Well, this wasn't the God's Girls post I expected to write today, but I read this article and HAD to write something about it. Before I go on, you need to read this:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,538701,00.html?test=latestnews
I read this first thing this morning (it was a pretty prominent article on Foxnews.com) and I became pretty upset. Okay, borderline furious. No wonder God's Girls is so hard for me!!!
First, the title was just annoying. It should be: "Can't Wait for Sex? Actually, yes you can!". Why aren't churches teaching that it is possible to wait instead of how to get around waiting??
Next, the following statistic FLOORED me: "More than 93 percent of adults 18 to 23 who are in romantic relationships are having sex, according to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health. For conservative Protestants in relationships and active in their faith, it's almost 80 percent." WHAT?!? I was actually in a very committed relationship at that age, and we were most definitely NOT having sex. I knew many people around us were, but I had no idea that it was THAT many. I'm a 29 year old virgin...apparently I'm about as rare as seeing the Lochness Monster...seriously.
After getting over that shock, I continued to read on o discover that many Christians have given up on the idea of waiting and have decided to promote young marriage so that we can protect one another from sexual sin. Apparently, that is more dangerous than entering into a bad marriage. Really?? That's what we want to promote??
To me, this is the equivalent of: "Is Marriage too hard? Get a divorce and start over!". Seriously. If we are saying that when things get to hard, stop fighting, then what are we setting people up for?? I am floored and frustrated with the idea that people think that asking young people to wait until they are married, which for some may mean waiting until their late 20's or into their 30's (ahem, ME!), or possibly wait forever, is somehow "asking too much". Come on! We are not the ones setting this standard, GOD is! And He makes is very CLEAR in His Word that this standard is POSSIBLE and WORTH WHILE!!! Why aren't we teaching that?!?
Now, I'm not saying that I am against marrying young. I have many friends who did and have wonderful marriages. I also have many friends who did and had to battle through 4 or 5 years of their marriages because it was HARD, and many of them now say they wish they had waited. I'm not promoting one over the other. However, I do believe (strongly) that God has a different plan for everyone. For some its marriage at 20, for others its not until 35. Either way, God calls us to seek Him and His plan, not our own.
The idea that marriage is a simple solution to waiting for sex is absolutely ludicrous. Yes, once you are married you no longer have to wait, so that part of the battle is over. However, marriage is HARD. I have enough married friends to know that no matter how wonderful your spouse is, you will face some very hard times with them. You have to be ready to battle through the hard times. If you couldn't battle through those hard times before you got married, how are you going to stay strong in your marriage? (Of course, God is a redeeming God, so I am not saying that if you mess up before you are married, that your marriage is doomed. Not at all! I'm simply saying that if you have the mindset that the battle is too hard so you have to find a way out, you might be in trouble). Once you're married, there is no "way out", you have to have the perseverance to fight. We need to be teaching that...perseverance...not giving up.
Okay, at this point, I have to talk about 1 Corinthians 7. In it, Paul very clearly states that, "But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (verse 9). This verse would seem to support the main argument of the article, that if its too hard to wait, then you should just get married. And in some ways, it kinda does.
However, it also ignores the first part of Paul's statement. In verse 8, Paul states, "But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I". Paul is making it clear that it is GOOD to stay single, and POSSIBLE because he himself is doing it! Its only if you can NOT exercise self control should you get married. Here is a point that I think is missed... self-control is a fruit of the spirit. If we are in Christ, then the Spirit is in us, and that Spirit produces fruit. The Spirit produces self-control. The Spirit makes it possible for us to exercise self-control; to wait.
The other part that is ignored, are verses 10-12 that make is VERY clear that you shouldn't get a divorce. So, if you decide that self-control is too much for you, then you are making a commitment that you can NOT turn back on. Again, when God has called you to get married, this isn't a problem. However, if you are simply seeking marriage as a way out of chastity, you are in trouble.
And clearly, the whole idea of "Can't wait, get married" isn't exactly working. The divorce rate among Christians is exactly the same as that of the rest of the world, and is actually significantly higher than that of atheists. Of course, many atheists probably aren't in a rush to get married since there isn't anything keeping them from sex. Still, this should tell us something. When someone, Christian or not, WAITS until they are ready for the COMMITMENT of marriage, and for the person they want to choose to commit to, the marriage is stronger and lasts. When they rush into it because hormones or fear are driving the decision, is much harder to make it work long term.
The problem, in my opinion, is not sex, its perseverance. Our culture today does make it MUCH harder to wait, and the older you get, the harder the waiting becomes (believe me, I understand that!!). But, that doesn't mean that we should be finding a way out, it means we should be digging deeper with God and seeking Him even more fervently.
If we teach people to persevere and to seek and trust in GOD, where can we go wrong??
When did it become okay to come up with our own life plans and solutions to problems? When did we stop seeking the Lord and start seeking self-help books and ideas that will "work for us"?
What happens when the incredible sex life that we expect after getting married isn't actually what we get?? What happens when the sex isn't enough to keep the marriage going, especially in the face of financial troubles, or even physical and emotional temptation outside the marriage?? (We haven't even talked about the rate of affairs among Christians!) Sometimes all we're left with is perseverance.
The bottom line is, if we choose to avoid self-control, we are in big trouble. And that, in my opinion, is what we, as Christians, really need to be talking about.
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