See, I have this ring. Its a very simple ring; a white gold band, that I used to wear on my left hand, the ring finger. There is a story behind this ring...
When I moved to Philly 7 years ago, I had absolutely no idea what God had in store for me. One day while I was doing my quiet time, the Lord took me to this verse:
"Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the LORD." ~ Isaiah 54:1
The passage continues to say:
"For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth." ~ Isaiah 54:5
I was blown away (I had never read this verse before) and immediately struck by all the promise that was within those words. I would have children?? The Lord is my husband??
As I was finishing up my quiet time I felt the Lord leading me to go buy a ring. I know that sounds crazy, but I remember feeling very strongly that I needed to go buy a ring. So, I went on the down Kensington Ave, found a jewelry store and bought this ring. I think it cost about $20. The ring was a symbol of embarking on a whole new life with the Lord, knowing little more than His promise to never leave me.
The next day...I met Linda and Bonita.
At the time I first met them, I had no idea what an important role they would have in my life, nor did I know that they would bring to fulfillment the verse that had impacted me so much the day before. (Many are the children....)
I wear the ring every day; all the time. In fact, I lost it for a few days several years ago and I hated being without it. Since finding it, I have literally never taken it off. Even when I swim, shower, sleep, cook...the ring is always on my finger.
Over the years, however, the meaning of the ring has morphed for me, and not in a good way. While it started out as a symbol of God's promise, I made it into a shield of protection. I would tell people that it was my reminder that I belonged to someone, although I didn't know who yet, and I needed to act and be treated in a way that recognized that. And while that was certainly true, there was also a deeper meaning for me.
Over the years it became my comfort in times of loneliness. As I watched all my friends get married, I would look down at my ring and think, "that's okay, I have the Lord as my husband". Yet, there was still a deep longing in my heart. Its not that the Lord doesn't satisfy, He more than satisfies. But I can't deny that there is a longing in my heart. The ring was a way for me to pretend that the longing wasn't there, but it didn't actually take it away.
Then a few days ago, I read this verse:
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life". ~ Proverbs 13:12
My heart was sick, so sick. I was convinced that the longing in my heart would never be fulfilled and decided that it was easier to pretend that it wasn't even there. But it is. The longing has not gone away, and I don't believe it ever will.
This doesn't mean that I am convinced that I will get married on earth. I might; I really hope I do. And if I don't, then I know my wedding day in heaven will be glorious. Either way, though, my wedding day has not come. So that ring finger, it needs to stay bare. I need to continue to hope and trust, not ignore and deny. I realized that there is A LOT of promise in that verse, and some day the longing will be fulfilled. But, it hasn't happened yet.
So, I moved the ring to my right hand. The ring still has a lot of significance to me. It represents God's plan for me long before I had any idea what He was up to. It represents my hope for my future, on earth and in heaven. When the ring was on my left hand, it was almost as if that part of my story was finished. I realize now, that its far from over.
Its hard to have hope when it seems like there is no reason to hope. My bare left ring finger reminds me to hope. The scriptures remind me why I hope.
I do get sad sometimes when I look at my bare left hand (there is still a tan line where the ring was, haha). In fact, it took me several days to actually make the switch from my left to my right hand. The first time I tried it, I moved the ring and then went to bed. I woke up the next morning with it back on my left hand! I have ignored the hope for so long, thinking that would protect me from being hurt...not realizing all this time that it was making my heart sick.
So, here is my left hand.
Empty but full of hope. I think that pretty wells describes me in general right now. "But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love" ~ Psalm 33:18
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