Oh How I Need You, Lord

I am currently sitting in a windowsill on the 17^th floor of hotel room overlooking the city, listening to a 9 month old little girl babble to herself while fighting the sleep that will (hopefully) soon win. The girls (Linda, Bonita, and Cupcake) are downstairs playing in the indoor pool. It’s the first time in a while that I feel really relaxed. (The 9 month old is Cupcake’s niece).

This last week has been insane. I led an AIM trip in Philly (that consisted of 2 churches), and part of that trip included running a VBS at Cornerstone. I also did all of my normal Cornerstone activities (Reading Rocks, Kids Club, etc). My car spent the week in New Jersey, which meant I couldn’t travel back and forth to my house like I am used to. Unfortunately, that meant that I would leave the house at 8 a.m. every morning and got home around 11 or later every night. Needless to say, by Friday I was exhausted. The girls were with me for almost all of that, and unlike me, they were AMAZING!

For the last several weeks I have been spending my times with the Lord trying to rekindle my desire for Him. This week reminded me that even when I don’t desire Him, I NEED Him. I had forgotten how desperate that need is. I literally had nothing to offer anyone, and every night in worship fell before Him crying out for…Him.

I got spiritually beat up pretty bad this week. I battled with feelings of uselessness and utter failure almost every moment of every day. I am more aware than ever that anything good that came out of this week could not have come from me, it is ALL Him. I can’t really describe how worn out, bruised and battered I felt by Friday.

We survived the week, and by everyone else’s accounts, it was a great trip. The VBS was amazing and the students talked every night about how God was moving in their lives. (You can check out the video blogs on the trip at http://philadelphia.myadventures.org/). They even spent several hours washing people’s feet on Kensington Ave. It was amazing. The girls were incredible. They had their moments (they are fighting with one another a lot lately, I wish I could give them each their own room), but overall they were wonderful. They didn’t complain at all despite the long hours(they were with me everywhere…from 8 a.m.-11 p.m.), and were always willing to jump in and serve.

By Friday we were completely exhausted and really needing a day off (I worked over 80 hours this week between Cornerstone and AIM). The girls spent the day with their mom, so I planned to go to NJ to pick up my car, hang out there for a while and then come home to just chill. That was not exactly what happened.

First, we left Philly about 2 hours later than we planned (my friend Ashley kindly drove me the hour and a half to Ocean City to get my car). We hit some traffic as well, so we didn’t get to the mechanic until around 12:45 (we had hoped to be there by 10 at the latest). My car was ready to go though, and it started right up when I got in, I was so excited!

Ashley headed home and I headed to a movie theater. I VERY much enjoyed the movie (mostly because I was by myself), although I was one of only about 5 people in the theater yet I somehow had people sitting right behind me. That kinda made me mad, but I got over it. J

After the movie I started back toward Philly so I could take a shower, relax and sleep (I was SO tired!). I made it about 30 minutes down the road when my car radio cut off (exactly what happened the week before). Then my power windows wouldn’t go down (again, happened before). I realized immediately that I didn’t have much time before my car was going to die again so I quickly got off the interstate and made it to a parking lot before it quit on me. It was about 4:30 by this time, and I was pretty frustrated. When my car broke down a week ago I told the mechanic I thought it was the alternator since it started with the radio cutting off (the alternator is what distributes power throughout the car. A battery recharges itself, so it shouldn’t cut off while driving, but an alternator will). Anyway, the mechanics said that the battery was the problem, so that’s all they replaced. They were only half right.

I called a tow truck and about an hour later was again sitting at Pep Boys waiting to hear the news. I was right, it was the alternator. Apparently, the problem had been a bad battery and a bad alternator. The other Pep Boys didn’t test the alternator once they saw the bad battery, so they didn’t catch the problem. Thankfully, since it was their fault, I didn’t have to pay for the towing or the second tests. Unfortunately, I did have to pay for the alternator and the labor to install it, which came to a little under $350. That, plus the $150 I spent on the new battery has bankrupted me for a while.

Thankfully, this Pep Boys was able to fix my car that day, so by 8:00, I was on my way home. I got back to Philly, picked up the girls and was finally in my bed by around 9:30…and I was DONE, completely wiped. My neighbors, however, were just getting started. They were having some sort of party that started before I got there, and was still going as of 5:00 this evening, when the girls and I left. I didn’t sleep well last night.

My house was a disaster from all 3 of us just running in and out of the house all week (and we didn’t clean anything up from our beach trip), so we spent the first part of today cleaning. The girls did a great job with their chores and my house actually looks livable. Unfortunately, around 2:00 this afternoon I had a mini breakdown. I was SO tired and wanting a nap, but the music was SO loud outside. I literally couldn’t take it anymore. So, despite the fact that my car completely bankrupted me, I went to priceline.com and prayed we could find a decent hotel at a decent price so I could get away and at least get some rest. The girls were pretty frustrated as well, they had a really long week too!

Let me just say that I LOVE the “Name Your Own Price” thing on priceline. I decided to get a room for two nights so we would really have some time to relax, and we ended up getting a 4 star hotel (with an indoor pool!) in the heart of center city for 60% off. We were packed and out of the house by 5:00! And, thanks to a wonderful gift card I got for my birthday, we had a really yummy Olive Garden dinner (only 2 blocks from the hotel!) once we checked in. You could literally see the stress and frustration wash off as we laughed and splashed in the pool.

I hadn’t been able to spend much time with Cupcake this week, and the girls both consider her their best friend, so we were VERY excited she could come too. She helps her parents take care of her niece a lot, and tonight she was in charge of her. I really wanted to help ease that load (she is only 17 and has to help raise a baby that she didn’t give birth to. She loves her niece, and her parents are great, but its hard…), so I told her to bring the baby. I have enjoyed every moment of playing with the baby and am loving watching her sleep right now. I don’t want to go back home. I have no desire to leave Philly, or even Kensington. I also have no desire to return to my block.