I would say that about 90% of the time I am completley okay with being single. I don't often struggle with being alone (I actually really like alone time) and I really do trust in the Lord for whatever plan He has for my life. I tend to view everything in terms of opportunity cost (its an economics term). Opportunity cost is basically the benefits you could have received by doing one thing instead of anther option. Everything has a cost, even if it isn't money. For example, for me to go on vacation for a week (let's pretend its all expenses paid so there is no actual monetary cost), I also have to give up a week in Philly. The week in Philly is the opportunity cost. In that situation, it is most likely that I would decide that the opportunity cost was worth giving up and I would take the vacation.
So, for me right now in my life, I really feel like the opportunity cost of getting married isn't worth it (I am positive this will change when I meet my husband). I have no desire to give up the things that I would have to give up in order to have a husband (again, I believe that the reason I feel this way is because I haven't met my husband yet so the opportunity cost of changing my life for a fictional person isn't really worth it). All that to say, as of right now, when I think of a husband I think of all the things that would change and the things I would miss out on...which doesn't leave me longing for a man. Usually...
I am thankful for my current mindset because like I have said (several times in fact, I really want you to get this, haha), I know this mindset will change when my husband has a face and a name.
Still, there is about 10% of the time that I do struggle. I wonder if I will be alone for my whole life. If it is actually possible for someone to love me and want to spend their life with me. If anyone finds me beautiful or captivating.
The time of year that this struggle is the hardest is always right around the start of God's Girls. I hate satan. My desire in being a God's Girls leader is to show the girls that our identity is in Christ, not our bodies, in men or in what other people expect us to be. I desire to be the example of a Godly woman who is madly in love with her God and will wait patiently (forever if necessary) for the man God has for her. Satan hates that, and he comes after me.
Well, God's Girls is starting up in a little less than 2 weeks, and the attacks have begun. Just a few days ago I was literally feeling at my most confident in who I am and in who Christ is in me. I felt beautiful, cherished adored...loved and protected. Those feelings are gone (for the time being) and I am entering into the battle to believe the truth and cast out the lies. Praise the Lord, I am not fighting alone. God is so amazing...
Wednesday night was a particularly rough night for me in this area. I just couldn't believe that I was single because God was calling me to be single, I was convinced it was because I was ugly and unlovable. I began to cry out to God and ask Him if it was ever possible for me to find someone who will love me (because despite my occasional bouts with desperation, I refuse to settle). As I was crying, this song came on the radio (not the Christian station):
You put your heart up on a shelf
I know it's hard to be by yourself
You need someone that's true and strong
Baby someone just came along
I am that man you're trying to find
I am that man you had in mind
And I'll give you all my love
'Til you understand
I won't give up
'Cause I know I am
Talk is cheap, it ain't worth a dime
So don't talk to me, just give me some time
I'm gonna show you what love can be
My job won't be done until you believe
I am that man you're trying to find
I am that man you had in mind
And I'll give you all my love
'Til you understand
I won't give up
'Cause I know
I am that man you're trying to find
I am that man you had in mind
And I'll give you all my love
'Til you understand
I won't give up
'Cause I know
I am that man
Notice the words I have bolded...they are not a coincidence. In the midst of my tears and my hearts cry, the I AM let me know that He is exactly what I have been looking for.
How crazy is that?!? The I AM let me know that He has chosen me, He is in love with me, and He is everything I could ever ask for.
"I'm gonna show you what love can be..."
He sang that to me while I cried...
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Cliff's Notes
I haven't written in a while, so here is the Cliff's Notes version of what's been going on (as well as some thoughts that haven't been cliffed...).
* Tasha came home from camp on Friday and Bonita, Linda, Monique and I all fought to be the first to welcome her home. We all missed her so much!!! (Linda won...). When I asked her how camp was, she responded; "There was a spider on my head". She had a great week. :)
* I taught Sunday School this week because Carisa is out of town. We have had some heavy weeks in class for a while, so this week we just chilled and laughed...a lot.
* Bonita, Linda and Monique all left for camp on Sunday. I love them SO MUCH, but I was ready for a break from so many kids around all the time (they have all been staying with me for about 2 weeks). Now its just me and Tasha...poor Tasha is bored a lot.
* I am leading an AIM trip this week and so far its going really well. They are leading VBS at Cornerstone and we have had close to 40 kids come each day. Its been fun, but absolutely exhausting (and its only Tuesday!)
* We had 3 new kids at Reading Rocks today, and they were all great!! And, we survived our first day without Carisa (she's on vacation, not gone forever, whew!!). I seriously wasn't sure if I would make it, but PRAISE THE LORD for Shannon, Laurie and Joy. Thanks to them, we survived and had fun!
* Kids Club tonight was AWESOME!! We had over 60 kids, which is a lot for the summer (we've hardly broken 40 this summer). It was crazy...2 of my main leaders are out of town and almost all of my other adult leaders came very late because their car got a flat tire, plus I felt horribly unprepared with the lesson. But, God showed up in amazing ways and it was GREAT!
* I am so far behind on my AIM work its not even funny. Seriously...
* Our cook this week on the AIM trip is from VA and has been making is sweet tea. If you read my post called "Things I didn't sign up for", you will know why this is so exciting for me...and why I totally see God's hand in it (not physically in the tea itself...that would be mucho weird).
* Today at VBS one of the girls (who I just met today) came and gave me a big hug, and when she did I said, "Hello Beautiful!". She quickly looked up at me and said, "You are beautiful too!". It was sweet.
* I had a very interesting conversation with one of the girl teen leaders today that really challenged me (this is part of the uncliffed section). An incident happened at God Squad on Monday where a teen was using her phone (which is against the rules) and this leader asked her to put it away. From there the leader then addressed the issue of using phones with a large group, which made the teen feel singled out and frustrated, and she vocalized that. To make a long story short, the teen felt very disrespected and uncared for, and the leader felt the same way. As I talked with the leader today, she said over and over again, "That is against the rules and I have been put in authority over the teens to enforce the rules".
This really made me think. Her statement is very true, but there was something missing. Rules are designed not to be strict guidelines to establish good and bad. They are created to ensure safety, respect and most importantly, to teach us how to be more like Christ. The whole point of the law in the Old Testament is to show us our desperate need for a Savior.
I started to wonder how this view would change my relationships with the teens. If my goal wasn't to simply enforce rules, but to see them followed so that the teens could be made into the image of Christ. I want my heart in enforcing rules to be about teaching the teens to be like Christ, not anything having to do with me. My heart should be for the teens, not the rules. (I still believe that following the rules is integral to the teens becoming like Christ, so I am not saying I will stop enforcing the rules...I just want my heart to change).
Another statement that this leader made was; "They need to understand that I am not you (meaning me, Trish). I have a completely different personality and I handle things differently". Another true statement, but as I thought about this a little deeper I realized that I'm not who I was. (Weird statement, I know...stick with me on this). I came into inner city teen ministry with one mindset and way of thinking, but over the years God has changed that and molded and shaped me in some really different ways. I have learned how to talk with the teens, what discipline they will respond to, how to show them respect (even when they don't show me any), and so on. I have learned that; "I am your leader, you have to listen to me" doesn't really work with them, so I have changed. To some that may seem like being too soft (which is weird cause I am not afraid of disciplining)...I see it as humility. Oh, I still have a VERY long way to go and I mess up ALL THE TIME, but again, I want my heart to be for the teens, not myself.
In order to work with teens here you have to play many different roles in their lives. At times you are a mentor, other times you are a mother. Sometimes you are a disciplinarian and sometimes you are a shoulder to cry on. You have to be ready to take hits (not physical) that you don't deserve because so many things are hurting them in their lives that they don't know how to handle that they have to lash out at someone and you are the only person they know isn't going anywhere. Sometimes you are a shelter, and others you are the one pushing them to fly on their own. You are a teacher and a listener. Our teens have so many emotions they don't understand and we are in the position of walking alongside them as they try and sort through it all. Its not always easy, its not always fun, it certainly isn't pretty and it can be exhausting. And the truth is, the fruit is not always visible (and in fact may never be). The even more amazing truth is, I am being shaped and refined through them.
A few weeks ago I was seriously considering stepping out of teen ministry so I could focus on more stuff with kids. I am still praying that God will open that door someday (soon...), but for now I feel strongly about my calling to the teens. God has used them in incredible ways to strip me of my flesh and fill me with Himself. (Incidentally, I am now seeking to take the things I have learned about caring for/leading/mentoring etc, into my relationship with Bonita and Linda. As they get older I am moving more and more out of the "mothering" role in their life and slowly into the "mentor" role. Its a weird adjustment that will take us some time and will require A LOT of grace and humility...but I think we're ready for it).
My conversation with this leader reminded me of the person I used to be, and that I still have so far to go. But, it made me so thankful to serve a God that is willing to refine me.
Okay, back to Cliff's notes...
* I saw the movie Hancock and LOVED it!! I also saw a lot of myself and a lot of Christ in the movie (despite a lot of unnecessary language), and I will write about that soon.
* The last of our kittens went to her new home. We're back to just Gizmo, and my house doesn't smell like poop anymore!
* The bible says that my God sings over me. How sweet is that?!?
* The question I asked the kids tonight at Kids Club was, "If you don't tell them [about Jesus], who will?"
* If I don't love them, who will?
* Tasha came home from camp on Friday and Bonita, Linda, Monique and I all fought to be the first to welcome her home. We all missed her so much!!! (Linda won...). When I asked her how camp was, she responded; "There was a spider on my head". She had a great week. :)
* I taught Sunday School this week because Carisa is out of town. We have had some heavy weeks in class for a while, so this week we just chilled and laughed...a lot.
* Bonita, Linda and Monique all left for camp on Sunday. I love them SO MUCH, but I was ready for a break from so many kids around all the time (they have all been staying with me for about 2 weeks). Now its just me and Tasha...poor Tasha is bored a lot.
* I am leading an AIM trip this week and so far its going really well. They are leading VBS at Cornerstone and we have had close to 40 kids come each day. Its been fun, but absolutely exhausting (and its only Tuesday!)
* We had 3 new kids at Reading Rocks today, and they were all great!! And, we survived our first day without Carisa (she's on vacation, not gone forever, whew!!). I seriously wasn't sure if I would make it, but PRAISE THE LORD for Shannon, Laurie and Joy. Thanks to them, we survived and had fun!
* Kids Club tonight was AWESOME!! We had over 60 kids, which is a lot for the summer (we've hardly broken 40 this summer). It was crazy...2 of my main leaders are out of town and almost all of my other adult leaders came very late because their car got a flat tire, plus I felt horribly unprepared with the lesson. But, God showed up in amazing ways and it was GREAT!
* I am so far behind on my AIM work its not even funny. Seriously...
* Our cook this week on the AIM trip is from VA and has been making is sweet tea. If you read my post called "Things I didn't sign up for", you will know why this is so exciting for me...and why I totally see God's hand in it (not physically in the tea itself...that would be mucho weird).
* Today at VBS one of the girls (who I just met today) came and gave me a big hug, and when she did I said, "Hello Beautiful!". She quickly looked up at me and said, "You are beautiful too!". It was sweet.
* I had a very interesting conversation with one of the girl teen leaders today that really challenged me (this is part of the uncliffed section). An incident happened at God Squad on Monday where a teen was using her phone (which is against the rules) and this leader asked her to put it away. From there the leader then addressed the issue of using phones with a large group, which made the teen feel singled out and frustrated, and she vocalized that. To make a long story short, the teen felt very disrespected and uncared for, and the leader felt the same way. As I talked with the leader today, she said over and over again, "That is against the rules and I have been put in authority over the teens to enforce the rules".
This really made me think. Her statement is very true, but there was something missing. Rules are designed not to be strict guidelines to establish good and bad. They are created to ensure safety, respect and most importantly, to teach us how to be more like Christ. The whole point of the law in the Old Testament is to show us our desperate need for a Savior.
I started to wonder how this view would change my relationships with the teens. If my goal wasn't to simply enforce rules, but to see them followed so that the teens could be made into the image of Christ. I want my heart in enforcing rules to be about teaching the teens to be like Christ, not anything having to do with me. My heart should be for the teens, not the rules. (I still believe that following the rules is integral to the teens becoming like Christ, so I am not saying I will stop enforcing the rules...I just want my heart to change).
Another statement that this leader made was; "They need to understand that I am not you (meaning me, Trish). I have a completely different personality and I handle things differently". Another true statement, but as I thought about this a little deeper I realized that I'm not who I was. (Weird statement, I know...stick with me on this). I came into inner city teen ministry with one mindset and way of thinking, but over the years God has changed that and molded and shaped me in some really different ways. I have learned how to talk with the teens, what discipline they will respond to, how to show them respect (even when they don't show me any), and so on. I have learned that; "I am your leader, you have to listen to me" doesn't really work with them, so I have changed. To some that may seem like being too soft (which is weird cause I am not afraid of disciplining)...I see it as humility. Oh, I still have a VERY long way to go and I mess up ALL THE TIME, but again, I want my heart to be for the teens, not myself.
In order to work with teens here you have to play many different roles in their lives. At times you are a mentor, other times you are a mother. Sometimes you are a disciplinarian and sometimes you are a shoulder to cry on. You have to be ready to take hits (not physical) that you don't deserve because so many things are hurting them in their lives that they don't know how to handle that they have to lash out at someone and you are the only person they know isn't going anywhere. Sometimes you are a shelter, and others you are the one pushing them to fly on their own. You are a teacher and a listener. Our teens have so many emotions they don't understand and we are in the position of walking alongside them as they try and sort through it all. Its not always easy, its not always fun, it certainly isn't pretty and it can be exhausting. And the truth is, the fruit is not always visible (and in fact may never be). The even more amazing truth is, I am being shaped and refined through them.
A few weeks ago I was seriously considering stepping out of teen ministry so I could focus on more stuff with kids. I am still praying that God will open that door someday (soon...), but for now I feel strongly about my calling to the teens. God has used them in incredible ways to strip me of my flesh and fill me with Himself. (Incidentally, I am now seeking to take the things I have learned about caring for/leading/mentoring etc, into my relationship with Bonita and Linda. As they get older I am moving more and more out of the "mothering" role in their life and slowly into the "mentor" role. Its a weird adjustment that will take us some time and will require A LOT of grace and humility...but I think we're ready for it).
My conversation with this leader reminded me of the person I used to be, and that I still have so far to go. But, it made me so thankful to serve a God that is willing to refine me.
Okay, back to Cliff's notes...
* I saw the movie Hancock and LOVED it!! I also saw a lot of myself and a lot of Christ in the movie (despite a lot of unnecessary language), and I will write about that soon.
* The last of our kittens went to her new home. We're back to just Gizmo, and my house doesn't smell like poop anymore!
* The bible says that my God sings over me. How sweet is that?!?
* The question I asked the kids tonight at Kids Club was, "If you don't tell them [about Jesus], who will?"
* If I don't love them, who will?
Friday, July 18, 2008
What's Going On?
So, I told you about a week ago about a very serious thing going on here in Philly. Well, we are still right in the middle of it, and it's ugly and hard...but all we can seem to do is give God praise. And a 12 year old girl is showing us all what strength and courage really are.
And I was right, this has changed everything. Yet we are seeing beauty come from the ashes.
The city of Philadelphia moved very fast once the allegations were made and by the beginning of this week, the investigation was in full swing. Y was sticking to her guns, her brother had raped her. Her brother (whom we all know and love as well) was insistent that he didn't do anything. The rest of us felt caught in the middle. So, we prayed.
It became a ridiculous game of he said/she said, with so much pain and fear behind the words. Their family was divided, our church was becoming divided. We were all desperate for the truth, but only 2 people had it...and one was lying. So, we prayed.
The brother was threatening to run, convinced he would be sent to jail despite his claims of innocence. He was angry and scared. So we prayed.
Y was scared it would happen again. She hated going home (remember, even her family is divided), and unsure who would stand by her. She was angry and scared. So we prayed.
We cried out to the Lord, simply desperate for the truth. Even a trial with evidence would always leave lingering doubts in out minds. We didn't know how He was going to do it, but we knew that we needed God to bring the truth to light. Then we knew He would bring healing.
We had no idea how good God really is.
On Wednesday the brother decided to face the accusations and tell his side of the story. We all knew someone wasn't telling the truth, he wanted to prove that it wasn't him. He went and talked to the police, persistent in his claims of innocence. He left the police station and waited. Then the Lord stepped in. He heard the voice of the Lord calling him. So the brother sent a text message; "I did it. God told me to tell the truth, and I did it" (Not word for word, I was not the recipient of the text message).
The horrible, ugly, filthy truth had come to light. Only God could have done that.
The brother went back to the police and told the truth. He was guilty. And completely broken. God loves the brother too. He can be healed. The brother is now in jail and a whole new set of challenges lay ahead. We have no idea what comes next, but we know we can trust in the Lord with whatever that is.
Y was incredibly relieved and so much weight has been lifted off of her tiny shoulders. She has a long road of healing ahead of her, but she isn't walking it alone.
This has obviously been so difficult on Y's mother as both parties are her precious children. There are other siblings who feel so lost and confused. Why did this happen? How do we love both our brother and our sister? I can't imagine the pain and the turmoil.
Then there is our church. People who care deeply about Y and her brother. Did we ever really know him? How can we forgive him?
Its all just so much. But we know that God is good. All the time.
And in the midst we just stand in awe of Y. Her strength puts the rest of us to shame. Her honesty has opened the door for so many others to talk about their own pain. More things being brought to light. More healing can begin.
Healing is not easy, nor is it painless. As I write this I have hydrogen peroxide bubbling on a wound, and it stings. Yet, I know its necessary and eventually that wound will barely, if at all, be noticeable.
Please continue to pray. I have learned that my prayers need to be neither long nor eloquent. Our prayers over the last week have consisted of one word: truth. That's what God gave us, and so much more.
Now my prayer is for redemption. To see Him glorified in the ugliest of circumstances and to see His children healed and restored.
Please pray with us.
And I was right, this has changed everything. Yet we are seeing beauty come from the ashes.
The city of Philadelphia moved very fast once the allegations were made and by the beginning of this week, the investigation was in full swing. Y was sticking to her guns, her brother had raped her. Her brother (whom we all know and love as well) was insistent that he didn't do anything. The rest of us felt caught in the middle. So, we prayed.
It became a ridiculous game of he said/she said, with so much pain and fear behind the words. Their family was divided, our church was becoming divided. We were all desperate for the truth, but only 2 people had it...and one was lying. So, we prayed.
The brother was threatening to run, convinced he would be sent to jail despite his claims of innocence. He was angry and scared. So we prayed.
Y was scared it would happen again. She hated going home (remember, even her family is divided), and unsure who would stand by her. She was angry and scared. So we prayed.
We cried out to the Lord, simply desperate for the truth. Even a trial with evidence would always leave lingering doubts in out minds. We didn't know how He was going to do it, but we knew that we needed God to bring the truth to light. Then we knew He would bring healing.
We had no idea how good God really is.
On Wednesday the brother decided to face the accusations and tell his side of the story. We all knew someone wasn't telling the truth, he wanted to prove that it wasn't him. He went and talked to the police, persistent in his claims of innocence. He left the police station and waited. Then the Lord stepped in. He heard the voice of the Lord calling him. So the brother sent a text message; "I did it. God told me to tell the truth, and I did it" (Not word for word, I was not the recipient of the text message).
The horrible, ugly, filthy truth had come to light. Only God could have done that.
The brother went back to the police and told the truth. He was guilty. And completely broken. God loves the brother too. He can be healed. The brother is now in jail and a whole new set of challenges lay ahead. We have no idea what comes next, but we know we can trust in the Lord with whatever that is.
Y was incredibly relieved and so much weight has been lifted off of her tiny shoulders. She has a long road of healing ahead of her, but she isn't walking it alone.
This has obviously been so difficult on Y's mother as both parties are her precious children. There are other siblings who feel so lost and confused. Why did this happen? How do we love both our brother and our sister? I can't imagine the pain and the turmoil.
Then there is our church. People who care deeply about Y and her brother. Did we ever really know him? How can we forgive him?
Its all just so much. But we know that God is good. All the time.
And in the midst we just stand in awe of Y. Her strength puts the rest of us to shame. Her honesty has opened the door for so many others to talk about their own pain. More things being brought to light. More healing can begin.
Healing is not easy, nor is it painless. As I write this I have hydrogen peroxide bubbling on a wound, and it stings. Yet, I know its necessary and eventually that wound will barely, if at all, be noticeable.
Please continue to pray. I have learned that my prayers need to be neither long nor eloquent. Our prayers over the last week have consisted of one word: truth. That's what God gave us, and so much more.
Now my prayer is for redemption. To see Him glorified in the ugliest of circumstances and to see His children healed and restored.
Please pray with us.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Things I Didn't Sign Up For...
The title of this blog makes me laugh. A lot. Really, my life is NOT what I signed up for. I never expected to be single (with nothing on the horizon) at 28. Never thought I would be living in the inner city. I never thought I would make less money than people on welfare. Never thought I would "mother" children that weren't mine. I never expected to be Godmother to 9 kids. And I certainly never thought I would live in the north...and like it!!
(And incidentally...before I continue with this post...all of my "never thoughts" above are things in my life I would NEVER want to change...except maybe the money thing...and the single thing, in God's timing...).
In addition to all of that, I have accumulated a list of things that, when I entered full time ministry in Philadelphia, I never expected to be a part of my life. Some are good and I wouldn't change them for the world, some are bad and I pray daily that they will change...and some are just funny. Nonetheless, these things make up my life; what a strange and crazy life it is.
Things I didn't sign up for in Philly:
1) KITTENS
2) Being called "Miss Trish" all the time, even by adults (even my friends occasionally call me that)
3) Having the distinct ability to immediately tell the difference between gunshots and fireworks
4) No sweet tea ANYWHERE!
5) Having curly hair (my hair was straight until I moved to Philly, seriously!)
6) Driving a minivan when I don't have any children
7) Barking dogs...all the time...
8) Developing personal relationships with drug dealers
9) Having my brother offer (more than once) to buy me a gun and teach me how to shoot it
10) Having my dad support my brother's suggestion
11) Having my phone number memorized by half the kids (if not more) in our ministry
12) Getting to travel to several countries in Africa
13) Finding the sound of the El rolling by soothing (when I'm inside)
14) Watching a man die in front of his children
15) Taking 9 kids (that aren't mine) on a dream vacation...and loving every minute of it!
16) Caring so much it hurts
17) Knowing, seeing, feeling and hearing God in ways I never thought possible
18) Being okay with me...size and all. :)
19) My friends
20) Not being the sidekick
21) Having my every need taken care of, always
22) rats
23) roaches
24) Parties on my street that last until the wee hours of the morning
25) Learning too love running
26) Missing my parents
27) Missing my brother
28) Gizmo
29) roosters
30) Being upfront a lot...and not throwing up every time
That's all I have for now...I'm sure I will add more later!
In addition to all of that, I have accumulated a list of things that, when I entered full time ministry in Philadelphia, I never expected to be a part of my life. Some are good and I wouldn't change them for the world, some are bad and I pray daily that they will change...and some are just funny. Nonetheless, these things make up my life; what a strange and crazy life it is.
Things I didn't sign up for in Philly:
1) KITTENS
2) Being called "Miss Trish" all the time, even by adults (even my friends occasionally call me that)
3) Having the distinct ability to immediately tell the difference between gunshots and fireworks
4) No sweet tea ANYWHERE!
5) Having curly hair (my hair was straight until I moved to Philly, seriously!)
6) Driving a minivan when I don't have any children
7) Barking dogs...all the time...
8) Developing personal relationships with drug dealers
9) Having my brother offer (more than once) to buy me a gun and teach me how to shoot it
10) Having my dad support my brother's suggestion
11) Having my phone number memorized by half the kids (if not more) in our ministry
12) Getting to travel to several countries in Africa
13) Finding the sound of the El rolling by soothing (when I'm inside)
14) Watching a man die in front of his children
15) Taking 9 kids (that aren't mine) on a dream vacation...and loving every minute of it!
16) Caring so much it hurts
17) Knowing, seeing, feeling and hearing God in ways I never thought possible
18) Being okay with me...size and all. :)
19) My friends
20) Not being the sidekick
21) Having my every need taken care of, always
22) rats
23) roaches
24) Parties on my street that last until the wee hours of the morning
25) Learning too love running
26) Missing my parents
27) Missing my brother
28) Gizmo
29) roosters
30) Being upfront a lot...and not throwing up every time
That's all I have for now...I'm sure I will add more later!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Seeking Blogs...
By single Christian women. Anyone know any?
I have several blogs that I read regularly and they all encourage, inspire and humor me. Unfortunately, none of them are written by single Christian women. I know they're out there, I just can't seem to find them.
I actually spent several hours today looking through blogs on other people's sites, and still didn't find anything from single Christian women.
So, I'm asking for your help. I'm not looking for "How to Survive Single" or anything like that. I am simply looking for some blogs written by single Christian women about their lives.
Please don't think that I am discounting married women, I am not. But, I am surrounded by inspiring married women here in Philly, and have found a 1,975,376 blogs written by married women (that number was made up, but you get the idea). I really do love reading parenting stories, but I can't relate to those. Its always encouraging to hear from women who love Jesus, married or single. I'm hearing from the married ones, now I want to hear from the single ones.
So, I'm looking for a blog I can relate to. Someone who has given their heart to God and is waiting for the man in who's hands God will place that heart.
Anyone?
(Bonus points if the author of the blog is in her late 20's or older. Single women in their early 20's don't count as "single" in my book, they're just weighing their options, hehe). :)
I have several blogs that I read regularly and they all encourage, inspire and humor me. Unfortunately, none of them are written by single Christian women. I know they're out there, I just can't seem to find them.
I actually spent several hours today looking through blogs on other people's sites, and still didn't find anything from single Christian women.
So, I'm asking for your help. I'm not looking for "How to Survive Single" or anything like that. I am simply looking for some blogs written by single Christian women about their lives.
Please don't think that I am discounting married women, I am not. But, I am surrounded by inspiring married women here in Philly, and have found a 1,975,376 blogs written by married women (that number was made up, but you get the idea). I really do love reading parenting stories, but I can't relate to those. Its always encouraging to hear from women who love Jesus, married or single. I'm hearing from the married ones, now I want to hear from the single ones.
So, I'm looking for a blog I can relate to. Someone who has given their heart to God and is waiting for the man in who's hands God will place that heart.
Anyone?
(Bonus points if the author of the blog is in her late 20's or older. Single women in their early 20's don't count as "single" in my book, they're just weighing their options, hehe). :)
Only One Thing Makes Sense Right Now
Worship.
Though, it doesn't make much sense to me that that's the only thing that makes sense.
I have spent the last several days trying to wrap my mind around everything that is going on. That is impossible. In this world, nothing that is happening makes any sense. I have listened to story after story after story after story after story after story after story of young girls who have been raped or sexually abused (yes, that is 7 stories). I have listened to story after story after story after story after story of girls who's parents abuse drugs and alcohol (that would be 4 more stories). Its just so much.
I don't feel like these girls are looking to me for answers, which is a very good thing, because I don't have any. I have tried to find some, but so far I'm empty. I do feel like these girls are looking for someone to listen, to care and to cry with them (you always feel better when someone else is crying too...makes you feel like you're not alone). I haven't been the only one doing that, though, they have been doing it for each other as well.
I think that is the part that is surprising me the most. I guess tragedy does bring people together, and God is uniting so many young women in our church and it is so beautiful to watch.
At the same time, though, Satan is working hard to divide.
I have heard several stories over the last few days about ridiculous rumors going around about me. They honestly don't bother me, they are that ridiculous. Still, others are becoming angry and lashing out at one another. Satan is most definitely at work.
In the midst of all of this I have tried to find answers or at least solace in the Scriptures. Instead, I find a bunch of stuff that doesn't make any sense. This is unusual for me, and was kind of alarming for me at first.
See, I LOVE the Word. (You would think that would lead me to spend more time reading it...you would think...). I especially LOVE the Old Testament. That probably makes me a little weird (especially since I had never even opened to the Old Testament until college), but I'm okay with that. Its not that I don't love the New Testament, I do. But, the Old Testament if full of amazing characters and stories. People I can relate to, people I can learn from. The Old Testament has a ton of people that I can follow from birth to death, I get to see their whole story. I kinda see the Old and New Testaments the opposite from most people. To me, the New Testament has the most instruction and guidelines to follow, while the Old Testament is much more about the story of a God and His people. I just LOVE it!!!
**Quick side note: Bonita and Lindaare up to something right now. I have no idea what it is, but it is making them laugh uncontrollably. I think they're trying to sneak up on me; which is difficult with the laughing. I'll just keep typing and wait for it...
Anyway, knowing how much I love the Word and how 90% of the time, I find everything I need in it, you can see why I have been a little on edge. I have tried and tried to read the word and I get nothing. I'm not captivated by the stories I read. I'm not highlighting and writing down my inner most thoughts on how I am just like (or just the opposite) from the latest character that I have fallen in love with.
For me, if God's Word doesn't make sense, then nothing will. Well, almost...
As I was searching through the Word yesterday (I skipped Sunday School because I was pretty sure it was going to include more stories...ones that I have heard and couldn't bare to listen to again at that moment), I first read about Jacob wrestling with God. Jon, the author of the "Stuff Christians Like" blog that I love, also had a blog called "97 Seconds With God". On that blog a few days ago he was talking about Jacob wrestling with God and Jon says that God actually loved that moment with Jacob because no matter how difficult the battle was, Jacob was close to God. I LOVE that idea and will hold onto it in the future (I wrestle with God way more than I want to admit), but at this point in time, I don't feel like I'm wrestling.
I'm just kinda here.
So, I kept looking. I went to the New Testament (not my usual route, haha) and started reading about Mary and Martha. Mary wasn't wrestling with God, she was just sitting at His feet, listening to Him. The problem there, for me, is that I was trying to listen, but wasn't hearing anything. On I went.
Finally I came to the story of Mary washing Jesus feet with her hair. She was at His feet worshiping Him. For some reason, that made sense to me. So I stopped reading and started to worship. Me, alone in my bedroom with no music or instruments, praising a God that makes no sense to me right now. And I found myself, as I praised His name, no longer lost or confused, but in the arms of my Savior.
I went to church yesterday, and that continued. I didn't get a thing out of the sermon (sorry Bill...not your fault at all...), but I could worship. So I did.
So, that's where I am right now. No answers, but complete trust in a Savior. My Jesus is the same as He was before I heard all of these stories. What else is there to do but praise Him?
**I have discovered what the girls are up to. They were playing with Suki, the only kitten we have left, right outside my door trying to get her to come into my room and scare me. I'm not sure what they were thinking, kittens aren't really scary...but Binita and Linda's hair is terrifying right now from all their rolling on the floor...
Though, it doesn't make much sense to me that that's the only thing that makes sense.
I have spent the last several days trying to wrap my mind around everything that is going on. That is impossible. In this world, nothing that is happening makes any sense. I have listened to story after story after story after story after story after story after story of young girls who have been raped or sexually abused (yes, that is 7 stories). I have listened to story after story after story after story after story of girls who's parents abuse drugs and alcohol (that would be 4 more stories). Its just so much.
I don't feel like these girls are looking to me for answers, which is a very good thing, because I don't have any. I have tried to find some, but so far I'm empty. I do feel like these girls are looking for someone to listen, to care and to cry with them (you always feel better when someone else is crying too...makes you feel like you're not alone). I haven't been the only one doing that, though, they have been doing it for each other as well.
I think that is the part that is surprising me the most. I guess tragedy does bring people together, and God is uniting so many young women in our church and it is so beautiful to watch.
At the same time, though, Satan is working hard to divide.
I have heard several stories over the last few days about ridiculous rumors going around about me. They honestly don't bother me, they are that ridiculous. Still, others are becoming angry and lashing out at one another. Satan is most definitely at work.
In the midst of all of this I have tried to find answers or at least solace in the Scriptures. Instead, I find a bunch of stuff that doesn't make any sense. This is unusual for me, and was kind of alarming for me at first.
See, I LOVE the Word. (You would think that would lead me to spend more time reading it...you would think...). I especially LOVE the Old Testament. That probably makes me a little weird (especially since I had never even opened to the Old Testament until college), but I'm okay with that. Its not that I don't love the New Testament, I do. But, the Old Testament if full of amazing characters and stories. People I can relate to, people I can learn from. The Old Testament has a ton of people that I can follow from birth to death, I get to see their whole story. I kinda see the Old and New Testaments the opposite from most people. To me, the New Testament has the most instruction and guidelines to follow, while the Old Testament is much more about the story of a God and His people. I just LOVE it!!!
**Quick side note: Bonita and Lindaare up to something right now. I have no idea what it is, but it is making them laugh uncontrollably. I think they're trying to sneak up on me; which is difficult with the laughing. I'll just keep typing and wait for it...
Anyway, knowing how much I love the Word and how 90% of the time, I find everything I need in it, you can see why I have been a little on edge. I have tried and tried to read the word and I get nothing. I'm not captivated by the stories I read. I'm not highlighting and writing down my inner most thoughts on how I am just like (or just the opposite) from the latest character that I have fallen in love with.
For me, if God's Word doesn't make sense, then nothing will. Well, almost...
As I was searching through the Word yesterday (I skipped Sunday School because I was pretty sure it was going to include more stories...ones that I have heard and couldn't bare to listen to again at that moment), I first read about Jacob wrestling with God. Jon, the author of the "Stuff Christians Like" blog that I love, also had a blog called "97 Seconds With God". On that blog a few days ago he was talking about Jacob wrestling with God and Jon says that God actually loved that moment with Jacob because no matter how difficult the battle was, Jacob was close to God. I LOVE that idea and will hold onto it in the future (I wrestle with God way more than I want to admit), but at this point in time, I don't feel like I'm wrestling.
I'm just kinda here.
So, I kept looking. I went to the New Testament (not my usual route, haha) and started reading about Mary and Martha. Mary wasn't wrestling with God, she was just sitting at His feet, listening to Him. The problem there, for me, is that I was trying to listen, but wasn't hearing anything. On I went.
Finally I came to the story of Mary washing Jesus feet with her hair. She was at His feet worshiping Him. For some reason, that made sense to me. So I stopped reading and started to worship. Me, alone in my bedroom with no music or instruments, praising a God that makes no sense to me right now. And I found myself, as I praised His name, no longer lost or confused, but in the arms of my Savior.
I went to church yesterday, and that continued. I didn't get a thing out of the sermon (sorry Bill...not your fault at all...), but I could worship. So I did.
So, that's where I am right now. No answers, but complete trust in a Savior. My Jesus is the same as He was before I heard all of these stories. What else is there to do but praise Him?
**I have discovered what the girls are up to. They were playing with Suki, the only kitten we have left, right outside my door trying to get her to come into my room and scare me. I'm not sure what they were thinking, kittens aren't really scary...but Binita and Linda's hair is terrifying right now from all their rolling on the floor...
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