I'm so Boring...

I know I haven't written in a while, but honestly I just haven't had much to write. Things are pretty boring for me right now. I am NOT complaining about that, but it doesn't make for interesting blog entries. I'll go ahead and update you on all of the non-excitingness that is my life. :)

I started work for AIM on Monday and so far I am loving it! I keep pretty busy throughout the day, but nothing too stressful which is really nice. Actually, this whole week has gone great with AIM! I haven't gotten behind on my work or stressed out. Of course, it is my first week and clubs haven't started back up at Cornerstone yet...but for now its great! :)

Tuesday night I met with Denise and Patsy to talk about Kids Club. I am SO glad we met as they reminded me of about 1000 things that we needed to do that I completely forgot about. I think we have a pretty good handle on things for the fall, but I am starting to freak out a little about teaching the lesson. I still have no idea what I am going to do for this week, and while I still have some time to figure it out, I'm getting a little nervous. I'm sure I'll be fine once I do it (at least I hope I will be, haha) but the anticipation is getting to me. So far no one has really had much encouragement for me. I don't think a single person has told me, "You can do this", they've all just said "You just have to make it through". That's not so encouraging... :) I know it sounds crazy but I kinda get the feeling that people are expecting me to not do well and they are just making themselves okay with it because they don't have a choice. I'm probably making that up in my head, but not having a plan for Kids Club that starts in 5 days doesn't help...

Wednesday was a slightly busier day with a trip to Target to buy my parents' Prayer Pals birthday presents (I got a remote control tarantula for my dad's pal!) and then Prayer Pals at night. I finally got to see Bonita and Linda for the first time since I've been back which was really great. Their phone was cut off so I had to wait for them to call me, which they did on Monday. Their mom was worried because she hadn't seen me in a while...the girls forgot that I was out of town, haha. Anyway, Prayer Pals was a lot of fun and afterwards I went out to dinner with my friend Shera. We planned on going for about an hour or so but stayed our until 10. It was SO great to get to just talk and hang out and not feel pressured to do anything for her. I had a lot of fun! It was actually great to just get to talk to anyone! I work from home during the day, so I don't get a lot of people interaction.

I have also managed to finish my newsletter this week and it will hopefully go in the mail tomorrow (I have the envelopes addressed and stamped, they just need newsletters in them). I also have all my thank you cards written and mailed from the summer and most of my bills paid and finances close to in order (the rest will have to wait until pay day). In all I still feel pretty good about where I am, although my to do list is still much longer than I would like it to be. Its manageable for now, but I am a little nervous once next week get here and I start my schedule of working every day until 2 and then night activities at the church every Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I am hoping that not having after school this year will free me up to go to more kids' sporting events and field trips. We'll see if it happens, but I really want it to!!!

That's about it for now! Hopefully I'll have something more exciting to share soon. My cousin is coming to visit this weekend (Friday and Saturday) so that should be fun, and then next weekend I am going to Hershey Park with some friends. I only get 1 day off a week and I am trying to take full advantage of it while I can!! :)

Oh, here is something fun. I was saving all my files to cds earlier (in case my computer were to ever crash or something like that) and I found some pictures of the kids and gizmo from 3 years ago. I can't believe how much they have grown up!!!!

Here is the only current picture I have of the 4 (the kid on the far left is Lindo, Dario's best friend, then Dario, Pedro is boy in the orange shirt, Linda, Luis and then Bonita is in the front)


And here is a picture almost exactly 3 years ago of Bonita, Linda, Dario and Luis:
I get to watch these guys grow up!!! What a blessing!!!!!!!!!!!

Bonita

I wasn't sure if you guys had taken the time to look at the God's Girls portraits on the Cornerstone Phanfare site, so I wanted to post this picture. She is SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Family

So, I am sitting in the Charlotte Airport and I will be here for about 3 hours with nothing to do, so I thought I would blog! Actually, I tried to start planning Kids Club lessons, but I wasn’t getting anywhere and it was frustrating me. I still have over a week before I have to do my first lesson, and then I have the week after that off because of Family night, so I still have time, and I didn’t want to frustrate myself if I wasn’t getting anywhere. So, I am blogging!

This weekend was incredible in so many ways. First, I got to be with a lot of people that I really enjoy. A lot of the people that were at the staff conference were on staff when I worked with AIM before, so I already knew a lot of them. I don’t usually enjoy meeting lots of new people, but I really liked the people that I met this weekend (I know it wasn’t actually a weekend, but since it was 2 days and I was away from home, I’m calling it a weekend). Anyway, I also got to meet all the guys that I will be working with/for over the next year and they are all wonderful! They are all very different and I am actually excited to work with each of them. Yay!!

Elizabeth and Frank (her husband) were there as well as Melanie and Ryan (all of whom live in Philly), and I REALLY enjoy them. We kind of segregated ourselves at times, but that’s okay. While we do all live in Philly we don’t actually get to hang out together a lot so this was a real blessing.

Okay, here is where I get really honest about what has been going on in my life, so get ready. The last year (and my years run Sept. to Sept., so I am talking about 2006-2007) has been hard. Really hard. In fact, in April of 2007 I had already pretty much written the entire year off as crap and was just trying to hold on until 2008. It sucked (sorry if that language offends anyone). Not that everything that happened was bad, but even the good stuff was hard. For example, Carisa had a baby. She had a beautiful baby that I am absolutely in love with…but her having a second child changed a lot of things and made it hard. Elizabeth got married. She married an amazing guy that I love and really enjoy and helps me out a ton. But, she was my closest single friend, so her being married changed things and made it hard. That’s life. This year, life was hard.

Then there were the bad things. A “friend” borrowed $1500 from me with the promise to pay me back. He hasn’t paid me back yet. I lost friends. I was alone A LOT. I had to give up the after-school program. Twice it looked like I would have a roommate, and both times they backed out at the last minute. My finances got to the point where I was seriously considering leaving full time ministry. I cried myself to sleep more nights than I didn’t. My journal was soaked from my tears, as was my pillow. My prayers were groaning that only the Holy Spirit could understand…but not because I was speaking in tongues...I often couldn’t even find the words. I fell apart more times that I would ever want to count. Psalm 89. Over and over again, Psalm 89.

The kicker for me was when I went to a trusted advisor and co-worker and asked for help. I confessed my struggles and my thoughts about where I might go with it. I sought encouragement, wisdom…if nothing else, prayer. Instead, I got these words:

“Some people just aren’t cut out for inner city ministry”

Those words swam around in my head over and over and over again. Was the Lord really telling me to leave? Did I make a huge mistake even coming to Philly? Is this God’s way of telling me what I always suspected…I don’t have what it takes, I can’t make it here and I never will?

At that point I couldn’t listen to anyone else; I needed to hear the Lord; so I went to His Word. I dug into it, sought Him and asked Him, “Am I cut out for inner city ministry?” That was a long process. The answer did not come quickly, and it didn’t come without tears. The answer did come…though it wasn’t exactly what I expected.

I was waiting for a simple yes or no. Am I cut out or not? His answer:

“No one is cut out for inner city ministry. Some are called. How do you know if you are called? Don’t look in your support account to find the answer, that isn’t where it is. The fact that some people are being disobedient to my call to support you does not mean that you aren’t called. Don’t ask other people, they don’t know. Only I know, because only I have the plans for your life. Remember those plans? I have plans to PROSPER you. No, you aren’t cut out for this…no one is. But, you are absolutely called to it”.

So, I stayed. When I made the decision to stay, however, I made it very naively. I expected to continue to suffer. I expected to continue to have to push through. To stand under an often unbearable weight. I was accepting the call, forgetting who it was that called me. I forgot, for a time, that He loves me. That He is IN LOVE with me. That He is my bridegroom and DESIRES to take care of me. I ignored the fact that He knows my every thought…my every need and want and TAKES JOY in providing those things for me. I forgot all that. He wants to remind me.

Not long after I made the decision to stay God opened the door for me to work for AIM. My old boss just “happened” to be in Philly leading a mission trip that just “happened” to be working with Cornerstone. I just “happened” to mention that I was looking for a part time job while she was here. When she got back from the trip she found out that one of her employees just “happened” to find another job, which just “happened” to leave a part-time job available with AIM…one that just “happened” to be a paid position. Within another week, I had the job.

But this isn’t just any job. I can work from home, I already know how to do the job, I enjoy it, and they are taking care of anything I need to be able to do the job. My hours are flexible and I don’t have to step down from anything at Cornerstone. If I could have concocted my dream part-time job, it wouldn’t be as good as this.

I praised God. I was in awe of God. But, I still didn’t get it. I forgot that He is so much bigger than I think He is. That is what I realized this weekend.

We spent the first night of staff conference praying over one another. Not praying with an agenda, praying with Love. We spent the rest of the weekend talking over meals, sharing “God Stories” in our “meetings”. Being completely real and honest about where we are and how amazing God is. The focus wasn’t AIM, our ministry philosophy…the focus was God. On the first night Clint, the head of Short Term Missions at AIM, stood up and said he was resigning as a missionary. He didn’t want to be defined by that any more. He just wanted to love Jesus. As we worshipped he cried out to be with Jesus and he shared that at that time God had revealed to Him that He was with Jesus…because he was with us. He stood before us and said, “Trish, I want to be with you because Christ is with you. I want to be near you because being near you brings me to Jesus”. That was the focus of the weekend. Christ is in us…we want to draw near to Him; we need to be with one another. So, that’s what we did.

We had a few meetings where we did talk business, but even those were saturated with Christ. At no point did we try and make plans, concoct schemes to draw people to us…we talked about what we were passionate about, what God was doing in us and how we could share that with people. The overwhelming desire was for Christ and nothing else. I am working for the “Church Mobilization” team. Our goal is to get youth groups signed up on mission trips. As I listened to the people I will work with talk, I didn’t hear a desire to get people in AIM trips, I heard a desire to mobilize the Church into the world. I heard a desire to send and be sent. I heard an overwhelming desire for Christ.

There are people that I met for the first time on Thursday that I know better than people I have known for years. AIM is huge, but this conference was only for the people involved with the short term trips, so there were about 40 of us there. We were from all over the country, and even Mexico. We all have different gifts and even passions. No one else there loves Cornerstone or the kids at Cornerstone, but they love Jesus, and so do I.

I didn’t really get what this all meant for me until this morning. We met together for worship and prayer that was only supposed to last 20 minutes or so and it went all morning. Before worship we started with a presentation on the financial state of AIM. That sounds boring and had the potential to be very technical. Instead, it was saturated with Christ. The bottom line of the presentation…”we, as AIM, want to take care of you. You are worth so much and we want to show you that. We know some of you are struggling financially and we want to walk along side you in that struggle. You are not alone, and you are not a failure”. I couldn’t believe it!! I have never heard anyone tell me that! We talked about ways to cut costs and make more “profit” because AIM wants to pour that money directly into us…whether that’s help with health insurance or retirement, or if it’s helping pay for us to see a counselor so we don’t get burnt out. AIM is a family and they WILL take care of one another. The people that are well supported made a commitment to walk along side those that are struggling…both practically and in prayer.

It gets better. After we spent some time praying several people stood up to share ways that God has worked in their lives over the last year, and one story blew me away. To make a really long story short, there is one guy at AIM that was struggling incredibly all year. He was at the end of his rope and didn’t know what to do. He lives in Mexico but his boss lives in Georgia (where the AIM main office is). His boss called him regularly, prayed for him and with his regularly. (By the way, his boss, Steve, is the Director of Operations at AIM…he has about 30 or so people under him as well as being in charge of all the hiring and overall operations of the entire company…he is a VERY busy man). When things got to a critical point, Steve called this guy’s home church pastor and AIM paid for the two of them to fly to Mexico. They showed up at this guy’s house and drove him to a treatment center. Steve had already arranged for him to get treatment and even arranged for a hotel for him. He was there for 4 weeks, and AIM paid for all of it. He is a new man. Steve saved his life. AIM didn’t bat an eye at doing that…he was family.

What I have been longing for in Philly is a family. Cornerstone doesn’t offer me that. Don’t hear me wrong. I am not saying they should or that they are somehow letting me down by not offering me that. I LOVE Cornerstone, I LOVE the people at Cornerstone, I LOVE the people that I work with at Cornerstone. I have no desire to leave and I know I would be completely unfulfilled if I wasn’t at Cornerstone. The people that I work with at Cornerstone challenge and encourage me daily. I am in awe of the Christ that is in them and SO thankful to be a part of that team. But we aren’t a family. We are a group of people that love Jesus and work together for a common purpose. That is amazing, and I love it. But, it isn’t a family. I don’t NEED a family (I do have a wonderful biological family which is a huge blessing…this isn’t what I’m talking about either), but I desire one. I desire to be taken care of. AIM is saying that they WANT to take care of me. I didn’t even really know I wanted this until it was offered to me.

After we heard that story we spent time in worship and in prayer and I just cried. God didn’t just say He was going to take care of me, He IS taking care of me. He didn’t just provide me with a part-time job so I could make some money; He brought me something that I have been desperately longing for without even knowing it. I feel like a part of a family. I feel taken care of. I feel wanted and appreciated. I feel Jesus.

Nature!!

Why do all retreats have to happen in the woods? Why can't we "retreat" at the beach? or even in a nice hotel in the city? Why the woods?!?

Don't get me wrong, I love nature. Well, I enjoy parts of it, for a time at least. I enjoy hiking... to a specific place (an overlook, a waterfall, etc). The actual process of hiking is really just walking, and I enjoy that along a lake or river more than I do in the woods. I am okay with camping, as long as there is a bathroom nearby. I do enjoy the quiet and calm, but I get that at the beach.

We are supposed to bond together in nature. Fishing together, hiking together, etc. What about football? Why can't we all watch football together...that would be awesome bonding for me!!

I am in the mountains in North Carolina and I am having a good time. Relaxing, reading, enjoying friends, sleeping...but as I walked in to the place where we were staying, we say a huge sign warning us of bears! That's right, there are tons of walking trails, places to fish, etc. but if we choose to venture out to them, we need to be cautious of bears. How is this relaxing?!? I retreat from the dangers of the city into nature...where I face bears!! I think I stand a much better chance in the city...

I am looking forward to the day when I go on a staff "retreat" where we rent 2 or so houses at the beach and we spend our free time at the ocean or a pool. That may never happen, but I can dream. :)

Okay, now that I got that off my chest, I can move on. I am having a GREAT time!!! This staff conference is so great so far! Let me go back a little...

On Wednesday I flew into Knoxville and spent the day training for my new part time job. Its very similar to what I did before, so the training didn't take long. My friend Sara also drive me around Knoxville and I really enjoyed it! Its beautiful!! The Tennessee river is spectacular, I wish I had taken my camera.

Thursday we got up and drove into Asheville, NC for the AIM staff conference. We ate dinner here and then had some time of worship. That part was incredible. The entire staff spent time worshipping and praying together...with no agenda or teaching...just time with the Lord...corporately. The purpose of this weekend is to meet with God, and follow Him from there. We will spend time in meetings and planning, but only after we have spent time, individually and corporately, with Him. Then we will follow Him. The theme for this weekend (which was revealed to us last night...not preplanned) is Joshua 3:3-4: "When you see the ark of the covenant of the LORD your God, and the priests, who are Levites, carrying it, you are to move out from your positions and follow it. Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before..."

I feel like this is the verse for me...I'll explain later.

I am excited to see where we are going to go from here. God is speaking a lot to me and I will share it when I get the chance to really process all of it. In the meantime, I'm going to watch a movie. Ahhhhh, nature. :)

(In my defense, it is raining right now...not that I would change my plans if it wasn't, haha)

I might be ready to move...

Okay, not really, but Washington, NC has come the closest to getting me out of Philly. I am in love with that town! (By the way, the picture is of my mom and dad)

I had a pretty good trip to NC, although it did require a lot of driving. I will be very excited (as will my mom and dad) when my parents' house sells in VA and my mom will move permanently to NC. That will hopefully happen before I visit again, sometime around Thanksgiving. Anyway, I really enjoyed my time with my family and I especially enjoyed the town of Washington. My dad's goal is to be the chief there for at least 10 years, so I am very much looking forward to visits home (and of course I love my parents!).

The only downer on the trip was the fact that I was sick the entire time. Well, that at the fact that Tech and the Eagles lost their respective games, but I'm over that. My dad was sick the whole time too, so we all spent most of our time inside resting, sleeping or coughing. We did make some trips out and had so much fun. Check out these pictures, they are of downtown Washington. These were taken literally a short walk (not drive, WALK) from my parents' house.

I mean seriously!! This is the kind of place where I would pay for a vacation!! I didn't get to the beach on this trip, but I will in the spring. You can take a short ferry ride straight from Washington to the Outerbanks for the day. How sweet is that?!?

I had hoped to go for a run along the river, but my illness prevented that. And God, in his wonderful mercy, also sent tropical storm Gabrielle to bring us some rain so I wouldn't feel so bad about being inside, haha.

I am back in Philly now, and feeling much better! I am leaving at 6:15 tomorrow morning to fly to Knoxville, TN for my training with AIM. On Thursday I will drive with my friend Sara to Asheville, NC (I think its about a 5 hour drive??) for AIM's staff conference. I don't really know what to expect but I always enjoy staff conference. It isn't a family focus at all, its really a time to decompress from the previous year and just fellowship with one another and with the Lord. I'm excited! I get back to Philly Saturday night and pretty much hit the ground running with Sunday School and Prayer Pals on Sunday and then I start working for AIM and preparing for the fall kick off at Cornerstone on Monday. The kids have already started school here...its so crazy!! This time last year Bonita and Linda were living with me, isn't that strange? Its amazing what can happen in a year...

Another One!!

Okay, I know I have posted already today, but here I am again!! I'm heading out to my parents house in the morning and I don't know if I will be able to post while I am there, so I wanted to get one last post in. If I can post while I'm there, I definitely will!!

Today turned out to be a really great day! I dropped my car off to get it inspected around 9 a.m. and the guy told me it wouldn't be ready until after 1. I had to walk home (or wait for 4 hours!), which I thoroughly enjoyed!! Its about a 15-20 minute walk, but it was such a nice morning I didn't care how long it took! Plus, I pass my fruit stand on the way, so I got some oranges (hopefully they will help with my cold..which is sadly getting worse) and then headed home. As you read earlier, I got a ton done in the morning and went to pick up my car around 2.

That is where the real fun began!! I needed to take 6 kids uniform shopping, and since school starts on Monday, it had to be done today. My original plan (before I waited until the last minute) was to take the kids in sets of 2 (they are actually 3 sets of siblings, so it would have been easy to do) so I wouldn't be stressed out. Instead, I took all 6 kids, representing 4 different schools, to shop for uniforms 4 days before school starts. Not one of my brightest ideas...

Everyone got uniforms though!! Actually, other than being very squished in the car (I really need a mini van), we all had fun!! The kids laughed and were very cooperative and everyone helped everyone else find what they needed. Bonita turned out to be the problem as she was VERY picky about what she liked...and what she did like was not in her size. We decided to have a little competition to see who could find pants that Bonita liked the fastest and Pedro and Miguel won (we were in teams). It took a little while to find everyone things that fit (of course all of the kids are odd sizes), but we did it!!!

After I dropped the kids off I headed home to do some laundry. I think I have now washed everything I own. As much as I was dreading the Laundromat, it wasn't too bad (other than the money it cost!). I washed everything I needed to in about 2 hours. Pretty Sweet!!

So, now my house is clean, I am organized and I am heading home!! I had hoped to be in NC already, but I'm glad I finished things up here before I left. It will make coming back so much nicer. I am really looking forward to going home though...especially now that I am sick. My mommy can take care of me!!

Here is my schedule for the next week or so:

Friday, Sept. 7- drive (with Gizmo) to South Boston, VA; pick up my mom and head to Washington, NC
Friday night-Tuesday Sept. 11- Hang out in Washington
Tuesday Sept. 11- drive to South Boston, VA; drop mom off and head back to Philly
Wednesday, Sept. 12- Fly to Knoxville, TN for AIM training
Thursday, Sept. 13- drive (actually ride with my friend Sara) to Asheville, NC for AIM Staff Conference
Friday, Sept. 15- fly back to Philly

Whew that's a lot of traveling!!! The good thing is, all of the destinations will be providing me with rest, relaxation, family, friends and fun! Yay!! I am really hoping to post some pictures of my parents' new place, the town is so beautiful!! I really really want to go for a run around the lake, so pray that I feel better soon!!

Here is another crazy thing that happened that I could definitely use prayer for. I was talking to a friend tonight who lives in the area and I was telling her about my part time job with AIM. She didn't realize that I was having to work in addition to working at the church and was really upset about that. Suddenly, she came up with 3 different ways that she thinks her church might be able to support me! She got really excited about it and is going to make some phone calls tomorrow. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it all sounds so exciting. So, PRAY!!! We'll see what God does!

Okay, I need to get to bed, but hopefully I will be posting again soon. I actually have a really funny post that I want to share from my personal journal whenever I have time to type it out. So, stay tuned for that one!