I know a lot of my blog entries focus around the after-school program, and unfortunately this one won't be any different. Its a huge part of my life, and a huge part of my prayer life right now as I continually seek God's direction in my life.
This week there is a group of college students here on a missions trip with AIM. They have been coming to after-school everyday, and it has been incredible. The after-school program, for the first time ever, is exactly what I envisioned it to be. Every kid has someone to help them with their homework and then play with them. Every child is getting love and attention. There is little chaos and there haven't been any fights this week. I have hardly had to do anything but love kids...and its been so wonderful!
The problem is, all of that is going to end soon. There is another group coming next week, which I am so excited about, but after that...its back to just me and the kids. Plus, all the pressure of coming up with new ideas, planning field trips, etc. is still all on me. Not to mention, I HAVE to be there every day. There is not a single day that I can decide not to go, and that's a lot for me.
One of the visiting college students asked me about my vision for after-school, and I had to honestly tell her I don't really have one. I had one, and a lot of my goals have been accomplished, despite the fact that the program has never really looked like I thought it would. But, I don't really have any idea where to go from here, and even if I went back to my original vision, I have no idea how to get there.
I do, however, have vision. In addition to poor education in terms of reading, writing and math, the Philadelphia schools are virtually void of the arts and physical education. I want to get the kids more involved in the arts...start a drawing and/or photography class. I want to push nutrition and physical activity so they can grow up healthy. So, maybe next year I will do that. Instead of after-school every day, I will have it 2 days a week. The other 2 days I could have a photography class and a physical education class. It would help get rid of the monotony and I could reach more kids (different kids could be involved in different activities). Plus, I think I could get help for the individual classes. Its much easier for people to commit to helping with one program that meets one day a week than it is to be a part of a 4 day a week program.
These are all just ideas, and I still have many months of praying and brainstorming to do. I don't know where God is taking me, but I can't help but wonder if this week is His way of showing me that He did give me the vision for after-school, and the vision has come to life (even if it is for a short time), but now its time to move on. I'm not good at letting go though...
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Blinders
I was driving on the highway today and I passed a trailer with some horses in it. I casually glanced over at them and noticed that they were wearing blinders. Trainers put those on the horses so that the horses can't look around and get spooked by their surroundings. As long as the horses look straight ahead and aren't distracted, the ride will be fine for them.
That got me thinking about the blinders that used to be on me, and how sometimes I wish I had them back. Recently I have been wanting to live in ignorance of the things going on around me...ignorance is bliss, so they say, and I want to live in bliss! Sometimes it seems like things were so much simpler before I had my blinders taken off. Before I knew what a homeless person caught in addiction really looked like. Before I knew the names and faces of children who don't know what it means to be loved. Before I saw the faces of people abandoned and forgotten. Before I knew what loneliness really meant. Things seemed much simpler then, and much more blissful.
As nice as the ride is for the horses, however, there is a lot that they miss out on when they are wearing their blinders. Today was a beautiful day in Philadelphia, and the skyline was absolutely captivating...but the horses missed it because their blinders kept them from seeing it. There were children laughing in the car in front of me, and the horses missed it. I didn't though. I don't have blinders, and as often as I get to see the ugly, I also get to see the spectacular.
So, I had to ask myself...do I really want blinders? Or, is it worth it to see (and even feel) the ugly so that I also get to see the beautiful? The answer is very easy...I do NOT want the blinders, and its absolutely worth it. The truth is, everything goes so much deeper that even what you see. For every homeless addict I meet on the street, there is a God who knows their every need and desire, and desires to take care of them. For every child that doesn't feel loved, there is a heavenly Father pursuing him/her with intense and undeniable love. For every person person who feels abandoned and forgotten, there is a God who has promised to NEVER leave or forsake them. For every lonely person, there is a God with them at every moment. There is a God who loves them...there is the God who IS love.
There is beauty all around me that I don't want to miss. Bonita and Linda dancing before the Lord and loving it. Miguel reading his bible the day he couldn't come to after-school, and then being so excited about what he read that he had to run and tell me all about it. Pedro making me a card and telling me that I am his best friend. The Lord meeting me in my most desperate moment of loneliness and telling me that He sees me.
The truth is that there is also beauty everywhere, even in the ugly, so to be blinded to anything, good or bad, is to be blinded to Christ. I don't want that. I want all of Him. I want to see and do and feel whatever it takes to receive all of Him. So Lord, keep my eyes focused on you. Help me to not get spooked by my surroundings, but please don't put blinders on me. I want to see everything...I want to see you.
That got me thinking about the blinders that used to be on me, and how sometimes I wish I had them back. Recently I have been wanting to live in ignorance of the things going on around me...ignorance is bliss, so they say, and I want to live in bliss! Sometimes it seems like things were so much simpler before I had my blinders taken off. Before I knew what a homeless person caught in addiction really looked like. Before I knew the names and faces of children who don't know what it means to be loved. Before I saw the faces of people abandoned and forgotten. Before I knew what loneliness really meant. Things seemed much simpler then, and much more blissful.
As nice as the ride is for the horses, however, there is a lot that they miss out on when they are wearing their blinders. Today was a beautiful day in Philadelphia, and the skyline was absolutely captivating...but the horses missed it because their blinders kept them from seeing it. There were children laughing in the car in front of me, and the horses missed it. I didn't though. I don't have blinders, and as often as I get to see the ugly, I also get to see the spectacular.
So, I had to ask myself...do I really want blinders? Or, is it worth it to see (and even feel) the ugly so that I also get to see the beautiful? The answer is very easy...I do NOT want the blinders, and its absolutely worth it. The truth is, everything goes so much deeper that even what you see. For every homeless addict I meet on the street, there is a God who knows their every need and desire, and desires to take care of them. For every child that doesn't feel loved, there is a heavenly Father pursuing him/her with intense and undeniable love. For every person person who feels abandoned and forgotten, there is a God who has promised to NEVER leave or forsake them. For every lonely person, there is a God with them at every moment. There is a God who loves them...there is the God who IS love.
There is beauty all around me that I don't want to miss. Bonita and Linda dancing before the Lord and loving it. Miguel reading his bible the day he couldn't come to after-school, and then being so excited about what he read that he had to run and tell me all about it. Pedro making me a card and telling me that I am his best friend. The Lord meeting me in my most desperate moment of loneliness and telling me that He sees me.
The truth is that there is also beauty everywhere, even in the ugly, so to be blinded to anything, good or bad, is to be blinded to Christ. I don't want that. I want all of Him. I want to see and do and feel whatever it takes to receive all of Him. So Lord, keep my eyes focused on you. Help me to not get spooked by my surroundings, but please don't put blinders on me. I want to see everything...I want to see you.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Long Time No See!
Wow, I am usually much better about keeping up with this! Things have been so busy over the last week, every time I sat down to try and write, something would come up and I would forget to go back to it. Things are going well though, let me see if I can recap for you. :)
Kids Club is still going really well with the Mystery Suspect. I am so surprised by how popular this has become, and I am just praying that it will continue. We eliminated another suspect last week, but we told the kids that they were going to have to come to church on Sunday to find out who it was. (We have a bulletin board at church now with all the possible "suspects" pictures on it so we can X them off when they are no longer a suspect). Well, Carisa and I both forgot to update the board before Sunday morning, and when we got to church we found the bulletin board surrounded by kids wondering who was eliminated! We quickly fixed it, and the kids were excited to have another clue as to who it is. Many of them are pretty convinced that I am the culprit, so I'm excited to eliminate myself in a few weeks, and shake things up a bit. (I still haven't decided who the actual culprit is, haha).
Wednesday night was Prayer Pals and although the night went pretty well, Carisa and I realized that having all of our kids come on the same night just isn't going to work out anymore. We have close to 50 kids in the program now, and we are adding more all the time. The Hope House just isn't big enough for all of those kids, plus its a lot of chaos to control. We have been brainstorming solutions and we have decided to switch back to having it on 2 separate nights. I am sad that she and I won't be running them together (its too much for both of us to go on both nights), but it is what we need to do. I will keep Wednesday nights and Carisa is going to have hers on Sunday nights. We are going to try and split the "problem" kids as evenly as possible, so hopefully that will help as well. Plus, she is always available to help me on a night that I am short on leaders, and vice versa, so I think this will help everything run much smoother. We both love Prayer Pals so much, but it has become so stressful and so much work, we want to get back to having fun with kids!
Teen Club continues to be a challenge for me, but I am also enjoying it. Its nice to get to see a lot of the teens 2 times a week now, at God Squad and Teen Club. I think I'm building more relationships this way, and I like that. Dario came this week, and it was awesome to see him making steps on his own toward Christ. He is now significantly taller than me, and I can't handle that!
Friday was supposed to be my day off (as usual), but I got a phone call around 10 a.m. that Bonita was really sick and needed to go to the emergency room. So, I took her, her mom and Linda to the children's hospital and waited with them in the ER for several hours. We would have been seen faster, but we had to wait for a translator because her mom doesn't speak much English, and I don't speak much Spanish. We were finally seen around 5 p.m. and discovered that Bonita has strep throat. They gave her medicine and she is already feeling much better. The poor girl was so sad on Friday. I took Zuly and Linda to their skating lessons on Friday night and they again had fun. Bonita was upset that she had to miss them, but she needs the lessons the least anyway, haha.
Saturday turned out to be a really full day. I got up at 7 a.m. to go to worship practice. I left there to go to the gym (which I am still loving!). From there I headed to the AIM base to help Elizabeth out with some training. I was there until about 2, when I headed home to set up for a party I was having. One of the teens, "Missy", just got her braces off so we decided to have a party for her where we would eat all the foods that she wasn't allowed to eat when she had braces. It was a blast! We had about 10 people come and we laughed a lot, played Dance Dance Revolution, and ended up having several eating contests. As my friend Chris says, a good time was had by all. I kicked everyone out around 6, and I was exhausted! Joy came over after that and we just chilled for the rest of the night, which felt so good.
Sunday School was good, but pretty challenging yesterday. There are some days when the girls really seem to get it, and others when they seem to be somewhere else completely. Most of the girls, however, are at least trying to get it. There is one girl in our class that goes from trying to not caring and then back again, over and over. We love her SO much and want desperately for her to seek the Lord with all her heart, but she can be such a distraction sometimes. Yesterday was one of those times. I think the class went well over all though. We were talking about loving out enemies and I have an amazing life story about that. If it wasn't for my friend Catherine continually loving me, even when I made myself her enemy, I wouldn't be a believer today...I don't know where I would be. I was able to share with the girls how important it was to me that she loved me even when I was my worst, and how that changed my life. I hope they took something from that and will actually put it into practice. It was nice to hear that the girls couldn't even imagine me being mean to people...God can definitely do miracles!!
After church a group of us went out to lunch and it was so much fun! We laughed together a lot, which I have been missing for a while. Bonita and Zuly were the only 2 kids that went to church (the rest accidentally overslept), and they had fun too. Its very rare that I get to spend time with just a few kids at a time anymore, so I really cherished that time with them, especially Bonita. I can't remember the last time I got to hang out with just Bonita, or just Linda...or even just the two of them together. I really miss that. After lunch I picked up the other kids (Linda, Pedro and Miguel) and took them to basketball. I had so much fun watching them. Bonita must have thought she was in ballet class the way she was prancing around the court. It was hilarious watching Frankie try to get her to be aggressive. Pedro finally got hearing aids for his ears and he is already behaving so much better! I am sure a least some of his behavior struggles have been from his inability to hear when people are talking to him. So far he isn't embarrassed by them either, which is good. He is having surgery on March 27th, and he's pretty scared about it. Its actually given us a lot of good opportunities to talk about trusting in the Lord, and he is very receptive to what I say. He still has his struggles, but I am seeing him change slowly, and I am enjoying it. They played a game at the end of the practice and I was really impressed by how well they all played, and especially how they worked together with their teams (Bonita and Miguel were on one team with others, and Linda and Pedro were on another team). Miguel scored all the points that his team had, actually dribbling between a kids legs one time to get to the basket. I laughed so hard! It was great!!
I was exhausted last night, so I stayed in, cooked dinner and Alex and Frankie and I watched season 2 of "The Office" for several hours...which again made me laugh so hard! Alex is here visiting (she will eventually be my roommate whenever God opens the door fer her to move here) and its been really nice having her around. She is only here for a week, then she will lead an AIM trip here in Philly and then head back to Mississippi. She is in the process of support raising, and I am praying that God will speed it all up so she can get here soon!
I am still doing really well about getting up early and going to the gym, and I am still loving it. I need to get better about going to bed earlier, but I will get there. I'm not ready to run a marathon yet, but that's okay with me. At this point in my life, and in my workout, I am just seeking the strength to persevere and trying to build up endurance for the race ahead. My prayer recently has been that someday I would be able to really say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith". In fact, that verse is perfect for me now. Fight, endurance and faith...that's what I need so desperately...and I know only He can provide.
Kids Club is still going really well with the Mystery Suspect. I am so surprised by how popular this has become, and I am just praying that it will continue. We eliminated another suspect last week, but we told the kids that they were going to have to come to church on Sunday to find out who it was. (We have a bulletin board at church now with all the possible "suspects" pictures on it so we can X them off when they are no longer a suspect). Well, Carisa and I both forgot to update the board before Sunday morning, and when we got to church we found the bulletin board surrounded by kids wondering who was eliminated! We quickly fixed it, and the kids were excited to have another clue as to who it is. Many of them are pretty convinced that I am the culprit, so I'm excited to eliminate myself in a few weeks, and shake things up a bit. (I still haven't decided who the actual culprit is, haha).
Wednesday night was Prayer Pals and although the night went pretty well, Carisa and I realized that having all of our kids come on the same night just isn't going to work out anymore. We have close to 50 kids in the program now, and we are adding more all the time. The Hope House just isn't big enough for all of those kids, plus its a lot of chaos to control. We have been brainstorming solutions and we have decided to switch back to having it on 2 separate nights. I am sad that she and I won't be running them together (its too much for both of us to go on both nights), but it is what we need to do. I will keep Wednesday nights and Carisa is going to have hers on Sunday nights. We are going to try and split the "problem" kids as evenly as possible, so hopefully that will help as well. Plus, she is always available to help me on a night that I am short on leaders, and vice versa, so I think this will help everything run much smoother. We both love Prayer Pals so much, but it has become so stressful and so much work, we want to get back to having fun with kids!
Teen Club continues to be a challenge for me, but I am also enjoying it. Its nice to get to see a lot of the teens 2 times a week now, at God Squad and Teen Club. I think I'm building more relationships this way, and I like that. Dario came this week, and it was awesome to see him making steps on his own toward Christ. He is now significantly taller than me, and I can't handle that!
Friday was supposed to be my day off (as usual), but I got a phone call around 10 a.m. that Bonita was really sick and needed to go to the emergency room. So, I took her, her mom and Linda to the children's hospital and waited with them in the ER for several hours. We would have been seen faster, but we had to wait for a translator because her mom doesn't speak much English, and I don't speak much Spanish. We were finally seen around 5 p.m. and discovered that Bonita has strep throat. They gave her medicine and she is already feeling much better. The poor girl was so sad on Friday. I took Zuly and Linda to their skating lessons on Friday night and they again had fun. Bonita was upset that she had to miss them, but she needs the lessons the least anyway, haha.
Saturday turned out to be a really full day. I got up at 7 a.m. to go to worship practice. I left there to go to the gym (which I am still loving!). From there I headed to the AIM base to help Elizabeth out with some training. I was there until about 2, when I headed home to set up for a party I was having. One of the teens, "Missy", just got her braces off so we decided to have a party for her where we would eat all the foods that she wasn't allowed to eat when she had braces. It was a blast! We had about 10 people come and we laughed a lot, played Dance Dance Revolution, and ended up having several eating contests. As my friend Chris says, a good time was had by all. I kicked everyone out around 6, and I was exhausted! Joy came over after that and we just chilled for the rest of the night, which felt so good.
Sunday School was good, but pretty challenging yesterday. There are some days when the girls really seem to get it, and others when they seem to be somewhere else completely. Most of the girls, however, are at least trying to get it. There is one girl in our class that goes from trying to not caring and then back again, over and over. We love her SO much and want desperately for her to seek the Lord with all her heart, but she can be such a distraction sometimes. Yesterday was one of those times. I think the class went well over all though. We were talking about loving out enemies and I have an amazing life story about that. If it wasn't for my friend Catherine continually loving me, even when I made myself her enemy, I wouldn't be a believer today...I don't know where I would be. I was able to share with the girls how important it was to me that she loved me even when I was my worst, and how that changed my life. I hope they took something from that and will actually put it into practice. It was nice to hear that the girls couldn't even imagine me being mean to people...God can definitely do miracles!!
After church a group of us went out to lunch and it was so much fun! We laughed together a lot, which I have been missing for a while. Bonita and Zuly were the only 2 kids that went to church (the rest accidentally overslept), and they had fun too. Its very rare that I get to spend time with just a few kids at a time anymore, so I really cherished that time with them, especially Bonita. I can't remember the last time I got to hang out with just Bonita, or just Linda...or even just the two of them together. I really miss that. After lunch I picked up the other kids (Linda, Pedro and Miguel) and took them to basketball. I had so much fun watching them. Bonita must have thought she was in ballet class the way she was prancing around the court. It was hilarious watching Frankie try to get her to be aggressive. Pedro finally got hearing aids for his ears and he is already behaving so much better! I am sure a least some of his behavior struggles have been from his inability to hear when people are talking to him. So far he isn't embarrassed by them either, which is good. He is having surgery on March 27th, and he's pretty scared about it. Its actually given us a lot of good opportunities to talk about trusting in the Lord, and he is very receptive to what I say. He still has his struggles, but I am seeing him change slowly, and I am enjoying it. They played a game at the end of the practice and I was really impressed by how well they all played, and especially how they worked together with their teams (Bonita and Miguel were on one team with others, and Linda and Pedro were on another team). Miguel scored all the points that his team had, actually dribbling between a kids legs one time to get to the basket. I laughed so hard! It was great!!
I was exhausted last night, so I stayed in, cooked dinner and Alex and Frankie and I watched season 2 of "The Office" for several hours...which again made me laugh so hard! Alex is here visiting (she will eventually be my roommate whenever God opens the door fer her to move here) and its been really nice having her around. She is only here for a week, then she will lead an AIM trip here in Philly and then head back to Mississippi. She is in the process of support raising, and I am praying that God will speed it all up so she can get here soon!
I am still doing really well about getting up early and going to the gym, and I am still loving it. I need to get better about going to bed earlier, but I will get there. I'm not ready to run a marathon yet, but that's okay with me. At this point in my life, and in my workout, I am just seeking the strength to persevere and trying to build up endurance for the race ahead. My prayer recently has been that someday I would be able to really say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith". In fact, that verse is perfect for me now. Fight, endurance and faith...that's what I need so desperately...and I know only He can provide.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
God Squad ROCKED!!!
Last night was possibly the best night I have ever had at God Squad. God answers prayer! :)
Last week's God Squad was not good and actually very frustrating for me. I had a hard time getting the girls to respect me as a leader all evening. Then, when we had our small group time I couldn't get them to pay attention and very few of them shared anything at all. I honestly felt like it was a big waste of time.
So, I spent some time yesterday during the day praying for God Squad. I am not afraid to call the girls out, but I didn't want to alienate them or be angry and rude. I prayed that God would prepare the girls' hearts to share and learn, and that He would give me the words to say.
At God Squad, we are getting a crash course in the bible and Andy is doing an amazing job of going through and teaching the main points that we need to learn. We are almost finished with Genesis and last night learned about Abraham. At the end of each lesson we have several discussion questions that we are to go over in our small groups. There are always different routes that we can go, and last night God directed our path.
The conversation in our small group started with us talking about things that are hard for us to sacrifice. For some of the girls it was music, others it was their time. I don't know exactly how it happened, but we eventually worked our way around to what happens when God asks us to do something to show Him our faithfulness (like He did with Abraham and Isaac), and we choose to be unfaithful. We talked about the time that Jesus called Peter out on the water where He was walking. At first Peter was faithful and he was able to walk on water. However, he soon lost his faith, saw the waves crashing around him and started to sink. The awesome part of that story is that Jesus' reaction was to reach out His hand and pull Peter up out of the water. He didn't let Peter struggle and almost drown, He immediately pulled Him out of the water.
So, I asked the girls to tell me about a time when they felt like Peter. That's when the spirit of God came and just blew me away! Two of the girls shared about what it was like when their fathers died. Another shared how angry she was at God when her mom was taken to jail and she and her sister were taken away. Another shared how hard it was for her to not get accepted to the college she wanted to go to. One girl shared how angry she was when she had to move away from her friends and the only family she really knew...and how that anger didn't go away for a while. The last girl to share was one that I can never get to talk. She is an amazing girl, but isn't very open in our small group time. She shared how angry she had been at God when her brother went off to the Navy. I shared about how I yelled at God when my brother got sick and went into a coma. Everyone was so open and honest, it was amazing!
From there we talked about why the Lord had allowed all of those things to happen. Every single one of us could explain specifically how God had used those difficult times to draw us closer to Him. The 2 girls that lost their fathers had both turned away from the church for a while before their fathers' deaths. The loss of their fathers left them no other place to turn but back to the Lord. The girl whose mother is in jail shared how she never wanted to step foot into a church until she was so broken from the loss of her mom. The girl who had to move shared how she has seen God strengthen her through the tough time of being away. The girl who wasn't accepted to her college had decided that she didn't need church anymore when she started applying to colleges. It wasn't until she didn't get accepted that she realized she still needs God. The girl who's brother went away to the Navy learned so much about herself and her relationship with the Lord, and she is so much stronger now because of what happened. I went through a really rough time with the Lord, but came out of it finally being able to truly say in my heart, "Lord, your will be done".
But wait! There is an even happier ending to all of this! Where are these girls now? The two that lost their earthly fathers now know their heavenly father in an amazing and intimate way. The girl who's mother was in jail...her mom is getting out soon and wants to go to church with her daughter. The girl who had to move...God brought her back to an incredible family and group of friends that love her so much. The girl who's brother went away to the Navy...he finished his tour of duty, got married, and now he and his wife live just down the street from her. The girl who didn't get into college...she is taking classes at Community College next year and will then get to transfer to the school she wants. And me, well my brother survived, is healthy and getting married this summer!
Last night was amazing. God actually allowed us to see His faithfulness to each of us. Everyone was open and honest, and we saw the goodness of the Lord in each of our lives. I really pray that this openness will continue...please pray with me that God will continue to move in such amazing ways!! Thank you Jesus!
Last week's God Squad was not good and actually very frustrating for me. I had a hard time getting the girls to respect me as a leader all evening. Then, when we had our small group time I couldn't get them to pay attention and very few of them shared anything at all. I honestly felt like it was a big waste of time.
So, I spent some time yesterday during the day praying for God Squad. I am not afraid to call the girls out, but I didn't want to alienate them or be angry and rude. I prayed that God would prepare the girls' hearts to share and learn, and that He would give me the words to say.
At God Squad, we are getting a crash course in the bible and Andy is doing an amazing job of going through and teaching the main points that we need to learn. We are almost finished with Genesis and last night learned about Abraham. At the end of each lesson we have several discussion questions that we are to go over in our small groups. There are always different routes that we can go, and last night God directed our path.
The conversation in our small group started with us talking about things that are hard for us to sacrifice. For some of the girls it was music, others it was their time. I don't know exactly how it happened, but we eventually worked our way around to what happens when God asks us to do something to show Him our faithfulness (like He did with Abraham and Isaac), and we choose to be unfaithful. We talked about the time that Jesus called Peter out on the water where He was walking. At first Peter was faithful and he was able to walk on water. However, he soon lost his faith, saw the waves crashing around him and started to sink. The awesome part of that story is that Jesus' reaction was to reach out His hand and pull Peter up out of the water. He didn't let Peter struggle and almost drown, He immediately pulled Him out of the water.
So, I asked the girls to tell me about a time when they felt like Peter. That's when the spirit of God came and just blew me away! Two of the girls shared about what it was like when their fathers died. Another shared how angry she was at God when her mom was taken to jail and she and her sister were taken away. Another shared how hard it was for her to not get accepted to the college she wanted to go to. One girl shared how angry she was when she had to move away from her friends and the only family she really knew...and how that anger didn't go away for a while. The last girl to share was one that I can never get to talk. She is an amazing girl, but isn't very open in our small group time. She shared how angry she had been at God when her brother went off to the Navy. I shared about how I yelled at God when my brother got sick and went into a coma. Everyone was so open and honest, it was amazing!
From there we talked about why the Lord had allowed all of those things to happen. Every single one of us could explain specifically how God had used those difficult times to draw us closer to Him. The 2 girls that lost their fathers had both turned away from the church for a while before their fathers' deaths. The loss of their fathers left them no other place to turn but back to the Lord. The girl whose mother is in jail shared how she never wanted to step foot into a church until she was so broken from the loss of her mom. The girl who had to move shared how she has seen God strengthen her through the tough time of being away. The girl who wasn't accepted to her college had decided that she didn't need church anymore when she started applying to colleges. It wasn't until she didn't get accepted that she realized she still needs God. The girl who's brother went away to the Navy learned so much about herself and her relationship with the Lord, and she is so much stronger now because of what happened. I went through a really rough time with the Lord, but came out of it finally being able to truly say in my heart, "Lord, your will be done".
But wait! There is an even happier ending to all of this! Where are these girls now? The two that lost their earthly fathers now know their heavenly father in an amazing and intimate way. The girl who's mother was in jail...her mom is getting out soon and wants to go to church with her daughter. The girl who had to move...God brought her back to an incredible family and group of friends that love her so much. The girl who's brother went away to the Navy...he finished his tour of duty, got married, and now he and his wife live just down the street from her. The girl who didn't get into college...she is taking classes at Community College next year and will then get to transfer to the school she wants. And me, well my brother survived, is healthy and getting married this summer!
Last night was amazing. God actually allowed us to see His faithfulness to each of us. Everyone was open and honest, and we saw the goodness of the Lord in each of our lives. I really pray that this openness will continue...please pray with me that God will continue to move in such amazing ways!! Thank you Jesus!
Friday, February 16, 2007
Ruth and Me
Today was my day off, and I actually took a day off! Other than driving the girls to their first ice skating lesson, I didn't do anything for anyone today. I just did what I wanted. I hope its okay that I liked that. :)
So, I have been reading the book of Ruth and I have learned SO much! Its a short book, but I can't seem to get all the way through it. I have read it before, and I still have a lot of questions about her and Boaz and how it all happened, but that's not the point right now. I started reading the book and found myself identifying with Ruth in so many ways. In fact, I kind of started envisioning myself as Ruth. All of the circumstances of her life are different from mine, but I think Ruth is a lot like me. At least, I want to be like her.
The book of Ruth doesn't tell us a whole lot about Ruth, so a lot of what I am going to say comes from what I think as I read about her. I am also reading the book "Unshaken" by Francine Rivers. "Unshaken" is the book of Ruth told as a story. It is based completely on scripture, but extra dialogue and characters are added to make it more of a story. That book is also helping me a lot in really learning about Ruth.
Ruth was a Moabite, not an Israelite. She was not one of God's chosen, and knew very little about the God of Israel. What she did know came from Naomi, her mother-in-law. For some reason, Ruth believed all the stories she heard about God. She trusted in "Naomi's God" without questions...she knew He was everything she had heard He was. At a very young age, Ruth's husband died. This was after her father-in-law and brother-in-law had also passed away, leaving 3 grieving widows in one family, with no husbands or sons to care for them. The easiest thing for Ruth to do at this point would have been to go back to her father's house, find another husband and live a good life. She was still young and able to have children, and logic said that in order for her to ever marry and have children, she needed to go back to her father. Her sister-in-law was in the same position as Ruth, and she chose to go back.
That was not an option for Ruth though. Not only did she feel incredible loyalty to her mother-in-law, she knew that she had to follow the God of Israel. Naomi was heading back to her home, Bethlehem, where they worshipped the one true God. Ruth wanted to go. She had to go. She knew it would be hard and she was giving up a lot, but she just had to go.
I can't count the number of times that people have suggested that I leave full time ministry in order to find a husband. If I'm not willing to leave ministry, I should at least leave inner city Philly since it isn't exactly a mecca for young Christian men. Logic apparently tells most people that in order for me to find a husband and get married, I need to make myself more available and attractive to men, which won't happen in inner-city Philadelphia. While I disagree with this idea, I will admit that the number of young, single, Christian men in Kensington is less that the number of fingers on my right hand. I have also found few men seeking to live the life of an inner city missionary. However, like Ruth, I can't fully explain it, but I have to follow the God of Israel. I know that He is the one true God, and while logic says one thing, I know that I would never be fully happy if I didn't follow Him where He called. I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am called to inner city Philadelphia.
I don't know how long it took Ruth and Naomi to get to Bethlehem, but I can't even imagine what was going through Ruth's mind along the journey. She has lost her husband and just left her entire family behind to follow this God that she only knew from stories. It doesn't say it in scripture, but my guess is that Ruth cried a lot. I mean, she was a woman. :) Her situation was desperate to say the least, and she had no idea what the future held. She didn't really even know this God she was trusting in. She had heard no promises from Him, never seen Him. She hadn't grown up knowing Him; in fact she had grown up serving and worshipping other gods. She couldn't explain how, but she knew that the God of Israel was the one true God...but that didn't make the lonely nights any less lonely. There had to be so many unanswered questions running through her mind. How would she provide for herself? Could she care for her mother-in-law alone? Is there any possibility that she would ever marry? Would she ever bear children? Her mother-in-law was getting old and wouldn't live forever. What would she do when Naomi died? Could she survive alone?
I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know if I will ever marry, or have children though both are huge desires of my heart. There are many times when I wonder how I will be able to provide for myself. I wonder all the time if I am just going to be left alone, and if I am, I wonder if I will really be able to survive that. My situation is not nearly as desperate as Ruth's, but I have the same questions and fears in my mind. I also trust in, and love the same God she does. The difference is that I do know that God that I am trusting in. In fact, it wouldn't take me long to come up with a long list of the ways that He has been faithful to me throughout my entire life. Not to mention, I have an entire book full of stories of His faithfulness to His people, and His promises for their, and my, future.
I have noticed a lot of incredible characteristics in Ruth. She is an incredibly strong woman, enduring indescribable hardship yet not falling apart. I used to think that the mark of strength was being able to endure without anyone knowing that you are struggling. My guess is, Ruth couldn't hide her sorrow or her struggles. I have come to realize that strength has nothing to do with what other people see (or perceive). It has nothing to do with whether or not people know that you are struggling. Instead, strength, to me, has to do with where you place your struggles. Do you place them in the hands of God, trusting in Him that no matter what the circumstance, or the feelings that go along with that circumstance? Websters dictionary describes strength as the "power to endure". I don't know what emotions or inner struggles Ruth was facing during this time, because in the end all of that is irrelevant. Ruth trusted in her God and she endured, that is strength. I don't care what I look like when I struggle, or how people perceive how I'm handling a certain situation...I just want to trust in my God and endure. I want to be strong.
Ruth was loyal. Under no circumstances was she going to leave her mother-in-law, least of all to take care of herself. Her loyalty to Naomi also showed her loyalty and faithfulness to God. She wasn't seeking her own way. She wasn't looking to herself or any person to take care of her, she trusted in God to do all of that. Ruth stood by Naomi in the most difficult times, and never lost her faith in God. I would like to be known as loyal. Loyal to my family, to my friends, and above all to my God.
There are so many other things that I see in Ruth that I am processing through. This is as far as I have gotten in the story. I am excited to read the rest, though I know how it ends. I haven't yet read exactly how it happens, but I know God provides a Redeemer for Ruth; a man who fights for her, marrys her and gives her children. I know how my story end too, though the middle part is still unsure. I know that I have a Redeemer, who has chosen to marry me and will take every hardship I have endured and redeem it for the glory of the God of Israel. I will read the rest of the book of Ruth, and I am excited to see what else I can learn about myself, and about the God I love so much. For me, however, that part hasn't been written...or maybe it has and He just hasn't read it to me yet. Either way, I'm still waiting to hear/read the rest! :)
*This is a side note, but something that's cool that I wanted to share. I am really into the meaning of names, and I believe that God has a purpose for every one's name, even though our parents technically gave them to us. Ruth means "Companion or Friend". That fits the story quite well, don't you think?
Well, my name, Patricia, means "Noble". When I looked it up, a synonym that was listed was "princess"!!! An antonym that was listed was "unimpressive". Take that one satan! :)
So, I have been reading the book of Ruth and I have learned SO much! Its a short book, but I can't seem to get all the way through it. I have read it before, and I still have a lot of questions about her and Boaz and how it all happened, but that's not the point right now. I started reading the book and found myself identifying with Ruth in so many ways. In fact, I kind of started envisioning myself as Ruth. All of the circumstances of her life are different from mine, but I think Ruth is a lot like me. At least, I want to be like her.
The book of Ruth doesn't tell us a whole lot about Ruth, so a lot of what I am going to say comes from what I think as I read about her. I am also reading the book "Unshaken" by Francine Rivers. "Unshaken" is the book of Ruth told as a story. It is based completely on scripture, but extra dialogue and characters are added to make it more of a story. That book is also helping me a lot in really learning about Ruth.
Ruth was a Moabite, not an Israelite. She was not one of God's chosen, and knew very little about the God of Israel. What she did know came from Naomi, her mother-in-law. For some reason, Ruth believed all the stories she heard about God. She trusted in "Naomi's God" without questions...she knew He was everything she had heard He was. At a very young age, Ruth's husband died. This was after her father-in-law and brother-in-law had also passed away, leaving 3 grieving widows in one family, with no husbands or sons to care for them. The easiest thing for Ruth to do at this point would have been to go back to her father's house, find another husband and live a good life. She was still young and able to have children, and logic said that in order for her to ever marry and have children, she needed to go back to her father. Her sister-in-law was in the same position as Ruth, and she chose to go back.
That was not an option for Ruth though. Not only did she feel incredible loyalty to her mother-in-law, she knew that she had to follow the God of Israel. Naomi was heading back to her home, Bethlehem, where they worshipped the one true God. Ruth wanted to go. She had to go. She knew it would be hard and she was giving up a lot, but she just had to go.
I can't count the number of times that people have suggested that I leave full time ministry in order to find a husband. If I'm not willing to leave ministry, I should at least leave inner city Philly since it isn't exactly a mecca for young Christian men. Logic apparently tells most people that in order for me to find a husband and get married, I need to make myself more available and attractive to men, which won't happen in inner-city Philadelphia. While I disagree with this idea, I will admit that the number of young, single, Christian men in Kensington is less that the number of fingers on my right hand. I have also found few men seeking to live the life of an inner city missionary. However, like Ruth, I can't fully explain it, but I have to follow the God of Israel. I know that He is the one true God, and while logic says one thing, I know that I would never be fully happy if I didn't follow Him where He called. I also know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am called to inner city Philadelphia.
I don't know how long it took Ruth and Naomi to get to Bethlehem, but I can't even imagine what was going through Ruth's mind along the journey. She has lost her husband and just left her entire family behind to follow this God that she only knew from stories. It doesn't say it in scripture, but my guess is that Ruth cried a lot. I mean, she was a woman. :) Her situation was desperate to say the least, and she had no idea what the future held. She didn't really even know this God she was trusting in. She had heard no promises from Him, never seen Him. She hadn't grown up knowing Him; in fact she had grown up serving and worshipping other gods. She couldn't explain how, but she knew that the God of Israel was the one true God...but that didn't make the lonely nights any less lonely. There had to be so many unanswered questions running through her mind. How would she provide for herself? Could she care for her mother-in-law alone? Is there any possibility that she would ever marry? Would she ever bear children? Her mother-in-law was getting old and wouldn't live forever. What would she do when Naomi died? Could she survive alone?
I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know if I will ever marry, or have children though both are huge desires of my heart. There are many times when I wonder how I will be able to provide for myself. I wonder all the time if I am just going to be left alone, and if I am, I wonder if I will really be able to survive that. My situation is not nearly as desperate as Ruth's, but I have the same questions and fears in my mind. I also trust in, and love the same God she does. The difference is that I do know that God that I am trusting in. In fact, it wouldn't take me long to come up with a long list of the ways that He has been faithful to me throughout my entire life. Not to mention, I have an entire book full of stories of His faithfulness to His people, and His promises for their, and my, future.
I have noticed a lot of incredible characteristics in Ruth. She is an incredibly strong woman, enduring indescribable hardship yet not falling apart. I used to think that the mark of strength was being able to endure without anyone knowing that you are struggling. My guess is, Ruth couldn't hide her sorrow or her struggles. I have come to realize that strength has nothing to do with what other people see (or perceive). It has nothing to do with whether or not people know that you are struggling. Instead, strength, to me, has to do with where you place your struggles. Do you place them in the hands of God, trusting in Him that no matter what the circumstance, or the feelings that go along with that circumstance? Websters dictionary describes strength as the "power to endure". I don't know what emotions or inner struggles Ruth was facing during this time, because in the end all of that is irrelevant. Ruth trusted in her God and she endured, that is strength. I don't care what I look like when I struggle, or how people perceive how I'm handling a certain situation...I just want to trust in my God and endure. I want to be strong.
Ruth was loyal. Under no circumstances was she going to leave her mother-in-law, least of all to take care of herself. Her loyalty to Naomi also showed her loyalty and faithfulness to God. She wasn't seeking her own way. She wasn't looking to herself or any person to take care of her, she trusted in God to do all of that. Ruth stood by Naomi in the most difficult times, and never lost her faith in God. I would like to be known as loyal. Loyal to my family, to my friends, and above all to my God.
There are so many other things that I see in Ruth that I am processing through. This is as far as I have gotten in the story. I am excited to read the rest, though I know how it ends. I haven't yet read exactly how it happens, but I know God provides a Redeemer for Ruth; a man who fights for her, marrys her and gives her children. I know how my story end too, though the middle part is still unsure. I know that I have a Redeemer, who has chosen to marry me and will take every hardship I have endured and redeem it for the glory of the God of Israel. I will read the rest of the book of Ruth, and I am excited to see what else I can learn about myself, and about the God I love so much. For me, however, that part hasn't been written...or maybe it has and He just hasn't read it to me yet. Either way, I'm still waiting to hear/read the rest! :)
*This is a side note, but something that's cool that I wanted to share. I am really into the meaning of names, and I believe that God has a purpose for every one's name, even though our parents technically gave them to us. Ruth means "Companion or Friend". That fits the story quite well, don't you think?
Well, my name, Patricia, means "Noble". When I looked it up, a synonym that was listed was "princess"!!! An antonym that was listed was "unimpressive". Take that one satan! :)
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Time for some Ministry News
This has been the scene at after-school all week, and I am loving it! On Monday we started a new challenge called the After-School "20" Challenge. The goal is for the kids to earn 600 points individually and 6000 points as a group. How do they earn points? Well, just like last year, the only way to earn points is my reading, writing, or math. They have to do some activity involving one of those subjects for 20 minutes, and they will earn 20 points. (Hence the "20" challenge). We did a challenge similar to this last year and a lot of the kids got into it. The kids that reach the individual goal will get a very nice prize (I'm not telling them what it is, but it will be worth it for them). If they reach the group goal, then every kid that at least participated will get invited to a party that we will have. Last year Miguel won the points challenge by a landslide, but he has a lot of competition this year. Most of the kids are really motivated, which is really fun to watch.
Another thing I am really enjoying at after-school is "Abdul", one of my tutors. He was my only tutor a lot last year, and has continued to be not only consistent, but an amazing help. His 2 sisters are now in the program, and though he has 2 other brothers that could bring the girls, he is always the one walking them from his house to the Hope House. His youngest si
ster is 7 and he is so amazing with her, helping her with her homework every day, and reading with her so she can earn points for the challenge. I am more and more impressed with him every day, and I can't wait to see all the plans that God has for him! He is struggling a bit in school, which is actually understandable. He made such a drastic change in his grades and behavior last year that they put him in honors classes this year, for the first time in his life. However, its his junior year in high school, and he wasn't really ready for the change in how difficult honors classes would be. Add to that the fact that his Father suddenly passes away not too long ago, leaving him with a lot of responsibility, and a broken heart...and you can see how things might be hard for him. Nonetheless, he has continued to step up to every challenge he faces, and to blow me away with his kind and serving heart.
ster is 7 and he is so amazing with her, helping her with her homework every day, and reading with her so she can earn points for the challenge. I am more and more impressed with him every day, and I can't wait to see all the plans that God has for him! He is struggling a bit in school, which is actually understandable. He made such a drastic change in his grades and behavior last year that they put him in honors classes this year, for the first time in his life. However, its his junior year in high school, and he wasn't really ready for the change in how difficult honors classes would be. Add to that the fact that his Father suddenly passes away not too long ago, leaving him with a lot of responsibility, and a broken heart...and you can see how things might be hard for him. Nonetheless, he has continued to step up to every challenge he faces, and to blow me away with his kind and serving heart. Kids Club was also really great last night!! Despite horrible snow, ice and freezing temperatures, we still had a good number of kids come out. We have made some changes over the last few weeks and we started implementing them last night. Basically, we want to make Kids Club more exciting and fun for the kids. I was given the task of trying to make the Reading Room exciting. (The Reading Room was once the most dreaded station for the kids. They all loved the playground, game room and computer room fine, but hated the reading room). The idea that God gave me was to have a Kids Club Mystery. Each week something important is *missing* and attached to the missing thing is a ransom note from the mystery suspect. The *suspect* is one of our KC leaders. This week the song DVD was missing and we made a HUGE dramatic deal about it and had the kids up looking around, it was so funny. They found it in the back of one of the chairs and of course Carisa and I acted shocked. I read the note and the kids learned that each week in the Reading Room (the once dreaded station) they will hear a story from me that will reveal a special clue about the suspect. This clue will allow them to eliminate one leader as a suspect. At the end of 8 weeks and a lot of silly fun, they will figure out which leader was the *thief.* The coolest thing about all of this is how much the kids LOVED it! 2 weeks ago when we announced which age group would be in the Reading Room, we got a bunch of sighs, this week, they were sitting in anticipation, hoping it would be them. When the 8 yr old girls were called they jumped to their feet cheering!
The other new changes went over well too. We have a craft station that the kids enjoyed, and a game/prizes station that they loved too. After kids club, all the kids could talk about was who they thought the Mystery Suspect was. I hope this excitement lasts the next 8 weeks! As we were leaving I was asking Bonita and Miguel which stations they went to (Pedro and Linda have moved to pre-teens so they aren't in our Kids Club). Miguel excitedly told me all about the game/prize station and how much fun he had. Then I asked Bonita where she went and she said, "The game room...the boring one now". HAHA!! She said she really wanted to go to the new stations because they all sounded so much fun. In fact, hearing Bonita and Miguel talk made Linda and Pedro want to come back to our Kids Club, and made Bonita not want to turn 11 in May (she move to pre-teens then). What a great night!
God Squad went well on Monday night too, although some of the girls that I had wanted to come didn't come. I will keep praying though! I am actually having somewhat of a day off today. Philadelphia schools were cancelled today, which means that after-school is also cancelled. I did go to staff prayer this morning and I will go to Prayer Pals tonight, but I'm just kinda working at my own pace today. I have already worked over 30 hours from Sunday through last night (about 10 hours a day), so I'm going to try and take the rest of the week at a bit of a slower pace Now that the Kids Club Mystery is in full swing, and the After-school challenge has started, I don't have as much that has to be done right away. I do still have a pretty full to do list, but I don't feel as much pressure now. I have some new ideas with God Squad and God's Girls that I am working on this week, and I will tell you about them soon. This post is long enough!
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