Dario, Luis, Bonita and Linda to my parents' house this summer. The boys ask about my dad all the time and I just think it would be a really fun trip. Especially since they are all older and much less high maintenance for me. Its months away, but I'm already excited about the trip!!! :)

It really IS the most wonderful time of the year!!!

Tonight was the Kids Club Christmas Party...and it was so wonderful!! I worked forever on the party, planning and stressing (and I had a ton of help!). In addition to organizing the evening, we also had a ton of set up to do, and some shopping. Yesterday we spent close to 4 hours setting up all the gifts, school supplies, etc. Praise the Lord for Shera, Denise and Patsy!! (And Pastor Andy who can pretty much do everything!) We bought our final gifts this morning and got the final touches done around noon. I was up pretty late last night getting things done (including my AIM stuff), so I decided to take a nap this afternoon. I ended up having a nightmare that the party went horribly and I had to leave it 3 times crying because things were so bad!! It was one of those dreams where I woke up and had to convince myself that it hadn't actually happened. Thankfully, the party went very well; nothing like my dream. I felt better after the party when Carisa and Bill (the Kids Club leaders before me) told me that tonight was the most stressful night of the year for them as well. The planning was absolutely worth it, though, everyone (including me!) had so much fun!!!

We had 93 kids in attendance!! Every one of them got to pick a toy...

a ton of school supplies...

a box of Frosted Flakes, some Handi Snacks and chap stik (we have some random stuff at our church!) :) Oh, and they all got a new sweatshirts. Aren't they cute?!?

I think most of the kids were very happy with their gifts. They got to pick their gift one at a time, the order was based on attendance. So, the kids who came the most went first, and on down. Even the kids that went at the end got really great gifts!

It was a much easier night for me in terms of kids tagging along. Usually I have 7 kids with me on a Tuesday night. However, 5 of them are preteens so I only had Miguel and Tasha with me tonight. Next year Miguel will be a preteen too, so it will just be me and Tasha! It did make things a lot easier to not have to keep up with as many kids before or after the party. I will be taking the other 5 to the preteen party tomorrow night, but I don't have any responsibilities at that party.

Finally, I have to share this with you. While we were setting up all the gifts I found one that perfectly describes my life...Its a bride...she comes with a ring bearer and flower girl ready to go...but no groom. :)

(If you want to see the rest of the pictures from the party, click here)