I Choose Encouragement

Today was actually a pretty discouraging day. From disheartening news about several teens, to even more disheartening experiences with other teens, I really could go to bed discouraged. However, some really encouraging things happened as well. Tonight I am choosing to focus on the encouraging things, and I am excited to share them!!

Most of my encouragement revolves around Bonita. I spent a lot of time with her yesterday (obviously) and she said several things that really made my heart smile.

Bonita: What should I do?

Trish: The best thing you can do is pray for them.

Bonita: I pray every night!

Trish: Really? What do you pray for?

Bonita: Linda and I pray together every night. First we sing a song together, one we learned at camp. When we finish the song we count to 10 and then I pray. After I pray, we count to 5 and then Linda prays. After that we say "And God, all the things we forgot, we know you got them so we just pray for that too". Then we go to sleep.

Trish: Wow, that's awesome Bonita. I am so proud of you!!!
(Incidentally...I have no idea why they find it necessary to count before they pray, but I love it!)

Later....

Zuley: Trish, you know its bad luck to leave your purse on the floor

Bonita: Zuley, we don't believe in luck, we believe in God. :)

And finally (this conversation happened in spanish and was translated to me)...

Maria (Bonita's Mom) : Bonita, why isn't Miss Trish married yet?

Bonita: She's waiting for the man that God has for her.

Short pause...

Bonita: Mommy...I am too.


I got a phone call this morning from Bonita and Linda's mom saying that she needed to take Linda to the doctor and needed somewhere for Bonita to go (the poor girl was still in the bloody clothes from yesterday! She was so exhausted when she came home she went straight to bed!).

So, I went over and picked Bonita up and brought her to my house while Linda went to the doctor. (Guys don't read this part...Linda has apparently had her period for over a month straight, which is not good. The poor girl just started her period 2 months ago and didn't realize how abnormal a month long period is!)I had to work this morning, so Bonita took a shower and then ended up falling asleep while watching TV. I usually listen to music or have Law and Order on for background noise while I work...today I had Spongebob Squarepants, haha. I LOVED it!! :) Bonita and Giz were so sweet and so cute!!!

This afternoon I got to hang out with some of my favorite kids in the world at after-school. The program is run by students at PBU, so I just got to go and hang out with the kids...and had so much fun. Tasha performed a toothpaste commercial for me, and every kid told me all about their Valentine's Day. They had me smiling and laughing the whole time; which is a feat because I was exhausted!!!

Finally, at Teen Club we played a really fun game that made me laugh a lot. Its called "Funny Bones". You get a partner and pick a card. The card will say something like "Ear bone to Shoulder bone", and one person must put their ear on the other person's shoulder, with the card in the middle. So, once you drop a card your team is out. Its a little touchy feely for me (which is why I never play, haha) but I really enjoy watching it!!

Finally, I don't like to play matchmaker (especially with teens), but I have to confess that I did have a strong hand in making this "pair" happen:

(That's Luis with one of my favorite girls in the world!! I couldn't help myself...they're just so cute!).

14 Stitches

That's Bonita's hand, and it was as painful as it looks. This morning she was cutting some bread (in her hand...not smart!) and sliced through 2 of her fingers. She ended up with 14 stitches in just two fingers!!

The entire story is pretty discouraging. It happened before school and they immediately called an ambulance to take her to the hospital (mom doesn't drive). She was crying for me the whole time and her siblings told her they would call me. Unfortunately, in all the chaos, they forgot and each headed off to school. In fact, no one called me until around 6:45p.m...after they had been in the hospital for 10 hours!! Bonita sat bleeding in the waiting room for 10 hours!!!!! Of course, I went to the hospital immediately, after dropping off my car load of kids from Prayer Pals. By the time I got there they had finally stitched her up. Bonita handled it all so well! She was AMAZING!! I expected to hear stories of her freaking out, but she didn't! I am so proud of her!!

We still had to wait around for quite a while for certain doctors to sign certain papers, so she wasn't discharged until 9:30. That's almost 14 hours! Apparently another local children's hospital shut down, doubling the patient load for this one. It was insane.

She has to redress her hand twice a day, and I am the only one she trusts to do it, haha. (Her mom has really long nails, and she doesn't trust any of her siblings). So, I will be her nurse for the next few days. Hopefully the stitches will come out in a week or so. They thought she sliced a tendon, but she was able to move her fingers fine, so everything looks like it will heal perfectly. She has to get checked by a plastic surgeon just in case. (Dad, any of this sound familiar?). :)

That was an interesting end to an already not so great day. I'm still definitely sick. Its actually a very annoying illness. Other than a constant cough (and occasional headache as a result of the cough), I feel pretty normal. Which means, I spent the whole day trying to get things done but constantly being interrupted by coughing fits (you know, the kind where you are convinced internal organs are about to fly out). I also didn't sleep much last night (because of the coughing), so I've been pretty tired all day. I didn't go to staff prayer this morning, but I did make it to Prayer Pals.

I had fun at Prayer Pals and then planned to head to church for our Wednesday night Teen Girls Prayer Group. Shera and I started this last week and I am really excited about it. We are spending time each week doing "bonding things", like crafts or exercise. At the end, we are going to spend time learning about and then practicing prayer. Last week went well, and we were expecting more girls this week, so I was excited.

Unfortunately, with my hospital trip, I missed the whole night. I didn't get a chance to talk much to Shera, but I know she wasn't real encouraged by the evening. I definitley feel like I made the right decision by going to be with Bonita, but I am sad that Shera left so discouraged. Hopefully next week will go better....

They guys have had a Wednesday night Prayer Group going for a while and they said it was pretty rough going for them at first. Hopefully whatever struggles Shera had tonight will get worked out in amazing ways in the coming weeks!!

I am still really struggling with my trust in God. As much as I have been learning, I am still so faithless!! I find myself struggling with trust in the same area consistently (mostly with the teens) and I am praying a lot about it. I don't know anything else to do...I need God to do something in their hearts...and mine!!!

Oh, and please be praying for our health! Frank and Joy seem to have the flu (pretty severely too), Shera has a stomach bug...and it just seems like everyone is at least under the weather. Ugh.

I'm Sick :(

This will probably be a short update, I have a non stop cough that is driving me crazy! I actually took a day off from AIM (first time taking a sick day!)...mostly because I have to make a lot of phone calls and my voice is very man-like with unexpected coughing fits; not very professional. :)

I did make it to Kids Club tonight, though I didn't teach a lesson (I thought my man-voice might scare the kids, haha). I was actually kinda bummed about that, I was really excited about my lesson. The kids seemed to really enjoy the video I showed (first time I had to show a video as well!). I'll get to teach next week. Anyway, the weather is really bad (snow, freezing rain, sleet) so we only had 27 kids (we average over 80). I kinda enjoyed the small number, but I was completely done by the end of the night. I made it through Kids Club, but came home with a headache and an even worse cough. Ugh.

I also learned today that only overworked missionaries in Philadelphia get sick. At least, that's what my dad thinks. :) He seems convinced that if I lived in North Carolina and had a regular job, I would never get sick. Oh dad... :)

Okay, I think its time for some Nyquil and my bed...

Sidekick

I was so encouraged by a conversation that I had with Carisa tonight. We were talking about how people perceive me, especially here in Philly. People that meet me now see me as the "boss", which I really don't like. What they don't see is that for the last several years, I have been the "sidekick". I never really thought about it that way, but its so true!!

I started working alongside Elizabeth, basically as her sidekick. I did the stuff she couldn't, so that she would be able to do what she was best at. When I moved to staff at Cornerstone, I became Carisa's sidekick. She ran things, was the up front person and I was behind the scenes doing whatever was necessary. I LOVED it! That is the role I feel most comfortable in, which is something you probably wouldn't know if you just met me, since I am definitely no longer behind the scenes.

I spent my first 2 years on staff with several people in the church thinking I was an intern or college student. Even several staff members had no idea what I really did; which was perfectly fine with me. I very much enjoyed staying under the radar. As Carisa put it, I don't care if my name ever ends up on anything.

I started After-School with Carisa. Slowly, she had to back away from that leaving me in charge. I came into Prayer Pals to help Carisa, and as the program grew we realized that I would need to take charge of part of it (now we each have our own nights that we are responsible for). And of course, there is Kids Club. Again, I started as a leader helping Carisa out. Now, I am THE leader. (I am even taking more and more leadership among the teen ministry, especially with the girls as other leaders are stepping back). While these are roles I now feel very called to, they were in no way my goal now even my dream. In fact, I'm still not completely comfortable in them, and I'm not sure I ever will be. In many ways, I think I will always be most comfortable as the sidekick.

That actually brings me to my next point. While I am no longer Elizabeth or Carisa's sidekick, I am still very much a sidekick...God's sidekick. I will be the first to admit that sounds ridiculously corny, but its also true.

As you can read from my last several blog posts, I am learning more and more about just how in charge God really is. And, I am SO GLAD!!

There are several reasons I like being the sidekick:

1) I don't like the attention of being the "up front" person
(God deserves all the Glory anyway!!)

2) I don't like the pressure of being the person in charge
(God has the plan, not me!)

3) I don't like to fail
(God NEVER fails, and redeems EVERYTHING for His glory!)

So, while apparently God feels that I need to be more "up front" than I ever wanted to be, I take a lot of comfort in knowing that I am not now, nor will I ever be, the one in charge!! :)

Family Vacation

Every year, all the families on staff go on vacations. Its SO necessary to survive here in Philly. As much as well all hate to be away for any length of time, it is always so refreshing to get out of the city.

I don't usually go on vacation. I do get out of the city, mostly to my parents house...which I LOVE! Still, I rarely go on a real vacation. In fact, in my 5 years in Philly, I have only been on 2 real vacations. The rest of the staff go on more vacations in one year than I do in 5!!

My parents don't go on yearly vacations (they save their money for bills, whatever that's about, haha) and as much as I love my brother, I think a vacation with just me, him and his fiance might be a bit awkward. I have been invited to the beach a few times with my cousin, but its usually in the middle of the summer when I really can't leave Philly. So, there aren't really a lot of opportunities for me to go on a real vacation (unless I want to go alone...which I really don't).

Recently I have also realized that I don't just want any vacation, I really want to go on a FAMILY vacation.

I have a family here in Philly...a family of 9 god children that I LOVE and ADORE. I love spending time with them, and my favorite thing to do with them is take them out of the city. I have taken many trips with the kids, and every single one is a wonderful memory. In fact, if I listed my favorite memories over the last 5 years, almost every single one is a time when I took the kids on a little trip. Bonita, Linda, Dario, Luis and I have made several trips to VA to visit my parents and even VA Tech; and ever single one was a blast. Pedro and Miguel even joined us on one trip and it was GREAT!! I took Bonita, Linda, Dario, Luis, Pedro, Miguel and Natasha on their first trips ever to the ocean (at different times), and I still remember every single laugh and squeal (Tasha was the squealer, haha). My day at Kings Dominion in VA with Dario, Luis, Bonita and Linda is second only to the absolute blast I had at Hershey Park with Linda, Monique, Bonita, Tasha, Pedro and Miguel. I know most people will think I am crazy, but I REALLY love all of my kids (Zuley hasn't been on any trips with us yet, but I want that to change!), I REALLY LOVE spending time with them and would LOVE to go on vacation with them!!

So, that's what I'm praying for!!! On my Special Needs page on my website (which was completely updated last night!) I am adding my desire for a family vacation with my Philly Family! I have no idea how its going to happen, but I'm gonna ask God for it and see what He wants to do!! It would be difficult to travel far with that many kids (although nothing is impossible with God!), so I'm thinking a little more local. Pastor Joe's aunt has a beach house on the Jersey shore, so who knows!!

I'm so excited about this idea, I can barely stand it. I wanted to share this with you so that you can pray along side me and will hopefully be excited with me as we see what God has in store!

The Sin and Sorrow of Gomer...and Trish

Recently I have been feeling an overwhelming kinship with Gomer, the prostitute wife of Hosea in the bible. Gomer is not a woman that you necessarily want to relate to. She was a woman full of sorrow constantly battling her own demons, bringing sorrow and sadness to the man that loved her more than she could ever imagine. But, she is also a redeemed woman...in fact, I often see her as THE redeemed woman. She knows the sorrow of sin like few others, and she knows the overwhelming joy of redemption deeper than I ever will.

So, why do I feel a kinship with a prostitute? Probably not for the reason you think...

No, I have NOT been having sex with countless men. Yes, in some ways I have prostituted my spirit out to things other than my God...I think we all do that. I am constantly convicted of the things (both "good" and bad) that I place before my God. However, that's not what brings me close to Gomer. Right now, for me...its my incredible lack of faith and trust in the Lord.

I don't trust Him with my life, much less the lives of the people that I love. I don't trust Him to be in control...I don't trust His sovereignty, I don't trust His plan...when you get right down to it, I don't trust His word; I don't trust Him. I worry all the time about every decision I make- what if its the wrong one? I fret about every step the kids take- what if they go off the path? What will happen then?!?

This has all come to a head recently as I have watched one teen that I love more than words could ever describe battle demons right before my eyes. I feel I can literally watch him taking one step forward and then two steps back...and its killing me. I constantly worry that one of those steps backwards will be the final step to send him right over the edge, never to return.

The truth is, I believe that there is a point of no return. That doesn't line up with scripture at all, but I live my life as if it were true. The bible tells me that God will leave the 99 to go after the 100th sheep that has lost its way. The bible tells me that NOTHING can snatch His people out of His hands, yet I constantly worry about that exact thing happening. The bible tells me that God is ALWAYS sovereign. God IS Love. The bible tells me that love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. That means that GOD always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.

So, the truth is, I worry about God failing. I would never have actually said those words, I masked my fear by worrying that I would fail, or that other people would fail me. But, the reality is...if I really believed the truth about God, then those failures wouldn't worry me because I would know that in the midst of my own or any other failures, God will always persevere. If I believed the truth, then I would know that no matter how many steps backward this teen takes, God is standing at the edge and will not let him fall over.

For all I know, this teen needs to get to the edge so he can fall over, and then be lifted up on eagles wings. For all I know every step backward is actually another part of his testimony that will not only bring him closer to God, but others as well. For all I know...well, lets just say it; I DON'T KNOW!!

I can NEVER give God too much credit. Instead, though, I chose to place the future in my own hands or even sometimes in the hands of the enemy. I worry about him winning battles, yet I know the Lord has already won the victory.

I don't know what God WILL do in every situation, but I know what He CAN do...and the truth is, He CAN do ANYTHING! And as for what He WILL do...well, He WILL do whatever is right. Whether I see it as good or bad, moving forward or backward...its His will...and its perfect. Because whatever happens, it is redeemed.

So, let's go back to Gomer. She went through countless "steps backward".

Here is God's response to one of those times: "So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands. I will stop all her celebrations: her yearly festivals, her New Moons, her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts. I will ruin her vines and her fig trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers; I will make them a thicket, and wild animals will devour them. I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot," declares the LORD. "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her."

He not only thwarted her plans, but he then led her away from all those distractions and spoke tenderly to her. Sure, He was angry with her, and her actions needed to be punished...and then REDEEMED.

One other thing to note: During this time of Gomer's sin, her husband, Hosea, never stopped loving her. God asked Hosea if, despite everything, he still loved Gomer. Hosea said yes, and that's when God told him to go get her. Hosea went to get her, and had to pay for her to be released to him.

This brings me hope...for me and this teen that I love. God continues to thwart my plans to control and constantly leaves me desperate for Him; feeling sorrow for my lack of faith and so thankful for His forgiveness. He is speaking tenderly to me, reminding me who He is. Showing me how beautiful and good He is...all the time. He never changes.

And as He reminds me of His goodness, He gives me hope for this teen. Wherever he steps...forward or backward; or even far off the path...God is never far from him. And there is absolutely nothing that this teen can do that can't...or won't...be redeemed.

Gomer was a sinful harlot...who was redeemed. I want to relate to the redeemed Gomer. Oh, and the name Gomer...it means "complete". Because God can see the end of my story, while I see myself as a constant work in progress, He sees me, and the teen that I love, as Gomer...redeemed and complete.

And finally, I want to proclaim this truth over the life of the teen that I love:

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever—do not abandon the works of your hands." ~Psalm 138: 7,8