Almost a Month?!?!

Wow, I can't believe its been almost a month since I last updated. That is inexcusable!! I will really work on getting better about that! Of course, I have been traveling for the last 2 weeks, often staying places that don't have easy internet access (I'm actually sitting in a starbucks right now!), so that would explain SOME of my absence. The rest is just, well I have no excuse. :)

So, what have I been up to? Well, the most exciting thing is probably my NEW HOUSE!!! That's right, I finally moved!!!! I still can't even really believe it, it was SUCH a long process... but totally worth it! I have posted pictures on my phanfare site, so definitely check them out if you get a chance!

We closed on the house on Tuesday, April 27th (Linda's 15th birthday!). I had a team of people at my house Friday morning (April 30th) at 10 a.m. and I was completely moved in by 1:00 p.m. How crazy is that?? And we were completely unpacked and settled in by Monday! No one really believed me that I don't have that much stuff, haha, but its true! Of course, it really helps that I was only moving 3 blocks away... and my team of helpers (Frank, Jared, Andy, Jeff, Jonerik, and Emily) were all AMAZING!!!! They even took out a window to get my queen size bed into my room... and even with that it only took 3 hours! THANK YOU!!!!

Oh, and on Sunday, May 2nd, I ran my second Broad Street Run! (It was a crazy weekend!!). Once again, it was so much fun! It was a really hard race for me, but I completed it and crossed the finish line with my friends Frank and Elizabeth. I didn't do as well as I did last year (about 10 minutes slower), but I'm okay with that. 2 days before the race I moved my entire house! Plus, this year the temperatures were in the 90's during the race! They had fire hydrants spraying water on all of us pretty much the entire race. The people who WON even said that their times were hugely affected by the weather, so I don't feel too bad. Completing a 10 mile race, in that heat, 2 days after moving (usually you aren't supposed to lift weights before a race, haha) and 3 weeks after a half marathon is still an accomplishment I am proud of!! Next year, I will work on my time. :)

After moving and getting settled in, I pretty much immediately packed and left town for a BIG trip. Well, first I spent the day on Thursday babysitting the cutest 5 week old baby!! My friend Ashley (a friend from high school), recently moved to Swarthmore, PA (about 45 minutes outside of Philly) and needed a babysitter while she was speaking at a conference at Temple (she is really smart, haha). I'm SO EXCITED that I live close enough to one of my high school friends to be able to babysit! Of course, 5 weeks is really tiny and I was a little nervous, but we both (me and the baby) survived!

I left Philly on Friday, May 7th, and I'm still not back! In fact, I will be heading back to Philly on Wednesday (May 19th), but then I'm leaving again on Friday (May 21st) to spend the weekend in New York with my family for my cousin's wedding (bridesmaid dress #12!!!). Whew, that's almost 3 full weeks being away from Philly, I haven't done that in a long time!

So far its been a really great trip. My first stop was in Northern Virginia where I spent the night with my friends Jacqueline and JL. They are huge supporters of mine, in every way, and I was SO excited to get to see them!! They took me out to a wonderful dinner and provided a really comfy bed to help me break up my travel time. They were literally moving to a new house the NEXT day, and I woke up to the movers arriving, so I didn't stay too long. :) They are only about 3 hours away from me, though, so I am sure I will see them again soon. At least I really hope I will!

From there, I headed to my parents' house for a few days. That is always so fun, and restful for me, and this time was no different. I was REALLY excited to be in town for Mother's Day and to actually get to spend the day with my mom! Of course, my brother still managed to upstage me and sent her a really awesome video that he made for her, but that's okay. :)

Unfortunately, I spent a few days being sick. In fact, I spent about 2 days pretty much just laying in bed. I don't think it was an illness, we decided it was probably just my body de-stressing. Its been a really, really, rough 6-8 months and I think my body was just finally getting to rest a bit. Crazy! :)

So, I had a good time hanging out with my family until Wednesday, the 12th. I rested, read A LOT, and even did some work/planning for Kids Club this summer. And of course, I laughed with my parents a lot. They are hilarious people!!

From there I drove to Raleigh to have dinner with my friends Charlotte and Dan. Charlotte and I have been friends since junior high and we were even roommates our freshman year at Tech (when she and Dan started dating!) We haven't seen each other in 3 years, so it was really nice to catch up! After dinner, I drove to my aunt and uncle's lake house. That's right, they are letting me stay (by myself!) at their house on the lake!!!

Here is my view from every part of the house:

And the view at night:


Yeah, its been AMAZING! I spent my first 2 days here in complete solitude, just me and Jesus. There isn't internet access, so I cut myself off from the world and just spent time with the Lord. It was SO HARD, and SO AMAZING! Like I said, its been a really rough few months for me, and part of the problem has been my relationship with the Lord. I have kept myself so busy and basically ignored some real things that I needed to deal with Him (kinda on purpose, I hate to admit). So, we started working on those things. No distractions, no excuses. It was one of the hardest times of my life... and we've only just begun. But its beautiful. :)

Finally on Saturday I decided to head into "town" (meaning I drove an hour into Roanoke), to spend some time with Jesus in the place where I grew up... and to use the internet for a while, haha. I'm glad I did, too, because I got an email from my pastor at my church in Roanoke telling me to prepare something to share with the church on Sunday for about 15 minutes. I wasn't exactly prepared for that, last time I talked to him he had just planned on sharing things for me, haha. So, after catching up on email and spending some time (literally) driving down memory lane, I went back to the lake house and spent the evening being extremely nervous and preparing something to share the next morning.

Sunday morning, I got up and drove back in to Roanoke to go to my home church, and it was awesome!!! They actually changed their plan at the last minute and decided to just interview me, which was a huge relief and much less nerve racking! (Although I still hate any form of public speaking... not matter how often I have to do it!). I thoroughly enjoyed every part of the service! The worship was amazing, and everyone was so encouraging after I shared! Pastor Jef'f's sermon was awesome and very challenging. They really treat me like family, and it reminded me why I need to work to visit more often!!! I left feeling so refreshed, encouraged, and hopefully with a few new supporters. ;) After church, one of the families that I have known for YEARS (and yet they still support me, haha) took me out to lunch and it was so fun! Their daughter (whom I have known since she was very little) is actually getting married on my 30th birthday, so that was fun to talk about. :)

After being up late, and then getting up early and talking to so many people, I was pretty tired, so I went back to the lake house and just relaxed for the evening. I finished another book (I think I have read 5 so far on this trip, haha) and then went to bed... falling asleep to rain drops on roof. Its so quiet here!

So, that brings us to today. Whew!! I'm in Roanoke again... using the internet, and doing some shopping. I still don't have everything I need for the wedding this weekend (you would think by my 12th time I would be more prepared!). Tonight I am having dinner with my friend Dawn, and I'm so excited! We haven't seen each other in at least 8 years! We have been friends since junior high, and I was maid of honor on her wedding... and we've hardly seen each other since. I can't wait!!

Tomorrow will look a lot like today... getting things ready for the wedding and then I'm having dinner with some college friends/supporters; Misty and Tina. Misty and I were roommates our sophomore year at Tech, and Tina was a good friend at Tech. All 3 of us were in Intervarsity Christian Fellowship together, so I'm really excited to catch up with them again.

I will be heading back to Philly early Wednesday morning, and I am so excited! This has been an amazing time away, and I'm SO glad that I have been able to see so many people that I love, but I miss home. Of course, I won't be home for long! On Thursday, my parents, my brother and his fiance will all be arriving and spending the night (at my new house!). Then we will all get up on Friday morning and drive to New York for the wedding weekend. More people I haven't seen in years! :) It should be a lot of fun, but I will be really excited to be back home for good on Sunday night!!

Okay, now you are all sufficiently updated!! I will be back again soon!!! :)

13.1 Miles!!

In less than 3 hours!!! I know that's not very fast, but my goal was under 3.5 hours, so in my mind, I kicked butt!!! I still can't believe it did it! I didn't train nearly as well for this as I did for the Broad Street last year (life and random sicknesses kept getting in the way), but I guess my overall fitness level has improved because I was able to finish, finish under my goal time, and was feeling perfectly normal again within 2 days. Thank you Jesus!!!

The race was actually last weekend, but I am just now getting around to posting about it. Honestly, it was the most grueling run that I have ever done. I ran the Garden Spot Village Half Marathon, and when I signed up I was really excited. It was advertised as a nice run through the countryside of Lancaster, PA... running alongside farms and the Amish in their buggies. It sounded awesome!

I still had some coupons for a really nice hotel near Lancaster, so we decided to make a weekend trip out of it. We got up early Saturday morning (4:30 a.m.!!) and drove to Lancaster for the race (I had to pick up my race packet at 6:30). Our plan was for me to run the race, then we were going to get some lunch, then hang out in Lancaster for a while doing some touristy stuff and then spend the night in a nice hotel. On Sunday we hoped to sleep in, do some more random stuff and then head back to Philly in the early evening. The weekend almost went like that...

The first problem was that the half marathon was not accurately advertised. Yes, we did run through the countryside next to farms and I did see one horse and buggy. What they FAILED to mention was that 6 of the 13.1 miles would be UP HILL! (It was even worse for those running the full marathon, one of whom was my friend Jen). I was NOT prepared for so many hills! They also didn't tell us that they would not be stopping traffic for the race, so as we ran up and down windy roads, we would often be pushed into the grass (there wasn't even a bike lane!) to avoid oncoming traffic. NOT my ideal race, but I finished it nonetheless!!

And the fact that I finished to far under my goal time, even WITH all of those crazy hills, is really exciting to me!

Okay, so about the race. A little before 8 a.m., I started to get ready. I got my race number:

And I got my motivation:

What is written on my arms?


The writings on my arm are an inside joke with my family... my brother and parents will know what they mean. :) Its just too long... and weird... to type, haha. They did provide me with the motivation that I needed when I wanted to quit! My family makes me smile. :)

After that, I was ready to go! (And SO nervous!!)

At 8:08, we started! Okay, now here is a rundown of the race:

The first 2 miles were great; a few slight inclines but that was about it. At mile 3 we started to slowly move uphill, but still mostly doable. Then we hit mile 4... mile 4 was straight uphill. If it had been on a treadmill, we would have been at at least incline 7. Mile 5 was a slight decline, and then right at mile 6, the course went straight down. It was so steep I was seriously concerned that I would fall going down! A hill that steep requires just as much strength to go down as it does to go up (incidentally, I had to go back up that same hill, since the race was mostly a loop). After the sharp decline, we once again started an incline. The rest of mile 6 was uphill, as was mile 7. Somewhere between mile 7 and 8 was the turn around. Ashley and Cupcake came to meet me at the turnaround and I was already so tired! They ran with me for a few minutes and were so encouraging!!

(this picture was taken half way up one of the hills! CRAZY!)

I was so happy to see them! I was more than half way finished, but I knew I had that big hill to conquer. It wasn't quite the relaxing run I had expected. Thankfully, Ashley and Cupcake saw the steep hill that I was about to run up and went to take a picture of it. Ashley's words to me as I came up the hill: "Most ridiculous hill ever!". I'm so glad I have testimony as to just how crazy it was!

After the turn around, they no longer had mile markers, which was really frustrating. Once we caught back up to the full marathon course, we could figure out how much distance we had left based on their mile markers, but that wasn't until mile 9. So, mile 7-8 and 8-9, I had no idea how far I had gone...I just knew I was running uphill. In fact, we didn't get to a decline again until mile 11. Mile 11 was a pretty steep decline that took us down the mountain we had climbed and started us on our trip to the finish line. Thankfully, miles 12 and 13 were pretty much on flat ground with only slight inclines and declines. I was SO exhausted by this point. I kept telling myself that if I saw Ashley and Cupcake again, I was going to get in the car with them and just be finished! Thankfully, I didn't see them until the finish line. :)

(This is me at the turn around... a little more than half way finished!)

The last .1 miles of the race was through the retirement community that was hosting the event. It was so encouraging at the end because as you approached the finish line, EVERYONE was cheering for you. There weren't many people running the race, so once you got past the first pack of people, the rest of us pretty much crossed one by one. I was about 30 seconds behind the person in front of me, and the next runner didn't cross for about 2 minutes after I finished. As I rounded the final corner I immediately saw Cupcake and Ashley and they cheered me on through the finish.

I seriously thought about walking at that point (I was SO tired), but then I saw that the time clock was at 2 hours and 58 minutes, and I felt a last burst of energy to try and finish under 3 hours... and I did!! My final time was 2 hours 58 minutes and 20 seconds!!

I FINISHED A HALF MARATHON!!!! I still can't believe it!

We stuck around for another hour to see Jen cross the finish line after running the full marathon. As soon as she crossed she immediately started telling everyone about the insane hills that she had to climb. We're both so glad that we both ran the race so we can confirm what each other says about it... it was crazy!!

It was also pretty cold (as you can see by the emergency blankets they gave us at the finish line!),

so once we saw Jen finish; Ashley, Cupcake and I left to go get food!! Shady Maple, an AMAZING smorgasbord, is only about 5 minutes away from the race, so we headed over there to eat, eat and eat some more. It was delicious!!! Unfortunately, we were all so tired (even though Ashley and Cupcake didn't run, they had been up since 4 a.m.!) that we just kinda slowly ate and almost fell asleep in our food, haha. Of course, I was moving VERY slowly, which didn't really help. We made sure to get our money's worth, of course, but I would like to go back some time when we aren't quite as tired.

After lunch, I had originally wanted to hang out in Lancaster. I wasn't prepared, however, for how tired we all would be nor how sore my legs would be (I didn't train on hills!). So, we decided to check in to the hotel and rest... which turned into a 4 hour nap. That part was awesome. :)

So, the rest of Saturday we rested and hung out together (which was fine with me, I LOVE Ashley and Cupcake!). We did go get dinner late that night and stayed up watching some TV, but pretty much spent most of the rest of the day in the hotel. I did have to go to the drug store to get some cough medicine though. :( I had a cough going into the race, and the race made it so much worse... I coughed through the first 5 miles, and then couldn't really stop after we took our afternoon nap. Thankfully, we got some cough syrup that also helped me sleep, so I was able to get plenty of rest. :)

On Sunday we all slept in until we absolutely had to get up, and we checked out of the hotel at the last possible minute. It was so relaxing and QUIET!!! :) I was walking better by then, so we decided to get some brunch at Cracker Barrel (we ate well last weekend!) and then check out some of the outlet stores. We had a lot of fun laughing at one another and shopping for pretty much nothing. We tried to get Cupcake to let us take her dress shopping, but she refused, haha. So, we ended up buying a few kitchen things and then just heading home. Oh, and we did play a little MASH at Starbucks. My future husband is apparently a ninja. :)

By Monday, my legs were feeling back to normal! I still took that day off from exercising too, but on Tuesday started back up again for my training for the Broad Street Run in a few weeks. I have found that I actually do like running! Okay, I don't really like the running as much as I like accomplishing things I never thought I could do.

Did I mention that I RAN A HALF MARATHON?!?!?

Please excuse my hair, it was a windy day. :)

(And before you ask, this half marathon definitely confirmed in my mind that I have no desire to ever run a full marathon!) :)

House, and other stuff

Hey everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been updating much lately, and unfortunately this won't be much of an update either. There have been some bumps on the road to buying a new house, and I am slowly working through all of it. But its taking A LOT of time... and unfortunately, money. I am confident that it will all work out, but it feels like we'll never get there, haha.

At the same time, my CASA case is going to court soon and some new things have come up there that takes some time.

There is a lot of crazy drama happening with our teens that is requiring a lot of time and counseling with several teens. Yet another situation that God will definitely work out for His glory...but its a long road.

Oh, and I'm running a half marathon on Lancaster, PA in 2 days.

On the bright side, my tooth is FINALLY fixed! And it only took 4 months, 3 dentists and $2000! ;)

So yeah...I'm a little busy.

I'll be back with a real post soon! Thanks for your patience!!

Depression

Depression sucks. I don't usually like to use that word, but its the only one that somewhat describes how horrible depression is. The worst part about depression is that the wounds it creates are all internal and can not be understood by people that don't face the same struggle. Make no mistake, though, the wounds are most definitely real.

I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. As I have grown in my relationship with the Lord, in SOME ways that struggle has gotten easier. Actually, the more I think about it... the struggle hasn't gotten any easier, I've just found a reason to keep fighting. Christ has given me a reason...and the strength.

I go through periods of time (sometimes weeks at a time) where it takes literally everything I have to get out of bed. I go through days in a daze, kinda going through the motions waiting until I can just crawl back into bed. I feel worthless, hopeless and overall just sad.

Please understand, I am NOT suicidal. I do not want my life to end nor do I think this world would be a better place without me in it. I don't want to lose sight of the incredible work that God has done in my heart. There are times that I don't FEEL like my life has a purpose, but thanks to Christ, I KNOW that God created me with a purpose. While I struggle believing it at times, I KNOW that I am created in the image of my King, which means I can't be as pathetic as I feel.

But the feelings are so overwhelming. Sometimes they are even crippling. I hate it. And people who don't struggle with depression just really don't understand. "Just get out of bed!", "Why cant you just get over it?", "Your life is good, what do you have to be depressed about?". Trust me, I know it doesn't make sense and I want to just get over it. But I can't. I just can't.

The craziest part, though, is that I'm actually thankful for the struggle. Of course, on the days when I can barely get out of bed, I don't spend much time praising Him for the battle. However, when I talk with others that struggle with depression as well, I am thankful that I am one of the few who can understand. In my own life, I am SO thankful for the people who understand my struggle, so I feel blessed to be that for others. Well, most of the time I feel blessed. :)

The other night I was hanging out with one of the teens from church. She was at my house for a little while and then I said I would drive her home. My car was at the church (I left it there in favor of walking home on such a nice day), so we walked to my car and then I drove her home.

As we were walking, we just started talking about life. Its not a far walk, but by the time we got to my car, something had changed. The happy, carefree girl that was at my house had been replaced by a lost and vulnerable little girl. As she talked to me about what was going on in her life, I saw in her the same feelings I battle with all the time. We talked for a really long time, and when I finally got her to look me in the eye, I knew. I am very used to teens telling me story after story to get attention. This girl wasn't looking for attention, she was hurting. Hurting in a way that I understand all too well.

The look in her eyes will haunt me for a while. No one that amazing should hurt like she does.

I know the incredible redeeming work that Christ has done in me is also at work in her heart. I don't feel hopeless for her, in fact, just the opposite. I have complete trust that God will replace the sadness with joy, and that she will use her struggle for His glory. He has an amazing plan for her life. But, as with me, the battle continues for her.

And the only thing that makes any sense in the middle of the fight is just, depression sucks.

WHOA!

Has it really been 3 weeks since I posted on my blog?? I've been busier than I thought! Well, here's the run down for you!

I guess the most exciting news is I'M MOVING!!!! WOOHOO!!!! No, unfortunately my house hasn't sold yet, but God has opened the door for me to be able to buy the new house before I sell my old one. I will be renting my current house out to a friend, while keeping it on the market. In the mean time, Ashley and I will be moving into a new house!!! In 2 weeks! I can't believe how fast this is all happening, but it's absolutely time. As the weather gets warmer, my block has gotten crazier (not that it wasn't pretty insane in the winter months as well). I can't remember the last time I slept through the night, and I have called the cops more times in the last month than probably the last 3 years total. Yeah, its definitely time to move.

All the house stuff started about 2 weeks ago, so its been moving FAST! We are closing on April 2nd, and there is so much to do before then! Of course, the biggest stresser is the down payment/closing costs. Since I haven't sold my current house yet (which I had hoped would happen by now so I could use money from that sale for the down payment/closing costs), I am pretty much cleaning out all of my savings and then some to hopefully have the money. I really think I will have it, but its taking a strict budget and a lot of prayer to make it happen. It will be SO worth it though!!

As if the house stuff wasn't enough to keep me busy, I have also started my first CASA case. Its going REALLY well, and I LOVE it! It is a lot of work, but its awesome!! I am learning a lot about foster care, the courts and the law... so much that I just never knew before. Its very eye opening and I can already see it helping me in my ministry in Kensington. Of course, I am also completely in love with the kids on my case, so that's fun too. :)

And if that wasn't enough, I'm also in the process of becoming a foster parent! What?? I know, that was kinda my thought as well, haha. I'm early on in the process (my first training is this weekend), but I really feel at peace about all of it.

I was really surprised at myself after Linda and Bonita moved out. I definitely went through a period of mourning, but i didn't fall apart. In fact, I feel like I drew even closer to the Lord and learned so much about Him, and me. What I realized is that God has given me the gift of being able to care for His children for a time (however long He chooses), and then let them go and trust Him with them. I still love and pray for the girls daily, but my faith has actually strengthened thorough all of this. I have a real desire to give children a safe and loving home; any children that the Lord chooses, for any amount of time that He plans.

The process of becoming a foster parent does take a long time (home visits, background checks, trainings), and I'm not trying to rush it. The other good thing is that I can say yes or no to any phone calls I get to take kids in. So, the plan to become certified and then pray. I might have kids in my home this summer, I might not have any until next fall. I'm really trying to seek the Lord and let Him guide me.

Don't worry, though, I'm not finished! I've also been meeting with several of my God's Girls for discipleship, working hard on Kids Club, AND planning a summer mission trip for the teens! This will be the first year that I will be the main leader, and actually the oldest leader on the trip. There is a lot of prep to do, but we are SO excited to have a mission trip this year.

Okay, I think that's about it. In all, I am extremely busy, often stressed... but I am also more confirmed than EVER that leaving my part time job was a great decision. I am certainly not less busy, but I am spending my time on things that I love and I feel so much peace about everything. I will admit that taking a big pay cut right before buying a new house has caused some (okay, a little more than some) stress, but I still trust in the Lord and the decision that He and I made. :) Life just kind of feels like its as it should be. I even have time to babysit sometimes!

Hopefully I will remember to blog more, 3 weeks is just ridiculous! Of course, life doesn't seem to be slowing down any time soon, so we'll see! :)

I am Wealthy

I am rich. I know many of you are probably laughing at that statement (especially my parents who regularly hear my financial struggles), but its true. In fact, I am extremely rich; and I am speaking of financial wealth.

I have a regular paycheck. Occasionally my bills are paid late or I have to cut things from my budget. Often I can't afford the things that I WANT, but I rarely, if ever, can't afford the things that I NEED.

I have never lived without a flushing toilet. My refrigerator has never been completely empty of food. I have never had to go without electricity or heat. I have always had a bed to sleep in at night. I have never even been without a winter coat.

I am wealthy.

Even if all of those things were taken away from me, living in America keeps me in the wealthy class. If I lost my house, I would still have a place to sleep. If I couldn't afford food, I would still have a place to go to get it. If I didn't have health insurance, every hospital in the city would still be required to treat me, no matter what my ailment was.

If I have an emergency, help is literally a phone call away, at all times.

I am extremely wealthy.

That makes this passage hit my gut hard:

"Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" "Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replies. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." "Which ones?" the man inquired. Jesus replied, "Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother, and 'love your neighbor as yourself'" "All these I have kept, " the young man said. "What do I still lack?" Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When the young man heard this, he went away sad because he had great wealth.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" ~Matthew 19:16-24

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for ME to enter into heaven.

Don't worry, I know I am saved, and I KNOW that my salvation doesn't come from my meticulous following of the commandments nor from my lack of physical possessions. My salvation is in Christ and Christ alone.

But there is something in this passage for me. Is my trust in Christ and Christ alone? Does He have ALL of my heart, or am I reserving some of that for other things? The rich man was unwilling to sell his possessions, he was content to do the best he could at being righteous, but not give up everything that he had. He liked certain things in his life and was unwilling to sacrifice them. That kept him from sharing in the sufferings of Christ, which kept him from eternal life with Christ.

So much of my life is about avoiding suffering (that's a post for another day!), but Christ came to earth specifically to suffer. Why am I avoiding the one thing that can draw me into Him the most?? (A little off the subject, I know. I will be writing more about this soon, but I digress....)

I need to let go of all that I am seeking, holding on to, trusting in and loving more than Christ. '

If I'm honest, that means I need to let go of a lot. In fact; everything.