Workin on my house...again...THANK GOODNESS!!!

I am once again banished from my house...but this does not bother me at all! A group from my church is here again this weekend finishing up some work on my house (specifically...hopefully...putting the ceiling into my kitchen and hooking up my washer and dryer). They are also going to go bowling with us tonight (its our annual Teen All Night Bowling...and we're not kidding about the all night part...11 p.m.-5 a.m.!) and will host a teen worship night tomorrow night. Its so exciting to have familiar faces around!! And even nicer when they are wearing Virginia Tech sweatshirts! :)

As a reminder, here is what my ceiling looks like right now...

Stay tuned to see the final product!!!

I did manage to get my house very clean before they came. Every inch has been dusted, vacuumed, scrubbed...my house is clean!! (Except for the steps...I did not vacuum the steps; whoops). I don't think the mess from this weekend will be as bad as last time. They don't have to move furniture or appliances, nor is there any painting or sanding...and those are the things that caused the most mess last time. I promise I am not complaining though...I have a FOR REAL KITCHEN!!! :)

As you can see, this is going to be a busy weekend!! The group didn't get in until almost 2 a.m., so I was up pretty late, but had to get up and start work by 9. Tonight we will be bowling until 5 a.m. I am taking a nap at a friend's house afterwards since the group will still be working at my house. Then tomorrow night is the worship evening...which is guaranteed to last quite a while (and I mean that in a good way!). Sunday is one of our biggest church services of the year as we serve a Thanksgiving dinner afterwards. We are expect about 250 people in church!!!

I think I am heading home Tuesday night after Kids Club because I don't want to get stuck in traffic all day Wednesday. We'll see how tired I am at that point though. :) Either way, I will crash when I get to my parents' house...but they are used to that. :)

93 Kids!!!

We had 93 kids at Kids' Club tonight! That is the biggest group that we have had since I've been here!! It was insane!!! Actually, the kids were pretty well behaved, the leaders were the ones with the problems, haha. We had several leaders come late, a few not show up and some fun computer things to work out. At one point Frank told me to stall so I resorted to counting kids and getting them excited about how many people we had there, haha. They were VERY into it and we now have an unofficial competition going on to see which age group will be the biggest (the 10 year olds always win hands down, but that doesn't seem to faze the younger ones). So, despite the technical difficulties, we had a GREAT night!!! I am hoping we can break 100 next week!!! I'm finding myself really enjoying Kids Club, even the upfront part. I had the fleeting thought today that I would be willing to take Kids Club over...but there is no way I could do that as long as I have a part time job. And some recent events have made the need for that part time job even greater. In fact, I'm trying to figure out how I can swing working more hours for AIM while not completely burning out. :) We'll just have to see what God's plan is!!

Another exciting thing for me tonight was Meredith (her name has been changed here). She is a friend of Bonita and Linda's that came to church with us on Sunday because she spent the night with them on Saturday. She is 11 so she came to our Sunday School class and LOVED it! She also really loved church and went to lunch with us after church. She was sweet and fun and I really enjoyed having her around. And tonight, she came to Kids Club!!! She has already asked me about Prayer Pals and wants to come to church every Sunday. She also attends a kids church program at another church on Wednesday nights that she has actually been taking Linda to. I really hope she sticks around, she could even be in Gods Girls this summer!! Its so fun to see Linda and Bonita reach out to their friends...and SO comforting to see that the have chosen a really good friend. Meredith is a beautiful girl that I am very excited to get to know!!

Tonight and tomorrow I am kicking the cleaning into high gear. I really want my house CLEAN!! I seem to still be a little messed up in the head trying to balance everything, haha. Not sure what's going on, but hopefully I will get my act together soon...Lord only knows what I will forget next! (Hopefully its not a kid!)

Productive Day!!

Today was one of the most productive days that I have had in a long time, thank goodness!! Actually, most of my days are "productive" in a work sense, but it seems that things in my life have fallen by the wayside as I work more and more. My basement has been a disaster since my church left at the end of July and I have just closed the doors and not touched anything since then. (I did straighten up the main room so it looked livable, but that really just meant all the crap was behind closed doors). A lot of my kitchen stuff had been moved to the basement during my kitchen remodel and I still hadn't gone down to get it!! Tonight, that all changed!! Let me start with the beginning of my day though...

Saturday is usually my day off, but for the second week in a row I didn't take it. I'm not complaining (yet, haha) because it was a good day (as was last Saturday). I won't get next Saturday off either since my church will be here, but that's okay because right after that I will head home for Thanksgiving for 5 days!!! Anyway, today was the Reload Conference held in Philly. Its a one day conference for urban youth workers that I had never been too but was pretty excited about. 6 of us from Cornerstone went and had a pretty good time. It wasn't great, but it wasn't a waste of time either, and we all had fun together...so over all it was pretty good. We had the opportunity to go to 2 different break out sessions and I apparently chose the same one twice. They had different titles and different speakers, but it was basically the same thing. Maybe God really wanted me to pay attention!! The seminar I went to was about gangs, which I didn't think we really had in Philly...I was WRONG!! I did learn a ton that has really opened my eyes to even more about what is going on in our neighborhood and especially the pressures our kids are facing.

I was a little bummed because the second session I went to was with a police officer in the city and I had hoped it would be about how churches can partner with law enforcement to help better our community (that's what the description of the talk said it would be). It ended up being more about gangs, oh well. I really did learn a lot though. I was also really encouraged because a pastor in the session talked about how his church is reaching out to law enforcement as well. As the daughter of a police officer I know all too well how difficult that job can be, especially on someone who really cares about the people and the community he/she serves. Last year alone there were over 450 suicides by police officers in the US. We need to be praying for these men and women!!!

I got home around 4:00 from Reload and invited Shera and Joy over for dinner. We had fun cooking, talking and eating. I told them that I wanted to clean my basement tonight and Joy immediately offered to help. Shera has been pretty sick , so she couldn't help much, but she provided some much appreciated laughter and fun. The whole process took me and Joy about 4 hours!!! But, it was SO worth it!! I moved Bonita and Linda's room to the basement and set up a full size bed in their old room. So, now I have a for real guest bed room!! (That also doubles as my office). I'm so grown up!! :)

The girls' room in the basement is bigger and cuter than their old one. They each now have their own dresser (although one drawer in each dresser must be given to Monique or Tasha since they are now regulars at my house as well). The also have a computer in their room (not hooked up to the internet) that they can play games on. The rest of the basement is set up as their own space with a TV and everything! (It works but isn't hooked up to anything...I will hopefully get a DVD or VCR soon so they can watch movies). I figure they are old enough now to have their own space...I hope they like it. I love it!! You can see for your self:

My new guest room! I don't have sheets or anything for the bed yet...that is coming soon! (My desk is to the right of the shelves...I couldn't get the whole room in one pic).The wood leaning against the wall on the left is a bookshelf that I need to put together...isn't this a great area for kids to hang out?!? Thank you Jesus!!How cute is their bedroom now?!? (Except for the exposed pipes in the middle...I have a curtain to cover that...I will hang it soon). There is a computer and another dresser on the right that you can't see. Now I just have to figure out how to get them to not be scared to sleep in the basement. Oh well...I have a guest room for them too!

My church is coming in a week and will be doing some work on my house and the church. I am working on getting my house spotless before they come so after they leave I only have to clean up their mess and not my own as well. The basement and guest room were the biggest projects; they involved moving furniture, storing stuff (Frankie still has A LOT of things at my house) and throwing a ton of stuff away. The rest of the house is just some major cleaning. I think I can get that done throughout the week. My house needs SO MUCH work, but its finally at the point where I'm not embarrassed to have people over...and that feels so good!! :)

You know your house is too cold when...

(That's Gizmo under my bedspread...I didn't put the covers over him...I saw something moving under the covers and discovered him!!)

A little off...

Today has been a pretty good day, but I have felt a little off all day. I'm not really sure why, but today was just one of those days.

Wednesday is my "abnormal" day anyway. Every other day of the week, I do my AIM work from 9-2 and then my Cornerstone stuff after that. Wednesdays, however, I go to Cornerstone staff prayer from 9-11 and only work for AIM from 11-2.

In my normal everyday schedule I tend to stay up later and sleep later. I do a lot of night ministry and I'm not the kind of person who can come home and go straight to bed. It takes me a while to decompress from the day. So, I often don't get to bed until 1 or 2 in the morning. This works fine since I work from my house and don't have to be dressed when I start my day. :) I usually drag myself out of bed around 8:30-8:45, grab a bowl of cereal and start my day. (For those of you who get up much earlier than me, remember that I don't go to bed until early in the morning...and that's often after a 10-12 hour day...so I'm not being lazy!) :)

Anyway, my day started abnormally but in what I thought, at the time, was a good way. I woke up a little before 8, with no alarm clock, and was wide awake and ready to go. So, I got some breakfast and decided to start work a little early. I wasn't even thinking about staff prayer and it wasn't until I decided to take a break around 9:45 that I realized I was VERY late!! I quickly got dressed and rushed out the door. I ended up not missing much of prayer (we rarely get started before 9:30), but I'm usually there on time or early, so it was weird for me to be that late.

After prayer I went back home and finished my AIM work. I had some odds and ends to get done with Kids Club as well as some extra AIM things to do that kept me busy until about 4. That's when I got a phone call from Jeff saying that no teens had come to the after-school program so he was going home. I had completely forgotten about that as well!!! I'm supposed to be at the Hope House at 3:30 on Wednesdays to help teens with their homework, but I completely skipped it. Where has my mind gone?!?

Both situations worked out fine, I didn't miss anything important at staff prayer, and no teens were at after-school anyway, but still...I have apparently lost my mind.

I did remember Prayer Pals tonight, and it went well...until the very end. In fact, the kids were the best behaved they have ever been; especially with 20 of them there! My mom's prayer pal is a fire cracker (to say the least) and she is often a trouble maker, but tonight she was perfect. I had a lot of fun!! Unfortunately, as the kids were leaving, some other kids (not involved with the church) wandered in and asked what was going on. I explained things to them, but it became clear very quickly that they were just looking for trouble. I asked them to leave and escorted them out as they cursed at me, in front of several of the kids. I kept my cool, but I think the only reason for that was shock. What exactly happened?!? I still don't know...

I'm glad I was in shock, I think it kept me from making stupid decisions. My first inclination was to lock the door and not let them leave until they called a parent to pick them up; so I could talk to the parent. I don't even know if I could legally do that, and my dad very kindly pointed out that those kids could have easily gotten violent. I did actually think of that, which is why I escorted them out and made sure I kept myself between them and my kids. My kids were a bit scared by everything, but Monique very matter of factly told everyone, "Ms. Trish isn't scared of anyone". Tasha, beautiful sweet innocent Tasha, was just in shock that anyone would curse at me, haha. She looked at me wide eyed with total shock on her face as she said, "They cursed at you!!" Bonita then asked where the kids had gone and someone told her that they ran away, to which she responded, "I'd run away too if I just cursed at Trish". I love my girls. :)

They day did end on a high note. I had to run to Target after Prayer Pals and I took Monique and Tasha with me. It was a quick trip, but it brought me many smiles. Tasha really enjoys waiting for automatic doors to almost close before running forward and making them open. She got a lot of giggles out of that one. Monique is still embarrassed by "feminine" things (sorry guys), so I had fun loudly talking about pads and tampons and making her blush. The three of us laughed and had fun and it was a really fun way to end a really weird day. I'm going to try to get to bed before 1 tonight. I liked being up at 8...and I don't think I have any important meetings to forget tomorrow. :)


And....a little addendum to my last post...I didn't mention it but my mom also thinks I am pretty much the most beautiful woman in the world. I didn't mention it because mom's opinion, on this subject, is even more biased than a dad's (I did come from her for goodness sake!). Still, I LOVE my mom for it. And my dad....here was his response to my post:

Dear Trish,

I read your blog. I only wish you could see what I see when I look at you. But then again, I’m a dad. When I say to you “Hey Beautiful !”, it’s not just coming from a dad. It’s the true picture of what I see.

Just for the record.

dad

If I have this kind of amazing support from my family, and I still struggle...how much harder is it for the beautiful young women out there who are never told how radiant they really are?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...I don't think it should be...some people don't know what beauty is.

I have never felt beautiful. At least, not that I can remember. I probably did when I was a little girl (every little girl does), but as a pre-teen, teen and adult I have always been aware that I am nowhere near what the world would consider beautiful. Now, I am not saying that I always feel ugly. Most of the time I feel...nothing. I don't feel beautiful, but I also don't feel repulsive. Looks wise, I pretty much go unnoticed. No matter how dressed up or dressed down I am, I'm just kinda there.

I was thinking about this yesterday, and I think I have figured out why. I'm overweight, and I have been most of my life. I'm not sure exactly what that means, other than I am not skinny. I am not even saying that I have a problem with my weight, but I am constantly aware that I don't weigh what people think I should weigh. I could be thinner, absolutely. I don't think I could ever really be thin (at least not in a healthy way), but I could definitely be thinner than I am. I am in pretty good shape (I run on a regular basis), I am physically pretty strong (which I really like about myself), I have never had anything close to high cholesterol or high blood pressure (which everyone says is the reason that being overweight is bad). But, I also eat too much. For the most part, I eat healthy...but I tend to eat too much. I also have a pretty intense sweet tooth, which I often satisfy with fruit...but not always.

There are people that eat more than me, and much less healthy than me...but they are thinner than me. I know plenty of people that exercise less than me, that are much thinner than me. The problem for me is not that I am unhealthy, its that I am overweight. Most people think that the two go hand in hand, but that's not always true.

Here is a report that just came out TODAY:

"Also surprising was that overweight people were up to about 40 percent less likely than normal-weight people to die from several other causes including emphysema, pneumonia, injuries and various infections. The age group that seemed to benefit most from a little extra padding were people aged 25 to 59; older overweight people had reduced risks for these diseases, too.

Why extra fat isn't always deadly and might even help people survive some illnesses is unclear and is still disputed by many health experts.

But University of South Carolina obesity researcher Steven Blair, who says people can be fat and fit, is a believer. He called the report a careful and plausible analysis, and said Americans have been whipped into a "near hysteria" by hype over the nation's obesity epidemic".

"Experts" are always changing their minds about what is healthy and what isn't. What is society going to do with this new information? This study states that people that are about 25 pounds OVER their "normal" weight are actually healthier than thinner people.

See, the solution to this problem is not for me to become thinner. If I did try and solve this problem by losing weight, I would always just be terrified of gaining it back. When I lose weight, the goal can't be to be thinner so I can feel beautiful. I need to feel beautiful now, and lose weight simply because I want to. How do I get there?

I am healthy, decently intelligent, occasionally funny with pretty eyes, good hair and skin (and thanks to my parents, great teeth)...why can't I feel beautiful? My lips are thin and my smile is crooked, my hair is sometimes too frizzy, I bite my nails and my feet aren't my favorite...but none of those things make me feel unattractive. It all comes down to my weight.

When I walk around, I don't feel uncomfortable with myself. When I see pictures of myself, I do. When I look in the mirror, I do. Every woman claims to struggle with this, but I have a really hard time believing that thin women have any idea what I'm talking about. They might not like certain parts of themselves, but overall society immediately accepts them. Tyra Banks walked around in a fat suit for a day. She had the same eyes, lips, hair that she always has. The only difference was that she was fat...and suddenly, she became unattractive.

So how in the world are overweight people supposed to feel beautiful?

How is it that I can be the most confident I have ever been in who I am as a daughter and chosen bride of the King...and still not feel beautiful? I absolutely feel beautiful to Him, doted on by Him...but He's the only one (well, Him and my dad here on earth...my dad has thought...and told me...I was beautiful from the minute I was born...and you know I couldn't have been too attractive as I was being born, haha).

I am not the woman you want to look like. Maybe that's my problem. You might think, "Oh I wish I had her...", but you don't think, "Oh, I wish I looked like Trish". I'm not saying this because I am ugly, I am saying this because if you wished to look like me, then you would be wishing to not be accepted. To be judged and ridiculed immediately, before a word is even spoken, because your body is unacceptable. No one would wish that on themselves. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.

How do you feel beautiful when satan isn't the only one lying to you...the rest of the world is too?