One of the hardest things for me in ministry is living out what I teach. I have been really challenged and reminded of this several times over the last few days. This struggle ranges from the simplest tasks to the deepest spiritual truths.
A few weeks ago Bonita was slicing bread in her hand and sliced her hand. She actually just had surgery on that hand yesterday (and although she is not fun when she's hurting, she made it through fine. They had to repair a nerve). Anyway, Bonita was extremely embarrassed about the whole incident and was actually very upset with me for a while for telling people what happened. I kept telling her to not worry so much about what people think, we all make mistakes.
Then yesterday I ran a red light and hit someone...and several people I know saw it. It was a very minor accident, no damage to my car at all and very little damage to the other guys'. Still, I am extremely embarrassed and can now understand how Bonita feels. Now I have to live out what I've been telling her.
A bigger struggle for me is what we teach at God's Girls. I got this email yesterday from a girl who was on my first team to Africa back in the summer of 2003. This is part of it:
"I was just thinking about you the other day because i came across the book "Do You Think I'm beautiful" The things that you said to me in Africa never left me or my Bible. You really made me see how beautiful I really am to God. That has really changed my thinking, so thank you for that."
And 5 years later, I still struggle to live that out. Hasn't stopped me from teaching it though. I have come to realize that no matter how difficult things are for me to live out, if they are truth, I still have to teach it. And I just continue to pray along the way that I will learn to believe and live these things out for myself. Ugh, I have such a long way to go.
These thoughts then led me to think about humility. See, its a pretty humbling experience to realize that you struggle just as much as everyone else to live out the truth. (actually, it isn't so much a realization as it is a reminder) Of course, humility is not bad at all, but its more than just realizing you aren't perfect. I have discovered that you can't truly love someone without humility. And as I seek to live a life of love, I realized that in order for that to happen, I need humility.
I really like Webster's definition of humility: "modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance". Actually, I like even better what it doesn't say. It doesn't say, "unimportant", "worthless"...it simply says that you don't place yourself high above others. I don't think you can love people if you place yourself above them; they can't reach you.
I was reading Micah 6:8 and noticed that there isn't anything written about love. Micah 6:8 is a short and concise list of exactly what God asks of us. Jesus says that all of the law and prophets can be summed up in the first commandment, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your soul". So, if the 1st commandment sums up all the law, then Micah 6:8 tells us how to live out our day to day life. It has 3 simple things to do.
1) Act Justly
2) Love Mercy
3) Walk Humbly with God
Or the way I read it:
1) treat everyone equally and fairly
2) Forgive, even when I have the right to be angry (and especially when I don't)
3) recognize that God is the one who makes me important...and He does that with everyone else as well. And, its my role as His hands and feet to remind others just how important they are.
Love seems to be summed up with all those things.
I feel like life is just a constant struggle (at least for me). Maybe struggle isn't the word...struggle sounds bad and I don't mean that things are always bad. I just mean I feel like I always have to work; at everything. Always working to learn, grow and relearn things that I thought I understood but apparently didn't, or at least forgot.
Time to get ready for another day of...endeavoring? I'll work on finding the right word...
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