I have decided that I would like to live in a TV show, a comedy. Problems would arise, but more often than not, they would be quickly resolved. Even if it took weeks or months to resolve the problem, I wouldn't have to actually sit through that time...the weeks/months would be condensed into minutes. I could always be sure that things would end happily and that difficult times would be lightened with a bit of comedy. Plus, if I Tivo the show, I can fast forward through things that are just too hard and go straight to the happy ending.
Real life is SO different. I actually have to sit through difficult times, with no guarantee of them ending well...nor do any idea how long they will last. I have poured 5 years into Bonita and Linda. 5 years, and I don't plan on stopping any time soon. But, there is no guarantee that they will follow the Lord when they get older. I have poured out love, but there is no guarantee that I will receive love in return. I think I have been living my life with the mindset that as long as I continue to follow the Lord, I will be rewarded with good things. While the Lord does promise to take care of me, and to NEVER leave me, He never made any promises about what my life would really look like. I keep waiting for the day when I will stop crying so much, but that day isn't promised until heaven. I keep waiting for the "American dream" that I kinda feel like I deserve...but the truth is, I was never promised that.
Right now I am going through the Word to figure out what I am really promised. What I have found is that I'm not promised a whole lot in terms of this life...at least not a lot of tangible things. God promises to take care of me, but He never really says what that will look like. He promises to eventually wipe every tear from my eye, but here on earth He only promises to be with me while I cry, bottling up every tear. There is no promise of stopping the tears. I know there are many more promises; I have just started my journey. However, as I read the Psalms and hear David's cries, I am starting to realize that my life will never be a television show. There are some similarities...in both TV and life there are moments of joy and sorrow, very interesting characters, and life lessons to learn. But, real life is hard. It requires persistence and perseverance and there is no easy way to get through it. For those people who think Christianity is just a crutch...well, I would like them to walk a few days in my shoes and tell me what exactly "Christianity" is protecting me from.
We learned tonight at God Squad about the 10 plagues that God sent on the Egyptians. We decided that He went to some really drastic measures for 2 main reasons: 1) To display His power and glory and 2) to take care of His people. God will go to whatever lengths necessary to make sure His glory is revealed and to ensure that His people are taken care of. Taking care of His children, however, does not mean providing them with the "American dream". It means drawing them into Him, deepening the intimate relationship He has with His bride...taking care of us means giving us our hearts desire. In order to do that, He has to strip us of all the things that we desire that are pathetic replacements of what our heart truly desires. Once He has done that, we realize what our true hearts' desire is...Him. He wants to get us to the point where we can say: I honestly and truly only want Him. If I never have an earthly husband, if I never know what it feels like to not have people leave...if I feel the pain that I am experiencing right now every day for the rest of my life, I will still say that He is worth it. I will still say He is good.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Roller Coaster
This week has been a crazy one. I feel like I am constantly pulled in so many different directions, mostly between teens and kids. Several of my ministries allow me to spend time with both, but I also have time where I just spend with kids and other times that I just spend with teens. The reality is that both groups need more attention, and I hate that I can't give either the attention that they want. I have been struggling a lot more with that this week than usual. I know its not my fault, and I am absolutely doing the best I can...and the truth is, I will never be able to fully be what anyone needs, that's God's job. Still, I want so badly to be more than I am.
This really hit me tonight as I found out another one of our teens is pregnant. She just recently been getting involved in our teen ministries, but had been away for the last few weeks. I have tried to reach out to her, and prayed a lot for her, but nothing seemed to be working. Then tonight her little sister told me that she was pregnant. She is 15 years old.
After Prayer Pals I decided to go for a short walk while it was still light outside and just pray. My mind wandered everywhere and it ended on, I am a failure. I went before the Lord and cried out for the teens. I don't know what else I can do, but I feel like something else needs to be done. I was feeling like an absolute failure.
Then I came home and went through the kids' Prayer Pal letter from tonight. I usually read the letters to see whats going on in the kids' lives (they know I do this). The topic for them to write about tonight was "If I could spend an entire day with anyone, it would be...". We have a group visiting this week and helping out, and several of the kids said they would want to spend a day with one of the people in the group. Others said that they wanted to spend time with their Prayer Pal. One little kid said he wanted to spend his entire day with me and eat ice cream, which made me smile. Then I read the letter from a 14 year old girl. Here is her letter:
"If I could hang out with anyone it would be with Trish Reed. I would hang out with her because she knows how to have a lot of fun. She is always there for me when I wanna talk to her. I think she is one of my favorite people in the world. I hope she never leaves. She is an amazing person to be my role model. I wish I could grow up to be just like her. She is definitely my role model."
Just when I think I can't do anything right...
Life, and especially ministry, is such a roller coaster! This girls' letter has changed my prayer though. I no longer want to care if I am a "success" or "failure", I just want to be used. I want to be the role model this girl should be looking at, so Lord, make me more like you. Nothing else, just more of you.
This really hit me tonight as I found out another one of our teens is pregnant. She just recently been getting involved in our teen ministries, but had been away for the last few weeks. I have tried to reach out to her, and prayed a lot for her, but nothing seemed to be working. Then tonight her little sister told me that she was pregnant. She is 15 years old.
After Prayer Pals I decided to go for a short walk while it was still light outside and just pray. My mind wandered everywhere and it ended on, I am a failure. I went before the Lord and cried out for the teens. I don't know what else I can do, but I feel like something else needs to be done. I was feeling like an absolute failure.
Then I came home and went through the kids' Prayer Pal letter from tonight. I usually read the letters to see whats going on in the kids' lives (they know I do this). The topic for them to write about tonight was "If I could spend an entire day with anyone, it would be...". We have a group visiting this week and helping out, and several of the kids said they would want to spend a day with one of the people in the group. Others said that they wanted to spend time with their Prayer Pal. One little kid said he wanted to spend his entire day with me and eat ice cream, which made me smile. Then I read the letter from a 14 year old girl. Here is her letter:
"If I could hang out with anyone it would be with Trish Reed. I would hang out with her because she knows how to have a lot of fun. She is always there for me when I wanna talk to her. I think she is one of my favorite people in the world. I hope she never leaves. She is an amazing person to be my role model. I wish I could grow up to be just like her. She is definitely my role model."
Just when I think I can't do anything right...
Life, and especially ministry, is such a roller coaster! This girls' letter has changed my prayer though. I no longer want to care if I am a "success" or "failure", I just want to be used. I want to be the role model this girl should be looking at, so Lord, make me more like you. Nothing else, just more of you.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Its actually happening!!
I am actually doing it! For the past few weeks I have been getting up around 6:30 every morning and heading to the gym. I have only missed a few days and I usually ended up making up that time by running on my own or something later in the day. I am LOVING it! I still struggle with actually getting up in the morning (mostly because I am having a hard time getting to sleep at a decent hour), but once I am up it feels so great. This morning I even ran to the gym as a warm up before doing my weights. (Okay, so I didn't run the whole way...give me a break, I have to work up to that!). I have stepped up my weights work out (thanks to some friendly competition from my little brother) and I am really loving that. Plus, the getting up early is helping me actually have the time to do all the things I need to in a day. I still don't usually start "working" until around 9 or 10, but I have been able to spend some time on me before I start work, which is so wonderful. (Of course, that still leaves me with 10-12 hour work days Monday-Thursday, so I am also trying to learn to take it a little easier on the weekends...trying to...). I am really praying that I can keep this up! Everyone around me has been getting sick for the past few weeks, and I am praying that I will not get it! Physically I feel great, but any illness can totally throw me off. I remember the last time I was doing this well I got malaria and it took me months to get back on track. I don't want that to happen again!
After-school is going well again this week. I have another group helping out this week, so I spend most of my time wandering around and really not doing much. I am loving the fact that the kids are getting so much attention and love, but I have to admit that I am a bit jealous that I don't get to spend as much time with them. I NEVER thought I would say this, but I am missing it being just me and the kids! :) I will regret that statement next week when everything returns to normal, haha. Seeing the way things have been going the last 2 weeks has given me a lot of ideas for next year, which I am really excited about. I am determined now more than ever to really seek God's will and ONLY His plan. So, I am spending a lot of time in prayer about next year and I am really excited to see what plans He has. I am asking Him to be the creative God that He is and to take me along with Him. The success of the After-School Challenge and the Mystery Suspect at Kids Club has inspired me to really seek new ideas and to try them out. I don't know what that all means for next year, but I will keep you updated!
While so many things are going so well, I am still finding myself struggling a bit. I am lonely. As much as I try to get over it, fill my time with whatever I can so I don't have to face it...it can't be avoided. I am lonely. I have incredible friends here in Philadelphia, but I don't get much time to spend with them. I don't get much opportunity to just hang out and laugh with my friends, do fun things or even talk about the Lord with them. I am usually either doing ministry or at home alone. I find joy in my ministry and in my time at home, but I really like my friends. Hopefully God will open up some doors and some time for me to really get to just laugh with people that I care about, and that care about me...people over the age of 17. :)
After-school is going well again this week. I have another group helping out this week, so I spend most of my time wandering around and really not doing much. I am loving the fact that the kids are getting so much attention and love, but I have to admit that I am a bit jealous that I don't get to spend as much time with them. I NEVER thought I would say this, but I am missing it being just me and the kids! :) I will regret that statement next week when everything returns to normal, haha. Seeing the way things have been going the last 2 weeks has given me a lot of ideas for next year, which I am really excited about. I am determined now more than ever to really seek God's will and ONLY His plan. So, I am spending a lot of time in prayer about next year and I am really excited to see what plans He has. I am asking Him to be the creative God that He is and to take me along with Him. The success of the After-School Challenge and the Mystery Suspect at Kids Club has inspired me to really seek new ideas and to try them out. I don't know what that all means for next year, but I will keep you updated!
While so many things are going so well, I am still finding myself struggling a bit. I am lonely. As much as I try to get over it, fill my time with whatever I can so I don't have to face it...it can't be avoided. I am lonely. I have incredible friends here in Philadelphia, but I don't get much time to spend with them. I don't get much opportunity to just hang out and laugh with my friends, do fun things or even talk about the Lord with them. I am usually either doing ministry or at home alone. I find joy in my ministry and in my time at home, but I really like my friends. Hopefully God will open up some doors and some time for me to really get to just laugh with people that I care about, and that care about me...people over the age of 17. :)
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Life is Messy
Right now I am really wishing that life was easy and not messy. Let's be honest, though, life is not easy, and it most definitely is messy. At least my life is...
My life would be so much easier if I could just figure out exactly how to give everything over to God. I hear people say it all the time..."Let Go and Let God", but would somebody please explain to me how to do that?
My life would be easier if I could learn to guard my heart. It says we are supposed to do that in scripture; in Proverbs 4 it says..."Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life". Sounds easy enough, right? But if my heart is the wellspring of life, then it is from my heart that the people around me can receive the living water! So, how do I guard it without blocking it off completely? I mean, I would have no problem putting up a fortress around it and keeping it safe from any enemy attack. But, that would also block the wellspring of life from flowing out of me...and I definitely don't want that. So, what am I supposed to do? I wish the answer to that question was simple, but so far I haven't been able to figure it out. Philippians tells us that if we go to God in prayer and petition, trusting in Him, He will guard our hearts. That seems simple...pray and God will take care of it. But what about when God is silent? What happens when you pray and ask God to guard your heart, but your heart continues to hurt? What happens when the people around you, whether they know what they are doing or not, continue to pierce your heart, and you have no idea how to protect it? What happens when you cry out to God and you don't hear anything in response? What do you do then?
I actually do know the answer to that question, but its not an easy thing to do. The answer is to wait. Augh, I hate that word! I don't like waiting, especially when I am suffering and I just want things to get better. When something is broken, I want it fixed, I don't want to have to wait for it to be fixed! But the truth is, I am broken...and I need to be fixed. I can't fix myself, and no one else can fix me. I have to wait to be fixed.
So, I am in the place of waiting. Did I mention that I hate waiting? I have tried several other things to try and fix myself, and none of them have worked (no surprise there). Its kinda like if my toilet broke at 4 in the morning and I really wanted to go to the bathroom. As hard as I would try, there is no way I could just fix a toilet. It wouldn't matter how desperate I was to fix it, how badly I needed to use the bathroom, I would not suddenly be given the gift of toilet fixing. I would have to wait...to wait for a man who knew how to fix toilets.
There is only one man who knows how to fix me, and no matter how desperate I am to be fixed, I have to wait on Him. He promises to come, He promises to fix me...but He makes no promises about when and how. So, I wait. Did I mention that I hate waiting?
As I wait, there is silence. I look around and can see and feel little comfort. This does not make the waiting easier. Again, I cry out for someone to at least make the wait bearable. Again, I hear nothing. So, I have to turn to the only thing I know...to the only thing that has ever really brought me comfort in times of trouble, peace in times of chaos, and love in times of loneliness- the Scripture. Here is what the truth says:
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. " ~Psalm 51:17
"because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~James 1:3-4
"As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy" ~ James 5:11
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." ~Deuteronomy 31:8
My life would be so much easier if I could just figure out exactly how to give everything over to God. I hear people say it all the time..."Let Go and Let God", but would somebody please explain to me how to do that?
My life would be easier if I could learn to guard my heart. It says we are supposed to do that in scripture; in Proverbs 4 it says..."Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life". Sounds easy enough, right? But if my heart is the wellspring of life, then it is from my heart that the people around me can receive the living water! So, how do I guard it without blocking it off completely? I mean, I would have no problem putting up a fortress around it and keeping it safe from any enemy attack. But, that would also block the wellspring of life from flowing out of me...and I definitely don't want that. So, what am I supposed to do? I wish the answer to that question was simple, but so far I haven't been able to figure it out. Philippians tells us that if we go to God in prayer and petition, trusting in Him, He will guard our hearts. That seems simple...pray and God will take care of it. But what about when God is silent? What happens when you pray and ask God to guard your heart, but your heart continues to hurt? What happens when the people around you, whether they know what they are doing or not, continue to pierce your heart, and you have no idea how to protect it? What happens when you cry out to God and you don't hear anything in response? What do you do then?
I actually do know the answer to that question, but its not an easy thing to do. The answer is to wait. Augh, I hate that word! I don't like waiting, especially when I am suffering and I just want things to get better. When something is broken, I want it fixed, I don't want to have to wait for it to be fixed! But the truth is, I am broken...and I need to be fixed. I can't fix myself, and no one else can fix me. I have to wait to be fixed.
So, I am in the place of waiting. Did I mention that I hate waiting? I have tried several other things to try and fix myself, and none of them have worked (no surprise there). Its kinda like if my toilet broke at 4 in the morning and I really wanted to go to the bathroom. As hard as I would try, there is no way I could just fix a toilet. It wouldn't matter how desperate I was to fix it, how badly I needed to use the bathroom, I would not suddenly be given the gift of toilet fixing. I would have to wait...to wait for a man who knew how to fix toilets.
There is only one man who knows how to fix me, and no matter how desperate I am to be fixed, I have to wait on Him. He promises to come, He promises to fix me...but He makes no promises about when and how. So, I wait. Did I mention that I hate waiting?
As I wait, there is silence. I look around and can see and feel little comfort. This does not make the waiting easier. Again, I cry out for someone to at least make the wait bearable. Again, I hear nothing. So, I have to turn to the only thing I know...to the only thing that has ever really brought me comfort in times of trouble, peace in times of chaos, and love in times of loneliness- the Scripture. Here is what the truth says:
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. " ~Psalm 51:17
"because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~James 1:3-4
"As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy" ~ James 5:11
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." ~Deuteronomy 31:8
"Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory. In his name the nations will put their hope." ~Matthew 12:18-21 (I feel bruised...and I am a Reed, haha) :)
There is so much more that I could put on here, but there isn't room. I do finally want to add a "parable" that I recently read in Larry Crabb's book, "Shattered Dreams". Its amazing and absolutely speaks to my heart. (Just click on the image to make it bigger so you can read it.)
There is so much more that I could put on here, but there isn't room. I do finally want to add a "parable" that I recently read in Larry Crabb's book, "Shattered Dreams". Its amazing and absolutely speaks to my heart. (Just click on the image to make it bigger so you can read it.)
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
More about After-School
I know a lot of my blog entries focus around the after-school program, and unfortunately this one won't be any different. Its a huge part of my life, and a huge part of my prayer life right now as I continually seek God's direction in my life.
This week there is a group of college students here on a missions trip with AIM. They have been coming to after-school everyday, and it has been incredible. The after-school program, for the first time ever, is exactly what I envisioned it to be. Every kid has someone to help them with their homework and then play with them. Every child is getting love and attention. There is little chaos and there haven't been any fights this week. I have hardly had to do anything but love kids...and its been so wonderful!
The problem is, all of that is going to end soon. There is another group coming next week, which I am so excited about, but after that...its back to just me and the kids. Plus, all the pressure of coming up with new ideas, planning field trips, etc. is still all on me. Not to mention, I HAVE to be there every day. There is not a single day that I can decide not to go, and that's a lot for me.
One of the visiting college students asked me about my vision for after-school, and I had to honestly tell her I don't really have one. I had one, and a lot of my goals have been accomplished, despite the fact that the program has never really looked like I thought it would. But, I don't really have any idea where to go from here, and even if I went back to my original vision, I have no idea how to get there.
I do, however, have vision. In addition to poor education in terms of reading, writing and math, the Philadelphia schools are virtually void of the arts and physical education. I want to get the kids more involved in the arts...start a drawing and/or photography class. I want to push nutrition and physical activity so they can grow up healthy. So, maybe next year I will do that. Instead of after-school every day, I will have it 2 days a week. The other 2 days I could have a photography class and a physical education class. It would help get rid of the monotony and I could reach more kids (different kids could be involved in different activities). Plus, I think I could get help for the individual classes. Its much easier for people to commit to helping with one program that meets one day a week than it is to be a part of a 4 day a week program.
These are all just ideas, and I still have many months of praying and brainstorming to do. I don't know where God is taking me, but I can't help but wonder if this week is His way of showing me that He did give me the vision for after-school, and the vision has come to life (even if it is for a short time), but now its time to move on. I'm not good at letting go though...
This week there is a group of college students here on a missions trip with AIM. They have been coming to after-school everyday, and it has been incredible. The after-school program, for the first time ever, is exactly what I envisioned it to be. Every kid has someone to help them with their homework and then play with them. Every child is getting love and attention. There is little chaos and there haven't been any fights this week. I have hardly had to do anything but love kids...and its been so wonderful!
The problem is, all of that is going to end soon. There is another group coming next week, which I am so excited about, but after that...its back to just me and the kids. Plus, all the pressure of coming up with new ideas, planning field trips, etc. is still all on me. Not to mention, I HAVE to be there every day. There is not a single day that I can decide not to go, and that's a lot for me.
One of the visiting college students asked me about my vision for after-school, and I had to honestly tell her I don't really have one. I had one, and a lot of my goals have been accomplished, despite the fact that the program has never really looked like I thought it would. But, I don't really have any idea where to go from here, and even if I went back to my original vision, I have no idea how to get there.
I do, however, have vision. In addition to poor education in terms of reading, writing and math, the Philadelphia schools are virtually void of the arts and physical education. I want to get the kids more involved in the arts...start a drawing and/or photography class. I want to push nutrition and physical activity so they can grow up healthy. So, maybe next year I will do that. Instead of after-school every day, I will have it 2 days a week. The other 2 days I could have a photography class and a physical education class. It would help get rid of the monotony and I could reach more kids (different kids could be involved in different activities). Plus, I think I could get help for the individual classes. Its much easier for people to commit to helping with one program that meets one day a week than it is to be a part of a 4 day a week program.
These are all just ideas, and I still have many months of praying and brainstorming to do. I don't know where God is taking me, but I can't help but wonder if this week is His way of showing me that He did give me the vision for after-school, and the vision has come to life (even if it is for a short time), but now its time to move on. I'm not good at letting go though...
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Blinders
I was driving on the highway today and I passed a trailer with some horses in it. I casually glanced over at them and noticed that they were wearing blinders. Trainers put those on the horses so that the horses can't look around and get spooked by their surroundings. As long as the horses look straight ahead and aren't distracted, the ride will be fine for them.
That got me thinking about the blinders that used to be on me, and how sometimes I wish I had them back. Recently I have been wanting to live in ignorance of the things going on around me...ignorance is bliss, so they say, and I want to live in bliss! Sometimes it seems like things were so much simpler before I had my blinders taken off. Before I knew what a homeless person caught in addiction really looked like. Before I knew the names and faces of children who don't know what it means to be loved. Before I saw the faces of people abandoned and forgotten. Before I knew what loneliness really meant. Things seemed much simpler then, and much more blissful.
As nice as the ride is for the horses, however, there is a lot that they miss out on when they are wearing their blinders. Today was a beautiful day in Philadelphia, and the skyline was absolutely captivating...but the horses missed it because their blinders kept them from seeing it. There were children laughing in the car in front of me, and the horses missed it. I didn't though. I don't have blinders, and as often as I get to see the ugly, I also get to see the spectacular.
So, I had to ask myself...do I really want blinders? Or, is it worth it to see (and even feel) the ugly so that I also get to see the beautiful? The answer is very easy...I do NOT want the blinders, and its absolutely worth it. The truth is, everything goes so much deeper that even what you see. For every homeless addict I meet on the street, there is a God who knows their every need and desire, and desires to take care of them. For every child that doesn't feel loved, there is a heavenly Father pursuing him/her with intense and undeniable love. For every person person who feels abandoned and forgotten, there is a God who has promised to NEVER leave or forsake them. For every lonely person, there is a God with them at every moment. There is a God who loves them...there is the God who IS love.
There is beauty all around me that I don't want to miss. Bonita and Linda dancing before the Lord and loving it. Miguel reading his bible the day he couldn't come to after-school, and then being so excited about what he read that he had to run and tell me all about it. Pedro making me a card and telling me that I am his best friend. The Lord meeting me in my most desperate moment of loneliness and telling me that He sees me.
The truth is that there is also beauty everywhere, even in the ugly, so to be blinded to anything, good or bad, is to be blinded to Christ. I don't want that. I want all of Him. I want to see and do and feel whatever it takes to receive all of Him. So Lord, keep my eyes focused on you. Help me to not get spooked by my surroundings, but please don't put blinders on me. I want to see everything...I want to see you.
That got me thinking about the blinders that used to be on me, and how sometimes I wish I had them back. Recently I have been wanting to live in ignorance of the things going on around me...ignorance is bliss, so they say, and I want to live in bliss! Sometimes it seems like things were so much simpler before I had my blinders taken off. Before I knew what a homeless person caught in addiction really looked like. Before I knew the names and faces of children who don't know what it means to be loved. Before I saw the faces of people abandoned and forgotten. Before I knew what loneliness really meant. Things seemed much simpler then, and much more blissful.
As nice as the ride is for the horses, however, there is a lot that they miss out on when they are wearing their blinders. Today was a beautiful day in Philadelphia, and the skyline was absolutely captivating...but the horses missed it because their blinders kept them from seeing it. There were children laughing in the car in front of me, and the horses missed it. I didn't though. I don't have blinders, and as often as I get to see the ugly, I also get to see the spectacular.
So, I had to ask myself...do I really want blinders? Or, is it worth it to see (and even feel) the ugly so that I also get to see the beautiful? The answer is very easy...I do NOT want the blinders, and its absolutely worth it. The truth is, everything goes so much deeper that even what you see. For every homeless addict I meet on the street, there is a God who knows their every need and desire, and desires to take care of them. For every child that doesn't feel loved, there is a heavenly Father pursuing him/her with intense and undeniable love. For every person person who feels abandoned and forgotten, there is a God who has promised to NEVER leave or forsake them. For every lonely person, there is a God with them at every moment. There is a God who loves them...there is the God who IS love.
There is beauty all around me that I don't want to miss. Bonita and Linda dancing before the Lord and loving it. Miguel reading his bible the day he couldn't come to after-school, and then being so excited about what he read that he had to run and tell me all about it. Pedro making me a card and telling me that I am his best friend. The Lord meeting me in my most desperate moment of loneliness and telling me that He sees me.
The truth is that there is also beauty everywhere, even in the ugly, so to be blinded to anything, good or bad, is to be blinded to Christ. I don't want that. I want all of Him. I want to see and do and feel whatever it takes to receive all of Him. So Lord, keep my eyes focused on you. Help me to not get spooked by my surroundings, but please don't put blinders on me. I want to see everything...I want to see you.
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