Some thoughts on being single...

I am 28 years old, which by most standards is quite young. Because I am young, I often feel very immature, yet I know that God is shaping and maturing me daily.

I remember a discussion at our staff retreat a few years ago where we were thinking about starting a young adult ministry, and one of the leaders we were considering was a 20 year old. I questioned that choice (20 seems pretty young to be leading a ministry to the same age group), but the argument was made that she was married and obviously more mature than most others her same age.

Really? Being married makes you mature? I'm in trouble...

Or, maybe immature people get married. And maybe marriage is just one of the ways that God chooses to mature people...but not the only way. Is that possible?!?

I have been to close to 40 weddings in my lifetime (yes, I said 40), and most of them have been for people my age or younger. I have grown and matured alongside many of my married friends and I have seen the ways that God uses a spouse to challenge and sharpen another person. For me, the people that surround me daily challenge me. As I struggle, I am forced to lean on the Lord. God is challenging me and shaping me as well, He just goes about it in a different way with me.

There are so many lies being spread in our culture today, and many are coming from Christians. There is the lie that you have to look a certain way to be beautiful. In our desire to be culturally relevant, I believe that Christians have adopted this lie.

There is the lie that God will bless you financially if you just trust in Him. In scripture you see that following Him comes with a great COST, and nothing about financial gain (although there is the promise that you will always be taken care of).

One of the biggest lies that I think has a much greater affect than anyone realizes is the lie about our "calling" as believers. How many times have you heard someone talking about their "calling"? Where is that in scripture? I'm not going to say (yet), that it isn't in scripture at all, but I will say that I think it is very clear in scripture that God takes each of His people through seasons.

Each of us will go through different seasons, at different times, lasting different amounts of time. That is how amazing our God is!! He has a specific, individual...and PERFECT plan for each of us!! I think too often we focus on what our "calling" is, instead of who our God is.

I bring this up because I hear WAY TOO MUCH, that a woman's highest "calling" is to be a wife and a mother. Does that mean the rest of us are living in a lower calling?

I read this blog in a blog the other day, and it made me laugh, and it made me sad. She was writing about being single and said:

"Now don't get me wrong, I do want to get married. There is a constant tug at my heart, my greatest ministry will be to be a wife and mother, I personally place a lot of value in that, even more value then being a missionary."

What?!? Why in the world would you value being a wife and mother OVER being a missionary? Does God have a ranking system? Is there anything above being a wife and mother? If not, poor Mother Theresa never fulfilled her ultimate calling in life. (Incidentally, this woman was writing about the joys of being single...at 21..., but she has the full expectation of being married someday. I pray she doesn't put all of her faith and hope for the future in that...)

Is this what we really believe??

All of this got me thinking...

6 years ago I began a journey with my God. One that led me to Philly and has taken me places, both physically and spiritually, that I never thought I would go. I feel like God is taking me into a new season in my life, and its one I am scared and excited for. Its a season of embarking on my singleness.

That sounds like a weird sentence, and I'm not sure if that's exactly how I want to describe things, but I couldn't think of anything else. Let me try and explain...

I am single. Have been for 28 years. I have dated a few guys, but I was never serious enough to stop considering myself single. I'll see myself as single until the day I get married, that's just how I am. I also have the desire to be married, though I don't believe its something that is owed to me or guaranteed. The Lord never promised me (or anyone else) an earthly spouse. I have to trust God will all my dreams and desires, even the ones that may go unfulfilled.

In my 28 years of being single I have learned a lot about myself and about my God, but I know there is so much more. I believe that God has us in certain seasons for a reason, and I am embarking on a journey to find out all that He has for me in this season. And I want to share that.

I wrote several weeks ago about my search for other blogs written by single, Christian women who trust in the Lord for their present and future...and I have yet to find one. So, I'm starting with my own right here. I want to honestly explore what life is like for a single Christian woman seeking the Lord with all her heart.

My desire is to see women graduate from college and not feel like failures if they don't have a ring on their finger. I want to help women see the incredible ways that God can (and does) draw your heart close to His when there is no one else vying for your affection. I want to be honest about the heartbreak and the loneliness that comes with being single, and the beauty that God brings from those ashes.

I also want to have fun. At this point in my life, although I would consider myself a pretty responsible person, I do have the freedom to do ridiculous things...so I want to do them. I certainly did in college (no, I am not talking about drinking and partying) and I enjoyed every second of it. I'm not saying marriage isn't fun...I'm just saying that being single is also fun, so I plan on having fun and sharing that with you. (Again, not irresponsible fun...just plain fun)

And, I want to laugh. There are so many ridiculous lies out there trying to steal my joy, and I want to laugh at them. (Like my trip to Pathmark last night. I made a short trip, picking up a ton of cookie dough for a dessert at church today and decided to get some grapes as well. As I was checking out, the computer printed up some coupons it thought I might want...for Weight Watchers desserts. Seriously?!? You don't know me computer! Okay, so this could have happened to a single or married person, but I am still offended ). :)

I know many of the people that read this blog are married, but I hope you will enjoy this journey with me as well. I may even one day take this journey over to a separate blog, its too early to tell.

I must warn you, however, that I have no idea where this journey will take us. You may see (or read) things from me that you don't want to. I can't promise to always be joyful in my thoughts, and I am sure I will be wrong about things more than once. I can sometimes fall into bitterness, and that my come out in some of my posts. I'm not proud of that fact, but its true.

The only thing that I can promise you throughout this journey is that I will be honest. That means you will be seeing the good, the bad and the ugly. And please know that I have no expectations of you throughout this journey. This is me and God, walking the path He has laid before me, and me sharing that journey with you.

Ultimately, this is about a beautifully imperfect girl and her God.

So, let the journey begin...