Everyday we are faced with faith challenging situations, and everyday our response matters. That is what I am learning right now, and its a hard lesson to learn. Well, its a great lesson to learn; learning that you actually matter to the God of the Universe. You are noticed. I love knowing that! But, the process of learning that means that we have to go through hard times, and that isn't as much fun.
I have written a lot recently about some of the major things going on here in Philly. There is no question that many people around me are being faced with faith challenging situations, and I am included in that. For me, its very hard to watch the people around me that I love and care about struggle through hard times. They are asking a lot of questions that I want to answer, but in reality, I'm asking the same questions. My heart's cry as I pray has been for God to keep me from being like Job's friends. When Job was suffering, his friends denied God and even called on Job to curse Him. There wasn't anyone in Job's life encouraging him to stay faithful. I want to be that, the encourager...but I am finding that difficult in the face of my own struggles as well as the struggles of the people around me.
A woman suddenly lost her husband, and her 12 children lost their father. A 17 year old girl lost her baby. A 15 year old girl thinks she might have breast cancer. A wife watches her husband choose drugs over her, and their children lose their father again. A 12 year old girl, feeling like the lost member of her addiction plagued family, sees no way to ease the pain other than ending her life. An 8 year old girl has her world shattered as her parents decide to stop trying at their marriage, and she is angry. A man with a 40 year addiction to heroin struggles every day to say no to the drug that has imprisoned him for more than half his life. A 12 year old girl writes to her prayer pal that she is hurting so deep inside, but no one knows because she has learned to hide it really well. These are just a few stories of what is going on...and this is just what I know about! As I pray for each of them, I find myself continually asking, why? I don't really expect an answer (I am pretty sure its way too complicated for me to understand), but I can't help but ask.
Job asked why. He asked it a lot. He never lost faith, never turned from God; but he did ask why. That makes me feel better! Its not a sin to ask why, so I'll keep asking.
I just finished writing a letter to the 17 year old girl who lost her baby, and my hope in writing it was to be able to answer the question "why?" for her. I had some reasons in my head and I thought that God wanted me to share with her what He was really doing. I planned on opening her eyes to His plan and hopefully easing her pain. However, as I wrote the letter, I found myself not answering any questions at all. I also realized that this letter was as much to me as it was to her. It was one of those situations where I wasn't really sure what I was writing, and it was only after I finished that I read it and realized that those were not my words.
This girl is at a crossroad with her faith, and it opened my eyes to when I have been in the same place. Here is a part of the letter:
"I have been in several situations in my life that have brought me to a crossroad; to either turn away from God in my anger or turn toward Him with my pain. Honestly, I think I have turned away more than I have turned toward Him. What I have realized, though, is that turning away only heightened my anger and loneliness. It was only turning toward to God that (slowly) healed my heart, dried my tears and ultimately made me stronger".
I can see the truth of that statement over and over again in my life. When I turn to God, He heals me. But, that isn't the whole story. That doesn't answer the question of why we are put in those situations in the first place. The answer I hear most often is also the one that I think is wrong. Most people assume that we go through struggles and hard times because of sin. Sin is what leads us to struggle, and its only through God's grace that we are able to survive. While the grace part is true, the sin part is not. That answer, in my opinion, completely misses the point.
First, my sin is paid for. I have been bought by the blood and as far as anyone is concerned, my sin is gone. As far as the east is from the west, it has been taken from me. It does not follow me around waiting to enact punishment on me...it is GONE! Yes, I understand that there are natural consequences to sin, we live in a fallen world. However, any struggle or hardship that I face is not the result of my sin, because my sin no longer exists.
What does exist is a battle. Sometimes we forget that, but there is a battle going on. There is a battle raging all around us...the battle between good and evil...the battle between God and Satan. The book of Job makes that clear. The book starts out with God and satan making a deal. God will allow satan to go after Job in any way he chooses (as long as he doesn't actually kill him). What is the wager? Well, God simply says, my people are faithful because they love me, not because of what I do for them...and Job will prove it. So, throughout the rest of the book we see that satan really went for it. Job was afflicted physically, financially and emotionally. He lost his entire family, all of his money and his friends. He was left to suffer, a lot...and alone. But, Job stayed faithful. It wasn't easy, and remember, he did ask "why?", but he never lost his faith. So, how does the story end? Well, God was glorified, and Job was rewarded with a healing of his body and a doubling of his wealth and his family.
Oh, and satan was DEFEATED!!! Satan tried everything he could to bring Job down, but was unable to. What does that mean for us? Well, it means that our faith actually matters. One day, God will come and destroy satan completely in the final ultimate battle and victory. In the meantime, however, we are the ones destroying him. Every act of our faithfulness is another incredible blow to satan, and another display of God's incredible glory. The truth is, I really do love God! I don't love Him because he does things for me, I just love Him! And, He loves me! He doesn't do wonderful things for me so He can make me love Him, He does them because He loves me! God and I have a very real, true and pure love relationship. How messed up would a marriage be if one person was in it only for what they could get from the other person. That's not real love at all. My faithfulness to my bridegroom when faced with trials continually proves to Him that I really do love Him...and in the process, it defeats His enemy (who also happens to be my enemy!).
I read the book "Disappointment with God" about a year ago, and its one of the few books that I remember a lot from. The author, Philip Yancey, talks a lot about this idea and he says it way better than I could. "In the end, The Wager [between God and satan] resolved decisively that the faith of a single human being counts for very much indeed. Job affirms that our response to testing matters. The history of mankind-and, in fact, my own individual history of faith-is enclosed within the great drama of the history of the universe".
I didn't write all of this to the girl, I mostly told her how much God loves her and is pursuing her. But, out of that letter I realized something huge. My life really matters. Not because I am a missionary, not because I have the opportunity to affect people's lives for Christ...but because the greatest love of my life is engaged in a huge battle, and I have a direct affect of the win/loss ratio from that battle. I know how the war will end, I just never knew I was as much of a part of the battle as I am. My love fights for me every day. I will fight for Him.
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